Messages

No, there's no upper or lower word limit for this contest

Do I need to file in triplicate? Or will a hastily scrawled note written in mustard on a napkin do? I don't have Baron's connections in high places. I don't have a fancy monocle. I'm just a simple cow (or I would be if I could ever be bothered to fix my avatar).

Cows are granted special dispensation on the grounds of being yummy! Written notice of your request in purple ink upon a piece of cheese will suffice

Can we have some transparency as to who these "certain applicants" might be?  Do we have to apply early to find out if we qualify? 

All are treated equally in the Republic of the Squid! There shall be no favoritism or nepotism here, sir! (Bribes in excess of $1,000,000 are acceptable. Anything less shall be burned with contempt).

In other words, anyone who needs an extension and asks for one qualifies

[Best Character:]

'Tis the season to travel!

At least, it is in this installment of:

The Fortnightly Writing Competition!

So, your character wants to go on a trip! Maybe to another planet, or into elven lands, or maybe just go on vacation somewhere. Or maybe they're trying to sneak past the border. Or maybe they're in charge of maintaining the border. Whichever it is, sooner or later they're going to run into the local equivalent of this phrase:

Yes, I have been watching Let's Plays of this game rather extensively, but this really is an area of worldbuilding that's seriously neglected. Got a spaceship? Sure, you can fly to a completely different planet and stay as long as you like, with no visible means of support or any proof that you aren't wanted for murder or hamster stealing or unprovoked weasel juggling! Want to cross the border from human lands into elven? Go right ahead!

Well, no more! This is where you guys come in. It can be fantasy, or sci-fi, or realistic, it can be past, present or future, but the central theme must be around gaining access to another place for some reason. It doesn't have to be paperwork in the sense of visas; proof of dragon-slaying or beating the border guards in single combat to earn your way in works too. Or sneaking across the border. Or protecting the border. So long as there's something stopping people from just waltzing in, whatever it is, you're good to go.

Best Character: What it says on the tin. Which character made you laugh, cry, feel or want to strangle them? (Hey, it's not Best-Loved Character!)
Best Story: Does it have a compelling plot? Do you pour a cup of coffee, only to forget all about it and let it go cold as you're swept up in the story?
Best Setting: Be it fantasy or fascism (or fascist fantasy) is the world convincing?
Best Writing: Who can turn a phrase the best? Who can bring readers to their knees with one well-chosen word?
Best (or Worst!) Bureaucracy: Most believable system, whether it's the familiar one of visas or something else entirely.

Deadline is Monday 28th January at 23:59! However, extensions may be granted to certain applicants

I was so sure you were going for a fairy tale structure there with the three days of the ceremony. You surprised me there.

I'll let everyone in on a little secret here; the original plan was for three days. The way to get out of the second ritual involved a plot that required sticky slime from the nest of a Deep Sea Snail, skin from transparent fish, and some baby Deep Sea Snails. Except this is Dirnec we're talking about, and I seem to remember I was writing this at around 2am, so I bumped it up. I think it works better like this in any case

The stroy has a lot of small details about the culture of the merfolk, which I quite like. I think it's a bit strange that the princess would find her way into the slave pits and would have liked an explanetion for it, or better yet, a real reason why the princess and the slaves interact with each other.

There aren't organized slave pits as such, but there are a lot of caves where slaves are kept (otherwise the slaves could easily spend as much time commuting to their work as doing it!) The princess is a visitor from a foreign clan and so she doesn't know her way around. She's miserable, she's trying to find some time alone...it's just coincidence that she ends up in a slave cave

Your ending was the only one that feels at least like it could be happy[...]At the same time, this doesn't feel like an ending, it feels like the beginning of a story.

It kind of is, in a way. This is a very precised version of an idea in my head that struck me when I was writing this, and that I plan to develop into a full-length trilogy Their time as slaves is over; now it's setting up for the next book 

Also, they probably started a war, leading to more people ending up as prisoners.

I think you're mistaking Dirnec for someone who gives a damn This is his happy ending; he's free, he's freed the one he loves, and if the ones who enslaved him get killed and/or enslaved themselves, that would suit him just fine.

JudasFm, your turn!

Thank you so much everyone for your votes! The next round will be up as soon as I can manage it

[Best Character]

Best Character: I'm going with JudasFM's Dirnec.  The trophy "merlfriend" was a bit flat, and the princess was pretty one dimensional.  But I liked the patient scheming Dirnec demonstrated and his "they'll never beat me on the inside" attitude. 

