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Hooray!
The Squid and I majored in screenwriting at tech college in Tokyo, but I never tried writing for theater before. I'm eager to tackle this one 

Of course there is: https://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/weight_2 It's the wrong one/not what I meant to say but it does exist. 

Ooh, okay then. Fair point I'm used to hearing it only as "weighted down" or "weighed down" not just "weighted" on its own, which it why it looked a bit odd. Still, The Squid and I stand corrected!

Oh, don't worry, that is exactly the kind of image my readers were supposed to get...  Wasn't that obvious?

Heh. Yeah, I kind of figured that's what you were going for, but it's not always easy to tell. I've edited stuff for people in the past and had more than a few conversations along the lines of, "Hey, did you realize that in this language/country/dialect, X is a lot stronger/X means...?" "WHAT? It DOES? Oh crud!"

[Best Character:]

The Squid has decided! Our votes are in, along with feedback for everyone else (feedback delivered in order of posting, not preference )

Best Character: Sinitrena for Harold.
Mandle, your salesman was pretty convincing, but because the entry was so short and written as a monologue, we didn't get any chance to connect with the character.
Baron, I liked your characters, but felt they were too interchangeable. It was more like one character having an argument with himself than two separate ones.
KyriakosCH, your story was too short to really establish any kind of connection as well. Unlike Mandle's, who was very established as a salesman, we know nothing at all about yours.

Best Story: Sinitrena.
Mandle, short and sweet, but focused purely on the advertisement instead of the story. It's a shame; I'd really love to have heard about the events that led up to this, or who exactly was talking.
Baron, I liked yours too, but it felt very rushed. One character wants to answer the ad, the other one doesn't, the other one tells him to "parse the ad" and then spouts out a long speech peppered with oblique references. End result: I knew what your characters were going to do about the ad, but not why they'd decided to do it or why they felt that it would be more profitable.
KyriakosCH, I felt your story never really got off the ground. It was like you were trying to build dread and suspense, or curiosity, but I'm afraid I just didn't get it.

Best Writing: Sinitrena. There were one or two small typos, such as in this sentence:

Afterwards, when the the shaft glistened with oil, he turned his attention to his balls. He took them into his hands and weighted them. His fingers slid over their surface, testing their smoothness and oiling them too.

There's no such word as "weighted." "Weight" is the noun, but the verb is "weighed." I would also really recommend inserting the word "cannon" before "balls" in that sentence, because if you talk about a guy holding and oiling and stroking his balls, as opposed to the balls, you run the risk of giving your readers a very different image in their mind to the one you may have intended Or maybe that kind of double entendre was your plan all along and you were going for sly humor. In which case, I think you pretty much hit it out of the park 
Mandle, Very, very clever. I had to read it two or three times to get all the references - at first I thought your comment about Australia referred to the part that was being sold, and I think it would have been better without being hidden in a spoiler tag. Like I said before, I just wish we'd had more backstory.
Baron, great writing
KyriakosCH, again, I'm sorry, but I didn't get what was happening besides a guy or girl sees an advertisement and has cynical thoughts about it. I feel like we needed to see the advertisement to really understand the character's reaction.

Best Use of Theme: Mandle. Clear, succinct and just needed to know who was buying/selling to make it perfect for me
Baron, I liked the varying ads, but the story and connection to them felt a bit disjointed.
KyriakosCH, while the advertisement was in your story, I had no idea what was being advertised, so it didn't mean a great deal to me.
Sinitrena, I loved your story, but I didn't really see an advertisement Unless you count Harold and Peter's plan, but that came across as more of a prank and announcement than an actual advertisement...

Sorry, JudasFM.

No apology necessary It's what I was expecting. I'm feeling a lot better now so hopefully my next entry will be back up to speed 

[Sinitrena]

All my votes go to Sinitrena this time around, despite my struggling to really follow the conversation or comprehend what it tried to imply. Somehow I felt like the story needed some more closure, a resolution beyond what was now delivered. There were a couple small typos, though with the deadline looming, those are pretty much unavoidable. Not enough to flip the best writing point to JudasFm this time, though.

