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Messages - JudasFm

#121
Can we have an extension please? I have three more parts to write. One's almost done but I just need a few more days...
#122
Quote from: Mandle on Tue 19/09/2017 06:50:35
Well, the official deadline should be Sept 28th, but extensions are possible of course.

Great, that means I can make a longer entry :D :D :D
#123
Thanks :D This is actually a bit of backstory to my KQ fan novel; it's been buzzing around in my head for ages now so I'm glad I finally got the chance to write it! I always like to write reality rather than happy fantasy. It's like Maniac Mansion; those kids were trapped playing a game of cat-and-mouse with two crazy people. It sounds fun and it looks fun on screen, but the reality is very different ;)

Part Two is now uploaded! (Any news on a deadline yet?)
#124
Okay, here are the first two installments! More will be added to this post later so keep checking back :D

Prison Without Walls

Part 1: Early Morning
Spoiler

Alexander sat down by the edge of the lake, pulled off his boots and dunked his feet in the cool water with a sigh of relief. This was his favorite place in Daventry, and the fact that it was some seven miles from the castle only added to its charms. Close enough to get to fairly easily, far enough to net him some privacy.

He knew how it was supposed to go.  Everyone knew how it was supposed to go.  It was the best-known tale in existence.  Long-lost heir captured and enslaved by evil wizard, long-lost heir turns evil wizard into black cat by sneakily hiding magic cookie in porridge and feeding to aforementioned wizard, long-lost heir finds out about heritage by eavesdropping on chickens and squirrels (quite how they knew about it was still a mystery to him) long-lost heir returns home and drops the long-lost part of his title just in time to save kingdom from evil three-headed dragon.

Well, alright, maybe best-known was a slight exaggeration.  But none of the rags-to-riches stories he'd heard had mentioned any kind of culture shock.  Everyone accepted that going from a rich and powerful monarch to a slave would be the culture shock to end all culture shocks, so why would no one believe that it worked the other way too?

And his family!  Alexander shook his head.  That was a little too much for him to take in all at once.  Oh, he'd been welcomed back, of course, with a fervor that surprised him.  His mother had done her best to kiss him to death, his father had given him a manly clap on the shoulder and said how proud he was of him, and so far only his sister seemed to think that this whole thing was just a little bit unnerving and kept her distance as much as possible. 

Exactly.  I was a wizard's slave with no name or family.  Now I'm in this huge castle with two strangers who are my parents and another stranger who's my sister and I don't know any of them.

There had been other things too.  His parents had been shocked to discover that, although he could read and write with no trouble, his etiquette and diplomacy skills were nonexistent.  Alexander had distinguished himself at the last formal dinner by telling the matchmaking mother sat next to him that there was no way in all the hells he was going to marry her silly little featherhead of a daughter, especially since he'd only just met her an hour ago. Lessons in behavior had begun the very next day, something Alexander deeply resented.  As far as he was concerned, he knew to say please and thank you and any extra manners on top of that were frilly and unnecessary.

He wished Valanice hadn't ordered that damn parade in his honor as well.  Quite apart from not being used to such things, when every single person in the kingdom has seen your face, every village has a picture of your face, and every brass coin in the kingdom has your face embossed on it, slipping away unnoticed becomes very difficult no matter how careful you are about it.

He pulled one of the brass coins out of his pocket and looked at it.  It was known as an ander (they'd even named the damn coin after him!) and had been added to the official coinage just as soon as enough had been struck.  In monetary terms, an ander was the lowest denomination in the kingdom â€" four anders made one copper coin â€" but Alexander didn't mind that.  In fact, he rather liked it; most days he felt like the lowest denomination in the royal family, so it was only fitting he had the coin to match.

What am I supposed to do?

That was the question that had been bouncing around inside his head ever since he'd arrived.  There was a constant feeling of restless dissatisfaction in his mind, as though he'd left something vital undone but couldn't remember what. 

