Ok, I'll give it a shot:
Actually, after some rereading while I was writing this, the first verses make some more sense.
There were some minor typos/punctuation errors. I could point them out, but I think you can find them yourself.
Quote from: Babar on Sun 25/12/2005 12:14:56These lines seem problematic to me, especcially the last one (the "denied" part).
A stone with which my life compared:
The uselessness that both have fared.
I gaze, I gape, my maw awide,
My usefulness and stone's: Denied.
QuoteIt seems like this means that you (or the speaker) have been offended by the words of someone, and "tune out", now only hearing them in the background? If so, it took me several rereads the understand that. I think "background sense" is the problematic phrase.
He drones on, building word on word,
His simile, my wrath incurred,
I tune out, his voice just in background sense,
Unbeknownst to him, I take offense.
QuoteLove this verse. "Its characters like mine alone".
I stare at it: this useless stone,
It's characters like mine alone,
A double life it lives throughout,
One hidden, under; One open, out.
QuoteI think there's a problem with the rhyming here. I'd suggest "Would it, so quickly, be forgot?" or "Would it, quite quickly, be forgot?". It seems to sound better.
I muse to myself: If this stone was not,
Would it, in a flash, be forgot?
QuoteLast 3 verses - gold. I really like them, and they brought a smile to my lips.
I tune back to find no background sound,
His voice is gone, he's not around.
I rise, and stand above my twin,
I pull it out, and look within.
A horde of insects I find inside,
A horde my stone was meant to hide.
They run around, annoyed, distressed,
I replace the stone as I see best.
The stones secret has been kept awhile.
"As useless as the stone" - I smile.
Actually, after some rereading while I was writing this, the first verses make some more sense.
There were some minor typos/punctuation errors. I could point them out, but I think you can find them yourself.
