Well it looks as if many of our external voters were scared off by the days long slog through the undergrowth. 
This is a pity, for both stories had their merits.
Much has been made of the descriptive language in Sinitrena's work, so I won't dwell on that (although, having spent quite a bit of time in forests, there wouldn't be many branches or undergrowth if it were truly that dark on the forest floor
) More compelling for me was the attempt at conveying the fruitlessness of conflict from the different perspectives of people who were unwillingly caught up in it. In the tangled roots and cold rock obstacles I see metaphors for twisted relationships and hard choices that lead good people to bad places, just as the random fury of the weather alludes to the destructive power of war. For me the premise of the lost kingdom wedged between two warring countries was intriguing, and unlike Tamis I found the politics fascinating (although I would liked to have heard more of Narea's internal factions). The journeys of the respective main characters were gruellingly symbolic, but I think needlessly long in the format of a short story. In a longer piece, where we get more invested in the characters, I think it could work, however. Some proof-reading and editing could definitely have helped this story along. But I loved the messaging, and the feeling of other-worldliness was palpable.
As for Stupandle's story, I myself couldn't identify the seams at which the monster was stitched together. There were some pacing issues (although fewer than I would expect from a kitchen with two chefs), including a somewhat random feeling PTSD breakdown (although this made much more sense given Lucy's obvious mental unwellness by the end) and the introduction of a myriad of characters that basically all ended up being the same character. There were some logistical challenges that I had to get over - where does all the gas come from for the ship after fifty years at sea? And where did they get all the green orb ammo? Did they ever think of... sailing elsewhere other than the cliff face in fifty years? So it must have all just been in Lucy's head: the fact that the monsters only came for Lucy made me think that the alcoholism that felled her uncle was trying to drown her too, which was mostly confirmed by the neroses and paranoia she suffers from back in the real world (except apparently she was a junkie instead of an alcoholic, which I must have missed somewhere along the way). But then all of this was turned on its head at the end by Ingrid's discovery, which makes it feel more like a Twilight Zone/X-Files episode. In the end I thought the central message of the story (we drown by our own demons?) was somewhat lost in the horror-as-reality lens, but I really liked the feeling of otherness your through-the-looking-glass tunnel creates.
So, I guess I need to vote to decide a winner. This is hard. Both stories have really great premises, messaging, and a feeling of "the other side", but both also suffer from pacing and characterisation flaws that could be remedied in a longer format. I hate to do this, but with the stories running neck-and-neck like this I think it has to come down to proofreading. For me, Stupandle's piece was more readable due to their obvious efforts at editing. I therefor declare that Stupandle is the winner! May their fused torsos rule over us like some sort of human-arachnid created by doctor Frankenstein himself!
Thanks everyone for participating. I look forward to seeing everyone out again for the next competition!
This is a pity, for both stories had their merits. Much has been made of the descriptive language in Sinitrena's work, so I won't dwell on that (although, having spent quite a bit of time in forests, there wouldn't be many branches or undergrowth if it were truly that dark on the forest floor
) More compelling for me was the attempt at conveying the fruitlessness of conflict from the different perspectives of people who were unwillingly caught up in it. In the tangled roots and cold rock obstacles I see metaphors for twisted relationships and hard choices that lead good people to bad places, just as the random fury of the weather alludes to the destructive power of war. For me the premise of the lost kingdom wedged between two warring countries was intriguing, and unlike Tamis I found the politics fascinating (although I would liked to have heard more of Narea's internal factions). The journeys of the respective main characters were gruellingly symbolic, but I think needlessly long in the format of a short story. In a longer piece, where we get more invested in the characters, I think it could work, however. Some proof-reading and editing could definitely have helped this story along. But I loved the messaging, and the feeling of other-worldliness was palpable.As for Stupandle's story, I myself couldn't identify the seams at which the monster was stitched together. There were some pacing issues (although fewer than I would expect from a kitchen with two chefs), including a somewhat random feeling PTSD breakdown (although this made much more sense given Lucy's obvious mental unwellness by the end) and the introduction of a myriad of characters that basically all ended up being the same character. There were some logistical challenges that I had to get over - where does all the gas come from for the ship after fifty years at sea? And where did they get all the green orb ammo? Did they ever think of... sailing elsewhere other than the cliff face in fifty years? So it must have all just been in Lucy's head: the fact that the monsters only came for Lucy made me think that the alcoholism that felled her uncle was trying to drown her too, which was mostly confirmed by the neroses and paranoia she suffers from back in the real world (except apparently she was a junkie instead of an alcoholic, which I must have missed somewhere along the way). But then all of this was turned on its head at the end by Ingrid's discovery, which makes it feel more like a Twilight Zone/X-Files episode. In the end I thought the central message of the story (we drown by our own demons?) was somewhat lost in the horror-as-reality lens, but I really liked the feeling of otherness your through-the-looking-glass tunnel creates.
So, I guess I need to vote to decide a winner. This is hard. Both stories have really great premises, messaging, and a feeling of "the other side", but both also suffer from pacing and characterisation flaws that could be remedied in a longer format. I hate to do this, but with the stories running neck-and-neck like this I think it has to come down to proofreading. For me, Stupandle's piece was more readable due to their obvious efforts at editing. I therefor declare that Stupandle is the winner! May their fused torsos rule over us like some sort of human-arachnid created by doctor Frankenstein himself!
Thanks everyone for participating. I look forward to seeing everyone out again for the next competition!
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