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The Pick Of Destiny?

Brother Ponch.

Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?

I believe that it all depends on how they dress.
There is a fine line between Sexy and slutty.

Slutty? Cows are the classiest of God's creatures. Didn't you know that? Old school cool, baby!

I trust this makes things clear for Baron as well (who really ought to get that looked at).

Dear Moving Thread AGS Doctor,

I spent the last several hours laughing at someone on the AGS forums who, as it turns out, only wanted to help other people. I now realize my error. Should I feel bad or continue to pervert the purpose of this thread?

Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?

P

Happy birthday, Kconan!

Six people entered. But only three people have voted. It's like some sort of Thunderdome involving fractions and lowest common denominators.

Come on, AGS Community! You're better than this! You're better than math! Now get in there and vote!

I have no feeling at all in the pinky finger on my left hand and it's been this way since I wrecked my motorcycle in 1995. The doctors give me the "blah blah permanent nerve damage blah blah" thing. But I don't see why someone aspiring AGSer couldn't write a module or a plug-in to fix it. Also I'm getting gray hair in my beard. And won't someone please look at Baron's toe? It's gross and it's scaring the children. 

1) Stupot (2.42 votes)
2) Kconan (2.37 votes)
3) Chef! (1.21 votes)

(I was going to do a "solve for x" joke for my votes, but it turns out I hate math too much to go that far for a joke. ). Also, these are some of the best entries we've had in a while. I wish I could have given everyone a fraction of a vote! 

Calculus is fun!

Life isn't easy when you're microscopically tiny. And if you happen to be one of a cluster of prototype nanomachines assigned a thankless and high-pressure task, it doesn't get any easier.

HPR-SMU 0361a sighed deeply, more than you might think a teeny robot would be capable of. He paused briefly (1.2 picoseconds) in his work, as he so often did at this point in his daily operational cycle.

"I could be curing cancer in some unfortunate little kid. Or repairing the spinal cord of a man so that he could dance at his daughter's wedding some day in the future. Heck, I could be be helping a dumb but loveable dog in getting that crayon he ate to go on its way and find a path back to the outside world and daylight.... But no... I have to do this all day long."

0361a sighed again.

"Oh well, at least I get to spend all day out on the strand, soaking up the sun light." (Which was good since he derived 55.621% of his power from his tiny solar cells). "I shouldn't complain. I could be one of those poor bastards down on the surface, joint deep in oils and whatnot."

He shuddered microscopically at the thought.

"There but for the grace of Dedicated Sub-Routines go I."

A gentle breeze blew through his tiny world, making the strand he clung to drift about slightly. Smells from out in the large world passed over him, but he couldn't smell them. Probably best that way.

"Honey? You up there?"

The voice of 0361b came up from below, surprisingly nasal despite the distance and the utter lack of a nose. It was the kind of voice that had sounded cute in the beginning of their relationship, but now it grated on him more often that he liked.

"Honey?"

Another sigh, deeper than before.

"You up there?"

"Yes." Careful to keep the words from sounding clipped. "I'm up here, puddin' pop. At work. What do you need?"

"Just wanted to remind you about our dinner plans tonight."

Dinner plans? He quickly indexed his memory files. What dinner plans?

"What dinner plans are you talking about, sugar doodle?"

"We're having that nice couple over. The ones from SMU. Remember?"

SMU, he thought to himself. I don't know anyone in scalp management unit. And why would I want a bunch of strangers in my follicle on a week night?

"Who are you talking about, honey bunches?"

"The 248s, dear. We met them at the supermarket last week, remember?"

"You met them, sweetums."

"But I told you all about them. You know that."

He loved her very much, but arguing with her about something once she had her mind set on it was like trying to talk to a GOTO statement.

Another even deeper sigh.

"Sure. Fine. But why on a work night, angel kisses? You know how I am after a long day of keeping this transplanted hair strand in good condition. You know he spends his money on everything but good shampoo."

"It was your idea!" She was giving this the hard sale, that was for sure. But she'd overshot the mark.

"Want to try that one again, pooh bear?" It was a rare opportunity to catch her in an overreach.

"Ummm... Welll..." Uncertain. He savored it. "It was our idea, I guess."

