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I would deport anybody who did not pledge allegience to Point and Clicks. I would then IMPORT everybody who DID pledge allegience. Then I would downgrade everybody to a 486pc. I would then kidnap Tim Schafer, Ron Gilbert, Dave Grossman, Sean Purcell and Peter Chan... if they hadn't already pledged allegience... and develop Triple Fine.

I would release all games in cardboard boxes that smelled delightfully of cardboard.

And I would legalize jaywalking.

I would make it illegal for anybody to make a video game with more than 256 colours, except for the Elite Few. I would ban Stupid Invaders and Escape from Delirium. I would finish Teen Agent, and make it mandatory to have played all Lucasarts adventure games from Grim Fandango and prior that. I would have one class per school day dedicated to AGS, and one class per school day dedicated to Video
Games. I would make all other classes about cheese and good times. I would lower the price of Ink Cartridges!!!

I would make Home and Away run all week, including Saturdays and Sundays, with no holiday break. It would run once at lunchtime, and once at Dinner time. In between, Futurama and Simpsons and Buffy would play. Buffy would be tricked into signing a contract for more episodes.

Every family would have a PC and cable or faster connection.

Bitches executed on the spot.

Losers deported to Australia.

Australians deported to some place where they could make TV shows all day long.

And finally, all people have a choice between a number of pets but it is illegal to own any animal not on the following list:

Goat,
Dog,
Cat,
Manatee,
Sheep,
Horse,
Donkey,
Turkey,
Duck.

These must only be kept as pets and may not be eaten or kept in freezers.

Everybody knows it's actually Maria who's running California now. And she is using this as an opportunity to get her kids to run for president.

EDIT: The Governor of California is so cool in his new movie!!! Especially the part where he blows the girls head off and says, "Now I shit down your neck!" and then and then....

Seriously, uh, does he remind anybody else of Duke Nukem!?

Governor of California 2003-?: Duke Nukem.

DOUGH , the stuff that buys my beer,
RAY, the guy that sells me beeeeeer,
ME, the guy that drinks the beer,
FAR, the distance to my beeeeeeer,

SO, I think I'll have a beer,
LA, la la la la la beer,
TEA, no thanks I'm drinking beeeeeer,

That will bring us back to D'OH!

See, everybody thinks I'm insane for sniffing boxes. They think I'm hiding glue in there or something. But it's comforting. Gentle, gentle cardboard aromatics....

If I were you, I would open each box and deeply inhale the gorgeous odour of video game packaging.

I used to do that with my Monkey Island 1 and 2 boxes, even before I knew I was insane about those games. They were like a comfort blanket. DOTT smelled a bit bitter to be comforting. MI1 had a nice woody smell, and MI2 was gorgeous and cardboardy and sweet.

Honest. Try it. It's really good.

Sniff MI1.

Sniff it.

Isn't it relaxing?

Dudes.

Bill Clinton was great. His woman-chasing antics did not affect the way he governed America. You had 8 years of tranquility. He was a bloody good President. Bush is a two-faced lizard-president, according to popular conspiracy theorists. But seriously, I don't trust that man as far as I could throw Manhatten.

As for Arnie, well maybe he gropes women. Maybe he did drugs or whatever Arnie does in his spare time. But is that going to stop him from governing California properly? Is he going to be too busy with breasts to sign in new whatever-it-is-he-needs-to-sign-ins? Is he going to have too few hands to fondle AND work at the same time? Is he going to have too little time to govern while he gropes? Will his one-time-steroid-enhanced muscles fit into the arms of his good business jacket???

I know these people should set good examples and crap, but it really isn't going to make them a better or worse governer. In fact, I think it's a pretty good thing you have a Governer that knows about the bees and the birds, because it's going to make him all the wiser as a governing-dude.

Arnie may not be the best choice, but time will tell whether he's a better Governer than he is Actor. And you'd better hope he is.

Maybe it's a female thing... we find it harder to connect with other females? Or maybe males write unrealistic female models that we can't connect with? And how many times can I say "connect with" in one thread? Is there an alternative phrase I could use? I'm starting to get dizzy. Is it the end of the world?

I've noticed a lot more females with this whole connectivity (is that even a word?) problem.  

