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This update looks great! The room really has depth and a variety of shapes. Instant classic.

Compositionally, it's a very solid background.
However, I think the contrast could use some adjustment.
First of all, I can't really find any identifiable light source, other than maybe from the doorway.

The brightest spots in the room are:
-yellow windowshade
-blue atlas globe
-pillow
-green chair
-sock
-white tube on the nightstand
-white matting on the 3 pictures on the walls

Generally, the brightest part of the room are places you want to bring the viewer's attention to. Bright spots tend to pull objects forwards in the viewspace, while darker colors tend to fade an object into the background. This room is a little confusing. It's hard to gauge where the objects are in the 3D space, since some objects that I think are farther away seem to pop out at me.

I say go with the first one because it's better to have characters with personality. Also, I think the face of the second looks too much like that of your hero. If you want to make a clean shaven variation, I'd say go for a face a la Don Knotts.

Yea, I must be missing something.

Spoiler

The book doesn't help me, and when I use the axe on the panel, it tells me I have to find something to open it.

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When I use the lantern on the panel it says "I have *barely*" enough light to see, but if I use it with the empty slot it says "I have plenty of light already."

Sometimes I can walk through doorways, while other times I must "use" them.

Spoiler

When I talk to the guy trapped in the room, he tells me a lot of info and hints, but once I open the panel with the metal card, it won't let me talk to him anymore. Hope he didn't have anything important to say.

[close]

Also, in the beginning, I can't open the desk lid with the key, I have to use the key with the desk to open the lid.
The lack of interaction can be frustrating at times. For instance, after spilling the blood out of the bowl, nothing I do to either the blood or the bowl elicits a message. If there isn't supposed to be any interaction, why are both of these things hotspots???

Does this game feature a clown or a famous person?

Wow, that is a good idea! We could call this program "AOL Instant Messenger" or AIM for short! Brilliant!

Great game so far!

Spoiler

I opened the panel that houses the green button and the two vials. What do I do now?

[close]

Well, after much consulting, I've decided to go with "Apprentice II: The Knight's Move." If you're reading this, Gregor, maybe you could change the title of this thread.

Anyways, progress is good. I only have one more background to draw and then it's on the animation, other miscellaneous art, and room interactions.

*bump*

He reminds me a lot of Terry Bogart of Fatal Fury fame...

What? I love the backgrounds! They look very surreal, and I think they would contribute greatly to the mysterious atmosphere.

Try exercising regularly.

Also, only use your bed for sleeping and sex. Don't read or bed or anything.

If you can't sleep after lying in bed for 20 minutes, get up and do something else. When you feel tired again, go back to bed for another 20 minutes.

http://grammar.englishclub.com/verbs-voice.htm

I suddenly stopped; sweat beads appeared on my head, I jerked my head towards the table where my radio stood. My eyes searched the corner; it was still pitch black, who turned on my radio?

Someone loves Mr. Semi-Colon. Not enough to prevent these two sentences from being run-ons, but you love him all the same. Both these sentences boast identical construction, kind of a bad thing since they're adjacent.
For advice (and quizzes) on run-ons, visit http://www.cfcc.edu/faculty/rhardin/run-onsentences.html

As if in answer a figure buried in shadow emerged from the corner.

Need to put a comma between phrases. "Buried in shadow?" How about a shadowy figure? Generally, fewer words is better.

The instant passed so suddenly, on instinct my hand clasped the handle of my holstered pistol and guided it towards the figure. My finger squeezed the trigger and in the brief gunshot flash I saw my best friend’s eyes wince in pain. I heard a slump as I rushed to turn the lights on. I saw my best friend’s body lying face down on the ground.

First sentence needs big-time revision. Maybe: "Acting on instinct, I drew my pistol and pointed it at the figure." It's hard not to sound cheesy here. But more importantly, I think we've solved a mystery. No wonder this dude can't sleep. I'd have problems, too, if there was a gun strapped to my hip.

Do eyes wince in pain?

“Billy? Billy McGregor?” I questioned as I edged forward, my gun trained on the figure’s head.
“It’s me Billy,” the figure groaned in response. I holstered my pistol and scrambled to his side. A low moan came from his stomach.

What a time for his stomach to act up. I usually groan from my mouth.

