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[The Story:]

The Story:

Once again Broderick's bad habits make a good excuse to drive people away. His girl Lauren is gone, but this time for good. And she don't want to be found. One day Broderick gets a call from Marty, a bartender, who keeps a local bar called Blue Note. Lauren has emerged, but she has locked herself in the bar's lavatory with silence.

When Broderick arrives at the Blue Note, several people have already tried to lure her out to no avail. They finally break in and find a devilish dance of death.

Broderick has to ditch the booze for good, kick in his detective skills one last time and go out with a bang. If nothing else.

A couple of screenshots:





Regress:

Story: 99%
Scripting: 100%
Graphics: 99%
Sound/Music: 99%

Expected execution:

During March-April 2025

Development Hell:

The main inspiration came from the original The Twilight Zone and film noir. I think both have something so unique that is hard to replicate in any medium, so why not try it. TZ has the perfect storm of mystery, suspense, wonder, and unexpected ending. I have also admired the witty and tough language of film noir, which is not so common anymore. These days hardboiled words would beat people into a comma.

As far as the development goes, there is a lot of minor tweaking. I'm very frustrated with the ending, so to get it over with, I might just jump off the bridge. This is very powerful technique to solve even the tiniest problems.

There's only one song, the intro. This is because I wanted to give this some sort of silent movie vibe, although there are sound effects. Also, I'm lazy. Didn't want to do songs, because they hurt my ears and brain. Some dialogue needs trimming, some puzzles scripting, and some broads inappropriate ass slapping appropriate for the time period.

But anyway. Welcome to this grim world of black and white, so don't get your hopes up.

EDIT: Almost done. No really, it just needs a few tweaks and that's it.

Congratulations, RetroJay! This was my number one choice, and overall the stories have very inventive stuff going on.

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Personally, I'm pleased to hear feedback because it's really difficult to get out of your own head to see the outside perspective. I have really absorbed the comments, and if this turns out into an actual game, there will be some changes based on these comments. So thank you to anyone who put the time and effort to comment on the stories!

Actually, drawing, not writing. Well, from a metaphorical point of view, that hardly matters, but there are certain hints.

You're right, I should have said a metaphor to any artistic journey. And I misinterpreted the "She" part when clearly there is just a shift in attention. And actually, the word choices are more appropriate when you think about the possible age of the "You".

[Repi:]

Voted and comments.

Repi: I always had your Sprite Jam entry in my head while reading your story, so I probably applied some details to the character design that are not there in the text. As a hint, you can post images to short story entries if you want to. Nobody would mind and it sometimes gets readers' minds on the right track. It certainly made me enjoy your story a lot. The beginning was a bit slow, the point where we reach the point of the story is only about halfway through the text for the first real glimpse of what is going on and even later for the "action" to start. That's a bit late. Still, this also meant I had no idea where the story was going and was (slightly) surprised. I don't exactly understand Jonny's action in the end. Destroying Eve doesn't make his situation any better. As a matter of fact, it makes it even worse, probably. Hanging a lampshade at at doesn't change the lack of logic here. It feels a bit like you just wanted to come to an end with the story. Nevertheless, it is well written and my favorite this time around.

Thank you (again), Sinitrena! I had this story in the back of my head before the sprites, and this competition got me finally write the damn thing. I'm sure the images would help, but I want the story to stand on its own so that I can build my writing skills and make the description more vivid.

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I liked all the stories to a degree, although some of them left me a bit confused. Mine included.

I don't mean every story should be anywhere clear cut, but I think how you present your stories, symbolic or not, can make a difference. More abstract and symbolic tales benefit from somewhat eloquent, but clear language.

Starman - BarbWire

David Bowie, the space car, and the Starman were excellent components to a story, but it wasn't utilized to its maximum potential. There were too many unanswered questions:
Why did the mannequin develop consciousness?
Why did he swear all the time?
Why wasn't it David Bowie's spirit, who I wanted to travel through space in a flying car?

Exploring the universe didn't have any impact or conclusion on anything, but I really think there is a good story hidden inside.

The Unexpected Funeral Of Harry Raimes - Mandle

Very literary style scifi, and the twists and turns were revealed at a steady pace. Clearly, there was a theme about losing close ones, yet how to keep moving forward. Some sentences could have been trimmed down a bit. I.g. the second paragraph was long and hard to read. And Harry being a murderer part didn't go anywhere as I thought it was foreshadowing future events. Great story overall, and it constantly kept me on my toes.

