Messages

Yay!
I'll try to think of a fun idea for a theme

[Envy of Heaven]

I enjoyed how different each entry was! My feedback:

Envy of Heaven

Spoiler

The story is very interesting. It tends a bit towards the grotesque in some parts but that's done on purpose and it fits the theme and characters.
I like that it hints at a deeper story (e.g. Abramelin Operation which I assume refers to The Book of Abramelin?) while trusting the reader to be intelligent enough to figure out the plot and put the pieces together by himself. Cool ending as well.

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Nocturne

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I found that it has some very interesting images and I like the juxtaposition between the first and second part, splitting the two worlds (human and animal).
I'm not sure if it tells a short story more than a comparison between the two species, but it's not a negative for me and I appreciate what the poem does.

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The Dark, Dark, Forest

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I like how it tells a short story that feels unsettling, but leaving the scary parts to the reader's imagination, which is very effective! I especially liked the line: "or of being pushed by someone I trust", which opens to a lot of unpleasant images.

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The Path

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I liked the structure with multiple protagonists.
I don't entirely get the setting, with bikes, trains, TVs, and swearing, but also princes on white horses and witches. The mix of modern and fairytale worlds didn't feel cohesive to me, but maybe I'm missing something here.
There are some good images in the story and I liked the ending.

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My votes:

Spoiler

Envy of Heaven: 3
Nocturne: 2
The Dark, Dark, Forest: 3
The Path: 2

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[A New Life]

My entry below! I started late, so I wrote it rather quickly, and I exceeded the word limit a bit (I bet it's the word counter being imprecise and not my fault  ).

A New Life

Spoiler

Filthy woods. Filthy, fetid woods infested with flies and gnats. How on earth did she end up in such a place, Martina wondered. Yet their honeymoon had started so well, with those three days on Lake Maggiore! Alberto had been charming and everything had unfolded like in a movie: the room with a view, the sunset watching the reflections on the calm waters of the lake, happy days immersed in a romantic fairytale atmosphere. And he had not even touched her, waiting until she was ready. A true gentleman.
Everything had been perfect, until they had decided to travel to Alberto's hometown.

"What a beauty, right Martina?" said Alberto. "There's no such thing in the city!"
"Thank goodness..." she muttered between her teeth. Her t-shirt glued with sweat to her back, her blister-covered feet slipping on the forest floor covered with wet leaves and gnarled roots, Martina was certainly not in the mood to admire nature.
"Just think, there are more than a hundred native tree species in the Rubicante Valley alone!" continued declaiming Alberto, like a bucolic documentary programme.
"There he goes again!" He was so irritating when he started his boring speeches about trees, animals, the beauty of the earth, with the tone of a TV presenter.
Yet, three weeks earlier, things had been quite different. To think that it was precisely those conversations about mountain life that had fascinated her so much...

She had met Alberto Ferrero in Milan, the city where she had always lived. An inveterate city dweller, more used to being stuck in traffic than walking in nature, she had been captivated by Alberto's simple and affable ways. She had never met anyone like him. Most of her friends were university students or recent graduates from large private departments, a bunch of snooty, snobbish kids who spent their parents' money with alarming liberality, constantly searching for a quick and easy solution to their deep personal dissatisfaction.
Then, Alberto had arrived, a sudden ray of sunshine. Alberto, with his tanned face, his smile that looked even brighter under his dark skin, his muscular body, and his manner without pretence. She was immediately captivated by him. The evenings she used to spend with other students in the city's trendy bars had turned into long walks with Alberto.
Alberto was in Milan dealing with paperwork concerning a bereavement in the family, but he came from a small valley in Piedmont and rarely travelled to the big city.
A shy, unassuming man, he had not wanted to meet her friends to avoid making a bad impression. "They are cultured people," he said. "What do they have in common with a simpleton like me?". But it was precisely his simplicity that had attracted her so much.
And then she had fallen in love with the tales of his land, the Rubicante Valley, described as an enchanted, wonderful, unspoilt place. Alberto had an almost motherly bond to his land and was able – through his simple, unpretentious words – to paint a vivid picture of these places. It was all so fascinating!
Martina, accustomed to the daily grind of the big city, would never have imagined that such beautiful, immaculate lands could exist in the region next to hers.
"It is a unique place," Alberto recounted, his voice a whisper of reverence to those lands so dear to him. "A valley enclosed between two calm rivers, surrounded by magnificent forests and high mountains that protected it from the outside world, from wars, from worldly corruption. Its fertile land produces everything you need, the forests are full of game, and up there you can live a simple existence, far from worries, and happy. What we have, no one can ever take away from us. For centuries we have avoided all the problems that have plagued the rest of the country. It is a magical place".
Martina, almost hypnotised by these stories, had soon fallen in love with Alberto, despite the age difference. Within a few weeks, they were married and thinking back, Martina still couldn't quite understand how it had happened. Those days seemed to have disappeared from memory, carried away by a sudden whirlwind of happiness. It had been her first true love, as intense as only inexperienced youth can feel.
Alberto made her promise to spend the honeymoon in his lands and Martina happily agreed, eagerly to visit those magical places she heard so much about.