Best Character: Sinitrena
Best Plot: Sinitrena
Best Writing: Sinitrena
Best Use of Theme: Sinitrena

As for JudasFm's little story, it kind of fell flat for me, I'm afraid. Mostly just due to having so little space to flesh out characters, and because the theme barely seemed to connect to the story, being relegated more to a single line that I also failed to really grasp the meaning of. It reads as if the theme sentence is spoken outside of the context of the characters presented, something said to some unseen and unknown third party, without much of a reveal or payoff.

No arguments here It's very kind of you to call it my entry a story though I don't know why - probably because my brains were frying in my head for a few days and I was zonked for most of the time after that - but my mind just went blank when it came to the prompt. Worst entry I ever made, deserves to be forgotten and I'll probably sneak back and delete it once the winner's been decided 

Best Character: WHAM. I'm not crazy about characters being called things like "Silver Haired Chief" (what did they call him before he went gray and became chief? Likewise, did the "Emerald Eyed Youth" start life as the "Emerald Eyed Baby?" Although the idea of a culture where names change to reflect the owners is fascinating - and inspiring - the names here didn't do much for me.) All that said, you did a great job of making me care about the characters.
Best Plot: WHAM again. It had a cohesive beginning, middle and end. Sinitrena's left me feeling a bit confused.
Best Writing: This was a tough one but I'm going to have to go with Sinitrena. There were some powerful images there, and I felt like WHAM's story, while well-written, waffled a bit.
Best Use of Theme: WHAM got the closest. Sinitrena had a good setup but we never find out what the book is, or what the secret is (which was the whole point of the prompt, or did I miss something in your entry  ) or who/what the characters are.

[AN: Apologies in advance for my mega-short and poor effort. I was battling a seriously nasty virus for most of the last week and this is very much a last-minute thing. TBH it's fine if nobody votes for me; I just didn't want to be the only one who couldn't meet the deadline]

AN: Apologies in advance for my mega-short and poor effort. I was battling a seriously nasty virus for most of the last week and this is very much a last-minute thing. TBH it's fine if nobody votes for me; I just didn't want to be the only one who couldn't meet the deadline

"Alright, so where next?" Kooki asked.

His friend Pimsha, who was busy keeping a running blog of their expedition, which no one except friends and family would bother to read, turned an eyestalk in his direction. "What?"

"Where next?" Kooki repeated. "We did that diamond planet for Prrdi, the weird one with purple trees and yellow crystal caves for me, and Ankila says he doesn't much care where he goes so long as there's an ocean. You're the only one who hasn't picked a planet yet, Pims, so what'll it be?"

As a race evolved from slugs, Rellians like Pims didn't have the necessary muscles to shrug, but she did the best she could.

"I don't mind. Anywhere's good. I want to see some alien creatures though, so maybe find something with a bit of life?"

"Oookay." Kooki tapped in a few sigils. They were unintelligible to Pims, who didn't read much Bunahoopi besides the basic alphabet. "I found one a few jumps away. It looks pretty neat; there's signs of life, oceans for An, caves for me and apparently jewels and precious metals for Prrdi. Where is she, by the way?"

"Cataloguing the diamonds we picked up on the last planet. Apparently there are different grades and facets and luminosityâ€"oh, I don't know. I didn't quite understand it, to be honest."

Neither did Kooki, who had never been able to understand the importance that some races placed on colorless rocks in the first place, although â€" like a true Bunahoopi â€" that hadn't stopped him from pocketing several dozen himself to sell on at a profit later.

"Alright. So let's hit this ocean planet." He reached out with his middle pair of arms and hit two buttons simultaneously, ordering the ship to lock in a course to this planet and get there as soon as possible.

The door to the bridge hissed open and Ankila wandered in, chatting to someone on his comm.

"â€"and so then she said, wait, what do you mean this isn't a reality TV show?" He listened, laughed and shook his head. "I know, right? I can't believe she even fell for that!...Yeah, sure, see you when I get back. Take care." He ended the call and flung himself into the chair next to Kooki. "Where're we going now?"

"Last stop if we want to be back in time for the winter semester. And it's a gem, so you'll want to take your camera."

