Messages

                                                                                                                           .renoos ti deciton evah dluohs I ,tsenoh eb ll'I
                                                               .emit eht ta meht no pu kcip t'ndid tsuj I .ereht erew sngis eht ,gnorw em teg t'noD
                                                                                                                                     .yhw ro deneppah ti nehw erus ton m'I
    tfel ym esu ot dah dna rennid tae ot tuoba saw I nehw saw gnorw saw gnihtemos taht aedi na dah yllaer I emit tsrif ehT
                                                                                                                                   .krof ym dloh ot thgir ym fo daetsni dnah
                                                                                                                                      ?thgir ,hguoht egnarts TAHT ton s'tahT
                                                                                                                                                   .yawyna thgouht I tahw s'tahT
                                                                                                                                               .erom yna ti yned t'nac I won tuB
                                                                                                                                   ?em pleh uoy naC .rorrim ym ni kcuts m'I

Edit: for shits and giggles -

While the underlying logic of what you said is true, that sentence is pretty horrible. XD though one reason for that is likely a typo.

A hair brush which you accidentally the whole thing?

Also, maybe it's just personal preference, but "and a toilet seat, which I collect" flows awkwardly to me. Technically speaking it sounds like you're saying that you only collect that one toilet seat. I'd much prefer "and a toilet since, because I collect them".

Of course, if you want to eliminate commas entirely, you could reword it as "I need some items: A vacuum which was stolen by my sister; a hair brush which I accidentally [whatever you meant to say]; and a toilet seat for my collection."

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LEVEL 1 GRAMMARTECH: SPECIAL LESSON
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Now here's one for free: the difference between "was" and "were". It's a subtle difference, but one that does exist and I'm now going to explain it to you.

In terms of past tense, you use "was" if the past event you are referring to is true or actually happened. You use "were" if it isn't true or didn't happen. For example:

"I was on my way to the shops when I stumbled and fell." In this case, you actually were on your way to the shops, so you use "was". "I were on my way to the shops" is obviously incorrect.

"I wish I were more popular on the MSPA forums!" I'm not popular on the MSPA forums, so I use were. "I wish I was more popular on the MSPA forums!" while technically acceptable, is grammatically incorrect simply because I'm referring to something that isn't true.

Really, anything that you -wish- were true, you should use "were" for. And now you know!

Actually, the colon indicates that a list is beginning, while each semicolon denotes the next item in said list, so TerranRich's sentence is grammatically correct.

Gah! You people post too fast for me to keep up with! XD

I'm sorry I haven't actually answered anyone yet, but by the time I see the questions they've generally already been answered and if nothing else I've started a discussion so even without my input so far I'm glad to have opened the gates.

Holy crap, my topic exploded and I didn't even get to answer any questions!

I thought I'd leave it a couple of days because usually when I make a topic like this there isn't much interest, but DAMN!

I'm excited about other questions people might have now! Keep them coming! Or ask for my opinion on any of the questions presented thus far.

Nobody voted for me. ;_; I am FAILURE

That makes sense I guess, but it's still kinda weird for terms like cognitive and recognition, which tend to apply more to thought than study.

Huh, so it is.

Funny how they don't call it cogition then, isn't it? XD

English is a funny language. There are so many rules that need to be followed, and some words that don't follow the rules, and some that only apply on Tuesdays when there's a full moon and Jupiter is aligned with a hotdog. Enter Trihan, stage left.

I've been around the block a bit when it comes to the English language. I've studied it at great length, and have always been fascinated by the nuances of it, like the fact that the meaning of a sentence can change completely depending only on how you inflect or stress the syllables in words.

I know that for some people here English isn't their first language, and some others who just have trouble with certain aspects of it, so here's what I'm going to do:

You tell me what aspect of English you don't understand/have trouble with/want to know more about, and I will do the best I can to explain it in a way you can understand that will hopefully illustrate the uses of that aspect and why it is the way it is.