And now here they were, two newly-weds, sweating in mud, covered in blisters and insect bites. The much-dreamed Rubicante Valley had turned out to be a nightmare for Martina. The inn they were staying in was an ugly cube covered in plaster, with small windows set into thick walls and rooms that resembled burial recesses rather than the luxury hotel rooms she was used to when going on holiday with her parents.
The locals weren't much better. They seemed poorly dressed, boorish peasants speaking an incomprehensible dialects. They made her immediately miss her friends from Milan who, as shallow as they were, had at least some shared interest with her! These people, however, seemed have no other topic of conversation than hunting, gathering, and harvesting.
And Alberto... Alberto was like a pig in the mud! Where was that charming man who had bewitched her with his sincere ways? Suddenly he seemed to have been replaced by a crude mountain man who, like a snake shedding its skin, had revealed his true nature once surrounded by his fellow men. And to think that she had married him, despite her parents' warnings! She had scoffed at their worries as petty bourgeois concerns, but now she saw how right the were. What an idiot she had been!

"Shall we go back?" whimpered Martina, seated on a smelly rotting log. Compared to that forest, even their room at the inn seemed cosy.
"Why, you don't like the forest?" said Alberto with a gentleness that felt feigned.
"No!" she burst out. "I can't take it any more! Look at my feet," she said removing a boot to show him her blistered sole.
"Poor darling! I told you to wear socks with your boots."
"You didn't tell me, though, about all these gross flies! My face is full of bites, I have gnats splattered all over my skin. You didn't tell me about the disgusting stench emanating from these woods! I can't take it any more! I can't!". Martina realised she was having a fit, but did nothing to stop it. She felt so childish, but she could not stop sobbing.
Alberto sat down next to her and surrounded her tenderly with his muscular arms, wrapping her in a warm embrace.
"You're right, darling. It's my fault, I should have known you weren't used to it. I was selfish."
Patiently, Alberto bandaged her aching feet after covering them with cream. He kissed her gently on the head and the girl suddenly remembered why she had fallen in love with this rough-looking man.
"The smell in the air is the humidity," Alberto explained quietly. "I'm afraid it's going to rain soon. It's like that in these mountains: every now and then there is a downpour, but it's short-lived. Unfortunately, we have strayed too far from the town to go back, but I know a place nearby where we can take shelter until it stops raining."
Alberto helped Martina – now calm but with eyes still reddened – up, and they set off again through the pines, while the sky showing through the trees grew darker and darker, furrowed by gloomy clouds.

The air became colder, as the first drops of rain began to filter through the tall foliage. The ground was getting steeper and the humidity made it difficult to breathe. After walking for half an hour, the pine trees began to thin out, revealing far in the background a high rock face extending beyond the treetops.
The unpleasant stench of dampness and rotten vegetation had become even more intense and had an aftertaste of rotten eggs, almost causing Martina to retch. Where the hell did that stench come from?, Martina kept asking herself, increasingly tired and disoriented. It certainly could not be the dampness of the woods, as Alberto had said. The smell kept increasing the more sparse the woods became. With relief she noticed, however, that the flies had finally decided to leave them alone, a thought that made Martina laugh to herself: maybe they too must have been disgusted by the stench! Or perhaps it was the rain, which was beginning to beat heavily on their heads, that had made them run for cover.

