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Larry is convinced to don some "war paint", thus using up at least half of the lip-stick.  Then, after one more peak to make sure the coast is clear, they charge across the hall and break down the door of the opposite room.  They tumble into the darkness, tripping over each other and the apparently copious furnishings that room 3A surprisingly has.  Then the door is slammed shut behind them and all is black except for the lingering smell of ...lead and algae?

[623 words]

Lost in Translation



Why must all the native English writers benefit from an inherent advantage in our little writing comp?  This time around I challenge you to write a short story in another language, and then translate it into English using a tool like Google Translate.  If you are a monoglot of the English persuasion, you will have to write your story in English and then translate it into another language -or perhaps several - and then back into English.  You may edit the text after the fact to either correct glaring errors or (preferably ) to enhance them: the whole point is that each text should read at least a little awkwardly so that the playing field is levelled.

Here's an example:

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

-Abraham Lincoln, 1863

...and the same, translated from English to Maori, then Swahili, then Mongolian, then finally back into English (with a bit of help):

Four goals and seven years ago our fathers birthed out of this continent a new family, and brought them the freedom of the same culture.

Well, ok, nobody's going to write something that complex, but it could be fun.  You don't really need to go through the whole translation rigmarole if you can write something that appears to have been computer translated.  Consider that an additional challenge.

Any subject goes, but as computer translation (especially unedited) makes for some hard-slog reading I'm going to ask all contributors to limit their original text to an arbitrary 623 words.  That's a bit short, so if you want to write a fragment of a story (maybe from an incomplete hieroglyphic ruin or something), then that's cool too. If you really need more direction as per theme, write something about Hobos on the lam. 

Deadline is Tuesday April 14.  I will start voting on the 15th so nobody feels short-changed of time.  Since the prose might be a bit choppy and nonsensical the voting categories will give added weight to ideas and characterization.  Some possible voting categories include:

Best Character (so good that it shines through)
Best Editing (nobody wants to slog through something completely unreadable -keep it entertaining! )
Most Unholy Analogy Gone Awry (some things don't translate well -ham it up if you notice this!)
Best Plot Despite Weird Discrepancies (does the gem of your story shine through?)
Best Moral (which piece communicates a real, genuine and important lesson despite a bit of garbling and roughness around the edges?)

Good luck, and have fun!

What?  Closure?  Already?!?

Thank you everyone for your well-apportioned votes.  Sometimes the ring feels a bit small when its just me and Sinitrena slugging it out by ourselves, so I'm glad we at least got 5 voters this time.  Let's see if we can't get a few more contributors involved next time around to make things a little more interesting in the next exciting instalment of....

The Fortnightly Writing Competition!

I'm getting a Robbie Burns vibe here.  Do you have to be able to recite Scottish poetry to solve this one, or am I barking up the wrong tree?

Jimmy pockets the purple lipstick, but he doesn't go in for that weirdo witchcraft stuff.  Instead, he uses the frayed rope to do a good ol' fashioned hog-tie on the corpse, just to make sure it doesn't come back to haunt them.  Unfortunately due to the state of decay, one of the arms comes off in the process.  In the meantime, Larry finds a new feeler wand!

The boys are working themselves up to charging across the hall to knock down the door.

You are now carrying: loaded revolver, 3 spare bullets, regurgitated case notes, wallet, woman's earring, blanket/cape, empty duffel bag, charm necklace, old poker chip, purple lipstick, feeler wand, wallpaper, and severed arm.

Ha ha!  Sorry for missing last night, but I fell asleep cuddling my son, so no computer time in the evening for me.



Larry refuses to give up his new cape on account of the fact that he believes it makes him look "cool" like Darth Vader.  But he does oblige by sniffing the corpse (it smells of stale perfume -probably an Emaraude 1958), flipping the corpse over with his feeling wand (revealing a tube of purple lipstick underneath), and lifting Jimmy up to look through the peep-hole (he's heavier than he looks).

Through the peep-hole Jimmy sees what appears to be another door across the empty hallway.

Jimmy discovers a shrivelled and dessicated corpse on the bed!  Judging by its discolouration, finger and toe-nail growth, and mummified state, he estimates that whoever once lived in the body has been dead for months if not for years.  Given its eerie creepiness he is reluctant to examine the corpse any closer. 

Larry sniffs out the old vent.  The air smells stale, suggesting that the system has been sealed up for years.  He detects no trace of the runaway teenager, but can make out just the faintest whiff of ...marijuana?