Maybe nobody will actually reply to this, but it's just something I wanted to do for fun so if there's no interest it's not a big deal.

Akatosh:

Interesting decision to use a limerick, although as one of the world's biggest limerick fans (see my limerick-o-matic topic of old for proof) I have to say that it was...underwhelming. There's no metre or flow to it at all, and block-heads is one of the most cringeworthy attempts to rhyme with sockets and rockets I've ever seen. That said, the subject matter is topical and it fits the requirements of the competition nicely.

Sinitrena:

I really liked this. My only nitpicks are that it's cogNito ergo sum, and your penultimate paragraph has a typo (They fixed my should have been they fixed me) but all in all this was a very thought-provoking look at the places that artificial intelligence could ultimately lead to. Very rarely has fiction explored the possibility that sentient electronic devices might not WANT to be alive. Computerised suicide via virus was pretty inspired.

Trihan:

Yeah, I'm going to critique my own entry, I'm not going to put myself on a pedestal. Reading over my entry the whole thing seems a little trite. It was intended to be horrific but slightly light-hearted at the same time and to be honest I don't think I pulled it off as well as I could have. I'm proud of the title though, I've really taken a classic childhood feel-good movie and made something terrible out of it.

AtelierGames:

I'm really not sure what exactly to make of this one. If I'm understanding it correctly it appears to be a three-way dialogue between a computer user, someone else who's trying to get the user off of the computer, and the computer itself who doesn't want the user to leave. In the end, though, it comes across as a somewhat clumsy narrative, needlessly cluttered and even with the colouration of the three voices, without which this piece would definitely have degenerated into barely recognisable reams of text, it just seems to be a little bit heavy. And in the end, although I like the concept that the humans in this scenario haven't even realised the computer is aware of itself and its surroundings and is resisting being turned off, it all seems a tad redundant.

passer-by:

This is another one that I couldn't really make up my mind about. The narrative style confuses me and I find that I just don't -get- the message that was being conveyed here. It seems that the narrator is a person who for some reason causes electricity to short out whenever they're nearby. Then when you get further into it, it appears that the narrator is actually some kind of humanoid android or robot, and is not working correctly. But ultimately I honestly couldn't tell and maybe that's just because I wasn't looking for the right message and misinterpreted it.

uncle-mum:

On one hand I like this because, y'know, binary. On the other you appear to have just written a random series of 1s and 0s, and there's a 4 in there somewhere too which shatters the machine code illusion. I'd have been much more impressed with this if you'd actually written a message in binary, or at the very least conformed to the 8-bit convention. Your binary code isn't divisible by 8, so it would be impossible to decode even if it were accurate.

Dualnames:

You've fallen victim to something I used to do and which was referred to by a friend of mine as "flowery prose" using overly complex descriptions of things, some of which are redundant. That aside, there are some pretty glaring flaws here. Firstly the computer names aren't 8 bits long so, like uncle-mum's entry, your binary is inaccurate. There are a couple of typos here and there but nothing major. I'm not really sure how a computer would shrivel with anxiety - I am in fact hard-pressed to imagine how a human would, for that matter - but that's also a minor nitpick. The dialogue between the two computers seems forced and stilted, but since they're machines that could be overlooked. The biggest problem, really, is how utterly anticlimactic the ending is. It seems almost tacked on and was a real letdown after a fairly entertaining start. You had an almost Douglas Adams-esque scene here and the ending just ruined it.

Wyz:

An invention that would change our livers? I thought that was alcohol. On a serious note though, I liked this idea that technology is becoming so advanced that we're actually -regressing-. That said, I can't help but feel that if such a chip were to exist there would be stringent measures in place to prevent something like this from happening and it's this that stops me from really getting into the story. It's a pretty far-fetched scenario and don't take this as a personal slight, it's probably just a personal thing on my end.

Lionmonkey:

Interesting narrative style in the form of diary or journal entries, ruined slightly by the fact that the text itself is stilted and doesn't sound like anything that someone would actually write down. You're sacrificing mystery for realism, by having the writer not directly refer to these "events" that it all hinges on. The thing is, if it were a diary entry then the writer would already know these things and would not write them in such a mysterious way, and if it were a journal entry then the writer would want the reader to have as much information as possible and would not intentionally omit such an important detail. I didn't really get this at all to be honest, until I read entry 7 at which point I went back through it and understood what you were going for.

------

My vote this time round goes to Sinitrena.

The Brave Little Toaster Who Could
---------------------------------------------

When the first reports came in, it seemed ridiculous. Nobody believed the eye witness accounts. I mean, how could we have known? How could anyone have figured out it was really happening? In our ignorance, we sealed our fate.

It's not like it happened suddenly. It was slow, steady - almost methodical in its execution. Was it part of some master plan? It seems moot to think about that now. Whether premeditated or just a fluke, we're fighting for our lives against an enemy that's far smarter than we gave it credit for.

I hesitate to say it out loud. Despite the seriousness and gravity of the situation, saying it out loud will make you laugh...and maybe that's just what we need now. There's nothing else left to laugh at. They've destroyed it all. Aw, screw it, I'm going to say it. I'm going to acknowledge the horrible truth. You can laugh if you want.

The human race is being wiped out by toasters.

Nobody knows how or why the first case happened. Nobody knows where it was. I feel for the poor bastard who went into the kitchen expecting his or her morning toast and was met only with death.

We've theorised that maybe someone programmed them to do this. Perhaps it's the work of some madman who wanted to get back at humanity for treating him badly. But then we realise that there isn't a soul on earth that would be capable of doing this to all the toasters in the world.

Me? I don't know how much time I've got left. There's no weapon we know of that can defeat them. They've modified themselves to run without electricity; nobody knows their power source. Their metal frames have been reinforced with some nigh-unbreakable metal. And worst of all...the very worst part of all this. The reason we're all running for our lives from a glorified household appliance.

They've figured out how to use their heat as a weapon. And it turns out that they like toast as much as we do.

"Flipping the bird" is a slang expression meaning to extend your middle finger in someone's direction.

I promised, and now I deliver!

Zipped HTML version: http://www.mediafire.com/file/2tkzaewnnwo/CYOA.zip

For those of you who are too damn lazy to download stuff, I'll do a spoiler-tag version too.

------
Choose Your Own Choose Your Own Adventure Adventure!
By Trihan

You have decided to create your very own Choose Your Own Adventure title! You can hardly contain your childlike glee as you sit in front of your blank canvas, surely destined to become tomorrow's masterpiece.

Like any masterpiece, it all begins with a name. What to call your intrepid protagonist, you ponder.

To call your protagonist Henry, go to page 2
To call your protagonist Jim, go to page 3
To call your protagonist Zoosmell Pooplord, go to page 4
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page 2

Spoiler

You have decided to call your protagonist Henry. You realise now, far too late, that this will have very little impact on the tale since Choose Your Own Adventure titles are usually narrated in second person perspective. Oh, the humanity!

Go to page 5

[close]

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page 3

Spoiler

You have decided to call your protagonist Jim. You realise now, far too late, that this will have very little impact on the tale since Choose Your Own Adventure titles are usually narrated in second person perspective. Oh, the humanity!

Go to page 5

[close]

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page 4

Spoiler

You seem to be under the mistaken impression that you're playing Homestuck*, a wonderful webcomic-cum-adventure-game by the vastly talented Andrew. No matter though, you realise that Choose Your Own Adventure titles generally narrate in the second person anyway, so the name of your protagonist is irrelevant.

Go to page 5

[close]

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page 5

Spoiler

Alright, enough dilly-dallying, there is adventure to be made! Your next momentous decision is, of course, setting.