Maybe it has something to do with the WAY we connect. I noticed that a lot of girls tend to have this thing where... oh god. They think they can CHANGE a guy. Notice girls always like bad guys like Spike from Buffy, because they think they can change them. Even I'm guilty of this. My second boyfriend was... well, and I thought.... ANYWAY.

Do males tend to perhaps look at characters on a more simple basis as in, "He's a good guy" or "He's a bad guy", (Okay not THIS shallow but you get my drift, hopefully.)  and females perhaps tend to look at it differently IE., "He's a bad guy, but he's just a poor confused young man who needs to be loved" or "He's a good guy, he just, er, needs a hug."

OR...

Maybe we just like simple, easy to read characters? Most males are written as pretty open and honest guys, whereas girls tend to be more complicated.

I'd have to take the Final Fantasy games as an example... I found myself loving Rinoa because she was a little bit mischevious, happy, open and outgoing. I liked Squall because I knew he was good REALLY, he was just lonely or whatever. In FF...the next one, I liked Zidane because he was mischevious and happy and outgoing, and I liked Eiko because she was naughty. I didn't like Irvine because of his face.

Or something, I really don't know what I'm talking about at all. I'm just really interested to see how the genders react to characters.

Hmmm...

Maybe I'm wrong in saying "harder to connect with". It seems most people connect with female characters... which is odd, because I always found it the hardest, and I know people who also find it hard.

Maybe the word I'm looking for is "sympathise". Is it easier to sympathise with male heroes, or heroes that are portrayed as childlike/clumsy?

I guess this thread should be renamed "What makes a likable character..."

Colossal, I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying completely. This isn't a whiney "there are no girls in games!" thread. I'm saying that it's harder to connect with female characters. Mentally. It's harder to feel the same level of affection for a female character as it is to feel for say, Guybrush or Ben Throttle or whatever.

PERHAPS this is because of the way they are often the characters that need rescuing, or PERHAPS it is because they usually appear more formal than the player character.

There's a question for you Yufster... if guys make games for guys with guys in them how come Roberta Williams' 10 or so games mostly feature guys as the main character? Cause she bought into the whole men are strong deal and couldn't compete with a female character in a "Man's" world or cause she was trying to tell a story?

See, you're getting me wrong. ¬¬ I'm not saying that anybody is making games that are sexist or whatever.  I'm merely saying it's HARDER TO IDENTIFY WITH FEMALE CHARACTERS.

Perhaps you should read a bit more carefully before leaping down anybodies throat again.  Â¬_¬

Ah yeah, Another World.... But I don't think it was really a sequel, was it? More an ELABORATION, or something. They weren't really the same game at all.

As for 11th hour... I don't think that was a sequel either. But I do remember thinking it was incredibly funny. So bad it was in fact, hilarious.

I like her. She seems a bit unusual, or something.

Does anybody else think that the cop from Silent Hill 1 is the SPLITTING IMAGE OF CAMERON DIAZ?!??

PP: With games such as RE, the females are obviously gonna have less strength as the males... however, I don't see why this explains them running around in stupid mini skirts/hot pants/boob tubes/whatever else they find nessecary in a fight against evil.

Oh my god something just fell from the ceilling, on to my head, bounced on to the floor and scuttled under the bed. And this Macaroni Cheese is disgusting.

Anyway, I think part of the difficulty in connected could maybe be due to the... blegh. Well, Guybrush always kinda reckoned he was pretty goodlooking, right? But in reality he was running round in a coat a few sized too big... generally pretty scruffy. Same with the DOTT team, and S+M, etc.. They were scruffy, and this sort of made them more casual and therefore easier to connect with.

Most female leads tend to be smarter dressed, right? Better groomed. Nice hair, nice shoes, nice clothes, pretty walk. Perhaps this makes them slightly more formal, and in our minds makes them more closed and harder to connect with?

Just a theory. What do you think?

I don't know. It sort of pissed me off.

Is the box shiney, Mark? Is it sexy? Is it a sexy box? Is it too big to fit through my mail slot?

Because dude, I wouldn't want the postman to leave it on the doorstep so it gets all wet with rain or anything.