Thank you so much The flatness of the 'merlfriend' (love that!) was semi-intentional.

The full story (touched on but not explored) is that she was taken prisoner as a young girl in the war, and was so beautiful that the prince basically ordered her reserved as his personal sex slave, and that of his friends, the rest of the royal family, or any visiting dignitary who might fancy her (the magic of the manacles also prevent conception, as pregnant - or rather, gravid - mermaids aren't seen as much use ) The psychological trauma of being repeatedly raped by different people caused her to withdraw inside herself. Dirnec treats her decently and is the only person in her life who isn't interested in forcing himself on her, which is why "Meruna" interacts more with him.

Unfortunately, since the issues of rape, sex slavery and psychological trauma - whether interrelated or not - are so serious, I didn't feel comfortable handling them with a couple of throwaway lines such as, "Oh yeah, she keeps getting raped and so now she doesn't talk. Tragic backstory! Everyone feel sorry for Meruna! And now, back to the wedding thing..." If I'd had more time (that is, more free time on my end) I could have handled Meruna's story and issues sensitively enough to really flesh her out as a character. I didn't, so I felt it better to let her be a flower and just mention the concubine/sex slave thing without dwelling on it too much (the world of the merfolk is actually pretty dark and gritty; if you think it's all singing pretty songs and sitting gracefully on rocks, you're very wrong ). I do plan to use this particular world in future rounds though

All edited! Hopefully that's a little more balanced now 

[Best Character:]

For once, The Squid and I got our votes in quickly!

Best Character: Baron with Comrade Gruff.
Best Plot: Mandle. I found Baron's entry more confusing than entertaining, like I'd just read an extract from the middle of a novel instead of a short story. What were they supposed to be fighting against? There was no clear-cut enemy that I could see. Is this fantasy? Alternate future? You make contemporary references to Russia while talking about elves and dwarfs. Are the fantasy races Communist? What exactly is there problem? Basically, I was just left with too many questions and not enough answers.
Best Atmosphere: Mandle.
Best Writing: This was a tough one, but I'm going to have to go with Baron.
Best Ending: Mandle. Again, no disrespect to Baron, but For the Cause didn't seem to have any kind of ending, happy or otherwise (just reread it to make sure). The two main characters do a bunch of random things with no reason given other than the Cause, which is never really explained. Then they fly away and we as readers don't know nearly enough about them to know if this is supposed to be a happy ending or a Villain-Wins (granted, though, Sinitrena didn't specify whose happy ending it was supposed to be ) Credit where credit's due, though, the cocaine for smurfs comment did make me laugh aloud

Well, I just won three votes without knowing why. Were they won by default? Usually when someone puts a comment after a vote it mentions something about the story the vote was for, right? Maybe not? Am I just going crazy?

Hmm, I've always thought it's down to the voter  After all, some people just write names and no comments at all for winners or losers. I tend to focus on constructive criticism for people I don't vote for, for two reasons:

1. Many people want to improve their writing, so even if they don't get my vote, at least they know why.

2. Liking something, particularly in terms of writing, is so subjective that it's often very difficult to pin down why I like something. For example, I don't know what it was about your entry that made me think it had the best atmosphere, as there wasn't any one sentence that magically jumped out and created one. I just know that in general terms, I felt like your story had a better atmosphere overall. Someone else will probably disagree with me entirely.

Default is a bit misleading, though, as to me it carries overtones of "I thought the other story was terrible so I have no choice but to vote for this one," which really wasn't the case here.

That said, now you mention it and rereading my post again, I do see your point. I'll edit it tonight when I get home, but for the moment I'll just say that none of your votes were won by default 

[Best Character:]

For once, The Squid and I got our votes in quickly!