As if crossing an invisible border, the forest abruptly ceased, giving way to a high, impassable-looking rock face. The only trees visible now were skeletal. The area appeared barren and bare: only a huge wall of rock towering above their heads.
"Look Martina, salvation!" Alberto was pointing to a spot in the rock face. "Just one final effort and you'll be able to rest."
Through the thick rain, Martina had not noticed some crude constructions embedded in the rock, ancient dwellings carved into the hard material, with openings like black gaping mouths.
"Nobody knows when they were built, people say they existed before the creation of the world", explained Alberto as they took shelter in one of the small dwellings, the rain almost deafening.
Under the cover of the rocky roof, Martina suddenly noticed how beneath the noise of the rain there was a quieter one. A faint white noise, an insistent hum like the sound of a broken radio.
It was only when they pushed further into the ancient dwelling, through a narrow, dark corridor carved into the mountain, poorly lit by Alberto's lighter, that Martina realised where the noise was coming from.
Flies, hundreds of flies were swarming madly, banging on the narrow walls of the corridors.

At Alberto's insistence, they went further into the artificial cave. "Wet as we are, we have to find a place to light a fire and dry ourselves".
Martina felt as she was about to have another fit. "I can't stand it here," she gasped.  "This oppressive darkness, the flies... I... I can't breathe!"
"Would you rather catch pneumonia? Look at the rain out there!" blurted Alberto, irritated, his face suddenly appearing old and covered with wrinkles in the light of the lighter. "So much fuss over a little smell of sulphur."
They descended deeper, into dark corridors that penetrated through the bowels of the mountain. Alberto moved confidently, as if he had traversed those paths many times. The flies were again a constant, thick presence, with their fat, dark bodies covering what little light came from the lighter. The smell of sulphur had become so intense that Martina struggled to breathe, nausea gave her bouts of dizziness that left her disoriented in that cramped and oppressive space. She felt she was about to faint, could no longer stand, as they descended lower and lower.

Martina woke up on the dirt floor, inside a circular room carved in the rock, poorly lit by a few candles. A deafening buzzing sound seemed to vibrate from the very essence of the room. Next to her, she recognised Alberto.
In the middle, a table carved into the stone separated them from a figure seated on a crude pew, the man an indistinguishable silhouette in the darkness.
"You finally woke up," said Alberto in a sarcastic voice. "It's not nice to keep our guest waiting."
"W-where are we?" she stammered.
"Remember Martina, when I was telling you about the Rubicante Valley, how it remained a peaceful and idyllic place for centuries, without war or destruction? Well, you must know that some things don't just happen. No, sir. There is no such thing as luck. Maintaining peace requires, shall we say, a little sacrifice."
"Sacrifice?"
"Our Lord left one of his sons here, for us, to protect us. But, poor thing, he too needs nourishment, don't you think?"
Alberto drew a candle closer to the table, revealing the occupant of the pew.
His face, if one could call it that, was a milky, pulsating cocoon, with silky filamentous threads connected to the rest of his body. A dark gash started to widen from his grotesque head and flies, thousands of flies, began to fly out of it, heading towards the girl. Martina closed her eyes.

That year the crops of the Rubicante Valley were lush and the game abundant. The land seemed to be regenerated with new life.

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I'm working on an entry, hopefully I'll manage to finish it today or tomorrow.

I helped test this game and it's super fun!

Entertaining puzzles, a silly story, and great dialogues. Super nice graphics as well.
If you're looking for an enjoyable 10-15 minutes, give it a try!

It's not connected to Yip Quest, but if you liked this game, you should also try it.

[Sinitrena]

I liked the theme and I had a story planned out, but life happened and I couldn't join. My impressions on the stories, both of which I enjoyed, are below!

Sinitrena

Spoiler

An interesting story that I enjoyed reading: it defies some clichés and the ending is sad but realistic. Although a few things in Andrew's behaviour aren't entirely believable (like not masking himself during his performances on stage, or not showing his girlfriend to dissipate doubts about her existence) they don't undermine the story.

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Baron

Spoiler

I like the cast's characterisations through their names, descriptions, and dialogues. But when the story starts to get interesting... it stops. Which is a bit disappointing.

By the way, the Marconi surname for a mob boss in 1950s US makes no sense. Marconi is a typical surname of the north, as the famous Guglielmo Marconi (who was from Bologna) can attest. The Mafia is a phenomenon from Sicily, the south.