Of course, these clothes didn't help.  Alexander plucked at the sleeve of his velvet doublet sourly.  He liked the color, and he couldn't deny the outfit was comfortable, but wandering around in puffed sleeves made him feel like the world's biggest idiot.  His father could wander around in an open-necked shirt and traveling breeches, but not him.  Not the Crown Prince of Daventry.  Not if Valanice had anything to say about it.  Nothing but velvet and silk was good enough for him, and neither of those materials made for good traveling clothes. He'd tried to persuade one of the servants to switch outfits with him, but the man had refused, saying only that Valanice wouldn't like it. Mindful of the kind of punishments Manannan had doled out for disobedience, Alexander had immediately dropped the subject and never raised it with any of the servants again. He balked at stealing money for something he wanted rather than needed, and so he'd started squirreling away all the dropped coins he could find in the hopes that one day he'd have enough to buy himself a more sensible outfit.

And then what, Gwydion? a little voice inside whispered.

Candidly, Alexander had no idea. If he'd been left alone for a few days, maybe he could have figured something out, but there was no chance of that here.

As if in answer to his thought, which Alexander had often believed to be the case with Manannan (certainly the wizard had had the habit of turning up whenever Alexander particularly hadn't wanted him to) Alexander heard a twig snap behind him and groaned inwardly.

"So this is where you've been hiding."

Alexander glanced up at his father, his face politely neutral. That had been a talent he'd developed very early on with Manannan. Smile and you were laughing at him. Let one hint of exhaustion or pain or reluctance cross your face and you were defying him. Cry and you were ungrateful. Any emotion at all meant pain, or worse.

"Your Majesty."

A pained look flickered across the king's face. "Please. Call me Graham, at least."

"As you wish." That was one of the very few unsolicited comments it had been safe to make around Manannan, and Alexander had to bite his tongue very hard and very fast to stop himself from adding Master.

Looking at his son, Graham wasn't entirely sure what to say. If Alexander would only speak, but he never did. He would answer questions, but asked none of his own.

Carefully, because previous experience had taught him that Alexander didn't react well to having his personal space invaded without warning, Graham sat down next to his son.

"Things have gone a little off course with us, haven't they?" Whether they'd ever been on course in the first place was a matter of opinion, but it was the best opening he could think of.

Alexander didn't answer. There didn't seem to be anything he could say in any case.

"Are you having nightmares again?"

Still silent, Alexander leaned back on his hands and stared at the sky. Yes, he was having nightmares, nightmares that woke him in a cold sweat two or three times a night. Nightmares in which Manannan broke the spell and came after him â€" and in his darker moments, he was terrified of the wizard doing just that â€" or nightmares in which his attempt to poison the wizard failed. He didn't know how Graham had found out about them. Perhaps he'd screamed in his sleep again.

"I see you're wearing your new clothes. They suit you."

"Your wife had my old clothes burned. It was this or walk out naked."

Never my mother, Graham thought. Alexander seldom, if ever, referred to his family by name, much less their relationship to him.

"Your clothes had seen better days," Graham couldn't help saying.

Alexander still didn't look at him. "So has most of Daventry, at least the parts I saw on my way here. Are you going to burn them as well?"

Graham took a deep breath and brought out the question he'd been trying to summon up the courage to ask his son for several days now. "Alexander...are you alright?"

"Of course."

That was the worst part, in Graham's opinion. When he spoke to anyone else, he could generally tell if they were lying or what they were feeling. With Alexander, there was nothing.

"If something was wrong, would you tell me?"

Alexander remained motionless. "Yes, if you ordered me to."

Silence descended again. Hard as Alexander was to read, it was clear enough to Graham that his son wished him a thousand miles away.

"I wish I knew what to say," Graham said at last.

"You can say whatever you please." Still that same infuriating neutrality and Graham was seized by a sudden urge to grab his son, to shake him, to push him the lake, to do something to get a genuine reaction out of him.

