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Hotel Rwanda?

[>Speak Esperanto to Deranged Goldfish and ask him to Use Tail to Hit Errant Entomologist.]

Ah yes, now I remember.  The next writing competition theme is:

Write a story in the style of a text adventure - story can be about anything, but MUST INCLUDE THE PLAYER SOLVING A PUZZLE.

So, for instance, you might have the player as a very small creature trying to understand something in the human world... an obstacle to get past, etc.

No limitations on the parser, you can be as creative as you like. 

>Speak Esperanto to Deranged Goldfish and ask him to Use Tail to Hit Errant Entomologist.

Competition runs till 6th January 2012.  Get writing!

(Will post trophies when I've come up with something decent... given my lack of artistic talent, this may take some time...)

Why thank you, thank you... I just don't know what to say.

Annoyingly, I had a good idea for the next writing challenge, but it's gone out of my head at the moment... will post it when I remember!!!

[Ghost]

So are we viting yet?  In which case my vote goes to Ghost - some dodgy rhymes and doesn't always scan, but it's a lot of fun! 

>Check FRESH PAPERWORK to see if there's anything interesting.  (Probably not, but you never know.)
>Check if Jimmy is in the office

A new RON game?!?  Can it really be true?

It is! And it's a good one too. 

Yup... apart from wishing the exits were more clearly indicated at the Yahtzee Store and the Church, I'm enjoying it so far.  I think I know what I need to do next... if I'm wrong you may see me in the Hints section!

A new RON game?!?  Can it really be true?

This is looking very, very good...  8)

It had taken two days and a night, but at last mad Dr. Whittlemore had finished carving and sanding smooth his wooden beaker.

With this, he thought, I'm sure to take third place in that mad scientist contest and win that wooden beaker I've always wanted. And all it took was the will to carve this wooden beaker.

The wooden beaker was leaky, but Dr. Whittlemore was happy to possess it all the same. 

>Go to your office and find out everything you can about Blonde Jack

How did you get a picture of me getting up for work this morning?!?

>Use HANDHELD DATA DEVICE

>Mutter darkly about having to catch the bus when you're been wounded in the course of duty
>Mutter darkly about hospitals discharging patients the moment they're awake
>Mutter darkly about people shooting you
>Mutter darkly about Paisley sending you on this mission in the first place
>Mutter darkly about the general suckiness of your life
>Mutter darkly about nothing in particular
>Get a grip, stop muttering darkly and go to HQ, find out from Paisley what the hell is going on
>Mutter darkly a bit more, just for good measure

[The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal]

The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal in H2G2, of course!  8)

Haven't had time to play it yet but this looks great!  Congrats on the release.

“My name is Emerson Fittipaldronetti, and I’m a mad scientist.

It all began when daddy bought me a chemistry set.  It was a surprise gift, and the results were also surprising â€" not least to my cat, Ayrton.  How was I to know that mixing Senna leaf with Mystery Compound XII would turn my cat into a biological weapon?!  There was nothing in the manual to suggest that... well, apart from the part that said “treat all mystery compounds with the greatest of care”, but then user guides always say stuff like that just in case.

Anyway, when Ayrton was recovered and put into a secure nuclear facility, it turned out pretty well â€" half of western Europe now gets its electricity from the (when strictly isolated) safe and (when cat food is supplied abundantly) renewable feline isotopic poo.  Of course, the government won’t admit to this publicly, but as a reward they game me, aged only 8 at the time, my own laboratory and staff.

Well naturally I decided that becoming a mad scientist would be a great career move, though I hadn’t quite decided whether I wanted to be an EVIL mad scientist or not.  At any rate, after my early successes of turning Cabinet ministers into zombies without anyone noticing much difference, and making Big Ben sentient so that he would only chime on the hour whenever he felt like it (engineers still haven’t figured this out), I embarked on my greatest project yet â€" via the water supply, undetectable to any filters, I added a formula that would exponentially raise the IQ of all the inhabitants of Great Britain.  The plan was foolproof, and a great success.

Well, almost a great success.  People did indeed get smarter, but there were two unfortunate side-effects.  Firstly, every TV show that had enjoyed great success over the years, so-called “reality” TV and all those showed designed to pander to talentless people determined to be famous, had a massive drop in popularity.  Not a great tragedy in itself of course, but the effects on the country’s economy were devastating.  Also, all the other countries became jealous of our new-found intellectual stimulus, and everyone resented it immensely.  Things got so bad that I actually had to put another formula in to make people dumber again.

Therefore, what should have been my greatest triumph ended up as my biggest disaster.  The MoD decided that I was a national threat, and MI5 keep tabs on me at all times.  I decided that being a mad scientist maybe wasn’t so much fun after all â€" which is why I am here, speaking to all of you, at Mad Scientists Anonymous.”

Thank you for sharing your story, Mr Fittipaldronetti â€" most enlightening and very, very sad.  Still, I’m sure we will be able to help you become a valued member of society.  So, who wants to tell us their story next?  Ah yes, Mr Sinclair â€" please tell us about that C5 contraption of yours...

>Examine doctor
>Tickle moustache
>Tickle nurse
>Ask if they know who did it
>Say "By Gwapthar's Hammer, I will avenge... um... ME!"

I hope there's at least one yak in this game... 

>Look at POTTED PLANT and say "Hi, Chuck!"
>Examine Nurse
>Ask Nurse what happened to you

>Take a headache tablet (well it worked in H2G2!)