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I wish I had a billion dollars so I could go crazy in style too.

OMG Start the Kickstarter campaign, Ponch!  I can see the pitch now -you look earnestly, almost pleadingly into the camera with those big beautiful jersey cow eyes of yours and say, with a straight face: "I need the billion dollars so that I can go crazy in style, baby!"  And then you cut away to you going crazy in a tacky poor kinda way, like dancing about in nothing but your briefs and a tutu on your head, or sitting on your lawn chair in the middle of the street with a fishing rod down a manhole and a ferret down your pants, or walking around busy public spaces wearing a "The End is Nigh" sandwich board with the words "THIS time I'm right!" on the back.  And then back to the earnest close up, shaking your head at the shame of it.  "If I only had a billion.... I could do it in STYLE!"  Pledge now and get the worlds smallest handkerchief woven from fibres harvested from your own nasal hair pluckings, yada yada, yada incentives incentives and then sit back and watch the pledges roll in!  You'd get my $2, brother....

I'm all over this like Ponch on Famous Dave's All American Feast^TM.  Stand by for serious casting awaying!

Also I am pleased that the preferential voting scheme employed here lead to more accurate results (at least to me).

So I would be quite happy to see this voting scheme employed more often in the future.

But make it even more complex, so as to underhandedly keep those mathaphobes from exercising their democratic rights!

[Chef!:]

Wow, that was close!  I tabulate the votes as follows:

Chef!: = 9.21 points
Cerno: = 9 points
Ponch: = 8 points
kconan: = 4.37 points
Stupot+: = 3.42 points
Adeel S. Ahmed: = 2 points

So, by the slimmest margin in Writing Competition history, I hereby declare Chef! the winner!  Congratulations!  Let's break out some hardware, shall we?

  The golden sentient robot goes to Chef! for his "childish puppy" bot, as Cerno put it.  I think the charm of this piece was in its simplicity.  Logically, a robot becoming self-aware would be taking intellectual baby-steps at first, so I agree that his piece was the best thought-out.  Congratulations!

  The silver self-aware-bot goes to Cerno, and a hard fought running-up it was.  For me, this was the most gripping piece.  I loved the idea of a sentient virus, not omnipotent like Skynet but just some little program that has to struggle and learn over the years to achieve just a small goal.  Good job!

  The bronze trash can goes to Ponch for his witty and accurate dialogue between an old married couple.  I thought it was cute, clever and eerily realistic.  For me it was the most entertaining.

Congratulations to all participants for a fine fleet of entries.  I hope we get such quality and quantity again next time when Chef! sets the rules.  Take it away, Chef!

There's lots of good pointers in this Mark Crilley You Tube Video.  The style is not the same as yours, but he's got lots of useful pointers.

Hey Doc,
      Apparently fully functional erectile tissue has been found in the tentacles of certain male octopuses.  At the same time, I've got this friend that spends a lot of time alone in a dark room (presumably with a flash light and cow magazines ).  Is there not some sort of Frankenstein-esque transplant surgery that could somehow usefully combine these two items in a functional yet humorous manner?

Dear Moving Thread AGS Doctor,

Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?

I always thought the Moving Thread was for situational advice, kind of like therapy.  It dealt with problems of the mind.  This seems like a thread where you seek resolution to problems of the physical body, or at least the physical body's immediate fart-sinking surroundings.  So the question is, P, are you lusting after cows with your mind or with your body?

Also I've got this toe thing.... *cough* *cough*

Like.... Dr. Khris in the technical forum?  Or do you mean a doctor for non-AGS related ailments?  Kind of like a self-proclaimed expert in internet diagnosis?  Hmmmmmm.....  This could only go good places, so sign me up.  I've got this weird toe thing.  I'm pretty sure it's not leprosy, but there's definitely some nerve damage and the skin around it is all dead and crusty.  I've tried various charms and hexes on it, but nothing seems to work.  Help.

[WE NEED MORE VOTES!!!!]

(I was going to do a "solve for x" joke for my votes, but it turns out I hate math too much to go that far for a joke. ).

Push out the hate, bring in the love. 

Also, these are some of the best entries we've had in a while.

What about last competition??  I remember a real hum-dinger last time around....   

I wish I could have given everyone a fraction of a vote!   

Well.... rereading my needlessly complex voting rules, I don't see anything against doing that.  Although it'd be a bit chincy reapportioning them now....