“Ah, Billy tell me where I got you,” I pleaded whilst trying to flip him over to see the wound.

WHILST??? Hilarious. Try "while" so you don't crack up the reader. Also, I don't think you're supposed to move someone when you think they have a gunshot wound.

Also, names require commas.
ex. "So, James, tell me more about this hermaphrodite."

“You…” mumbled Billy.
“Where? Where does it hurt?” I asked as I heaved him over.

Wow, this dude really pushes around "injured" people. Sometimes for talking, it's good to break it up a bit.
ex. "Without you," James said, "I would never know the hermaphodite appeal."

“Right in… The wall, my god your aim is of this morning,” chuckled Billy as he got up, dusted himself off and placed his hands on his hips.

Once again, an ejectulation like "my God" must be preceded and followed by commas. When you state a list, separate each item with a comma, even the last one.
ex. James donned high heels, mesh stockings, and a feather boa.

...“Lets go now, we shouldn’t be worrying about these political things we’ve got a that big bank heist today with Eddie.” Billy stated as he stepped out of the door, he held it open as I grabbed my trench coat and my other gun.

Your writing really seems to break down around here. Watch out for clauses that aren't separated by commas and especially within the characters' speech. Also, when you use "lets" to mean "let us" it should have an apostrophe (being a contraction and all).  
I think if my best friend hit me in the BACK of the head hard enough to draw blood (which is ludicrous) I would kick his ass.

It was a Colt .45 1911, a gift from Jack. The black metal was cold in my hands, as cold as the night before had been, as cold as the day outside was going to be as I would soon find out. I remembered the heist now, I must have forgotten. We were robbing Chicago City Bank, one of the richest banks around.

Very trite little bit there. Drop the "as cold as". They're too obviously melodramatic.

“Hey, hurry up. John Avery sometimes I wonder about you, always dreaming and thinking. You had better wake up your aim is off” chuckled Billy as he walked off down the hallway. I ran after him and locked the door.
“Yeah, well you’d better wipe your head, you’re bleeding.” We both laughed, in this world, in this life, you never knew when you’d laugh next.

This last sentence makes me want to barf. It doesn't fit the tone at all. Come to think of it, there really isn't a consistent tone to this piece at all. It starts out serious, become silly with two friends joking together (when they aren't blugeoning each other in the backs of their heads), and now tries to get philosophical. I'm not buying it, and I doubt any reader will.

We stepped out of the damp hallway and into the cold day. I shivered as I buttoned up the black trench coat. Clouds covered the sun and the slight snowfall almost seemed peaceful. Also I was glad to get out of this week’s dank motel.

The dank motel that has Venetian blinds. Gotta love them blinds. Maybe the owner blew the renovation budget on blinds, leaving he hallways damp and the motel dank. Put a comma after "also".

I tried to walk slowly along the metal balcony but Billy, behind me, was a fast walker and kept on nudging me forward.
We rounded the corner and headed down the metal steps. ‘Heart O’ the City Motel,’ I read the sign as I opened the door to our black Ford Model A.
‘Humph’ I grunted to myself as I thought of the irony.

Humph is something Grandpa Hampster would say. Unless this hitman is a 22 year-old grandpa, you might want to use a different word. Also, it should be in quotations followed by a comma.
ex. "Ah," sighed James, as the hermaphrodite ran her (his?) fingers along the hem of his black, spaghetti-string top.

This motel was on the outskirts of Chicago. I sat in the car and Billy got into the driver’s side. My thoughts of Helen were halted by Billy’s cursing.
“Start you stupid” He yelled to the dashboard whenever the engine coughed.
“No, just press gently on the gas” I directed him. He tried it but the engine continued to cough.
“Here, like this” I slid my foot over onto the gas,
“Now start it,” I pressed gently down and the car spluttered to life.
“Ha, what do you know? Nice” Billy remarked as he inspected the fuel gauge, but I was too deep in thought to respond.

Remember to end the speech phrases with commas.

There's no such thing as good writing, only good editing

Have you heard of Strunk and White's book, "Elements of Style"? It's probably the best book on writing I've read, and it's quite concise.

I can't really say much about the content, which seems a bit cliched to me. I can critique the writing itself, though.

I lay in the dark…
The only light into the room was the sliver of white moonlight shining through the Venetian blinds. The silence ringing in my ears, the only noise was my thoughts echoing around my mind. It was two in the morning.

Notice how these first sentences (sans the very first one) all demonstrate the passive voice? Trust me, that's ok for some business letters (usually bad news ones) and instruction manuals, but not very evocative for a story. Also, the internal rhyme (light, white) in the second sentence, which is likely unintentional, lends the phrase an odd sound.
Does silence ring?

I lay on a metal bed, which creaked and groaned whenever I moved and I couldn’t sleep no matter how hard I tried.

This sentence needs revision to make it sound like less of a run-on. Do you mean a "metal-spring" mattress? "No matter how hard I tried" souns trite, but at least you didn't use "tossed and turned". What is a metal bed doing in a room that has Venetian blinds?

I was in a small dark room, in a seedy out-of-town motel. My face was towards the ceiling, lying on my back as if I were awaiting death.

More passive voice sentences that need fixing. There should be a comma between small and dark, no comma between room and in, and another comma between seedy and out-of-town. If the adjectives can be exchanged with one another, you must separate them with a comma.

Memories of times long past flickered in my mind like a motion picture, a drive by, a gunshot, money stolen, innocents killed.

This sentence needs a colon after picture. I would also make sure that the ensuing list maintains parallel construction. The first two items are singular while the last two are plural. It just sounds awkward.

I was a hitman, trained to kill, to do my orders and then to piss off.

Once again, watch the construction. Generally it's a no-no to write "and then." Also, it's not advisable to end a sentence with a preposition. (Although I guess in this case, it could be argued that "off" is an adverb.)

My name was John Avery, Irish hitman for Jack Molloy, my boss.

Since this story is a narrative, maybe you should decide who John is telling it to. The nature of the audience should affect the storytelling.
Also, maybe decide why he is telling it. Is he addressing a jury or pleading with a rival boss?

Thinking of Jack made me uneasy, everyone feared him, he was crazy, a psycho, sometimes he was like a wild animal full of hate, but then again sometimes he was charismatic business entrepreneur.

This one is a good example of a run-on sentence. Notice how many phrases and ideas you include?

His mood changed with the wind, I pity all the fools who have tried to beg with him when he was pissed off.

Again you end the sentence with "off". This sentence is also a run-on. Changing the comma to a semi-colon would fix this, but I think the thoughts are different enouth to earn their own separate sentences.

Ah but thinking of his daughter Helen Molloy, now that was completely different. She was attractive and sharp-witted, her eyes, innocent and naïve while at the same time being intimate and passionate. She was also my age, twenty-two. Pretty young for a hitman eh?

Passive, passive, passive. It needs a comma after "Ah" and before "eh" at the beginning and end respectively. In the second sentence you use *three* pairs of adjectives: "attractive and sharp-witted", "innocent and naive", and "intimate and passionate". Paring your writing down to the essentials while using strong action verbs will make your story very dynamic, captivating the reader.

It was comforting to imagine her beautiful body warming the whole room. I could see her sitting on the end of the bed, beckoning me over. I crawled over to her and she tilted her head willing me to kiss her. I did the same, slowly progressing towards her face. We were so close now, ready for the kiss.

Maybe try "The thought of .... comforted me" or "It comforted me to imagine" rather than "It WAS". You end the second sentence wih a prepostion. Within three words of saying the first "over," you repeat it. The third sentence needs a comma between head and willing, but I think that sentence requires more drastic changes. Also, I doubt "progressing" word you want in the fourth sentence.

Suddenly I jerked up in bed.

This one needs a comma after "suddenly".

I looked around the room; there was sunlight seeping in from the blinds to get rid of the darkness.

Try a colon instead of a semi-colon. Sunlight getting rid of darkness is very redundant. Darkness is not the opposite of light, but merely the abscence of it. That's like saying, "I ate more of the pie, leaving less of it on the plate."

It was silent except for a static murmuring in the corner of my room the radio was switched on.

You employ yet another passive sentence. When was the radio switched on? In the beginning, it's so quiet this dude is listening to his thoughts bounce around in his head. What happened to the "creaking and groaning" of the bed?

I put my head in my hands and wiped my eyes. I must’ve been dreaming again, I was so close to kissing her too.

