shouted thrilled "It's alive!!!"
I propose to start a new chapter. Maybe CaptainD could add the summaries of the last three chapters to the first post?
And now for Chapter 8:
I propose to start a new chapter. Maybe CaptainD could add the summaries of the last three chapters to the first post?
Spoiler
Chapter 5:
On the side of bread that's not buttered is the buttered side.
My brain hurts now, a pulsing reminder of how life feels when you realize that butter is sometimes tangentially transient.
But butter can also create a feeling of deep obsession, on account of the polish milkladies who smear it on liberally when hunky firefighters take a break from fighting fire and sipping non-alcoholic cocktails.
This is a testament to their quite incredible butter skills and their copious amounts of churned cream.
If you think that's crazy, just wait till you hear about what they like to do to with goat milk!
They never seen the face sophisticated pasteurization protocols until the goat butter machine went offline due to unprecedented server load.
The only silver lining was the small quantity of butter that was found when the mythical dairy vault was opened with the skeleton key revealed the day before.
"I hereby declare you goat and therefore you must now leave", the overseer said.
"What's going on?!" cried the master pasteurizer, revealing presently his intent to cause untold mayhem, by releasing a fourth side to the three-sided Triangle of Unintentional Doom.
The triangle of WHAT?
The Triangle of DOOM.
And thus the universe was never the same.
At the end of the day, all goats went to bed early, only to find that their testicles had developed the ability to commit inexcusable sin.
When seals would rub their flippers together vigorously, the heat becomes unbearable in seconds.
If anyone is getting mixed signals from this continuous stream of disconnected sentence fragments, we apologise.
We apologize so much, that an apology alone seems worthless in comparison to the hopeless desperation of basement dwelling nerds.
Chapter 6:
A loud noise was heard coming from the Polish milkladies who had dropped ALL the jugs of goat milk.
But they were not fired because of their amazing lawyers.
Good to have someone to call when the going gets tough, because these ladies were summoned by the great God Of Dairy Products, Da'r-EE-Le'e, whose face was that of Nicolas Cage wearing John Travolta's face.
"Grease" or "Battlefield Earth"? asked the iridescent ponies, who got punished instantly by Roger Ebert's ghost.
Later, the goats heard that their herd was heard, although they quietly hoard horribly hairy hats.
Suddenly, a giant blue whale swam by, blowing whale-sized spit balls at God, which is ironic because God had just made the whale so strong that even the other Gods said, "Holy shit! He's dead!"
It was clear that this could never have been foreseen by the oracle conveniently hidden in plain sight.
That said, the oracle's mysterious words transcended time and space.
"Far out, dude," said the omniscient observer to his plant named Chuck.
Chuck didn't reply, but grew some more leaves.
The observer, LeChuck Junior, then decided to write strongly worded letters to his proctologist.
These letters were so red that it was a pain and a pleasure for all those in attendance when they were read by computers, double speed.
Nobody could ever think that the goats were down with the sickness and gifted with madness.
Because they had certificates of authenticity, these goats were worth quite a goat-load of money.
Then Lechuck Junior gave ClickClickClick as goat food to the goat god.
The goat god was actually Billy Connolly.
He liked ClickClickClick's taste, but the aftertaste was bitter.
Afterwards, the goat god made an eleventh Commandment dictating that goats, henceforth, should only wear fluorescent cheap sheep wool caps.
Naturally, the sheep were afraid of luminous water and cheese wheels, so they decided to convert to a new religion where goats don't need to be involved.
This made fluorescent caps go up in market value so goats couldn't afford their strangely iridescent headgear which would sit atop the fourth wall.
Then many beautiful goat maidens were chosen to become, like so many before, chefs to the octopus overlords worshiping golden idols of Bob the Builder.
Chapter 7:
7921 years prior, Mister Wigglebottom was watering his watermelon patch when he discovered a hole in the space-time continuum, leading refreshening lemonade through a funnel, then a sieve, then a series of interconnected tubes, ultimately spilling out into the open, nebulous black of space.
Afraid of what he might encounter.
The great space explorer Rex Wilco whipped off his pink flesh, revealing his skeleton.
Rex then started singing, playing bones like xylophones, rhyming verses that should never ever be rhymed.
His song ascended into a funky beat, reminiscent of a funkier time. And then he jumped cause they said so.
Who are they?
Well, it's hard to say.
Starting at the beginning, there was a goat-shaped cloud, an omen of goats to come.
And how they came.
But how they came to coming was how they left the flock.
"Silence!" bellowed a presumptuous armadillo with rainbow hair and a butt tattoo of a bean burrito.
"Without a doubt, this is a most delicious burrito!" Exclaimed the armadillo.
"Not so fast," snapped a snapping turtle named Snappy the Snapitious Snapitor, of Snapping Snappton.
The way he said it implied deep knowledge of speed.
Indeed, he is a renowned master of "Gotta Go Fast" theory.
"Sooooo you think you can dance? Show me."
Slow and sexy he performed the paso doble, which was a very awkward dance, performed solo.
"Not bad but you could use a partner."
Here, take this one, the Armadillo said as he openend his big satchel of inflatable dolls.
One for you and you and you and...him.
"Now let's see if you're good enough to dance upside-down, darling," he quipped as the room slowly began to rotate slowly and then slowly even slower.
Finally he found viagra flavoured water in his sexy looking inflatable doll.
Drinking it quickly, he got Smurf blue teeth.
"What? No boner?" he shoutet at his penis, sputtering blue liquid everywhere.
"WHY!?!" He screamed.