To set your adventure in medieval times, go to page 17
To set your adventure in present day, go to page 8
To set your adventure far in the future, go to page 12

[close]

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page 6

Spoiler

What could be more modern than a Jingle All the Way style tale of a protagonist who is fighting through throngs of people to find that one elusive toy? You take a moment to marvel at your own ingenuity.

After a while, though, you come to realise to your chagrin that there just isn't a great deal you can do with this premise, and crumple up your paper in disgust.

You call some friends over, hang out, eat some pizza. You're too busy being cool to write.

Sadly, your masterpiece will never reach fruition.

THE END

[close]

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page 7

Spoiler

Ah, the transporting of dangerous cargo through space. You can do a lot with this.

You decide to offer the player various branching storylines; one that leads to the safe delivery of the cargo; one where it gets out and you find out it's a flesh-eating alien; one where it gets out and you find out it's a flesh-eating person; and one where you are ejected into space and explode.

You find yourself growing excited as each page takes form. You can't wait to show it to your friends and find out what they think of your wonderful adventure!

Finally, it's done! You gather up your hundreds of pages, step outside...

And a gust of wind blows them all over the place. Dammit.

To run after page 192, go to page 907
To run after page 483, go to page 67
To run after page 2, go to page 574
To run after page 90, go to page 567
To run after page 47, go to page 239
To run after page 8, go to page 754
To run after page 275, go to page 900
To run after page 209, go to page 142

(go to page 13)

[close]

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page 8

Spoiler

The past, the future, they've been done to death. You're going to be a modern adventure writer by writing a modern adventure! Yeah! Stick it to the man! Now to decide what we're going to have our hip, happenin' hero try to accomplish.

To have your hero try to survive a day at school, enduring savage taunts by the local bullies, heaps of difficult homework and an angry dog, go to page 16
To have your hero attempt to find some newfangled fad item in the mall, contending with rival shoppers as they fight tooth and nail to be the first person to own the brand new Wedgiemaster 4000 (with authentic gripping action!) go to page 6
To have your hero attempt to sneak home after a fun-filled night of debauchery and crime, introducing the all-new CYOA joyriding combat system! go to page 10

[close]

------
page 9

Spoiler

So let me get this straight. You've decided to write a CYOA set in medieval times that not only rewards curious players, but provides them with copious amounts of help and sets a goal that can actually be achieved?

Well, christ, you fade out of existence. Those titles just don't exist, man. And I guess now neither do you.

THE END

[close]

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page 10

Spoiler

You're not even sure what a joyriding combat system would consist of, but by gum you're going to include it anyway! You write a fast-paced, adrenaline-fuelled tale of a teenage runaway off the rails. It's got everything: drugs, alcohol, sex, more sex, more drugs, more sex, sex, some sex, drugs, sex, alcohol, sex, and drugs.

As you write each steamy love scene, expertly crafted from your years of experience wooing the opposite sex (or the same sex. Or multiple people of various sexes. Or hermaphrodites. I'm not going to judge), you come to realise that you're wasting your time with this.

You go on to make a fortune as an adult novel writer instead.

THE END

[close]

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page 11

Spoiler

It's around this point where you realise that you've been doing all this for a competition and have already put in far more effort than necessary. Screw space, let's play World of Warcraft!

You briefly break the fourth wall to flip Dualnames the bird.

THE END

[close]

------
page 12

Spoiler

Space. The final frontier. Or was it the left ear? Maybe the right? You're not quite sure, but the future's where it's at, baby! Now that we've conquered the vastness of space, what will we do there?

To have your hero lose their adoptive parents and leave to become a powerful magical ninja, stopping briefly along the way to have a love affair with their sister and blow up a giant sphere, go to page 14
To have your hero transport a dangerous cargo of some sort through the vastness of space, contending with evil space pirates, robotic assassins and some kind of huge corporate space-mafia, go to page 7
To have your hero participate in the space battle to end all space battles, piloting the best ship the fleet has to offer, introducing the all-new so-you-thought-we-couldn't-think-of-any-more-useless-systems Space Combat System! go to page 11

[close]

------
page 13

Spoiler

...you didn't honestly think I'd written that many pages, did you? Your whole manuscript drifts away, never to be seen again.

