Hi All.
Wouldn't it be great if we all had access to an AGS Doctor?
We could PM Him or Her with problems, maybe pics (If needed), and they could guide us as to what treatment, if any, is needed.
It's only a thought.
Jay.
Like.... Dr. Khris in the technical forum? Or do you mean a doctor for non-AGS related ailments? Kind of like a self-proclaimed expert in internet diagnosis? Hmmmmmm..... This could only go good places, so sign me up. I've got this weird toe thing. I'm pretty sure it's not leprosy, but there's definitely some nerve damage and the skin around it is all dead and crusty. I've tried various charms and hexes on it, but nothing seems to work. Help.
I have no feeling at all in the pinky finger on my left hand and it's been this way since I wrecked my motorcycle in 1995. The doctors give me the "blah blah permanent nerve damage blah blah" thing. But I don't see why someone aspiring AGSer couldn't write a module or a plug-in to fix it. Also I'm getting gray hair in my beard. And won't someone please look at Baron's toe? It's gross and it's scaring the children. :=
You guys crack me up.
On topic - what a terrible idea.
Quote from: RetroJay on Thu 16/05/2013 01:18:41
We could PM Him or Her with problems, maybe pics (If needed), and they could guide us as to what treatment, if any, is needed.
That'd be like electing some guy and tattooing "Troll Target" on his forehead (nod)
Quote from: RetroJay on Thu 16/05/2013 01:18:41
We could PM Him or Her with problems, maybe pics (If needed), and they could guide us as to what treatment, if any, is needed.
I see no actual advantages compared to doing this on forum, but few serious disadvantages.
1) Person could get busy and won't answer for a long time;
2) Person will have to handle indefinite number of random PMs... alone? omg
3) Only one opinion.
4) A reason why I personally never liked explaining technical questions by PM (and why this is, probably, disliked by some others, I guess): in PM you have to answer same question to every person who asks. On forums there's at least probability that more people will find the answer useful.
Isn't this basically what the technical forums and critics lounge are for?
As Crimson says, if someone asks his or her question to one person in a PM, only he or she is benefiting from the Doctor's knowledge. Ask your question on a public forum, and the whole community gets to learn from it.
Hmmm, This give me an idea to make things easier for real doctors. All local GPs should videotape every session and upload it to the NHS YouTube channel, so that others might learn to help themselves before going to their doctor with the same old boring ailments.
I approve of this idea and submit myself for the position of AGS Doctor. I will now accept any medical related questions via PM. Your privacy: GUARANTEED!
DISCLAIMER: I have no medical education or qualification, but I am at least 70% sure I know where the skeleton goes in a body.
Good AGS Doctor, sir...
I would like to enlarge my toes. Not the penis. Just the toes. Please. Sir. Like Baron's toes.
We have our first question! In the interest of doctor-patient confidentiality, I've done my best to keep miguel's identity as secret as possible:
(http://pucomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/question1.png)
Great question stupid!
Well, have you ever made profiteroles (and who hasn't?) Do you know how they get the cream in there? No, it's not some mystic cream wizard (or "Wizard du creme"), but via some kind of big syringe thing, like a heroin user might use!
(http://pucomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Cauliflower4.jpg)
To enlarge your toes, simply use one of these to inject cream into your toes, and sit back as the ladies flock to accept your marriage proposals!
Dr VWG
Doctor,
I have a friend who likes to push his farts into the couch cushions for other unsuspecting couch occupants. Is there any chance the forces and pressure of doing this could rupture his anus? Also how can he maximize and improve the quantity of this lethal injection into the soft foam?
Also.. could you hold my balls while I cough again? I kind of enjoyed it.
Our second questions comes from Phoenix, Arizona (I assume based on little to no evidence):
(http://pucomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/question2.png)
I've answered this question thousands of times in my two question career, but it's always worth revisiting.
Your friend's anus is probably already ruptured beyond belief, as farts cause a 98% chance of Total Spleenage Destruction (TSD) in men (women never fart). An x-ray of that region would likely resemble a picture of a black hole, sucking in all light and matter. My advice is to embrace this to cause maximum fart impact: tell your friend to drink a can of rocket fuel before sitting, possibly causing a full launch into orbit!