Suddenly his teeth started to grow quite rapidly.
Tusks began to form, and, realizing this, the armadillo shouted thrilled "It's alive!!!"
On the side of bread that's not buttered is the buttered side.
My brain hurts now, a pulsing reminder of how life feels when you realize that butter is sometimes tangentially transient.
But butter can also create a feeling of deep obsession, on account of the polish milkladies who smear it on liberally when hunky firefighters take a break from fighting fire and sipping non-alcoholic cocktails.
This is a testament to their quite incredible butter skills and their copious amounts of churned cream.
If you think that's crazy, just wait till you hear about what they like to do to with goat milk!
They never seen the face sophisticated pasteurization protocols until the goat butter machine went offline due to unprecedented server load.
The only silver lining was the small quantity of butter that was found when the mythical dairy vault was opened with the skeleton key revealed the day before.
"I hereby declare you goat and therefore you must now leave", the overseer said.
"What's going on?!" cried the master pasteurizer, revealing presently his intent to cause untold mayhem, by releasing a fourth side to the three-sided Triangle of Unintentional Doom.
The triangle of WHAT?
The Triangle of DOOM.
And thus the universe was never the same.
At the end of the day, all goats went to bed early, only to find that their testicles had developed the ability to commit inexcusable sin.
When seals would rub their flippers together vigorously, the heat becomes unbearable in seconds.
If anyone is getting mixed signals from this continuous stream of disconnected sentence fragments, we apologise.
We apologize so much, that an apology alone seems worthless in comparison to the hopeless desperation of basement dwelling nerds.
Chapter 6:
A loud noise was heard coming from the Polish milkladies who had dropped ALL the jugs of goat milk.
But they were not fired because of their amazing lawyers.
Good to have someone to call when the going gets tough, because these ladies were summoned by the great God Of Dairy Products, Da'r-EE-Le'e, whose face was that of Nicolas Cage wearing John Travolta's face.
"Grease" or "Battlefield Earth"? asked the iridescent ponies, who got punished instantly by Roger Ebert's ghost.
Later, the goats heard that their herd was heard, although they quietly hoard horribly hairy hats.
Suddenly, a giant blue whale swam by, blowing whale-sized spit balls at God, which is ironic because God had just made the whale so strong that even the other Gods said, "Holy shit! He's dead!"
It was clear that this could never have been foreseen by the oracle conveniently hidden in plain sight.
That said, the oracle's mysterious words transcended time and space.
"Far out, dude," said the omniscient observer to his plant named Chuck.
Chuck didn't reply, but grew some more leaves.
The observer, LeChuck Junior, then decided to write strongly worded letters to his proctologist.
These letters were so red that it was a pain and a pleasure for all those in attendance when they were read by computers, double speed.
Nobody could ever think that the goats were down with the sickness and gifted with madness.
Because they had certificates of authenticity, these goats were worth quite a goat-load of money.
Then Lechuck Junior gave ClickClickClick as goat food to the goat god.
The goat god was actually Billy Connolly.
He liked ClickClickClick's taste, but the aftertaste was bitter.
Afterwards, the goat god made an eleventh Commandment dictating that goats, henceforth, should only wear fluorescent cheap sheep wool caps.
Naturally, the sheep were afraid of luminous water and cheese wheels, so they decided to convert to a new religion where goats don't need to be involved.
This made fluorescent caps go up in market value so goats couldn't afford their strangely iridescent headgear which would sit atop the fourth wall.
Then many beautiful goat maidens were chosen to become, like so many before, chefs to the octopus overlords worshiping golden idols of Bob the Builder.
Chapter 7:
7921 years prior, Mister Wigglebottom was watering his watermelon patch when he discovered a hole in the space-time continuum, leading refreshening lemonade through a funnel, then a sieve, then a series of interconnected tubes, ultimately spilling out into the open, nebulous black of space.
Afraid of what he might encounter.
The great space explorer Rex Wilco whipped off his pink flesh, revealing his skeleton.
Rex then started singing, playing bones like xylophones, rhyming verses that should never ever be rhymed.
His song ascended into a funky beat, reminiscent of a funkier time. And then he jumped cause they said so.
Who are they?
Well, it's hard to say.
Starting at the beginning, there was a goat-shaped cloud, an omen of goats to come.
And how they came.
But how they came to coming was how they left the flock.
"Silence!" bellowed a presumptuous armadillo with rainbow hair and a butt tattoo of a bean burrito.
"Without a doubt, this is a most delicious burrito!" Exclaimed the armadillo.
"Not so fast," snapped a snapping turtle named Snappy the Snapitious Snapitor, of Snapping Snappton.
The way he said it implied deep knowledge of speed.
Indeed, he is a renowned master of "Gotta Go Fast" theory.
"Sooooo you think you can dance? Show me."
Slow and sexy he performed the paso doble, which was a very awkward dance, performed solo.
"Not bad but you could use a partner."
Here, take this one, the Armadillo said as he openend his big satchel of inflatable dolls.
One for you and you and you and...him.
"Now let's see if you're good enough to dance upside-down, darling," he quipped as the room slowly began to rotate slowly and then slowly even slower.
Finally he found viagra flavoured water in his sexy looking inflatable doll.
Drinking it quickly, he got Smurf blue teeth.
"What? No boner?" he shoutet at his penis, sputtering blue liquid everywhere.
"WHY!?!" He screamed.
Suddenly his teeth started to grow quite rapidly.
Tusks began to form, and, realizing this, the armadillo shouted thrilled "It's alive!!!"
[close]
And now for Chapter 8:
