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  “I’m just saying we should be more exclusive, and having “trivial powers” doesn’t mean automatic entry into the Crimefighting League Of Do-gooders,” declared Commander Fantabulous to the assembly of CLOD superheroes. 

  There were a few brief gasps and long sighs throughout the room as everyone considered this, and Captain Pummeloso replied, “Look, we need all the do-gooders we can get.  It is hard to recruit when we can only promise karma, which is why our arch-nemesis the evil Doctor Exlaxxo and his minions at the Council of Crooks and Cronies outnumber us!”  Captain Pummeloso added, “Also, according to our HR Director they offer full medical, dental, and optical.  Cyclopto’s ability to x-ray your body aside, what do we have?”  A few eyes went to Cyclopto, who was using his x-ray vision to give a “free x-ray” to the attractive, busty CLOD meeting stenographer.

  Commander Fantabulous studied the room carefully and said, “Understood that we are outnumbered and being a goody two shoes is boring compared to pillaging and plundering, but allow me to give everyone an example of how we should be more exclusive.”  The assembled superheroes immediately looked at Squeege-Man, who was gifted with the unique ability to clean anyone or anything with the snap of his fingers.  Commander Fantabulous went on, “No, I don’t mean Squeege-Man.  He’s actually helpful when I’ve had to rush to the office and didn’t have time to shower.  I mean “heroes” with mostly useless talents, guys like The Momma Joker or Passive-Aggressor.”  The Momma Joker, who was previously half-asleep, quickly perked up and said, “Your Mom doesn’t think I’m a useless talent when I’m…” but was cut off by an equally offended and louder Passive-Aggressor who said, “Ok fine, it’s not like I have the best ability.  I mean I wish I could be cool like you Commander Fantabulous, but not everyone is so lucky.  It’s ok though, I’ll be fine with you saying I haven’t earned my cape.  No really, I like you publicly embarrassing me in front of everyone.  Seriously don’t feel guilty, it’s ok.  No worries here.  Onward with the meeting fellas, don’t worry about ole’ Passive-Aggressor’s feelings.”

  Just as Passive-Aggressor started trailing off, the door burst open and smoke began pouring into the room.  Commander Fantabulous warned, “He’s here. Everyone take your Mega-Imodium, NOW!”  And then Doctor Exlaxxo casually strolled into the room while cackling his trademark Evil Doom Laugh of Doomâ,,¢.  Captain Pummeloso ran at him, presumably to pummel, but Exlaxxo simply pointed in his direction and Captain Pummeloso doubled-over clutching his stomach and began moaning.

  Doctor Exlaxxo declared, “I’m here to make an announcement to the disgruntled and underappreciated CLOD member heroes.”  Passive-Aggressor quickly replied, “No really, I’m ok with you cutting me off.  It’s no big deal…It is fine, really…” and then was doubled over into extreme gastrointestinal pain before he could finish using his passive-aggressive powers.  Doctor Exlaxxo grinned and said, “You won’t guilt trip me Passive-Aggressor.  Now for the rest of you CLOD heroes, I’m not here for fistacuffs this time…Just to announce that we are looking to add a few good Crooks and/or Cronies.  So I’m offering a special package with full medical for anyone wanting to jump over to the dark-side.”  While no one really voiced the opinion, nearly every hero at CLOD was tired of both the general public taking them for granted and the relatively low compensation compared to competing evil organisations.

  Captain Fantabulous appeared to ponder this offer.  He then shook his head slowly, and said, “CLOD heroes are not greedy; they are driven solely by karma and the fact that they are helping their fellow man…but just out of curiosity, HMO or PPO?”

  I like the premise and the screenshots look like fun.  Good luck with it.

I love that old school font, reminds me of classic games like Wizard's Crown and Phantasie.

Try a Russian war movie called "Come and See" for something different, and an emotional response.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091251/

Tenacious Stu

I like the idea of Santa busting out of the clink.

  Great game man, and good job on getting the PC Gamer love.

Those are better than most of the comics I see in the papers these days.  Good stuff man!

I’ve laid out milk and freshly baked cookies, and arranged the Christmas tree.  It is really late now, so he must be here sometime soon.  I’m on the edge of my seat, since I was four years old I’ve always wanted to meet Santa Claus in person and thank him for being so generous to me and all the other children throughout the world.

Mom, Dad, Sis, and Uncle C are all sound asleep upstairs.  I hope I don't wake them.  Uncle C is especially cranky these days, and so I really do not want to disturb him.  He usually doesn’t stay with us during the winter, but my great uncle says that he needs a break from the “grind”.  I’m not exactly sure what the “grind” is, but it doesn’t sound like fun.

There is a rustling sound coming from the chimney.  It must be Santa!  He’s coming!  Small pieces of crusted ash are crumbling down into the fireplace.  I glance around the room to make doubly sure it is presentable to my childhood hero, and then a bag drops into the fireplace logs followed by a soot-covered man.

Forgetting about my sleeping family members I cheer, “Welcome Santa!”  It’s strange that Santa has a messy goatee instead of a big gray beard, and I don’t remember scary biker tattoos from the Christmas stories.  Also, why is he wearing a vest that those special police officers wear in the movies and what is that weighted leather strap thingy in his hand?

Santa glares at me and barks, “Be quiet kid, close your eyes, and let Santa work his…uhhh…Christmas magic.”  He doesn’t sound very jolly, but I don’t want to ruin Christmas so I close my eyes.  I hear footsteps like he is getting closer to me.  I can’t wait to see what he leaves under the tree!  So what if he doesn’t exactly fit the description of Santa from the stories?  Books and movies are usually not like real life anyway.

“Thomas Eiger Washington!” bellows a deep voice.  I opened my eyes and Santa was directly in front of me with the leather strap thingy raised above his head.  We both look towards the direction of the voice, and there is Uncle C stroking his beard with a very annoyed look on his face.  He sighs, and looks at Santa and says, “You were always troubled, but this is a new low.”

Santa replies, “Alright Grandpa Tubs, how do you know my name?”  Uncle C is certainly tubby, but he carries the extra weight very well and his belly is only noticeable when he laughs.  The real Santa Claus wouldn’t be so mean.  Maybe he isn’t Santa after all?

Uncle C stared at Fake Santa and declares, “If you hit him with that sap, you will be going on the naughty list…permanently.”  Fake Santa shuffles towards me a bit as if to test my uncle.  I’ve never seen Uncle C so serious, except for maybe that one time Dad asked him to go deer hunting.  My uncle will occasionally talk about his pet deer that he keeps at his house up North, and I think the idea of hunting them bothered him.  He is also seems to be sensitive whenever people make fun of midgets.

Fake Santa taunts with, “I’m going to knit an ugly, gray Christmas sweater out of your beard.”  My Uncle C is wearing red pants and a white shirt with suspenders, so where he just pulled out a pair of candy-cane nightsticks is beyond me.   My uncle starts slowly twirling the nightsticks around and says, “Thomas, you had bad parents and rough childhood…there is still time to get your life back on the right track.  Walk out the back door and make something of your life.” 

I start to move just as Thomas swooshes the leather thingy at me, and barely misses.  I can’t believe I thought this big meanie was Santa! The real Santa would never try to conk me on the head.  My Uncle C rushes over and tackles the scary intruder â€" who falls to the floor and then springs right back up!  Thomas then swings the leather thingy at Uncle C, who expertly blocks it with one candy cane nightstick while the other one klunks Thomas in the side of the head and he goes down in a heap.

My new favorite Uncle looks down at Thomas and says, “You are reindeer feed.”  Thomas begs, “Wait!  Wait.  I was only going to knock the kid unconscious - not kill him or anything.  Now I’ve figured out who you are, and maybe I can help.  I saw the broken sleigh in the backyard; I can fix it.  You seem to know a few things about me, and so maybe you know what I did before getting laid off.”  I wondered what that rusty pile of metal was out back, and I remember Dad pleading with Uncle C to get rid of it.  Thomas continues, “I was a sleigh repairman Mr. Claus.”

Uncle Claus slowly advances towards the now frightened Thomas and says, “Convenient...But how can I trust you?”  Thomas replies, “Well you are Santa Claus, wouldn’t you know if I’m lying?”  My Uncle lets out a “Ho Ho Ho” complete with belly jiggling, and says.  “I’m not THE Santa.  I’m his brother, Irving Claus.  I do odd jobs for my famous sibling, including acting as a double in order to thwart assassination attempts.”  Oh my gosh!  What kind of super-meanie or organization of meanies would want to kill Santa?  My Uncle Irving points behind Thomas and says, “Speak of the jolly devil.  Hey Big Brother!”

I yell, “HEY SANTA!”  It is really him!  I mean, he’s wearing the official outfit so it must be!  Well, except for the big black belt which is now being tightened around Thomas the Intruder’s neck.  Wow!  It's really him!  After he finishes strangling that mean fake Santa I hope he tries my cookies!

Hahaha    Fun idea, and I love the santa hat mod!

[Ponch]

Not alot of votes, but this has got to close sometime.  Dualnames and Atelier are technically tied, and between the two I have to take Dualnames.

1st place...Ponch - Big Jack Handlebar's Dessert Preference
2nd place...Oddysseus - Steve the Pirate Encounters an Old Acquaintance
3rd place...Dualnames - Galleon
4th place...Atelier - The prologue to Tales of No-nose Jimbo

Congrats to Ponch for his hilarious, winning entry!  Thanks to Dualnames for the Galleon jingle, and I very much enjoyed Oddysseus's entry for originality and humor.

Feel free to resize the writing utencil trophies as needed (they look slightly big for signatures), and over to Ponch to start the next writing competition!

* Come on, kconan. Let him slide in under the wire.

Yea it was close...Atelier's Tales of No-nose Jimbo is in, provided this is ok with the other entrants.

Start VOTING now!  I'll step in only if there is a tie.

I'll give it two more days before starting the vote, just to give one or maybe two more folks a chance to enter.   8)

  Anyone else?  I'll wrap it up in a few days.

  I love Airplane, the Naked Gun Trilogy, and even the short lived Police Squad TV series.  Nielsen and the Zuckers created a new genre (the over-the-top parody) back in the day, and it may be the only movie genre where the originators really haven't been topped.

  I recall Nielsen did a little known direct-to-VHS golf instruction video sometime in the 90s, which was good fun.

  Thanks for the hard work on this!  And I look forward to the future additions to BuffEditor.

You can't write for a video game as you would write for a short story; it doesn't translate well.

You must think there is some translation.  In the "Offer Your Services" thread you mentioned winning a short story contest as your experience for writing a video game.

I do like the overall idea of a "game design outline" contest, though I don't know if that has been tried on here before.

Avast!  Here be more booty to tempt the mutinous scalawags who dare not to set sail...

2nd place
3rd place
4th place

  No one should relegate themselves to swabbin' the poopdeck just yet.  Ponch's story is hilarious, but I don't think its a lock and there are plenty of other stories to be told...Historical fiction about Henry Morgan, or maybe some swashbucklin' romance on the high seas, or perhaps a comedy about Magentabeard the fearless pirate who has either hooks or peglegs for all of his appendages.

[Pirates]

The subject is "Pirates".  No software pirates, and no modern day versions (Somali Pirates).  I be talkin' to ye about pre-1900s eye-patch wearin', peg-legged, swashbucklin' scoundrels of the seas who would make their own mother walk the plank just for a few dubloons.

No real limitations on the story or poem, just that it should be more than a paragraph and involve old school pirates.  Voting starts on December 5th.

Yer booty is a gold pen flying the jolly roger colors.