"Let's turn it around then. What would you like me to say to you?"

Alexander shrugged. "You could start with Gwydion, I'm leaving. Or maybe Gwydion, you're free to wear whatever clothes you like. I'd take either one right now."

Graham sighed. "And I really wish you'd stop calling yourself that."

Alexander laughed, the first time Graham had heard him do so, but there was no humor in the sound. "Why? Because you don't like the name? Or because it's my slave name and every time you hear it, it reminds you of what you allowed Manannan to do to me?"

"Allowed?" Of all the accusations Graham had expected, that certainly hadn't been on the list. "Alexander, if I'd known â€" if I'd even suspected â€" where you wereâ€""

Alexander rose to his feet. "How could you? You never bothered to search for me!"

Graham stared at his son, shocked out of his forced calmness. "I tore my kingdom apart looking for you!"

"And when that failed, didn't it occur to you that I might have been in some other kingdom? Llewdor's not that far from Daventry; you could have included it in your search without spending too much time away from home."

"A king has responsibilities." Now Graham's voice held a faint shade of reproach.

Every muscle in Alexander's body tightened, giving Graham the answer to his question. No, Alexander was not alright, had probably never been alright from day one.

"Responsibilities." Alexander stared at Graham, his eyes flashing. "Of course. And tell me, did those responsibilities stop you when you decided to travel to a faraway land and risk life and limb to rescue the beautiful princess Valanice. You had no guarantee she would accept you as a suitor, but you decided to let your kingdom go hang while you took a long vacation to rescue her. Why didn't you leave her to rule in your absence and rescue me, if I meant that much to you?"

Graham half turned, the better to face his son. "I knew where your mother was. The mirror showed her to me; all I had to do was go and get her. When you disappeared, the mirror clouded over and it stayed clouded over until your return."

"I see. And what about the chest full of gold coins that never runs out? Or the tree that grows gold walnuts? Did they cloud over too? If you couldn't leave your kingdom to search for me yourself, you could have offered a reward of some kind. From the general state of disrepair, you certainly don't seem like you've used either of those money sources for the good of your kingdom." Alexander shook his head slowly. "King or not, magic mirror or not, if I had children, I would die before I sacrificed them. And if one was carried off, I would tear the world apart until I found him, no matter how long it took. I wouldn't just hide in my castle and let my kingdom break and shatter around me. Although I suppose your daughter and I could be considered expendable. After all, you only have one kingdom, but you can easily get more children."

Shock robbed Graham of speech for a few moments. He'd expected accusations from his son â€" up until now, Alexander's enslavement had always been the elephant in the room, and one of the main reasons he'd come out that morning was to try and get this talk out of the way â€" but not this level of personal attack.

"Do you really believe that?" he asked at last.

Alexander leaned back against the nearest tree, arms folded tightly across his chest, and looked away.

"Do you?" Graham repeated.

Even as he watched, his son's face smoothed out into that damnable mask again and Alexander's voice was back to the same near monotone as he replied, "It's hard not to."

"I...see." Graham stood up and noted Alexander's flinch with a certain sadness.

What exactly does he think I'm going to do to him?

Whatever it was, Alexander kept it to himself. The mask was back and the moment gone. Graham had no idea what to say or do to recapture it, and so he simply bade Alexander goodbye and set off on the return to the castle. Maybe giving his son the space he obviously wanted would help him find some kind of peace. Then they could all get back to normal, pick up the pieces of their broken family and start all over.
[close]

Part 2: Mid-morning
Spoiler

It was late in the morning when Graham arrived back at the castle, his mind full of uncomfortable thoughts. Uppermost in these was the knowledge that he could no longer kid himself that things in the family were fine.

Oh, they'd started out that way, particularly when Rosella had brought the fruit back and things had started to turn around again. They'd spent all day in their son's company, wanting to make up for lost time. As the days passed though, Alexander had become more and more withdrawn, leading Valanice to wonder aloud how to get the real Alexander back.