"Uh huh. And when did we have this idea, sweetie?"

"Last night. After the news. About 2330 cycles, I suppose." Unexpectedly on the defensive, her voice was almost like a child's.

I fucking knew it, he thought to himself. His grippers clutched the strand so tightly they threatened to undo all the work of the last 70 cycles. Mustn't sound like I'm gloating or I won't be able to use this moment against her in the future, he cautioned himself.

"Cookie bits, you know I go into sleep mode at 2300 cycles. I'm solar powered, don't forget."

"I thought you were awake, I swear." A hint of challenge underneath her words. She was willing to take this one to the mat. Over pride? Not sure yet.

"Honey..." he warned.

"I did! How am I supposed to tell when you're asleep and when you just don't want to talk to me. I can't tell the difference when you get all grouchy and grumpy."

Sigh.

"Cupcake, we've been through this. We agreed on this. Conversations we have when only one of us is awake don't count. We agreed."

"I won't take the blame for you being grouchy!"

Ssssiiiiiiiigghhhhhhhh.

A long pause.

...

A longer pause.

"I've already cleaned the house... and set the table." The words were hopeful but also conciliatory. They'd hash this out later.

"What time are they going to be here, boo bunny?"

"1800 cycles. They can't wait to meet you. I've told them how important your work is."

"We're all part of the same nanomachine cluster, pookums. We're all working on the same project."

"Yes. But they're scalp maintenance, like me. You're out on one of the actual hair strands. The whole world can see your work."

"I love you for saying it, pookie. But don't over sell it to them, okay? It's not like I know the guy or anything. I just keep his hair plugs looking good. Me and a million other nanobots."

Now it was her turn to sigh. It carried up from below like an adorable little breeze.

"Would you take a little pride in your work tonight? For them? ... For me?" The love and devotion in her tone was unmistakable.

He felt himself warm just a little and he dearly hoped it was affection and not his heat sink beginning to fail.

"All right, honey. For you. But don't lead them into believing that I know him or anything. He's the vice president of the United States, but I'm just a humble nanobot."

"Good! We'll all have a great time. You'll see. And don't forget to go to the store and pick up a pack of iSteaks. And no cheap cuts. We're having company."

"The store? But I'm all the way up here. Can't you do it?"

"You said you would. Last night, remember?"

Sigh.

why are there fans of cutesy cartoons that want to make dark and sad--or even gore-filled--fics of something that's supposed to be for little kids?

I agree! Who would do such a thing to a pony... or a cow?
(I've never forgiven Frito for this )

But as far as the question goes, I quite enjoy, shall we say 'adult' versions of children's shows.

Shame on you, Stupot! I'm simply shocked beyond belief by you and your scandalously insatiable appetite for naked lesbian pictures of Ahsoka Tano, the ever so slightly underage heroine of The Clone Wars. That's a kid's show! Why are you even watching it? And why are you leaving your sordid search history all over my poor copy of Firefox? Leave me out of this, Stu!

I'm ashamed of all of you!

- Ponch
____________
(Bonus cow cosplay by Ghost! )

Happy Mother's Day, Kweepa!

Bookmarking this spot in the hopes that I'll finish my story in time...

Happy ddq-day, Ascovel. 

Sure she's young and popular, interesting in a quirky way and fun to be around.  But where is she when your cornea gets scuffed and you have to wear an eye-patch around?  That's right: out partying with the other boys, while you are left to wallow in your own self-nursing!

Hmmm... Suddenly feeling guilty about something that was not at all my fault... 

"I, SexBot: An Adventure In Unprotected Ports" a new novel coming soon from Ponch. 

Congrats, everyone. If I hadn't scratched my cornea, I would have happily entered this contest. But alas, I could not look at the computer screen for more than a few minutes for more than a week. 

Also, how is a free copy of X-Com getting passed around like an old shoe? The mind boggles! 

Nice mini-cast. But surely Bogans allowed opportunities for the full podcast experience that your listening audience craves! 

I vote Chef! It was quite a story he cooked up. 

One week left...Hoping for an entry from Ponch   

Sadly, I have nothing to enter this time around. Cool theme, though.

Happy b-day, Intense Degree.