Messages

I'll translate for you:

Dearest DG,

Why do all my butt plugs smell like poo? They're, like, really grody.. Think I can put them in the dishwasher?

(oh my god what the fuck laughing out loud one one one one one one one one one one exclamation point etc..)

Hmmm, butt plugs smelling like poo, butt plugs smelling like poo... I don't know about this one -- I think you've got me stumped!

Maybe, it's cause they're called BUTT PLUGS hence you stick them up you BUTT -- that could be the reason, genius!

As for washing them, I recommend you stick one in each ear and run into a wall very quickly.

Repeatedly.

On purpose.

Toefur: I know -- I'm just being a twit.

D34R DG

WYH D035 3V3RYHB0DY H473 M3 1N T3H MU1TIP14Y3R G4M3S? OMG!!!1!WTF1111111111111111111111 LOL!!!!!!11!1111!11

Do you just roll your fist over the keyboard when writing to me, or are you actually trying to ask me something important?

But how much mental ability does a guy need to be the Grim Reaper?

All you do is walk around in a hood and swing a large metal object at people when they die -- it's not the most taxing job in the world, like spinning the letters on Wheel of Fortune.

I mean, are we to believe you need to have a Stephen Hawking-level IQ to operate a scythe?

I don't think so.

Dear DG,

How come the Matrix 2 had no story but plenty of over-extended fight scenes, and yet drew an audience of millions?

Chicks in latex -- simple as that.

Hmpf DG,

How come ever since your last response to my question, I have your picture on my dartboard and I've ritually burned all my unsent loveletters in a big bonfire?

There are so many fucking Freudian references in your question that answering it would cause you to cream your pants.

So, I won't.

dear DG,

Im hungry. What should I eat?

Maybe a Toyota RAV4 with a roof-rack?

...

Some food, idiot -- What else could a normal human being eat other than that?!?

So, by that logic, Mother Teresa is now the Grim Reaper.

Also, not everyone has a res of 1152x864 -- most have a smaller res.

I don't get it: you're saying he does have a point, but you don't agree with what he said.

In other words, you agree that he's right (i.e. he's got a point), but you don't agree with him.

LOL!

As fior the game, I didn't understand the Grim Reaper bit too, but maybe if you explain why you put him in there, we'd all understand.

Dear DG,
Why don't you like me?  :'(

Cuz u don't understand the Matrix -- It's all philosophical and shit!

Nigel Manning Smith will smack!

Dear DG,

I've seen the Matrix Reloaded recently, but unfortunately I failed to understand the ending. Can you please explain to me what the architect told Neo?

He told him: "OMG!!1! WALLHAX0R!!1!"

Dear DG,

Why are there 24 hours in a day? Surely it would make more sense to have 20?

20 isn't enough to pull of a hit series.

Hey, who's the damn tech support guy here, huh smartarse?

Guys who don't understand what the architect says in the Matrix shouldn't go answer other people's questions.

As for CJ, whatever Barcik said will do for my answer (except, add the word 'AWESOME' somewhere there).

Dear DG,

Why is Barcik muscling in on your turf?

Cause he's one of those guys who saw the Matrix movies, pretended to understand them cause he thinks he knows everything -- BUT HE DIDN'T EVEN GET WHAT THE ARCHITECT SAID AND YET I DO!!!

LOLOMGWTFBBQ!!!1!

Dear DG

Why do I think I'm a hyena? Recently I've been having strange urges to try and chase off people and eat their meals for them, and laugh spookily.

PS Thank you for your valuable advice about the rabbits. It makes so much sense now.

Actually, I think if you follow the same advice I gave about the rabbit problem, you'll find the solution to this problem too.

But stop these dreams about being a rabbit or a hyena, man.

Be a super, fucking cool furry -- Like a werewolf!

With laserbeams on his arms!

And sunglasses!

That knows kung-fu!

Yeah, I'd like to see one of those guys parade the furry forums!

His AWESOME lasercannons will pull all the furry chicks!

They'd be all "OMG!! LASERCANNONS!!!"

And that would totaly rule!

Baba ganoush?

Where's it going to be held?

I dig Kebabs when drunk.

Speaking of Evil Dead, I am so hanging out for when Bubba Ho-tep comes to Australia.

I remember Evenwolf saying it was good.

Has anyone else seen it?

More testicles mean more iron!

It's when you have to find a hotspot that's close to 1 pixel by 1 pixel.

Layabout, you goddamn drunk!  

Dear DG,

Can God create a stone he cannot lift?

OMG!1! I AERS ALREDY ANSER THSI QESTSHUN!!1! READ PAST PAEGS!1! LOL N00B!!

dear DG,

My Girlfriend refused to forgive me, and now she is dating my best friend to spite me

Then date her best friend to spite her -- It all balances out the nature of the universe!

my question is, what is the ninja way to kill yourself when you arent pissed enough to swallow a frisbe?

The thing is ninjas DON'T kill themselves when they're NOT super-pissed -- Why would they bother when they've busy being all cool looking and wailing on guitars and shit?

When they're super-pissed and there's no one to kill, that's when they kill themselves.

Dear Daniel:

Why there are no WC in the equator?

I told you why HERE!!!

dear DG.
Why did terminator 3 suck?

Hmmm...

It's got Arnie in it.

It's a sequel.

It's got a director who migrated from b-grade horror.

But most importantly: NO NINJAS OR PIRATES!!!1!

dear DG,

why do I always drop my drumsticks during large important drum solos?

Maybe they're the wrong drumsticks?

Put down those chicken legs and get a proper set!

Remember: Food is not an instrument!

Well, it's either that, or you're just uncoordinated.