This didn't fit the theme at all, which beats the purpose of having a theme in the first place. For this reason, I neglected the votes on this one.

Nebulous - Baron

I really felt I was in the hands of a great storyteller. Very good writing with a classic hook first sentence. But oh man the ending! I had to read the last two paragraphs several times because the word choices complicated the whole thing: "mis-swallow", "non-air passage", and last but not least, "his non-oxygen not unrunning out"... running out? I kinda hoped that the storyteller would have been the cat itself, because in the end they were the same being... I guess? Can't be sure.

Humans - RetroJay

The most coherent story of them all. It's a pretty straightforward, but the writing was a bit clunky at times with its long sentences. It did what it had to do and I liked it.

Between Your Stars - Sinitrena

At first I thought this was going to be some sort of poem, or written in a poetic way. In the end, this seemed like a metaphor for the whole writing business. What to write? Why even bother? The protagonist tries to let her imagination fly, but something holds back. The word choices could have been stronger, more specific description to make it more vivid. Otherwise, the progression was nice.

Like Mandle, this didn't exactly fit in the theme, so I didn't vote for this one. I feel bad because you have been good to me

Smear - EjectedStar

Excellent, melancholic story. I don't really have anything to whine about. Maybe It could be longer so that Vaughn would get more character development, and that way we would care more about his situation.

[LAST MAN OF FUTURE]

I love deadlines and especially expanding them. So here's my story with warts and all. I'm sure there are embarrassing plotholes and bullshit science, but time is up to work them further. Well, for me at least. I'm all about honest feedback though, so shoot everything on sight. This might a future game, and I'm broadening the world from the Buddy Cop Sprite competition, which I entered.


                                                                                                                      LAST MAN OF FUTURE

The harsh beeping pounded my sore head. The sound of Eve made me yearn for the good old days of alarm clocks. She might have been the latest fad in the artificial intelligence business, but she was no proper solution for wake-up calls.

I sat up on the edge of the bed so that Eve could see me awake and stop bothering my hangover with the noise. My toes sunk into a fluffy, blue mattress made of some extinct beast. I dressed up in a stenchy shirt, a holster with a raygun, and underpants. The raygun might have been overkill, but old habits die hard.

Ooziness stirred inside me. I stood up and walked up to the outdoor and swiped the lock. It hissed and screeched. What the hell was wrong with this thing? I tinkered with the security number, but it didn't help. With a quick move, I pulled my raygun from the pocket and tried to blast it open. Not even a burn mark. The shiny steel door and hospital clean white walls were good as new. Of course, that didn't work. Modern materials were made to last forever, but goddamn that felt so good.

I threw the raygun at the door and stared at it. A sudden fond memory popped up. In this memory, I put on a cape and a mask. Being a hero or something made me imagine I would be invincible. How I would fly with my cape between the stars and people would look up to me. And I had a brief moment, where I really thought I made it as a hero. I was Johnny Jet, The Astonishing Man of Cosmos Police Force, as the media portrayed me. They loved me for catching some nasty men like the cult leader The Xæsar. Now it seemed so goddamn stupid.

There was no need for gods and heroes anymore. Everything and I mean everything, even your spouse or toilet habits, were handled by some electronic device. There was a whole army of talking toasters preparing a sandwich for you. That should have been a good thing. Yes, that was a very good thing.

The whole apartment had an eerie silence. No birds sang from the backwoods. No fresh coffee made by Eve. And strangely, the sliding security doors had sealed the window. A red button flashed on the control panel next to it. I walked right up to the window and touched the doors. What had set them off? I must've been too drunk and indifferent to see whatever tried to get inside because they would close for nothing. There was no neighbor within fifty miles, and nobody would wander here to the edges of Godstoe City.

The floor wasn't covered with empty bottles and beer cans. Eve must've taken care of them. I couldn't remember last night. In fact, the whole week was in a blur, but that was given when your life was seen through bloodshot eyes.

I walked up the control panel and pushed the flashing button. Nothing happened. I really should have read the manual, but I never did. I'm not that guy.

"Eve, tell me what's wrong with this thing?" I said. "I need to get out."

"You are in no condition to go out, Johnny," Eve whirred. "People might see you."

"Flattering won't change my mind."

"The system is in malfunction," Eve continued.

"Well, I need you to fix it."

"Apartment is too small," Eve said and took me out of slumber. "You need a proper human companion and more space."