Maximizing and improving the quantity of the fart-to-cushion ratio is achieved by hiding a bear trap under the couch cushion, literally trapping the fart down there until it can strike. If you're too much of a stupid fucking moron to picture this, I've provided a beautiful watercolour demonstrating how to set this up:
(http://pucomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/couch1.png)
As you can see, the bear trap is also part ghost, making it easy to install.
As for the ball holding, you know the old saying: you scratch my back, I hold your balls. Also you hold my balls.
Dr VWG MD
I should see a doctor as I have just laughed my balls off reading this. (laugh)
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have read posts where people have been unwell and thought...
Hey if we had an AGS user who is a qualified Doctor...Blah...Blah.
But now I see the flaw in my brain storm. :-[
Jay.
Gotta keep this going.
Dear AGS Doctor,
Appendix gently slobbered. Applied gelatinous substance. Afterwards, genitals sung.
Help plz.
Quote from: RetroJay on Thu 16/05/2013 16:58:49
I have read posts where people have been unwell and thought...
lol I thought it is about help with game-making and such :).
Quote from: Crimson Wizard on Thu 16/05/2013 20:54:51
Quote from: RetroJay on Thu 16/05/2013 16:58:49
I have read posts where people have been unwell and thought...
lol I thought it is about help with game-making and such :).
Me too, haha. I feel like such a party pooper.
Another great subject!
(http://pucomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/question3.png)
Any gassy stratus? All grunty swearing and growling should aid ghastly symptoms. Anal germicide suggested.
All good, see?
Dr VWG PHD
Dear Moving Thread AGS Doctor,
I spent the last several hours laughing at someone on the AGS forums who, as it turns out, only wanted to help other people. I now realize my error. Should I feel bad or continue to pervert the purpose of this thread?
Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?
P
Quote from: Ponch on Thu 16/05/2013 22:11:37
Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?
Yes. Unless you are a cow - are you a cow?
Besides, what is wrong with a penguin? At least they stand up like a human ;)
Brother Ponch.
QuoteAlso, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?
I believe that it all depends on how they dress.
There is a fine line between Sexy and slutty.
I, however, wouldn't care. If they are game then... Lets party babe!! ;)
Quote from: Ponch on Thu 16/05/2013 22:11:37
Dear Moving Thread AGS Doctor,
Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?
I always thought the Moving Thread was for situational advice, kind of like therapy. It dealt with problems of the mind. This seems like a thread where you seek resolution to problems of the physical body, or at least the physical body's immediate fart-sinking surroundings. So the question is, P, are you lusting after cows with your mind or with your body?
Also I've got this toe thing.... *cough* *cough*
Quote from: RetroJay on Fri 17/05/2013 00:33:08
Brother Ponch.
QuoteAlso, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?
I believe that it all depends on how they dress.
There is a fine line between Sexy and slutty.
Slutty? Cows are the classiest of God's creatures. Didn't you know that? (http://www.barnrunner.com/pics/misc/Cow_Tuxedo.gif)(http://www.barnrunner.com/pics/misc/girly-cow.gif) Old school cool, baby! :cool:
I trust this makes things clear for Baron as well (who really ought to get that looked at).
Another medical question? To the Docmobile!
(http://pucomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/question4.png)
I thought it was important NOT to keep this one anonymous, as it's the only way to make sure the problem is tackled head on.
This is a clear case of ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
Just to make it clear, PONCH YOU HAVE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
Many men would be embarrassed by having ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION and having it revealed on a public forum, but you have nothing to be ashamed about other than the fact that you have ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
Now, there is no known cure for ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION (which PONCH HAS), but there are some ways to deal with it. The first way would be to make sure as few people you know as possible know you have ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. The second would be to sit alone in a dark room forever.
Here is a website that can help you deal with your ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. (http://pucomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/medicaladvice1.txt)
Hope that helped (with your ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION).
Dr VWG Attorney At Law
Dear AGS doctor..
Why does it hurt when I pee?
QuoteTo enlarge your toes, simply use one of these to inject cream into your toes, and sit back as the ladies flock to accept your marriage proposals!
Dr VWG
Already feeling much better, Doctor!
Good day to you, sir!
It's time for: THE AGS DOCTOR SMILE TIME VARIETY HOUR!
(http://pucomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/question51.png)
Because you're wearing nipple clamps when you do it.