Ankila, who had already taken enough photos to wallpaper a small mansion, grinned and ran to get ready.

@WHAM: ...dancing on top of an erupting volcano...

Oh goddammit, Sinitrena!

"It's over, Anakin! I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!"
(For the record, this was not my entry.)

If it had been, I definitely would have voted for it 

Frodo, according to Baron's rules, you're only allowed to give one person a prompt.

Sorry, I misread it.  I thought it was one theme to a person (but thought I could give one theme to several people)   

Okay, since you don't like zombies, I'll retract that. But HOW can you not like zombie???   
And I'll also retract Judas.
So WHAM is the one I'll offer a prompt to, if he wants it.   

Actually, that's how I read it too. Shame it isn't, it would have given us a much wider range to combine and work with.

Drat, I loved your prompt. I really, really would have loved to write it, the one from WHAM isn't really sparking much in the way of creativity... 
Still, rules are rules!

[BARON, ANYONE]

I think my 72 hours are up? BARON, ANYONE -- I need something to write about!!!

@Sinitrena Someone gets a journal in the mail from a person they only met once before, or have no close connection with (a former classmate they never really hung out with, someone from an online forum etc). The journal leads them to a secret. The story must reveal the secret, but you're free to start at a point after the character's received the journal 

Since it's quiet so far:


@JudasFm: "Wait, what do you mean this isn't a reality TV show?"

Is this the concept, or a line that has to be included? 

I like this! I'm in if anybody wants to give me something to work with 

Yeah, I had an idea, but unfortunately this round clashed with RevPit, so I couldn't join in...
Hopefully next time 

Do we have to write about the actual time travel itself, or can it be something that happened in the past? (ie, someone who time traveled from the past, but has now settled into life in their new time).

[Sinitrena]

Sinitrena I liked your entry, although I'm not a fan of poetry in general. I liked that the knight seemed resigned to the fact that his love would never be requited, and so he decided to pour that energy into finding his true love's own true love. Feels all round!

Baron The letters were a clever idea, but the biggest problem I had was that the Fool - who would know that there were two princesses, and possibly more - wouldn't address his adored princess by name. I get that the joke wouldn't work if he had, but it was too unrealistic to really get me invested.

Mandle I liked the little details being changed and the use of Pause. Rewind, but, well, I don't get it. There's no plot, and what happens has no relation to the prompt. Maybe I'm missing something, but the world makes no sense (why/how is the character pausing and rewinding? Why is it different? Is the character hallucinating?)

So, onto the votes!

Best Character: Baron, for the Fool
Best Atmosphere: Baron
Best Writing: Sinitrena
Best Heart Throb/Break/Ache: Sinitrena

Oh, now THIS is a great idea! I love interactive contests even more than regular ones

EDIT: However, sadly The Squid and I ran out of time even with the extension, so I'll be withdrawing my entry

I'm finding myself with a lot more time on my hands recently, so I might try this. I have my idea sorted

[Best Character:]

And that's it, folks! Results will be up complete with trophies and judge's feedback in the next 24 hours (Really sorry for the delay, but real life kind of got in the way! Please be patient a while longer...)

It's time! First of all, because I love keeping you in suspense, my thoughts! As the judge, my votes don't count toward the total, but in case you're curious as to how I would have voted:

Best Character: Mandle. I found it easy to get inside the character's head and feel what he was feeling.
Best Story: Sinitrena. Maybe because it was based on a true story, but I could feel the tension throughout the whole piece.
Best Setting: I'm going with Sinitrena again here. The little touches, such as the colloquial term VoPo and realism really brought me into the world.
Best Writing: This is really a toss-up between Mandle and Sinitrena, but I'm going with Sinitrena. Mandle's was excellent and I got inside the character's head, but something about Sinitrena's stayed with me and made me want to go back and read it again and again.
Best (or Worst!) Bureaucracy: Sinitrena. From her story, I got a good idea of how the bureaucracy worked and the sense of low fear that was prevalent throughout the story.

And now onto the feedback!

