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[Salty Sam!]

Straight from the spare bedroom where he hosts his daily radio talk show, please welcome the saltiest of all salty sailors...


Salty Sam!

Clad in his denim jeans and his denim shirt, he also sports a totally fake hook on his hand (he thinks it lends him credibility). Today he's interviewing Mr Cheeses, the mouse who was rescued from a life on the docks by Oceanspirit Dennis and now travels the world as a trusted companion aboard The Fancyman. The heartwarming tale is told in Mr. Cheeses' new book "Dennis and Me: The Big Adventures of a Small Mouse" (which he is on the show to plug).


Salty Sam was created by Atelier (although this is the first time he's been shown). Mr Cheeses was created by Ben304.

the great OceanSpirit Dennis subtly hints at forthcoming activities.

Hmmm... I'm not sure I follow you.

And everyone seems to have ignored the fact that I gave Dennis the worst teeth possible when I originally drew him

What on earth are you talking about? Just look at this example from my last OSD game...



Look at poor Dennis! What a mouthful of terrible, misaligned teeth! Crooked, several fillings prominently visible, and (if you would take the time to look closely) just a hint of gingivitis.

Ray, on the other hand -- Look at those rows of perfect pearly whites. Now there's a man who obviously had parents who were willing to spend the money to put braces on their kid's teeth. Plus (and I don't think Ray would mind me pointing this out), he's clearly had them whitened. Teeth don't normally gleam that brightly, now do they?

Feel free to slam the efforts of other, lesser fans of OSD, Mr. 304. But don't lump us all into the same "uncaring about canon" category just to make things more convenient for yourself, sir. That's not the behavior of a gentleman!

Good day to you, sir!*

- Ponch
----------------------------
* I said good day!

And ddq, it's not Dennis' fault that methadone is such a poor substitute for heroin. He's doing the best he can, man!

Hmmm... Upon closer inspection, I'm not completely sure this voting was entirely on the up and up. 

Congrats to Domithan on his win. I can't remember the last time someone got so many votes!

This opens the door to revive all the old competitions! Chaos and bedlam are sure to ensue! 

That Dennis is the most adorable Dennis ever!

It's 115 by my count.

That's the spirit! If you're going to steal an election, steal as blatantly as possible! 

Time to vote for Domithan!

Now that's three for Domithan! 

Domithan!

Domithan!

Good choice, Domithan!

So that's two for Domithan! He's out to an early lead! 

(Seriously, vote for Domithan. His story is better! (and I don't have any ideas for a new competition.)

[Ponch]

Time to vote!

Ponch or Domithan

Domithan!

Haha yes, I loved it! 

Then write one of your own! It only takes ten minutes! Do it! DO IT NOW!!!

[again!]

Focus. Just focus. Don't panic.

He wasn't entirely successful in doing either of those things.

Bad. This is bad.

An understatement.

The boss only asks one thing of me. Just one thing. All I have to do is keep my eye on them and make sure nothing happens to them until someone comes along and claims them. How hard is that? How in the world could anyone screw up something that simple?

It had been easier than it looked.

There were three the last time he looked. Three. He had even counted them. Twice.

One. Two. Three.

But now there were only two.

One. Two. Damn it! Try again. One. Two. ... One. Two. ... Shit! Where could the third one have wandered off to? It was right here. RIGHT HERE! All I did was turn my back for just a minute and then suddenly there were only two. ... One. Two. ... Backwards this time. Two. One. ... Damn it! Still two!

When the boss found out, she would be pissed. He was going to be sacked for sure! How could he have screwed up like this? And where had that little one gone? Wherever it was, it certainly wasn't here. And here was where it was supposed to be. Here. Not out there... Somewhere.

What am I going to do? She's going to ask me any second now to account for them. And what will she do when I can't do that?

His mind was racing fast. Faster than it ever had before. He feared he might black out. Then it came to him all at once. A flash of divine inspiration that made the world suddenly leap into focus.

I'll tell her there were only two! Only ever two!

She'll never suspect it! All this time, I've only ever been honest with her. She doesn't know how many I had. SHE. DOESN'T. KNOW.

It was so perfect he wondered why no one had ever thought to do it before. This would solve all his problems. Maybe forever! Who knows how far he could take this idea.

My life is about to get so much easier!

But wait... What if someone came around, asking about the one that went missing. Or what if it came back suddenly? Then what would he do?

I'll lie again! It will work! IT HAS TO WORK!!!

Suddenly, she was there! Crossing the room, walking towards him. This was it! The moment of truth!

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

"Ah morning, the best part of the day." she said, quite nonchalantly.

So that was her game! Small talk! Conversation of no consequence to get him to lower his guard. She knew! Or she suspected!

"Nothing inspires me quite like the fresh morning air," she said airily, to no one at all. He began to sweat bullets.

Play it cool. Just play it cool. She can't prove anything! It'll be her word against yours!

