Hiya all ;)
Re: Do you think I was right or wrong?
I had solely looked after my 3 sons until they left home when the were in their late teens (mother ran off for pastures new, though not green).
I had hoped that they would understand the basics of life. For most parts they have.
Anyhow, my eldest son is living with me again until he gets another place to live. I told him £45 per week all in.
Anyhow, yesterday (Friday) when he came home from work he told me that a late missed payment had caused his car insurance company to cancel his policy. He had already arranged to take his car to a mechanic to have certain things done ie oil leak and some other bits.
Now, this month I had to pay out bigtime and so I had to be careful with what the money that was left so my sons £45 was crucial.
He calmly told me he may give me something during the week but at the moment nothing (bearing in mind he had £1000 at his disposal). I told him that without his money we won't eat, can't cook or have any electric light.. nothing.. He then said his car was more important and I would have to wait for his keep of £45.
After an exchange of words he gave me his keep and was not a happy bunny.
We did sort out another car insurance company that evening that was quite cheap and the car is now covered.
My point is this:
Do you think I was right or wrong to confront my son about paying his keep?
Sometimes you can't do right for doing wrong.
Thanks for your opinions (nod)
slasher
You were right!
He needs to learn that things don't drop from the sky, and that you pay your bills first! Then, with what is left (if any), one can have fun and use it for whatever.
This is a basic thing, the need to prioritize.
You were absolutely right. He's an adult and needs to take responsibility. Just because he's living with Dad again doesn't make him a kid.
It's hard to teach young men what's right and wrong, they usually think they have the world figured out already. I think what's most important is to not only get him to pay his way and be responsible, but to do it in a way that doesn't blow up your relationship with him. I think it's very important to get your point across, but to do it in a way that doesn't involve screaming, yelling and getting angry. Obviously you're right, but how you get that point across can be the difference between your son paying his bills or storming out of the house.
I wish I only had to spend 45 pounds a week for everything! Giy im a clip round ear ole!
You're definately right.
Bills come first, before the luxory of a car. He knows he has to pay you every week, and he has the money to pay you. He can't just decide not to pay you, cos he'd rather spend it on something else.
He'd be paying a lot more than that if he had is own place. I gave my mum a token sum every week when I was living at home and working. Nowhere near real rent prices, but enough that I felt I was paying my way. When I was unemployed and at home it was a different story. I couldn't afford to give her anything and I was an extra mouth to feed so it made me feel like such a burden. My mum didn't mind but I did.
But if he's working full time then he really should be giving you something. He's left home and paid real rent before, I'm assuming... So 45 quid is just a token gesture.
No worries man. You were absolutely right. Eating and having electricity is far more important than a car. I don't know how old he is but i remember in my younger days that my stuff was the most important and everything else came in second place :-)
There was/is an agreement, so yes, you were right.