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While I'm still disappointed that you didn't take me to task over my refusal to climb the learning curve for Al-Quest 1, I still thought it was a hilarious idea.  I look forward to my next opportunity for vengeance the next competition!

Asterix!  No, no, no, no....  I think not.   How about:

You changed the requirements after I submitted my entry. I changed the conditions necessary for winning a trophy after you declared the winners.

I humbly accept my third and a half place trophy and congratulate the other winners.

You're misconstruing the facts after I rightfully misconstrued them first!   We'll just have to let the lizard-people minions sort this all out with their scythes of judgement....

Asterix!  No, no, no, no....  I think not.   How about:

[kconan]

And voting is now closed.  Except for the hanging chad variety, which will dangle over the results indefinitely.   I think I can say, without even a hint of hubris, that this was the best writing competition in the history of ever.   If you don't believe me then you're obviously a commie spy who enjoys clubbing your own fuzzy animals to make ostentatious fur coats.   But let's step away from the truth for a bit and stray in to the soft quagmire of facts for a moment.  The fact is that we have a bunch of votes, some of which might have been cast by legitimate AGSers.  Not to cast doubt on the process, but I forgot to check the papers of everyone who showed up to the polls, so the whole thing was probably rigged anyway.   But whatever, these are the results we've got, and I'm too tired to tamper with them any more than I already have, so let's just call it a day and go watch some boxing.

Winning the Golden Hairpiece of Alternative Wisdom with an alarming 7 votes is the thoroughly discredited reprobate kconan of Outer Moldavia.  Clearly his Bat-Boy-esque good looks charmed the electorate, distracting them from his track record of yellow journalism and blatant character assassinations.  Well done, sir!

Winning the Silver Hairpiece of Probably Would Have Won If The Other Side Weren't A Bunch Of Cheating Scum with an almost-too-close-to-call 6 votes is the virtuous and beautiful Sinitrena.  We can only hope that in the balance of time the courts will exercise their benign tyranny and restore her to her true place as reigning queen of the FWC.

Winning the Bronze Hairpiece of Third Party Wilderness is Frodo and Mandle.  Ponch would have shared in the glory too if he could have resisted using the T-word in his entry, so he was docked one vote as per the constitution, that revered document in the OP that I will unswervingly uphold as long as it seems to support my agenda.  Excellent writing all around!

And so here is the point in the process where I'm supposed to step down gracefully to make way for the new guy.  Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that I am hereby unilaterally suspending the FWC constitution by appointing myself president for life.  My lizard-people minions will inform you of the details with the ends of their whips and halberds.  BUWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

[Truth Bomb]

...And that's a wrap folks.  We have five alternative entries to vote on:

Truth Bomb by kconan
You Really Want the Truth? by Frodo
AGS Today Vol.69 Issue 8008135 by Ponch
Thoughts Are Free by Sinitrena
The Scent of Victory by Mandle

Voting will be by the following categories.  Given the number of extremely meritorious entries (and kconan's) there will be a maximum of two votes per category.  Your categories are:

Best Alternative Truth
Best Alternative Truth Spouter (or best character)
Best Alternative to a Plot
Best Alternative Writing (think 90s grunge lyrics )
Best Alternative Thought Provokingness  Which entry really made you think a bit?

There are going to be some seriously glitzy faux-hairpiece trophies, so make sure you are generous with your votes for the entries you liked the best.  (You could also throw a vote or two to kconan so he doesn't feel bad. )  Voting goes for three days and will tabulated at some point on Friday June 23.  Good luck to all participants!

See, this is why we can't  be too quick to close these competitions.

I'll leave it open one more day.  Voting tomorrow: I promise!

Nice.  Anyone else working on something?  I hinted at an alternative deadline, but if this is everyone we might as well wrap things up on time.  Post an update in the next 24 hours if you need until Monday; otherwise we'll start the voting tomorrow.

I believe you are making that up.

I don't know about extensions, but I am open to Alternative Deadlines.  How about Monday night?

I don't think Grundislav is a very reliable informant while he's being anonymous.

Two more days, folks!  Keep those entries coming!

As a participant, or over a purple growth at the tip of your nose?

Another figment created by the collective consciousness of deep-earth micro-organisms is the competition deadline looming just a week from now.   Since you have only the illusion of free will, they've already decided that you will be participating.  Yes, you.  And you, too.  But not YOU!  No, they think it will be more amusing for YOU to think of entering, and then succumb to the false temptation of fictional real-life relationships and hypothetical obligations like work and sleep.  Further, your guilt will entertain them more when YOU suddenly perceive an imaginary purple growth at the end of your nose in the shape of an anglerfish's proboscis.

You might have maybe invented covfefe, but it perhaps probably is the world's word now!  Look at the glitzy neologisms on my lips, not the happily flashing red button under my finger.  You're not formenly the mantric covfefe!

Despite the constant negative press covfefe.

Calm down there, people.  You're making a mountain out of an invisible, non-existent, hallucinogenic-induced molehill.  Let's everybody just go back about their business like this whole thing never happened.

Entry?  What entry? 

I think many of us are of a like mind; that's why we all hang out here.  Best assume Mandle or Blondbraid have already started writing your story: your only hope is to beat them to it!

[Saturday June 17, 2017]

This isn't a writing competition, it's a word fight!  Or maybe it is a competition.... it depends on your point of view, I guess.  Some people see things one way, one might say the "correct" way, while others see things differently, one might say the "bafflingly, inexplicably wrongheaded and moronic" way.  But both perspectives have merit in the era of...

Alternative Truth


Your writing challenge for the next two weeks is to create a story featuring a distinctly unconventional, far-fetched, or laughably idiotic perspective.  To make it work I would think you'd have to write about something with facts that everyone can agree on and then warp the meaning of those facts, but then that's just my own weirdo opinion.  One bonus vote will be awarded for every entry that does not mention The Donald by name.    Deadline will be when it's no longer Saturday June 17, 2017 anywhere on Earth.  Possible voting categories might include:

Best Alternative Truth
Best Alternative Truth Spouter
Best Alternative to a Plot
Best Alternative Writing
Best Alternative Thought Provokingness

Good luck to all participants!

Wow!  Thanks for all the votes folks, especially the last minute ones!   I really enjoyed the topic and all the other submissions.  Hope to see everyone out again next time.  I'll get the next topic up as soon as I can come up with an equally smashing idea.

[Best Stab:]

Best Stab:  Mandle.  There's something particularly loathsome about the helpless turning on their benefactors.

Best Stabber:   Ponch. For not following thr Blondbraid.  Kazimir's backstab was just about as close as you could get to noble.  He seemed genuinely to mourn his despicable plan, gave his victim a year of great life that would have otherwise been nasty and foreshortened (without an appendage at the very least), and even offered his poor victim an out.  If that's not class, I don't know what is.

Best Setting\World:  Sinitrena.  Because Vampire Wars.

Best Writing\Style:   Mandle.  I thought the rushed dictation style really worked for this story.