Best Character: Baron with Comrade Gruff. Although I enjoyed Mandle's story, I felt that the characters lacked any real distinct voices.
Best Plot: Mandle. I found Baron's entry more confusing than entertaining, like I'd just read an extract from the middle of a novel instead of a short story. What were they supposed to be fighting against? There was no clear-cut enemy that I could see. Is this fantasy? Alternate future? You make contemporary references to Russia while talking about elves and dwarfs. Are the fantasy races Communist? What exactly is their problem? Basically, I was just left with too many questions and not enough answers. Mandle's entry was well-constructed, with a clear beginning, middle and - vital for this contest! - ending.
Best Atmosphere: Mandle. As I mentioned in my post below, I'm not sure exactly why, but this is a very subjective category.
Best Writing: This was a tough one, but I'm going to have to go with Baron. Both entries had parts that stood out, such as Mandle's wham line about burying Panda. I just felt that Baron's entry had more overall.
Best Ending: Mandle. I'm not sure how close it fits the prompt, since it seems more like a happy middle than ending, but I got what the main character was trying to convey. Again, no disrespect to Baron, but For the Cause didn't seem to have any kind of ending, happy or otherwise (just reread it to make sure). The two main characters do a bunch of random things with no reason given other than the Cause, which is never really explained. Then they fly away and we as readers don't know nearly enough about them to know if this is supposed to be a happy ending or a Villain-Wins (granted, though, Sinitrena didn't specify whose happy ending it was supposed to be ) Credit where credit's due, though, the cocaine for smurfs comment did make me laugh aloud

[Under the Sea]

My entry. I'm not too happy with it tbh - I had to write most of it in a hurry - but at least I got it done

Under the Sea

Dirnec sat down on a rock, rubbing his wrists irritably. It made no difference â€" the enchanted manacles wouldn't come off, not without the touch of free merfolk â€" but it made him feel like he was doing something.

Someone stirred in the very back of the cave where he was kept, and Dirnec glanced up.

"Something's different, isn't it?"

The cave's only other occupant, a golden-haired, golden-tailed mermaid, didn't react in any way. Dirnec hadn't expected her to. He didn't even know the name of his fellow slave; she'd been captured before him as a trophy slave and concubine to the royal family, and never spoke a word that he'd heard.

She was the only companion he had, however, and Dirnec had grown rather fond of her over the years. There had been times when she'd seemed on the verge of speaking, only to regress to silence after being summoned to the prince's chambers.

"Yeah." Dirnec looked at the cave entrance. There was a feeling in the ocean, a subtle undercurrent of excitement that had been building for some time. "Think it's war?"

Meruna â€" Dirnec had given her that name shortly after their first meeting, not knowing what else to call her â€" wilted in her chains.

"Right. Sorry. They took you during a war, didn't they?" They'd taken him in a different war, but that hadn't been nearly so bad; he'd been too young to be much use and so they'd just chained him down here and forgotten about him in pursuit of stronger, adult merfolk.

This couldn't be a war, though, or they'd have heard the screaming by now. As he watched, a shadow appeared in the mouth of the cave and Meruna retreated, hiding her face in the wall. A mermaid swam in, sat down on the rock, buried her face in her hands and burst into tears.

Dirnec's breath quickened a little. This was the chance he'd been waiting for; a free mermaid who wasn't an overseer.

In the formal dialect, he asked softly, "My mistress, why do you weep?"

The mermaid raised her head to fix him with a cold stare, but Dirnec had kept his eyes respectfully low and his voice meek.

"You are addressing the princess of the Orthalom clan. My father has ordered me to marry the prince of this clan to try and broker peace between us. Tonight is the first day of our three-day nuptial feast."

Hope leaped in Dirnec so fast that he was afraid the princess could see him quivering. So that's it! A royal wedding. If he played this right...

"And my mistress's fiance has to drape the chain over your wrist to symbolize your union." Dirnec smiled once, slowly, but never raised his eyes. "I can help, if my mistress pleases."

"How?"

"If my mistress will be good enough to obtain a jar of fat, all she need do is cover her wrists with it and she will soon find her worries disappear."

The princess stared at him, then turned away without another word and swam off.

After several moments, Meruna drifted over to Dirnec, the faintest frown on her face.

"You're not from around here, right?" Dirnec said. "Prenuptial ceremonies last three days in these clans. There's a new ritual every day to symbolize the bond between husband and wife. If they all fail, the marriage is annulled."

The frown deepened, and Meruna opened her mouth, then closed it again slowly.

"We help her, she helps us," Dirnec elaborated. "Tomorrow night, they have to hold hands, and the night after that, they embrace. If we get her out of this, maybe she'll get us out of this."

Meruna looked away sharply, biting her lip.

"Oh, she will," Dirnec reiterated. Glancing at the exit, he smiled. "I'm sure of it."

In spite of his confidence, the rest of the day and night passed without any word from the princess. It wasn't until the following evening that she swam back, biting her lip, a frown on her face.

As soon as he saw her, Dirnec bowed deeply. "My mistress. May I ask if last night was successful?"