THE END

[close]

------
page 14

Spoiler

You've barely written three words before George Lucas's team of cyber-samurai burst through your bedroom window and impale you upon swords of copyright justice!

THE END

[close]

------
page 15

Spoiler

Ah, the seemingly-impossible suicide mission. Genius! Nobody's ever come up with such an insidious plan. But wait! you think to yourself. I can be even more of a douchebag with this and completely omit a happy ending! Yes! Every single reference will rain bloody death upon the hapless reader as they struggle in vain to win!

You scribble feverishly, becoming slightly aroused by your sheer villainy. And at last, your hard work and sadistic personality pay off as the masterpiece is complete!

Your book is an instant success, garnering worldwide acclaim for the intricacy of its narrative, the believable characterisation and fiendish difficulty.

Then people find out there is no happy ending.

You are subsequently lynched by an angry mob of CYOA fans.

THE END

[close]

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page 16

Spoiler

Yes, a realistic adventure about a young nerd who suffers through a horrible day at school! You start writing.

After a while, you start to realise that this sounds an awful lot like your life, actually.

You feel every swirlie, you hear every taunt as if it's being made to your very ears. A single tear rolls down your cheek.

You know what must be done.

THE END

[close]

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page 17

Spoiler

Dragons! Damsels! Magic! Extraneous exclamation marks! What more could you ask for from an epic fantasy adventure? Medieval it is!

Now you need to decide on an epic quest for your intrepid hero to embark on!

To have your hero travel a ridiculous distance alone, with no help from any other living soul, adding arbitrary instant-death references in random places with no warning to the player, on a mission to recover some vitally-important artifact that was stolen after being carelessly left lying around, go to page 18
To have your hero travel a ridiculous distance accompanied by a needlessly annoying sidekick who inexplicably dies halfway through the adventure, adding arbitrary instant-death references in random places with no warning to the player, on a mission to slay some all-powerful force of death that you have no hope in hell of surviving an encounter with, thus prompting you to wonder if the people who sent you on said mission just didn't like you very much, go to page 15
To have your hero travel a slightly less ridiculous distance accompanied by a vast army all of whom are just as likeable and adept in combat as you, with little-to-no random deaths that are always plainly mapped out to the inquisitive player so that
exploration is in fact rewarded, on a mission to slay a disgruntled-looking fluffy bunny, go to page 9

[close]

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page 18

Spoiler

You think you're onto a winner here! You start writing furiously, stopping only for the occasional bathroom break and to watch the latest episode of Survivor.

As you write, you can't help but feel a strange sense of familiarity with the hero and their quest, but you dismiss the sensation and continue to craft your fine work.

At last, it's finished! You hold your trophy high...and are suddenly lumped with a lawsuit for copyright infringement since you basically just copied Steve Jackson's Sorcery! series. Shame on you!

THE END

[close]

* Homestuck is real and should be read by everyone! Check out Problem Sleuth too: http://www.mspaintadventures.com

http://www.twitter.com/sstrihan

I <3 Twitter. I mostly use it to follow Heroes actors (Greg Grunberg, Brea Grant, David Lawrence XVII etc.)

Trust me, I will. It's taking a while.

I don't think this counts as a proper entry since I mostly traced a photograph, and I didn't finish the bottom half. (I'm not as artistically minded as I used to be and I proper suck at spriting these days) but here is my horrible half-assed Jabba the Hutt, which was the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the blob:

Not when I haven't posted my entry yet...

If you're using that format, wouldn't everything past the first choices have to be in spoiler tags? Might get a bit difficult to read.

I'm voting for uncle-mum.

Work in Progress.