Mandle
This was a well-written piece, and you did a good job of conveying the main character's frustration and emotions. I especially liked this line: "Fucking sue me. I didn't want the book to end." You also did a good job of telling us what was going on without hitting us over the head with it, where you talk about the disease eating away at your mother's mind. I'm also a little unclear why she wanted him to read War and Peace to her. Was it a kind of talismanic thing ("if my son hasn't read it to me yet, I'm not going to die?" "I know I'll definitely meet my son again because I want him to read that book to me before I die?")

Sinitrena
I have to be honest and say that the Berlin Wall never meant much to me except a name and the vague knowledge that it came down at some point (I was born at the end of 1982, so although it happened in my lifetime, I would have still been a little kid in another country and we never learned about it in school). However, reading your story gave me a brand new insight into just how serious things got over there, so thank you for that (and big thanks to your mother for her information too!) I also want to check out that movie you mentioned (hopefully there's a subbed version as my German is at a very basic level and I've forgotten most of what I learned. One day I'll pick it up again. But I digress )
Again, being honest, I think this is probably one of the best pieces I've ever read from you. There were just a couple of mistakes:
The girls' feet thumbed - I think you meant thumped Thumbing means, well, to make a gesture with your thumb.
They entered in pairs, one pair from each side of the train car - The 'side' of something usually refers to the horizontal layout (so, for example, two pairs of VoPos entered the rear of the carriage, one from the left and one from the right) I honestly don't know if this was a mistake or not, as I've no idea if the VoPos really did things this way. If you meant that one pair entered at the front of the carriage and the other at the back, and they sort of met in the middle, then it should be each end of the train car. If they entered from the left and the right and both pairs moved down the train car together in a group of four, then your word choice was right Um. I hope that makes some kind of sense?
I also liked the glossary you included at the end; it was a good way to clear up terms without shoehorning definitions into the text.

Baron
I really got into this story too; I loved the idea of the Sixth Form Resistance (I was a bit of a rebel at school, so it appealed to me!) I agree with Sinitrena that there was a bit of "As-You-Know" thrown in there which weakened it slightly. Whelkins strokes his hall monitor's sash; we get to know from this action that he's the hall monitor, so the characters don't need to spell it out for us earlier It's a shame that you weren't able to complete it; you had a great idea and I would have loved to know what happened next.

And now, for the results! As I said before, my votes don't count so it's all down to our voting public!

So...first place with the Golden Key is Sinitrena, with 7 votes!
And, in joint second place with 4 votes and the Silver Key are Baron and Mandle!

So, over to you, Sinitrena!

Sinitrena: Why did it matter if the grandparents arrived?  I understand that they were jumping the border too, but I don't understand why it would make sense for the whole family to return just for the safety of the grandparents.  They're old - surely they understood the risks and were prepared to accept the consequences of failure so that their progeny could have a better life? 

This is something that went through my mind as well. The only reason I could think of (and this is purely a guess, so Sinitrena, please correct me if I'm wrong) is that the GDR was similar to modern-day North Korea. If someone manages to escape that country, then life for the loved ones they leave behind can become very...unpleasant

[Mandle]

Aaaand, that's it! No applications for extensions were approved (since none were made) and this round of the contest is now in VOTING!
So, to sum it up, we have:

Mandle with War and Peace and My Mother
Sinitrena with Dreaded Words
Baron with Liars, Criers and Brain Vampires

And just a reminder of the categories:

Best Character: What it says on the tin. Which character made you laugh, cry, feel or want to strangle them? (Hey, it's not Best-Loved Character!)
Best Story: Does it have a compelling plot? Do you pour a cup of coffee, only to forget all about it and let it go cold as you're swept up in the story?
Best Setting: Be it fantasy or fascism (or fascist fantasy) is the world convincing?
Best Writing: Who can turn a phrase the best? Who can bring readers to their knees with one well-chosen word?
Best (or Worst!) Bureaucracy: Most believable system, whether it's the familiar one of visas or something else entirely.

Voting closes at 23.59 on Friday Feb 1! (Kind of; The Squid and I are a few hours ahead of everyone, so we try to take that into account whenever we run one of these  )

Last call for entries!