"It was," she replied distractedly, "but I am concerned about this evening."

Dirnec smiled. "If my mistress pleases, there is a simple solution to this, and one that may be found right here in this cave."

He swam over to a clump of coral polyps on the wall, picked the biggest one and brought it over to the princess.

"If my mistress will only eat this, she will find her worries disappear."

The princess made no move to take it. "What is it?"

"A simple medicine to raise one's temperature." That part was true enough, as Dirnec had found out to his cost as a merboy. "Your fiance won't be able to come near you, let alone touch you, unless he wants his hands to blister in front of him."

When the princess still didn't move, Dirnec dared to place it on the rock next to her. "However, it takes time to work. I would recommend my mistress eat it now."

She picked it up, turned it over and over in her hands, then bit into it, shuddering at the bitter taste as she gulped rather than swallowed.

Dirnec raised his eyes, smiling a little. Game on.

The princess frowned suddenly, touching her forehead. "What..."

She turned to stare at him through suddenly vacant eyes, and Dirnec straightened up fully, his smile broadening.

"How does it feel?"

She shook her head hard. "I...I don't...dizzy..." The princess attempted to draw herself up and drifted sideways instead, catching hold of the cave wall. "I..."

Dirnec caught hold of her as she fell forward and thanked every ancestral spirit that there was no overseer around to see him holding a free person. "Maybe you should sit down."

She blinked hard, noting the shift from formal speech to the more casual dialect but unable to form the words to chastise him.

"You. Have to. Carry Me. To. Palace," she managed.

Dirnec grinned over her shoulder at Meruna, who had swum forward and was watching them intently. "I would, but..." He rattled the manacles with a shrug.

With a shaking hand, the princess touched the gem in the center of Dirnec's chest. The manacles opened and fell away and she seized him, digging her nails into his shoulders hard enough to draw blood.

"Now! Take me. Palace!"

Dirnec ran his hands along her arms, holding her, then smiled and pushed her away.

"No. No, I don't think I will."

She stared at him, then tried to lunge forward, only to be brought up short by the same manacles that had imprisoned Dirnec for so many years and which he'd slipped around her wrists.

"I'm. Princess!"

"Yeah, it'll probably spark off a war when your clan sees you're down in the slaves' cave," Dirnec agreed as he swam behind her to free Meruna, who clung to him and buried her face in his shoulder. "But we'll be long gone by the time that happens. Your clan will free you and your marriage will definitely be off now, and we will get out and start a new life, without you."

The princess yanked wildly at the chains. "They'll. Recognize-"

"I doubt that," Dirnec said pleasantly as he and Meruna swam over to the exit. "This is a wedding, remember? Nobody knows everybody at these things. Oh, and don't worry about the effects of the polyp. They're rather unpleasant, but not fatal. You'll be fine in a week or so."

The princess tried to scream, but her tongue suddenly seemed too large for her mouth. Dirnec took one last look over his shoulder at her, then swam away to freedom with Meruna.

Still going but please can we have an extra 24 hours? I'm about 2/3 of the way through my entry, but it's getting on for midnight here and I have to be up early tomorrow.

If you give me until Monday, the Squid and I promise to deliver something New Year's a very busy time here in Japan; my husband and I have only just got back from visiting family, who live a long way away

Poor Squid. The Squid always gets blamed.

And the Squid can't even defend himself. 

Well, if the poem Ode to a Zlang-Zlang Squid is to be believed, the Squid does have one defense mechanism; anyone who kills and eats him dies of spontaneous combustion. Which, now that I think about it, is more of a revenge mechanism than a defense one, but over years it has ensured his species is kept off the menu (It's also given him a bit of an attitude problem, but people love him anyway )

I love the graphic by the way; I'm saving it

[Best Character:]

Well, for what it's worth, here are my votes and feedback and a HUGE apology for the delay! Blame the time difference. And maybe the Squid...

Best Character: I'm going with Grace. I felt she was a bit of a caricature, but she was the most interesting, so Sinitrena!
Best Fake: jahnocli. Grace's use of autotune and her bribing a hacker to turn it off remotely doesn't fall into the same level as grabbing a dead man, completely faking his identity and going to a lot of trouble to fool the enemy. And succeeding.
Best Plot: Sinitrena. Jahnocli's was interesting, but it wasn't so much a plot as a condensed history lesson. I enjoyed it - I'm a sucker for history, particularly the narrative sort - but it didn't strike me as a story in its own right so much as 'this is how they did it.'
Best Writing: Both were good, but I'm going to have to go with Sinitrena. The double-fake was a very clever idea and despite Grace being such an unsympathetic character, I really felt for her. I would have liked to see a bit more of the aftermath - maybe with Grace and her mother - but that's a very minor nitpick.
The Fake Vote: I'm taking this to mean best overall, and so it's going to be Sinitrena.