Other than that nitpick, a very enjoyable story... but I wish there was more! The characters are too good to stop here.

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My votes:

Spoiler

I vote for To the Pole, since it feels like a complete story.

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Spoiler

[...] some choices a bit weird, considering they are not really explored at all (I'm mostly refering to the crossed out 3 for "chapter" 4).

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Spoiler

The crossed-out chapter is just a small visual joke. Loopy is writing the text and since she isn't the most brilliant student and rather messy in general, she's the kind of person who wouldn't bother checking if the chapters are in the right order. That's also why the epilogue is chapter 5, despite coming after chapter 6. Just a silly joke that makes me laugh, but probably no one else 

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[SNICK-SNICK]

I enjoyed pretty much all the entries. My thoughts on them below.

SNICK-SNICK

Spoiler

I really enjoyed this story. The two characters are well-characterised (that's a tongue twister ) and their interactions are fun to read. The ending is a nice twist. Is Simon's surname a reference to the Bell test?

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The Color of Home

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A very nice read. I think the text captures well the kids' voices and the way they speak. It makes you feel like you're in a classroom, listening to them. I also enjoyed how, through their conversation, you slowly understood the story's world.

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Her Father's Wish

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I think it's the one that fits the theme the best, as described in Baron's post.
I like how the real nature of the genie is left ambiguous and the story is warm and positive, in the end. It's a bit too "sentimental" for my tastes, but that's just personal preference -- and even that fits the theme.

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My votes:

Spoiler

SNICK-SNICK 3
The Color of Home 4
Her Father's Wish 3

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lorenzo, do you happen to have a link to your other story with these characters? I'd like to refresh my memory.

Sure! The story is here. Although it's not necessary to have read it, in order to read the new one.

[Loopy & Doofy and the Case of the Stolen Cookies]

Since my last entry with these characters was such a huge success (?), I made another one, while everybody is eagerly (??) waiting for the comic book version of these stories to finally be out. It'll happen, sooner or later. Probably later.

Loopy & Doofy and the Case of the Stolen Cookies

Spoiler

1. Theft!

It was a day like any other at the Interplanetary School for Non-Gifted Kids -- which means: boring as heck. Suddenly, a scream pierced the air!
It sounded like: "Aaaah" but more terrifying. I mean, you should've been there to hear it, like I was. Freaking annoying too, especially since it came from the desk next to mine and it felt like it broke my left eardrum.

It was Doofy, my deskmate and best friend, who was screaming her lungs out.
"What could've happened?", the beautiful and heroic Loopy (that's me, by the way) asked herself, while running to her friend as fast as she could! Don't know why I'm speaking in third person, let's switch to first.
I ran there as fast as I could. Actually, I was already sitting there. No need for running.
"What happened, Doofy?!", I asked, distressed. Way to spoil my school break nap!
Last time she screamed like that, a bee had stung her and those things are not fun. They leave their butt-stinger inside you and it's as painful as disgusting. I mean, a bee butt. Can't be too clean.
By the way, I had brought the bee for the science hour that day -- and showing the professor what remained of the insect after it was splatted under Doofy's right thigh didn't give me the greatest grades. But I digress.

Luckily, it wasn't a bee sting this time. It was... theft!
"Someone has stolen my cookies!", Doofy shouted, pointing at the missing cookies. I mean, I don't know how you can point at something that is missing, but somehow that's what she was doing. That's why she has all the good grades at school, I guess.
"I haven't seen your cookies", I said, defensively. "Of course, if they were stolen, they're difficult to see", I added, in an outburst of cunningtude. Cunningness? You know what I mean. Sometimes I'm so smart, I surprise myself.
We searched under the desk and in the surroundings, but no trace of the cookie was there. Nilch.