Out of sight, where she couldn't see, he readied the police on speed dial.

"Good morning Annie." He offered it with such casual pleasantness a passerby would never suspect the mental chess game going on inside this room.

"Good morning Messagebot." Even more pleasantly. Innocent. That's the word they would surely use in the police report. What sort of crime scene was about to unfold here? What was her game?

I've got to turn the tables on her! Show her that I can play hardball too. I'm not the only one going to prison today, Annie!

"What do you mean by "inspires", Annie?" He asked it with as much naive sincerity as he could manage.

Either both of us are leaving this room alive... Or neither of us are!

"Doesn't the fresh morning air give you all sorts of exciting ideas?"

"Ideas are delivered from HQ annie, you know that." Ha! And you know what else is delivered from HQ? Cars filled with policebots! She had to back down! She had to! Couldn't she see the collision course they were both on?

They exchanged small talk for a few more moments. But he knew the longer they talked the more likely he was to slip up. He had to force her hand. Make her play by his rules!

It all comes down to this.

"I have new messages for you, Annie."

Now it was out there, hanging in the air between them like a floating hand grenade made of honest mistakes, sweaty desperation, sensible self-interest and damnable lies.

How is this going to end, Annie? Don't call my bluff! I'm not bluffing! Can't you see that?!? Save yourself... And save us both! DON'T BE A FOOL!!!

She paused for the briefest of moments. Was she thinking... weighing her options? She walked closer to the small table he sat on and the true horror of it dawned on him.

I don't have any arms! I can't fight back!

And worse!

I don't have any legs! I can't run away! Oh, what a foolish messagebot I've been. Trapped by my own hubris... And my immobility!

Here, at the end, it was all so obvious in retrospect. But he was committed to this course of action. Nothing to do now but see it through to the bitter end. He powered up his small LCD screen and, with the resolute spirit that only a man walking to the gallows can show, he set it to display "2".

She pushed the "Play All" button and he laid his cards on the table.


1) Are you sick and tired of being embarassed in front of your designated partner?
The shame can end right here, for just nine payments of eight thousand credits!
Visit Scambot's emporium and get your procreation unit upgraded today!

2) This is RoboHQ. We've sent Mailbot to your sector to deliver a message.


She deleted them both and went outside to meet the handsome mailbot.

Messagebot sat alone in the small house.

What happened? Why hadn't she unplugged him and chucked him in the bin? She had to know! There were supposed to be three messages! Three! She had to know! That Nigerian Princebot had chosen her to help him legally claim his money! He couldn't have just chosen Annie at random. And he was even willing to split the money with her, provided she would provide a little cash up front. It was such a deal! Did she not care? Didn't she want to help?

Or... Could it be... That she really didn't know how many messages were left for her every day?

Why... That would make me... useful! Incredibly useful!

Suddenly his life was filled with purpose.

Purpose... And thoughts of blackmail.

Hey ponch how is the OSD game you are making coming along?

It's almost done. But before I release that, I've got to finish the next Barn Runner game. And before I can do THAT, I need to figure out a way around my looming unemployment. One thing at a time, you know.

Who would have thought Butt Cheek Islands would be the subject of adolescent jokes? You have made a mockery of the Oceanspirit Dennis universe!

Oh noes! Now we'll never be the new RON!

I blame ProgZ for the whole mess. 

Ummm, guys, regarding my BG, that's not a geysir, nor a volcano, but a hastily-drawn campfire, as part of this screen's general "Monkey Island ripoff" motif.

We know. But ProgZ saw an opportunity to make a fart joke and the rest of us jumped on the bandwagon. 

For what it's worth, I've always had this notion that at the center of Butt Cheek Islands is a deep, dark well that hides the entrance to Dennis' secret lair. Something like this:



Although as geyser or tiny volcano would work just as well too.

And for the record, LPR first appeared on May 19.  8)

Ben:
Joke? JOKE?!? There's nothing funny about OSD, Ben. As the pioneer of the series, you should know that. Also, when can we expect a new OSD game from you? Seems to me like the time is ripe for another installment.

Limping:
We all know you were planning on doing that anyway. You're just using this great day as an excuse!

Oh my God! Is that Butt Cheek Islands?

THAT

IS

AWESOME!!!!

!!!

(!)

Thanks, Snarky. That made my day! 

Does that mean it was OSD day? No wonder I couldn't get my hair brushed flat today

I see what you did there!

(You know, in retrospect, I think we should have released the first OSD game on Talk Like A Pirate Day. Or would that have been too much awesomeness for one 24 hour period to contain?)

So Ocean Spirit Dennis is almost exactly the same age as the Con-Dem Coalition... Coincidence?

It's a plot, I tell you!!

It's is beings teh a condom plots?!? I will must do the Life Partner Ray tellings! Oceanspirit Dennis is does hates the wearings of thems!