Graham had never answered her, because he'd had a terrible thought in the very back of his mind that this wary loner was the real Alexander, that the first few days had been nothing more than a kind of honeymoon period brought on by high spirits. Now the honeymoon was over and Alexander was cold, suspicious and refused to let anyone inside him. Given that the only company he'd ever had up until now had been Manannan, who would have severely punished the slightest hint of insolence, it was no wonder Alexander had learned to keep everything locked up inside him. Even his voice was always quiet, neutral, inoffensive. This was the first time his son had even come close to showing any kind of emotion.

On the other hand, could that be considered progress? If Alexander was comfortable enough around his father to say things that would most likely have earned him a severe punishment from Manannan, wasn't that a step forward? Was Alexander finally beginning to trust him?

Or on a darker note, was Alexander trying to provoke that same punishment? To get some idea of where the lines were and â€" most importantly â€" what the consequences would be for crossing them? Graham couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling that some part of Alexander would welcome a beating or some other equally brutal punishment, because it would bring their interactions around to something he could relate to. Could understand.

They'd handled it badly. Noâ€"Graham shook his head, determined not to sugarcoat things in his own thoughtsâ€" they'd handled it terribly. His heart attack had been something of a blessing in disguise in that it had taken the bulk of the focus off Alexander, and Rosella's return from her quest had had much the same effect, but after that they'd got back to the business of celebrating properly. None of them had stopped to think how Alexander might feel about it. He'd been taken out of the background, the only place he felt safe â€" and, as a slave, the only place he'd ever been relatively safe â€" thrust into the public eye and held there by the same two people who he should have been able to trust.

Alexander, I'm sorry.

Abruptly Graham decided that he would take tomorrow off and spend the whole day with his son. Get a walking outfit from the castle stores for him, and take him on a hiking trip around Daventry. Nothing regal, no court pressures or anything, just the two of them walking along and talking about nothing in particular. Graham wasn't stupid enough to think he and Alexander would become best friends by the end of it, but he did hope his son might come to see that being with his father wasn't a bad thing, or at the very least that it didn't involve pain. If he could just break down the barriers enough so that Alexander no longer perceived his own father as an active threat, Graham was sure they could build up from there.

Alexander would agree to it, of course. Alexander agreed to anything, which Graham thought was at least half the problem. If his son would just say no once in a while, or tell them that he needed some space, then half the problems they'd had up until now could have been avoided.

He walked into the family dining room â€" they only used the main one on special occasions â€" and sat down, letting his head drop into his hands.

Someone sat down opposite him. Graham could tell without looking that it was Valanice. They knew each other so well after all these years.

"Did you talk to him? How did it go?"

"Wonderfully," Graham said in a monotone. He lifted his head, poured a cup of juice, drained it and poured another one. It had been a particularly hot, dusty walk back. "He now hates us both."

Valanice frowned. "But all you did was talk to him."

"He blames us for what happened. He says we should have used the royal treasury to mount a bigger search effort, and damn me if I don't think he's right, Valanice."

"We did everything we could."

"We should have done more. The upshot of it is that our son doesn't trust us. Our lives haven't changed too much, so when he returned we expected to pick up where we left off, like he'd never been taken. We forgot that he had more or less grown up with a separate identity for nearly eighteen years." He shook his head. "Why didn't I search Llewdor? He's right; it's not that far and I could easily have raised a search party to explore the surrounding kingdoms."

"Manannan would have sunk it."

"Even if he had, at least I could have looked my own son in the eyes this morning." Graham leaned back and then quietly brought out the heart of his fear. "I think we're losing him."

Valanice went white. "You can't mean that!"

"Haven't you noticed how he comes back a little later from his walk every time?"

Valanice shook her head. "He's always back by half past five."