2. An investigation starts

"No one is going to help us in this situation," I said, resolutely. "There's nothing left to do, Doofy, but to put on our thinking cat, whatever that is, and start investigating. I'll be the detective!"
"And I'll be your Watson!"
"My... what?"
"Sherlock Holmes's associate, of course."
"Who?" I asked. Sometimes Doofy has these weird bits of knowledge that no one else knows about. That girl reads too much. "Anyway, let's start from the start. What have you lost?"
"A pack of cookies."
"Describe it to me."
"It was a pack. It contained cookies."
Even for a shrewd detective like me, it wasn't much to go on.
"Where did you see it last time?"
Doofy pointed at her desk. "I left it here, but it could've fallen, or someone took it, I guess."
"Maybe even both!" I said. Boy, what an intuition! "My God, what is this school becoming?! First, they make us study. Then, they steal our stuff!"
"What is this world coming to, Loopy?"
"I'm not sure."
"It was a rhetorical question."

3. A suspect

"I know who did it!" There was certainty in my mind. "It was Clarissa". I pointed at her with my inclined head, so that the fiend couldn't notice me.
"Clarissa? How could you tell?"
"Two words, Doofy: the duction! First of all, she's a hoodie."
"A what?"
"A hoodie. A criminal. The lowest of the low."
"A hoodlum? If she's a hoodlum, so are you".
"I'm not!" I felt miffed. Stabbed in the back by my very best friend!
"You received five suspensions this term," Doofy was counting on her fingers. "You spend more time at the principal's office than in the classroom."
"I just thought he enjoyed my company!"
"You're a hoodlum, Loopy." concluded Doofy, mercilessly.
"Oh well, that means I can recognise the criminal element. And Clarissa, she's one!"
"One element?"
"One criminal. Let's go pose her some questions. Discreetly."

3. 4. Interrogation

We tiptoed stealthily towards Clarissa, who was chatting with her sister in a corner of the classroom.
"Look at her", my voice was a whisper. "The shape of her head, the evil gaze, that unruly clump of hair on the top of her head... The skull of a true ruffian -- she would make Lombroso happy!"
"I think she looks cute." replied poor, naive Doofy. What would that kid do without me guiding her through life?
Clarissa stopped her conversation, turned, and stared at us: a pair of beady, wicked eyes.
"...yes? Do you need something, Loopy?"
"Where were you this morning, before school break started?" I hit her with the tough questions. I learned this trick from a detective comic book and it never fails.
"Where do you think I was, you doofus? At my desk, listening to the professor blabber about equations." Her annoyance was a sign of guilt if I ever saw one. "What is this? An interrogation?"
"Exactly!" I exclaimed. "Admit it! It's you who ate Doofy's cookies, as revenge for me owing you money! We're onto you."
"That makes no sense." Clarissa scratched her head. "If that were the case, I would've eaten your snack, not Doofy's."
"I don't think so." intervened Doofy. "Have you seen what she normally eats?"

5. Stumped

That interrogation turned out to be a failure. But that's how the cookie crumbles (I was waiting the entire time to say that).
"This is one of the hardest cases of my detective career," I admitted.
"It's the only case of your career, Loopy."
"Doesn't make it less true."

This investigation was taxing my brain. My body too. I must've burned thousands of calories, whatever those are.
I searched my pockets and found some of that energetic muesli I was munching on that morning, and popped them down my gullet when someone screamed! (you know it's a tense story when a lot of people scream)
"Those are my cookies!!!" shouted Doofy, pointing an accusatory finger toward me.
"What?", I more or less said, with my mouth full. "This powder with bits of chocolate?"

6. Resolution

"Where did you get that packet?" Doofy was like a hound on its prey.
"I found it on my chair, under my bum," I explained. "I thought it was the muesli I bought last week and forgot under the desk."
"Those were my cookies! You sat on them all morning until they crumbled apart."
"Oh." I thought about it. "I guess you're right. That's why sitting was so uncomfortable."
I shook the packet and a few solitary crumbles fell to the floor, like autumn leaves (poetic, huh?). It was empty.
"Sorry, Doofy. I guess I ate it all by now, eh? Tell you what, I can give you my snack instead."
"Which is...?"
Opening my backpack revealed a tasty sandwich. "Ham, orange jam, and this white stuff."
"Er... what's that?"
"No idea. I found it wriggling inside the fridge this morning. Here, it's all yours!"
"No, thanks," said Doofy. "Maybe the vending machine will have some snacks..."

5. Epilogue

"What are you doing, Loopy?"
"I'm writing down a report of our investigation," I explained. "I thought it might be useful for  future generations."
"Ooh, like Murder, She Wrote!" exclaimed Doofy.
"What? Is that another one of your books?!"

