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Messages - Trihan

#1
Geewhiz: Pull back the middle curtain and then have Joey go outside to talk to the ghost. I think that's what you wanted? If not, let me know.

Deea: The brothers mention something about their internet. Can you remember a particular trait of Joey that we've used in a previous game?
#2
General Discussion / Re: There goes Marvel...
Wed 02/09/2009 08:36:03
Quote from: Chicky on Mon 31/08/2009 22:19:03Oh and i can't wait to see Beauty and The Beast!  :P

#3
This was awesome. I'm somewhat disappointed with the direction that The Mission went in; when I started it I sort of intended it to be a Firefly-esque affair and the Anthony in my head isn't the one who ended up starring in the story, but then that's what collabs are all about. I intentionally left the start vague so that people could form their own interpretations. Good job everyone!
#4
I vote for The Mission and A Hero's Tale.
#5
My name is Trihan and I approve of this message.

trihan@orange.net
#6
I'm still planning on attempting the journey.
#7
General Discussion / Re: Zombie Novels
Tue 04/08/2009 19:52:31
Marvel Zombies is pretty awesome.
#8
As far as defence/defense, colour/color, valour/valor, honour/honor etc. go it's really up to the individual, there is no right or wrong way.

We usually say runny nose.
#9
See, people dismiss Smallville as a shallow superhero soap opera all the time, but if you look closely at it there are several moments in the show, subtle nuances that are easy to miss, that are quite simply genius, in my opinion. The episode where Clark first tells Lana his secret, for example.
#10
Heroes
Smallville
Lie to Me
Dexter
The Big Bang Theory
The IT Crowd
Mock the Week
Scrubs
#11
Looks like Akatosh wins this one. :D
#12
I see where you're going with that, but IMO the shorter sentence gets across the same emotion. It's short and snappy, matter-of-fact. It's just a day's work to him and nothing more.
#13
Critics' Lounge / Crit my webcomic!
Fri 31/07/2009 18:43:55
Might as well jump on the bandwagon. This started out as a terribly drawn 3-panel comic I admit, but I'm quite proud of the direction it's gone in recently. But the judge here is you, not me!

http://stickmanandrat.smackjeeves.com
#14
It was mostly fine. There's some really nice imagery in there and you paint a very nice picture with your words. This is completely my opinion, but there are a couple of bits that weren't quite so solid for me:

"Two old men adorning ponchos slouched in one corner" - I'm not sure adorning was the word you meant to use in this instance, since it implies that they men were currently putting ponchos on at that moment rather than already wearing them. Adorn literally means "to lend beauty to/to enhance or decorate with or as with ornaments". I think that perhaps "Two old men sporting ponchos slouched in one corner" or some variation of that.

"The man was a dark man." - A very subtle nuance of writing is that the more you repeat yourself the less attention people end up paying to the stuff around it. "The man was dark." conveys the same thing but without that repeated word the whole thing seems a little more sinister and it doesn't grab attention from its surrounding words.

"If the barman wasn’t afraid before, he was definitely afraid now." - Same deal. While repetition can be used to emphasise a point, sometimes it's more powerful to omit it. "If the barman wasn't afraid before, he definitely was now." again conveys the same meaning but avoids repetition.

"His work was done and he didn’t need to stick around to watch the poor fool die." - This sentence isn't bad on its own but I can't help but feel the latter part of it is surplus to requirement and somehow takes away from, rather than adding to, the feeling you were going for. Simply "His work was done." packs much more of a punch. The finality of it tells the rest of the sentence for you, really.

"It was time for him to leave the crappy little town of Killing and move on." - Compared to the rest of your narrative, which definitely seems mature and gritty, this sentence is like a huge flashing red light. It's like a little kid in a sea of adults. I would have gone with something along the lines of "There was nothing left for him here in Killing; time to move on."

Other than that, I really liked it. Keep up the good work! One more day of voting left.
#15
Hints & Tips / Re: Time Gentlemen Please
Fri 31/07/2009 17:32:54
Ignore the text adventure for now. Tackle some other puzzles. It will become clear later how you solve this.
#16
Whoops! Why didn't anyone tell me I had the wrong month in the topic name? XD
#17
Aaaand it's voting time!

AtelierGames:
Very nice entry! Nice and long and it tells an engaging story. The meter suffered in places for the sake of the rhyme, which grated slightly, but overall a solid piece. A couple of typos here and there but nothing too bad.

Phemar:
Very intriguing. It's left (I believe intentionall) rather vague and ambiguous as to who exactly this shooter was and what his business was with the barman, though my personal interpretation was that he's a wandering hired assassin. I nearly laughed at the barman's threat. It was pretty lame, but then again he was talking for his life, so I guess he wasn't exactly thinking clearly.

Akatosh:
I loved this. I'm a huge fan of the "story sets up rigid expectations and then subverts them all" setup and use it quite often myself. Up until the second-last paragraph I think anyone who read that would assume it was about robots turning on humans...and then BAM. Rather thought-provoking, too: we never really think about things from the robots' point of view.

------

Weighing everything up, my vote goes to Akatosh.
#18
As far as I know once you've Oogled "artists" and talked to Claude in the Minetta, the gallery opens. Have you been to the gallery prior to the opening to look at the Dark Lady painting with Joey yet?
#19
Hints & Tips / Re: Time Gentlemen Please
Thu 30/07/2009 03:50:30
If you've only just started the text adventure you cannot currently complete it. You have to wait until later.
#20
Sephy: There's an email in Paul's account that will suggest something for you to search for on the computer.
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