The second sentence here is another run-on. Also, when you use the word "too" with the intent of meaning also, you must precede it with a comma.
ex. James enjoys a hermaphrodite lifestyle, too.

All my dreams of Helen Molloy ended with us just about to kiss. I silently laughed to myself, oh what a fool I am.

When using an ejaculation like "oh" or "poobungies", you must follow it with a comma. Also, the last phrase should be in quotation marks.

He looks like he might be the one to smoke a lot of dope...

I love that patterned kimono thing he's wearing.

Just some more random crits.

Like Andail said earlier, it's a very hard style to keep. As far as the narration is concerned, there's definitely a difference between a (somewhat pulp) badass and a cocky high school punk.

Just out of curiousity, have you ever fired a .45 or a Beretta before?
I believe a good percentage of the US police force uses .45's.

As far as gunfights go, something like 90% of them occur within 3 yards.

When you fire a pistol, you usually don't outstretch your arm unless the target is at a distance.

Also, if the guards had guns, why didn't they just shoot instead of "lunging at me"?

I'm still kind of doubtful about picking the handcuffs with a five-inch long knife. Generally, you need a pick and a tension wrench to pick a lock (of the pin and tumbler variety -- anything else is much more difficult).

The old man reminds me a lot of something from Asterix and Obelix (especially his skinny arms and large, bony hands). Great work, though!

Couple of pieces of constructive criticism for ya...

1. I doubt a knife will do much good against handcuffs.

2. The entire piece changes tense several times, and is largely composed in the passive tense.

3. In order to make it easier and clearer to read, I would throw a few commas into the mix.

4. The sentence length should be varied. Also, the first several sentences seem to have the same construction. ("Sound of evil and smell of death" "the cold and the fear")

5. Avoid clichés. The sound of evil and the smell of death may sound very deep, but they fail to tell the reader anything. Why not make your story memorable and set up an original situation?

"I awoke with the wind's roar in my ear. Louder than the somber rumble of the van, it
reminded me of the surf at Jersey Shore. And the trap. The side of my head pressed against the van's rear door, my entire body jarring with every pothole. I tasted blood. As I tried to turn towards my left shoulder, the handcuffs cut into my wrists. Shit had gone wrong.

One moment, I was so alive, thumbing through a wad of C-notes and thinking of the salt shaker full of charlie I swiped from the delivery. Truly happy. Faster than I could pelt two hookers with a Louisville slugger, I found myself locked to a chair that sported legs four inches too short in the back of moving van, my left eye swollen shut. The only company was a few piles of yellowed upholstery. And a pair of pocket-sized bolt cutters those stupid fucks had forgotten to take from my back pocket."

My example keeps the personality, maintaining the hard-edged vernacular (complete with sentence fragments, etc.) but tells the reader much more about the situation and character involved. I also refrained from using phrases like "God knows how long" and "did their job, and did it well" and "laugh out loud." (Although the temptation was great, let me tell you.)

Best advice I ever found on writing was this gem:
"In composing, as a general rule, run a pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigor it will give your style."
(Sydney Smith)

But why would anyone want to copy your story???

Yet another reason why MSPaint sucks jaggon...

Yeah I think I'm leaning towards "move" myself...
Hope it doesn't suggest a funny dance. (Knight's move?)

Mats: Yea, I played Wizardhood and was flattered by the towel/spider reference.

Dave, I actually got around to playing your game (like I promised myself) and I thoroughly enjoyed it. In my opinion, it should have won the AGS award for the best dialogue. But then again, in my opinion, children with scissors chase claustrophobic leprechauns.

The music was great, and the art: tolerable. However, I was annoyed at the speed of the Rosa's walkcycle. She seemed to struggle across the screen. Also, I didn't like the length of the dog whistle part. That cutscene was good the first time, but when I wasn't sure what I needed to do after that, I ended up leaving the screen. I had to sit through that one a good 4 or 5 times before I solved the puzzle. Maybe the next time you blow the whistle there could be an abbreviated cutscene?

Also, during the Bellevue puzzle, I was annoyed when the doctor returned to interupt my snooping. Maybe he should only return after you learn about "two for heaven?"

Just my impressions. Great game though. Are you planning to compile the trilogy into a single package once they're all finished?