That girl sometimes worries me.

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[Results!]

Results!

This was a close one!

The winner is Baron, with 6 points!
Closely followed by Sinitrena, with 5.
And then Mandle, whose stories got 2 points each (4 points total).

Thanks to everyone who participated and voted!
Also, sorry Stupot if I didn't wait for your vote, I just wanted to close the contest so we can have a new one.

[Sinitrena]

It seems like we have a tie between Sinitrena's Jenna Levinston and Baron's The Flame That Burns, both with 4 votes each (unless I counted wrong and knowing me, it could happen ).

Can someone help us solve this tie by adding an extra vote?

[You! Yes, you, scrolling through the posts!]

You! Yes, you, scrolling through the posts! Do you feel like reading some creepy and entertaining short stories, and then votes the ones you liked best? It'll take 10 minutes to read them all! Thanks

So, first of all, thanks to all who have joined the contest! I enjoyed each one of the stories. I won't vote, but here are my impressions of them:

Jenna Levinston

Spoiler

I really liked the narrating voice in this one. It gave the idea of an oral story told in front of a campfire, including digressions and interruptions.
The "---" replies felt unsettling in an understated way.
The ending was kind of expected, but that's not a negative and it works well.
Good story!

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Burnt Marshmallows

Spoiler

The short length of the story makes it very creepy. It gives you enough information to tell a story, but lets your mind fill the rest. Great example how only a few sentences can give you a whole picture.
Good stuff!

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The Flame That Burns

Spoiler

A very enjoyable story, it captures well the feeling of being in front of a campfire listening to ghost tales. The idea and descriptions of fire were very interesting and the ending was expected (again, that's not a bad thing in this case!), but good.
A very fun read!

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Six Words

Spoiler

I find your other story to be more interesting. You can interpret this one in many ways, but I guess I'm too lazy for that I think the format is just not for me, but it's still interesting.

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[Deadline for voting:]

Oops! Sorry, I forgot to add it to the post. I put in the title of the post... the wrong one 

Deadline for voting: Friday, August 23rd.

It makes sense, thanks!

[Voting time!]

Voting time!

Vote 2 points for your favorite, and 1 point for your runner-up.

The stories are:

• Jenna Levinston - Sinitrena
• Burnt Marshmallows - Mandle
• The Flame That Burns - Baron
• Six Words - Mandle again

Deadline: August 23rd.

I'm not sure how it works for counting votes when you have two votes from the same person...? Let me know, FWC experts!

Also...
Please note!
Voting is open to everyone! The stories are all short and entertaining, so remember you can vote even if you didn't take part in the contest. Also, feedback on the stories is welcome!

I'm always amazed when I see all the fantastic non-adventure games that people can create with the engine!
I forgot to add that the rain effect works nicely and creates a cool atmosphere. Also, the impact at 1.12: great stuff! Very punchy. Keep up the good work!

ps: I've seen you did such an amazing game with CaptainD, congrats!!!   Sorry I am late but your graphics always looks so stunning, please keep it up!! ❤️

Thank you very much! Still some stuff left to do for that game, but we're slowly but surely approaching the finish line.

Great to see more entries! I'll read them all once the contest is over.
Speaking of that... today is the last day. If anyone is still writing their story, hurry up!

I think it looks already pretty awesome! The animations are smooth, and the platforming looks good with several movement options, it has already the basis for a fun game. It's hard to tell how responsive movement is without playing the game, but it seems to work very well in the video.

The combat, however, doesn't seem to have much impact. There's no response when the player gets hit (no flashing of the sprite, no getting knocked back, etc), nor when the player hits the enemy. You need to add more "punch" to the combat so that it feels impactful. Otherwise the player could not even realise he's getting hit.

Also, you need to add some sort of effect / sound effect to actions like picking up the keycard, the player might miss it otherwise.

Design-wise, I think that the stairs at 1:46 should be visible when the player jumps on the platform, otherwise he won't be able to understand the puzzle (i.e. there's a machine, but what does it do?). Alternatively, you could have something (cables that go up, etc) that makes the player want to look up, and shows the connection between the machine and the stairs.

Other than that, it's really promising!

Nice to see an entry 

How are the rest of you doing? If you need more time, let me know!