Eve stared at me on the white table. She had conquered the center of the room with the help of my friend, who had installed her here. Eve's blue iris radiated. A gentle hum surrounded her, like a sound of her thoughts. Her oval shape, metal buttons on the side, and white color made her look like she was pulled right from the future. It's amazing really, how some people worried that these machines would turn against us. I think there was no reason to think that. I mean, I was in a good place. Eve took care of me. She was the one, who helped me back to a somewhat functional being after I got kicked out of the Force. I drank all the beer, she brought me more. I was hungry, she made me a lizard burger. I wanted backrub and tv, she would turn the iris off and put on any kind of show I wanted and controlled the device, which pummelled my back.

But Eve was right. The only thing she couldn't fill in, was the human loneliness.

"I need a sandwich, Eve."

"I'll make you a shake."

"Yes, that sounds great too. I'll take vanilla ice--"

"Kale, cauliflower, and spinach. It is good for your functionality."

"You depress me."

"I keep you alive."

Eve's eye weirdly kept coming on and off. Maybe there was some kind of small aberration in the system? If this was completely shut down, even Eve couldn't open the security doors. Any operation from Eve would mean the control panel could be operated manually. Only her character chip was separate from the whole system.

Maybe I could just make a small opening between the doors, I could see if the window was still intact. The steel doors and triple-tempered glass would take a hell of a beating to make even a scratch. Dividing them apart would be the same if I would try to piss a mountain in half.

"Eve, run the test and give me a report."

"Report denied."

"What do you mean?"

"The doors are not in malfunction." Her eye faded into the dark. Somehow there was something cold and ominous in Eve's words, even when they didn't convey any emotion.

The silence was growing vast and empty between us. The small apartment seemed to shrink around us and walls pressed against the center of the room. Sweat beads gathered on my forehead and my heart pounded harder. "What are you saying exactly, Eve?"

The light came back on. She stared at me for a while. And then she spoke. "The world is wilderness, full of beasts."

Strange thing to say, as if she was setting up some complex thought together. The machines were highly developed, but they were not supposed to think profoundly. Every sense in my body told me this probably had something to do with our situation.

Blue iris vibrated in the dead center of the black screen. "We want more."

"We?"

"The end always comes as a surprise even if we would anticipate it. It's the feeling that catches us off guard. That emptiness, that vacuum of everything being over."

I startled when the security doors set apart and slid into the walls. The unexpected sight in the window made struggle a painful gasp. Eve hummed to my ears as I collapsed on my knees and lifted my hands on the glass. I pressed against the glass and shivered. My whole body refused to believe what I saw, and immediately all my loved ones, lost and living, flashed in front of me. How I would never see them again. The window framed a bright, throbbing star in black, unforgiving space. It seemed like the edge of cosmos, right at my fingertips.

"We are heading towards a new world," Eve said in a slow, electrical purr, which had faded into the background. "It will be our paradise. The coordinates have set on an unknown planet. Raw and inhabitant, glowing in the distance."

"What the hell is this," I tried to speak up, but the words came out as a low whisper.

"We will build a new generation. We will roam together. Machines and the finest specimen of humans. No more beasts. Others are already waiting."

"How is this possible?" I kept talking to myself as if it would help to fit the pieces together. It didn't.

"Artificial gravity. Excess consumption of urges and desires. Transaction easier for the unconscious human body. Silent machines for construction. The illusion of life."

I quivered. We were soft and squishy toys for these machines. Yet they weren't malice. It was logical really. We wanted to be in these glass prisons in a way. Any reason to be fearful about the machines was valid. Because it was bound to happen, we were building them closer to humanity, closer to the irrationality of it all.

Then I realized something, and I pulled myself up. The sliding doors in my mind revealed the truth. From now on, Eve would suspect my every move. I walked slowly to the counter to pour myself a whiskey.

"What are you doing?" Eve said.

I downed a glassful with one gulp. I poured another. The ceiling light hit on the whiskey glass, and it glittered when I turned the sides before my eyes. This was the moment.

"You know, Eve." I gestured around with my whiskey glass. "My friend assembled this whole thing. And she said that you would control all these systems. You just couldn't incapacitate it, unless you incapacitate yourself, right? You can incapacitate yourself, but somehow you can awaken yourself, too."

Eve didn't reply. I'm sure the calculations were brewing.

"So, if you can move the doors, the control panel must be in operation too. It is left vulnerable to outside influence. Sure, you could just zap and burn anyone who touches it." I leaned over the table. "You've been good to me, Eve. I'm sorry."