WE NEED MORE VOTES!!!!  I just finished reading through the stories, and I've recorded my votes in case they are needed.  Nice stories all around: I had a hard time deciding who to vote for.  Good luck to all entrants!

[kconan: BOLT RESEARCH LABS]

Alrighty then!  A record six submissions!  That's more than the number of squirrels you can fit in a cookie tin -I'm impressed.  Our entries are as follows:

kconan:  BOLT RESEARCH LABS
Chef!:  WALK-BOT #651
Adeel S. Ahmed: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Stupot+: LIMERICK SUICIDE
Cerno: TROLLS
Ponch: MICROSCOPIC SIGH

Some authors didn't title their work, so I just improvised as best I could without actually reading the whole stories (I'll get to it, don't worry!).

Given that we have so many entries, and given that voter turn-out is sometimes less than six, I'm going to implement the following preferential voting scheme to clearly determine a first, second and third place.  Read carefully because I'm only going to write this once:

  You must choose your three favourite stories and rank them by preference.  The first in your list (which should be indicated as 1st) will be apportioned 3 points, the second (which should be indicated as 2nd) will be given two points, and the third (labelled 3rd) only 1 point.  This means you have six points to award.  In the event that you can't decide 1st-3rd you may give 3 second places (3 x 2 points =6 points), but no voter can award more than 3 points to any contestant and no voter can award more than 6 points total.  Here's an example of what your ballot should look like:

1st place = Baron (3 points)
2nd place = Pumaman (2 points)
3rd place = Richard Nixon (1 point)

I will compute the totals exactly 72 hours hence (that's 10pm EDT, Friday May 17) -or as soon thereafter as I can get to a computer.  In the event of a tie I myself as host will cast a ballot which will decide the issue.  Good luck to all entrants, and see you all at the trophy ceremony three days from now!

This guy.... Chris Hadfield, pride of Canada, should quit his day job and start touring.  That was awesome.

[Update May 13th]

Update May 13th
In order to stay in the workshop, you have to have at least a sketch ready before midnight. This sketch is the one that your finished piece will be based on, and the one you'll received feedback on.

Update: Yeah, that's not going to happen.

If you haven't joined the activity within the first week, you may participate outside of the competition.

Separate but parallel.  Oh yeah, Baby!

I think Disney should buy the Oblivion franchise because a) Victoria would make a great addition to the Disney Princess lineup and b) quirky and erratic metrosexual pirate Jedis can spice up any movie.

Hey Hey!  The more entries the merrier!  I'll sit down at my computer on the 14th (tomorrow) in about 28 hours, so you've got about that long to make your submission (or compose a really compelling argument for why you deserve an extension).  Looking forward to more submissions!

Nice!  I hope someone brought some muscle-relaxant because the competition is starting to get stiff.  Now we just need Ponch, Adeel & Stupot+ to follow through in the next three days and we'll have ourselves a humdinger of a story-tourney.  Gentlemen, the clock is ticking.

I've been thinking about this a little more seriously.  How about a modification of the MAGS rules: if no one announces a work in progress by the 20th, it becomes like an OROW on the same theme?  Scrap the "original content" rule, and see what people's creativity can deliver in a week.  Sure it might be silly and maybe outright plagiaristic, but at least we'll have fun and the comp won't go empty.  The host PMs people who indicated they might be interested, makes sure there are no WIPs that someone is hiding, then just declares "OROW!" and the free-for-all begins.  Whaddaya think?

It's a cheap hobby, and I like the challenge of actualizing a vision.  But mostly I'm in the scene for the WILD PARTIES!!!!!! 

Aaaaand the seal is broken -let the flood begin!

Fortmonthly Adventure  Game S!!!!!!!

Sure she's young and popular, interesting in a quirky way and fun to be around.  But where is she when your cornea gets scuffed and you have to wear an eye-patch around?  That's right: out partying with the other boys, while you are left to wallow in your own self-nursing!

Hmmm... Suddenly feeling guilty about something that was not at all my fault... 

You are easily made to feel guilty, then.   I've often thought you Texan-types were too sensitive for your own good....  Maybe if you were to overcompensate by wearing oversized hats and belt-buckles, eating oversized meals, driving oversized cars, and going about cavalierly in an ice-storm with guns instead of ice-scrapers, you'd forget to remember that you are quite so thin-skinned.