Previous to these lines of inquiry Jimmy had confiscated the duffel bag from Larry.  Within it he found nothing but a frayed piece of rope, an ancient poker chip stamped 1958, and a mysterious charm necklace made of wooden beads and what looks like a rat skull.

What answer?  Nobody has guessed the correct answer yet.  There's been nothing but a lot of equivocal insinuation.

Spoiler

Easssy...................... Mancomb Seepgood.

[close]

.....close!

Spoiler

Well, I guess I know the answer, but I don't know the secret.

[close]

I'll land a plane on that vague suggestion that you might know the answer, mon!  Key is to decipher the details.

Jimmy jumps up and pulls the shutter closed, inadvertently knocking the window closed in the process as well.  The loud bang of the window frame echoes jarringly through the room, but the noise stirs no reaction from the hotel guests.  Jimmy decides to press his luck by performing his seductive "Canard à  la Frou Frou" routine using the rolled up regurgitated case notes, but disappointingly there is no mass response of infatuated and horny duck-hens. 

Meanwhile Larry uses his feeler-wand to probe beneath the bed, discovering what feels like a duffel bag.  After retrieving it, he takes the blanket from the bed and - bizarrely - prances about with it as a cape.

Despite the antics, this has been a fairly productive turn.  Unfortunately the duo were too busy with their separate projects to coordinate on looking out through the peep-hole.

Very well.  But remember, you ASKED for this.

Man paint Helmut's dry urine timber (8, 10)

Spoiler

Adventure related

[close]

With Larry's lifting assistance Jimmy is able to secure a piece of authentic retro wallpaper for his inventory.  Larry then proceeds to poke Jimmy, then the door, then the open window, then himself, and finally the blanket on the bed with his self-styled "feeler wand".  The object beneath the blanket doesn't move, it has a hard, solid texture, and has the outline of a modern art sculpture.

Random question: Does this character resemble an eggplant or some other kind of guinea squash?

IT'S A COAT STAND!!!!!



After peeking, listening, and sniffing at the darkened window, you eventually deem it safe to enter.  The room inside is still and sparsely decorated.  Apart from the thick odour of stale perfume there is nothing in the room but for a rickety looking bed in one corner.  As a garret room, perhaps it was let only to hotel employees?  No matter.  There is, however, an oddly shaped object concealed beneath the blanket on the bed....

Larry snuffles about on the ledge, attempting to find the trail again.  Alas, it seems the teenage runaway did not scale three stories illegally up the fire escape to gain entry to the hotel.  But Larry does sniff out an abandoned squirrel nest and a whiff of stale perfume coming from the left-most window.  According to the aroma differential between his left and right nostril, he estimates that the darkened window has been left open just a crack.

You climb up to the next level on the fire escape, emerging onto a narrow ledge abutting a mansard roof.  Three windows are accessible from the ledge, and there is a precarious roof-ladder leading to the roof proper.

Jimmy attempts to pry open the planks with Larry's cane while trying to decipher the partially digested case notes.  Apparently blind-canes are flimsy things, and he makes no headway on the window, but he can just about make out a few of the details of the case.  Apparently they are tracking down Almufwnth Mcrmgnck, a teenager who has run away from a strict middle-class home to live life on the wild side.  Unfortunately the kid's picture has been marred beyond recognition by Larry's stomach acid, and specific details like height, weight, eye-colour and gender are now indecipherable in the notes.

Larry, meanwhile, picks up the unmistakable odour of gin and candy, mixed with a tinge of pigeon excrement.  While mildly intoxicating, he is sad to report that the smell does not match the runaway you are tracking.

Sensing that your presence may have been detected, you quickly (and gracefully) scurry up the fire escape.



At the first landing, you discover three windows, all of them secured against the cool of the autumn chill.  The western-most window and the middle window both have their shades drawn, although squinting carefully you can just make out the shapes of the occupants within.  The eastern-most window is unglazed; instead, a few planks keep it closed to the likes of prowlers and other vagrants.

A flaming garbage can dramatically announces its arrival at the main entrance to the Hotel Exotica.  The patrons, or employees, or ...er, contract workers, seem unimpressed by the flair of your flare, suggesting that odd occurrences are the norm at this establishment.

It's going to start getting ridiculous. So yeah: what's the rule, Baron?

It's going to start getting ridiculous?  This is the Rumpus Room, my friend, where just about anything goes as long as you keep your pants on.  I as game designer will determine which actions register, which are decipherable, and which are just plain nonsense.  In general I guess I'd be inclined to do multiple actions all at once if they were related (like LOOK in something and then TAKE whatever you find), just to speed up the gameplay.