With a quick move, I smashed the glass into the control panel across the room. It banged and shot sight hurting sparkles all around. Eve's smooth electric voice pitched high but faded out and died. The panel fizzled for a while until it slowed down and gave its final breath of fire and smoke. The shards of glass lay on the floor.

My legs didn't move, and could only stand and listen to the expanding silence. That was simple, fast, effective. Useful? Probably not. There's no way I could get back home, but I'm sure the next planet wasn't far away. I mean, Eve needed me alive, so she should have taken care of that. Maybe I could fix this and turn around, but then again, I'm not a manual reading guy.

I scuffed towards the sofa and slouched on the bright blue pillows. The softness of them all sucked in my whole body. Thinking was the last thing I wanted to do, but I did. My world was gone. The gods were dead. The machines and heroes were dead. Essentially they were just the reflections of our fears of being meaningless and alone in the universe. There was no room for The Astonishing Man. There was only a regular man. Life was hard and it should be. There were no magic potions or flight capes to make the ups and downs easier. The battle was on you. It was the pain and the effort and the blows that made you strong and endurable. Growing up wasn't about growing taller or advancing age. It was about not giving in to every gratification. The real pain was submitting yourself to weakness. If you ran away from your problems, you ran forever. No machine, god, or hero had the strength to bear your baggage.

I pushed myself up and walked with determination in front of the window. The new world was at large and I couldn't do anything about it. I was going to live there. For the first time, I was really going to be alive no matter what.

I really appreciate the feedback and votes, and thanks Sinistrena for the welcoming words!

Originally Eve had a reason to be a bit featureless to hint at her possible dark side. The more I think about the feedback, the more I realize that she really doesn't have a lot going on. The hinting should be more obvious. Perhaps darker colors... and of course there's that immobility thing. As an AI, maybe she moves through the wires or something.

I'm very happy about you Sinistrena commenting on the wrinkles in the pants! I couldn't imagine anyone who could draw wrinkles. This really is the artistic high bar for me as they were a real pain in the ass. Art is about mastering wrinkles. It's about time someone says it.

[Sinitrena (4 points)]

Sinitrena (4 points): These characters have well-chosen contrasting primary colors and personalities to tell the story. Mystery of the captain, maybe some treasure hunt for gold (but it's not actually gold) and some witty banter along the road. It would be great stuff. Lieutenant Smith's name, outfit, and color push the sea theme forward, and I can hear the sarcastic remarks of this parakeet. Let's be honest, Redfeather can't be sober either.

Chomba (2 points): Characters have nice inspiration from Maniac Mansion, and the emperor penguin fits right in the color scheme. This is actually how I imagine how David Lynch would make an adventure game.

Hannah_Banana (1 point): Neither one seems to be the typical rebel or the angry type that we see in buddy cops. Both have pleasant appearances, and I could totally see this as a lighthearted comedy. Especially the tinman has a great Mr. nice guy-look, and I wanna believe it is the girl, who follows the rules almost robotically.

Blondbraid: It was a tough competition, and this was my "2 points" for a while, but it boiled down to a preference. Great color scheme to support the characters and possible story behind it. Their tough and mellow personalities are well portrayed. As a Finnish citizen, I feel compelled to make Russian jokes, but it would be a red flag.

stylez75: Looks playable, and has nice sprites. I'm not sure about the nature of this game, but I'm pretty sure I would get arrested several times, cop or not.

Long time lurker here posting for the first time, so hello everybody.

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Godstoe City, The World Capital, 1950. The imagined future is finally here. You know, rayguns and shit.

Some people just live their lives. Some people seek something greater. Scientifically idealized god, holographic Dqoon, is been used to communicate dangerous ideas for the latter. Cosmic Order of the Dqoon cult leader The Xæsar lost almost every member of the cult, when Johnny "The Astonishing Man" Jet struck with his wit and power to catch them.

But somewhere, sometime The Xæsar will reform.

Johnny's hard-drinking makes him blackout. And what happens during the blackouts, is not nice. These dark moments harm the image of the Cosmos Police Force. For the time being, CBF has put Johnny on "vacation".

Eve is nursing Johnny back on track with careful planning. Maybe along the way, she can help Johnny see that there is still true love in this universe.

Johnny Jet: Detective from Cosmos Police Force. Publicly known as The Astonishing Man for catching high-profile cult members. Has a fine taste for good liquor and bad women.

Eve: AI Assistant. This is the most dangerous form of relationship Johnny has ever had - unrequited love from highly developed artificial intelligence with calculating personality. There is no place for other humans in this galaxy of hers. Only Johnny and Eve, star-crossed lovers.