I have to admit they must be the only adventure games I've never played. I've never heard of Syberia and as for Longest Journey.... it wouldn't run on XP

But my point is, that even when we DO see female heroes, they're harder to CONNECT to on a personal level. Harder to sympathise with and understand. Like if a girl took the role of Guybrush, we'd probably just see her as a stupid blonde, instead of a clumsy, lovable hero.

What am I saying!?? LBAII kicked ass! Not just any ass, but TEH ass!!! TEH!!!! 0mg 0mg 0mg!!!! LBAII! Man, do I love LBAII!!!!

And, er, you? What?

EDIT: Meh. I changed the thread a bit. Basically, what do you think builds a strong and likable character, one that you can connect to as a player and sympathise with?

Great. Only I will say one thing...

Vel... "Critics do not mean to offend anybody..."

BAH! Critics should strive to offend and disgust! Critics should be heartless bastards! Critics and Journalists and Lawyers are all from the same family, Vel!


EDIT: Oh, yeah, you need any articles/interviews/anything at all, give a shout, I'd be happy to help.

[Flashback]

Let's not forget the highly anticipated Metal Gear Solid II (Actually, the PS1 MG was also a sequel to the NES version....) and the MANY, MANY Final Fantasy Games, each more highly anticipated than the last... even if 10 DID suck liquid crap... Devil May Cry II... Uh.... other games.....

Sometimes they just don't work though.

Take for the following golden examples:

Flashback
A great platform game where you star as Conrad Hart, trying to get off an alien planet or something. Featured great graphics, loads of new and interesting locations and some other stuff, probably. Like cool music.
Flashback II: Fade to Black
OOooo, what happened, Delphine? You fucked up this time! Who would have guessed nobody wanted to see 200 different ways of the player character dying? Looks like you spent too much time focusing on how the player could FUCK UP! So you forgot the ending, huh?

Alone in the Dark
Completely spinechilling, it messed with your head. This was in a time before things crashing through windows were mandatory in ALL games. AitD was the first survival horror game, so things jumping out of shadows and creaking floorboards... they really did freak you out. The only complaint I have against this game is that if you chose the female player character, it meant hobbling along on high heels, and going, "Eeek!" every time you kicked something. Inevitably, you would miss what you were kicking, because you were a girl.
Alone in the Dark 2
Did anybody ever even play this? Because if you did, you may have leprosy.

7th Guest
This Game Sucked
7th Guest 2
There is a reason there was never a sequel.

Keen 1-4
Yay! Keen!
Keen 5-6
My EYES, my goddamn EYES, you BASTARDS.

Little Big Adventure
Oh little big adventure! I'll never get tired of Little Big Adventure!
Little Big Adventure: The Next One, with the Aliens
I hate myself.

Now, while a Grim Fandango 2 COULD work... it's Tims baby, and it's not gonna take the bottle for anybody else. So that's why I say NAY!!! Let's not add it to the list of Great Games with Crap Sequels. Let it remain forever immortal. If anybody else mentions that I haven't played it, I'll snap their necks.  

Hang on... wait....

Wasn't there a Grim Fandango 2 planned anyway? I remember hearing about it at the same time as Sam n Max2 and Full Throttle 2. Was it cancelled? They planned MI5 and Grim Fandango 2, I'm sure of it.

Anyway. I'll talk about Psychonauts as much as I want, thank you very much. In fact, I think I'll talk about it right now. Psychonauts! Psychonauts!!! PSYCHONAUTS!!!!!

SS => I haven't played it, I heard it was great though. But I don't like when people create sequels to perfectly good games/movies/whatever. Especially when they do it without the old people on the team. Look at MI for example. After playing MI4, I almost wish they'd just left it at MI3.

Besides, Lucasarse need to get original some time. I hate starwars. If I didn't hate it before, I do hate it now. I hate it! Ahhh! Everything Lucasarse knocks out is star wars!!!! Recently they tried to do another few adventure games. It's been a really slow and lame attempt so far. I mean S+M2 is hardly original, but I guess if they're gonna risk their necks with adventure games, they'll risk their necks with tried and tested formulas. Full Throttle 2 was never gonna work without certain people on the team.

I don't want any more sequels of ANYthing!!! Ahhh.