Graham gave her a rather tired smile. Whatever his son may be, no one could question Alexander's intelligence. "He used to be back by four. Then it became one minute after four, then when everyone was used to that and accepted it, he upped it to two minutes. Then three. The only reason he's kept it at half past five is because we eat dinner at six and he knows there's no way he can skip out on it without being missed." Graham didn't add his other thoughts on that subject: that food had been a very precious commodity in Alexander's world and he wasn't about to miss out on it. He would eat today because he might not be able to tomorrow. Graham also didn't see any reason to mention to Valanice that Alexander had been hoarding food since he arrived; there was a sizable stash under his son's bed and very likely several more hiding places that he didn't know about.

"You don't think he's planning to run away or anything stupid like that, do you?"

There it was. The tiny, secret fear that had been gnawing on Graham's heart for the past few weeks.

"I don't know."

Valanice reached out, putting a hand on his shoulder. "If he is, we can do something. Appoint a bodyguardâ€""

"Bodyguard?" Graham echoed with a bitter smile. "Don't you mean a real guard?"

Valanice hesitated, then decided to throw euphemism to the winds. "Well, yes. Some parts of Daventry are still dangerous, and Alexander won't carry a sword. We could allow him to go anywhere safe in the kingdom, and if he wanted to go to a dangerous part, well, then the guard will just stop him from going anywhere he wants."

"The guard will stop him?" Graham repeated. "The three-headed dragon didn't stop him! And if you think Alexander will simply ask the guard for permission and respect his decision, then both you and that guard are in for a nasty surprise because Alexander doesn't ask. He takes. Or he manipulates the situation to get him what he wants. I don't know that we can entirely blame him for that; Manannan wouldn't have granted any of his requests, and probably would have punished him severely for asking, so manipulation is the only way he knows. I can't think Manannan would have set him a shining example either; I imagine Alexander learned all kinds of ways of dealing with problems from him, even if that old man hadn't meant him to. But it doesn't change the fact that our son is a very dangerous young man."

Valanice went so white Graham thought she was going to faint. "How can you say that? He spared Manannan's life. After everything that old man did to him, he still didn't kill him!"

"He didn't kill him with magic, Valanice. He could have turned Manannan into a cat, then just picked him up and broken his neck. I wouldn't blame him in the slightest if he had, but if you're going around thinking that Alexander is a pure, noble innocent who would have qualms about swatting a fly without a signed declaration of war, then I have to tell you that you are very, very wrong."

"Our son would never hurt us."

"Our son doesn't know us!" Graham surged to his feet, pacing the room, then turned to face Valanice. "That's where we've been going wrong all this time. When Alexander was taken, it left a hole in our hearts. We worried about him, we grieved over him, because we knew who he was and we could still remember him. From his point of view, we're complete strangers. Not only that, we're complete strangers who abandoned him to a life of slavery and abuse. I don't think he'd hurt usâ€""

"Don't think!" Valanice's voice rose a full octave on the last word.

"No, and that's half the problem; I can't be sure. I think â€" I think â€" he'd only use magic as a last resort, but he would use it if he felt there was no other way out. So if you insist on monitoring his every move and never giving him a moment's privacy, there's a good chance I'll go out for a walk one day and come home to a castle full of cats!"

Something in his tone got through to Valanice; she sat a little straighter and looked her husband full in the face.

"Do you think he would? Seriously think so?"

Graham couldn't find the words to answer, not because he didn't know but because he though the truth would upset his wife too much. Because the truth was that if his son decided he had to deal with them in that way, then they would be dealt with swiftly, severely and without mercy.

Alexander had learned that from Manannan too.
[close]

I had to split posts as the next two installments put this over the character limit. You can read the next part here :D
#125
Quote from: Mandle on Thu 14/09/2017 16:27:19
I'm going to be writing my story a bit at a time and hiding it for now.