Sometimes I wonder what makes people read and vote in this competition. It doesn't seem to be the length or number of entries (with the exception of the fact that people who enter also tend to vote... (wink wink nudge nudge jahnocli  )), or the time people actually have to vote.

WAAH! I'm so sorry; Squid and I really meant to vote, but things have been crazy-busy right now (For me, lack of reading and voting is more due to endless procrastination because of work; "It's 1AM, so I'll do it tomorrow. It's 2.30AM, I'll do it tomorrow. I still have 4 days to vote!" etc )

[WHAM]

There is a rule, if you refer to this forum (Competitions and Activities) specifically. See here.

Okay, thanks I did wonder.

And now, my thoughts:

WHAM: I really loved reading your entry; it was believable with a little humor scattered through. The only comment I would make is that, like Sinitrena, I wish you'd written about the meeting with the dog at the end as that would have made it perfect for me. I'd certainly read more of this story if you do decide to post it.

jahnocli: The characters had their own distinct voices and you did a good job of portraying the relationship between them, but I felt your entry read more like a snippet than an actual story. I think the online gambling made the whole thing a little jarring.

Sinitrena: Your writing was excellent as always, but I have to agree with WHAM that it was a little too Harry Potter-ish. I did like the twist at the end where Kessy decides to stick with the humans instead of returning home

Baron: The writing was good, but it wasn't quite my style. I like random and humor, but I felt that your story took it a little too far for me to enjoy it. That said, there was one sentence that really made me grin:

Toad half-heartedly tried to squeeze his mass through the crack, but ended up looking more like someone had tried to plaster over the crack with a wad of warty goo.

Brilliant imagery

BUT! It's not up to me or The Squid who wins; it's up to all of you guys! So, without further ado, I present (drumroll please!)

The RESULTS!

First place goes to Baron, who gets to take home the gold DNA trophy with a whopping 7 votes!


Second place and the silver DNA trophy goes to WHAM, with 4 votes:


And finally, squeaking into third place with one vote, the winner of the bronze DNA trophy, jahnocli!


So, looks like the next contest admin will be Baron!

Okay, first place is pretty much decided, but second place could change and we have a tie for third place! I'm still waiting for Baron to vote or any other last-minute votes from other people, but if that doesn't happen soon I'll go ahead and close this round...

However, your wish may be granted at a later date, as I am quite fond of this little tale and may expand upon it outside of the competition.

I keep meaning to ask; is there any rule against posting your own creative works in this forum? It mostly seems to be the same old contests, so I thought starting a topic to get feedback on things like writing wasn't allowed. Anyone able to shed some light on this?

You have until November 14 to get those votes in!

Gah!  I'll never make it in time!

The fact that voting closed with the contest is no excuse! There are such things as TARDISes (TARDISii?) after all
(But seriously, thanks for pointing that out! I've fixed it and you've now got until November 18 )

[An Alliance]

Aaaand we're done! The Squid and I hereby declare this contest CLOSED FOR VOTING!

To sum it up, the entries are:

An Alliance by WHAM
A fox knows many things... by jahnocli
Ice-cream by Sinitrena
Leave No Stoner Unturned by Baron

Categories are:

Most Convincing Protagonist: Is the main character believable as a non-human? Even Wind in the Willows pulled this off; despite interacting with humans on a more-or-less equal basis, Mole and Badger both lived underground, and Rat lived in a hole by the river bank.
Best Story: How good was the story? Did it make you believe in the world the writer created?
Best Writing: Even the best story ideas need a strong turn of phrase

You have until November 18 to get those votes in! And with four entrants but only three prizes up for grabs (trophies coming soon, I promise!) every vote counts. Vote, vote, vote!

Has he/she/it swum away again? I don't see it. (Can't remember where I read it but it seems that every time you change something on your profile, the avatar disappears, which is slightly annoying but easy to keep in mind.)

Fixed! Thanks for your help; the Squid is now back, hopefully for good.
(I think the Squid is a he, but I'm not sure The Squid is very reticent on the matter...)