Dr VWG Ba(Hons)
Brilliant! Thanks doc! Feeling much better now having removed the nipple clamps!
Anyone interested in a second-hand pair of nipple clamps for sale?
Hey Doc,
Apparently fully functional erectile tissue has been found in the tentacles of certain male octopuses (http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/11/06/1068013324484.html). At the same time, I've got this friend that spends a lot of time alone in a dark room (presumably with a flash light and cow magazines (roll)). Is there not some sort of Frankenstein-esque transplant surgery that could somehow usefully combine these two items in a functional yet humorous manner?
I'll offer my self for experiments on my sculpted body if there's food involved.
Thanks for the link to the website, Doc. The world makes more sense to me now. ;)
Hi Monkey424.
QuoteDear AGS doctor..
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't know if you are being serious, as this thread has gone to hell...But.
I found this article.
It sounds as if you might be developing (or have already completely developed) Urinary Tract Infection. This is nothing to worry about as it's something anyone can experience. This merely means that there is bacteria and infection in the urethra and bladder which needs to be cleansed out. The most common symptoms of UTI are as follows: Painful/Burning Urination, Unable to completely empty bladder, Frequent Urination. If these are things you are experiencing, then you need to schedule an appointment with your doctor so that you can get a complete examination to ensure that this is a Urinary Tract Infection and receive antibiotics. Don't wait until the pain and signs are nearly unbearable.
While you wait, you should drink plenty of water or cranberry juice (if available) so that you can flush the infection from your bladder. Make sure to urinate whenever you feel the urge. Don't hold it in, for you will end up harboring infection. Whenever you do urinate, make sure to clean around the opening of the penis so as not to allow infection to reenter the body. Doing these things should help your pain and irritation go down some until you can see a doctor.
Hope it helps.
Jay.
I think the moral of the story here is: don't be afraid to go and see a doctor and, especially, don't seek medical advice from the internet. Nothing wrong with looking up symptoms, though. I'm pretty sure we all do that (or have done).
That's not to say that some doctors aren't completely full of it. Sometimes you'd be just as well putting some ice on it.
Quote from: Sunny Penguin on Fri 17/05/2013 20:11:23
Sometimes you'd be just as well putting some ice on it.
I wouldn't do that for the problems with peeing :P
Baron.
Show us all a picture of your toe.
I am experiencing a morbid sense of curiosity.
Who knows, maybe someone can help.
Jay.
EDIT:
For anyone who has dry skin. Try E45 cream on the affected area/s.
I think it is fantastic and no Doctor ever told me to try it. They just gave me a load of expensive creams that never worked.
My Mother was the one who found my cure by 'surfing' the web.
[celebrity_endorsement]I always get dry skin in the winter (Curse this high desert lack of moisture). That's why I always keep a bottle of Gold Bond LotionTM in my workout bag. It's the only lotion that's manly enough for a manly man like me. Plus it smells like menthol. I walk around for the rest of the day smelling sort of like a pack of Kool cigarettes.[/celebrity_endorsement]
Seriously, it really works and doesn't leave me greasy. (When it's time to greasy myself up, there are other products I prefer. But I'll save that for later in this thread. :wink:)
I hope long-term exposure to all that menthol doesn't give me erectile dysfunction. :=
Brother Ponch.
I will have to try "Gold Bond Lotion". Sounds GREAT!
Smell ya later. (If you smell like 'Kool cigarettes') :-D
Edit:
Are you cured of the ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION yet? :X
Brother Jay.
Dear Dr Jay.
QuoteUrinary Tract Infection
Thanks for your concern. Don't worry though, I was only attempting to be humorous. Laughter is the best medicine after all.
Sure monkey424, next you're going to tell us that a friend of yours has Urinary Tract Infection. It's okay, you know? You shouldn't be ashamed of having Urinary Tract Infection, just like Ponch's ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. He's okay with it and even bathes himself with menthol-based products like he just doesn't care.
I know a guy called Joe who picked up an unpronounceable disease from the toilet seat. But I digress..
I'm pretty sure my problem was caused by the nipple clamps as Dr VWG correctly diagnosed. It was merely a coincidence I happened to be peeing at the time of wearing them.
Dear AGS Doc,
I have poopoo coming out of my wee wee and pipi coming out of my a-hole. This is so comfusing! How could this happen and what direction do I sit on the toilet now?