So, if you prefer an episodic reading then feel free to unhide and read, otherwise please wait for the full story:

That's a pretty good idea. Mine is shaping up to be a long one so I think I'll follow your example
#126
Can we write a story about the aftermath of a known adventure game (for example, what happened to the characters of Maniac Mansion after the game ended)?
#127
Quote from: kconan on Wed 13/09/2017 11:17:02

This raises a good question, what becomes of everyone's entries post-comp? 

I stick my favorites up on shortnovella.com, and then my whopping 4.7 visitors per month apparently skim them for 6.74 (average) seconds before departing.  Still, I like the theory of putting my writing out there.

I don't enter as much as I'd like due to time restrictions, but all my entries are stored on my computer. I tend to use the same setting for this as for some of my novels, and this contest helps develop those worlds. They're mostly vignettes though, so not worth putting online, but I want to reuse my Whodunnit entry at some point. I liked that one ;)

This brings up another interesting question: would game-related stories (ie, game fanfic) be allowed? I've always wanted to post one of mine but I'm worried I'll be breaking some kind of unwritten rule :S
#128
Does it need to be a literal stabbing or can we have a metaphorical one?
#129
Both my votes have to go to Mandle on this one for the full length Broken Shoes story
#130
Best setting: Ponch
Best character(s): kconan
Best plot: Ponch
Best style/word choice: kconan
Best implementation of newfound knowledge: kconan
#131
Quote from: Sinitrena on Wed 02/11/2016 20:59:27I espescilly liked that, while a reader should pick up on the fact that Clara is a ghost or some kind of supernatural being, it is not entirely clear whether she is good or evil.

Dang it! I knew there was something else I meant to mention! Votes notwithstanding, I agree; that was a very good touch on Blondbraid's part :D
#132
Character: Blondebraid I felt more sympathy for this character somehow...
Plot: Baron; the meeting-a-dead-person-in-the-misty-marsh has been done too often to really grip me
Atmosphere: This was a really tough one, but I have to go with Blondebraid
Background World: Baron I would have liked to see this one developed a little more
Word Choice/style: Blondebraid Apologies to Baron, but your writing is a little too purple to suit me, and this time more than usual :(
Spookiness: I'll have to go with Baron, purely because I couldn't predict what was going to happen ;)

As always, the above is nothing more than one person's opinion. No offense intended with any of my remarks :)
#133
Agreed ;) It's neat for the rules and scene setting, but I'm a simple soul and I just want a simple yea or nay answer :(
#134
Quote from: Baron on Wed 14/09/2016 11:47:07
Seek the truth within and all shall be revealed. ;)

Um, okay...I'm guessing that's a no? ???
#135
Can we do it as a story within a story (ie, people reading it and their reactions)?
#136
Best character: kconan
Best setting: kconan
Best writing style / technique: Sinitrena
Most interesting last will and testament: Baron
#138
Quote from: KyriakosCH on Fri 10/06/2016 04:37:36edit: so, if it is ok, i would be interested in feedback on the story, despite it not being part of the contest :D Of course i had to try to translate it, and my english is not (i hope) as good as my greek (laugh)

It's very, very difficult to give feedback on this, because although there are a number of writing errors, I honestly can't tell how much of that is just lost in translation. You use a lot of odd words (diaphanous glass; diaphanous usually only refers to clothes) and the prose is stilted and very hard to follow, but as I said, I think that's most likely because it was originally written in another language. As far as the story goes, I have no idea what's going on beyond the fact that a doctor's locked up someone else who finds a piece of chalk in the room ???
#139
1st is definitely AnasAbdin I love that plunger and it's very in keeping with Wacky Races :D
2nd for Tabata and the giant bird
3rd would have to be Mandle It was beautifully drawn but I didn't quite get it :S
#140
Congrats to the winners! :D Well deserved! And before this thread gets locked, I'd like to add that I'm offering closure on my entry but only in episodic format via PM, so if anyone wants to know how it panned out, PM me :) (Sorry if that seems like too much of a plug; I just know one or two people were interested and I wanted to post this before the thread got locked :))
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