What grinds my gears!

[Blondbraid]

I'm just enraged at parents letting their offspring act feral and then having the gall to judge people for calling them out on it.

When I was commuting today, a mom with two kids, old enough to talk and walk on their own mind you, was walking right in front of me and the kids were howling like freaking apes for no reason whatsoever. They were not in pain or anything, they just felt like playing howler monkeys, and when I asked "must you be so loud?", the lady just gave a half-hearted hush and the kids kept howling, so when I asked her to tell them to stop, she just snapped at me saying "She's a small child". I told her I've worked in daycare and kids can quiet down if you just clearly tell them, and she just snapped back "then You should understand they can't" and walked away.

Look, I've worked with toddlers, and I know from experience that if they are not in pain or some form of distress, and old enough to talk, they very much can stop what they are doing as long as their parents can tell them to with just a freaking ounce of authority or consistency, but that woman was deliberately undermining ANY attempt, including her own, at making her kids respect their surroundings and other people.

I despise the current idea that any attempt at boundaries or rules for kids is on par with straight-up abuse, parents shouldn't be parents, but some cool friend that's never saying no, and that kids just lack any sense of restraint or consideration.

Well, kid's aren't born with inherent respect for other people, but that's a reason to teach them, not let them run feral until you expect them to just magically be gifted with social skills. I have Asberger's syndrome, so I had an even harder path learning all that, but I did, because I was taught.

And then there's this toxic mentality that any stranger reprimanding a child for bad behavior, what used to be known as "it takes a village to raise a child", is bad and intrusive and that is just another recipe for intensifying any bad thing they do the older they get.

Seriously, people who don't want to do any actual parenting shouldn't be parents, if they want a creature that only exist to be pampered and who doesn't understand or care for human social cues, they should get cats instead.

[Danvzare]

I'm just enraged at parents letting their offspring act feral and then having the gall to judge people for calling them out on it.

In just one sentence, you perfectly described all of the kids near to where I live.
I feel your pain. 

[cat]

I'm just glad you haven't worked in my kid's daycare...

If my kids were to play apes when walking on the street with me, I would not stop them because some passerby demands it. Of course, the situation would be different on a bus or train, but not just walking somewhere outside.

[Blondbraid]

I'm just glad you haven't worked in my kid's daycare...

If my kids were to play apes when walking on the street with me, I would not stop them because some passerby demands it. Of course, the situation would be different on a bus or train, but not just walking somewhere outside.

It was a tightly crowded subway station, not a playground park. And the kids weren't "playing ape" as some cute game, they were howling just for the heck of it.

Let's be clear, I'm not interrupting kids playing in their homes or on a playground, or any place where you could reasonably expect kids to be allowed to run around and play, it's a subway station, where nearly everyone is tired from work or school and just want to be able to go home in peace. Is it really that unreasonable to ask parents to teach their kids bare-bones consideration for the people around them? And why would it be wrong for a passerby to ask for it?

How would you go about teaching kids to respect other people around them and prepare them for the fact that while their parents may let things slide, so many people in their future lives, teachers, bosses, older kids around them, facility staff etc., will not?

I'm just glad you haven't worked in my kid's daycare...

Also, you sound rather judgemental yourself saying that, you don't know where or what my work routines looked like.
Sure, it got loud, but there I at least was able to mentally prepare myself for it, and even so, when the staff was able to put the most disruptive kids in timeout for ten minutes, and just be consistent with having multiple people tell them when their behavior was bad, the kids improved their behavior to others greatly, and the older kids were able to sit down quietly and learn things.

The biggest problem on that daycare wasn't the kids, it was the entitled parents.

[Blondbraid]

It grinds my gears that whenever it's international women's day, you always see a bunch of guys complaining that "But where's the international MEN's day?!",
but there actually IS an international men's day, this very day, November 19, but none of the dudes complaining actually looked it up.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Men%27s_Day

[Sinitrena]

Why, why are strawberries sold in open containers? And sometimes they're even piled higher than the walls of the container. They -inevitable- fall out of it when carrying them in a bag, wiggle their way down to the other groceries and get crushed. I mean, less packaging material is good, but stuff still needs to be packaged in a way that I can use it once I get it home, right?
(Such a minor grievance, I know...  )

[Blondbraid]

Why, why are strawberries sold in open containers? And sometimes they're even piled higher than the walls of the container. They -inevitable- fall out of it when carrying them in a bag, wiggle their way down to the other groceries and get crushed. I mean, less packaging material is good, but stuff still needs to be packaged in a way that I can use it once I get it home, right?
(Such a minor grievance, I know...  )

I've seen it both ways in Sweden, some are sold in closed plastic containers, and some in open plastic containers, and yeah, it's stupid, but if there's any food/drink packaging I hate more it will always be the fact that you still see a bunch of beer sold in glass bottles, inevitably leading to drunks shattering them on streets and footpaths.

Seriously, if it isn't some super expensive artisanal craft beer, they should just make recyclable plastic alcohol bottles mandatory, with the added bonus that the deposit-refund system will incentivise the local homeless to clean them up the same way as any other plastic bottles.

[Khris]

I got a phishing mail from a GMail account. Reporting the GMail user and domains for abuse turns out to be difficult / impossible though.

The abuse form on the domain provider's website has a mandatory checkmark where I'm supposed to authorize them to share my contact details with the domain owner. WTF. No.
I sent them an email instead with the subject "Phishing hosted on multiple of your domains" and listed the domains.
About a minute later I received an automated reply that said

Your message was not recognized as message about abuse.
Please add more information to your abuse report: domain name(s), type of abuse.

Reporting the Gmail address also turns out to be impossible: after clicking through various "help" pages on Google's website they tell me I'm supposed to open the mail on the Gmail website, then click on "Report this email" or whatever. There's just a slight problem: I received the phishing mail on a non-gmail address. Turns out there's no way to report malicious GMail accounts.

[Stupot]

@Khris
Whether it's hallucinting or not, I don't know, but ChatGPT has this suggestion:

Send the phishing email to Google at phishing@google.com. Include the full headers of the original message so Google can investigate.

[Blondbraid]

It grinds my gears that despite this being the year 2024, we STILL have mainstream media featuring scenes like this trailer/short video, where a female character threatens a terrified prisoner in a sexual manner (with some groping to boot), and instead of treating it as disgusting criminal behavior, virtually the entire comment section fawns over how hot it is because the "hero" doing the interrogation is an attractive waifu, and not an ugly man or old hag.
(for context, the woman is supposed to be a playable character in a game by Hoyolab, the same big company that made Genshin Impact, and this is an official trailer and not weird fan art)

Seriously, have all the decades of activism on this matter of double standard been for naught?

[TheFrighter]

Plus the apple in the mouth.

_

[Khris]

Props to the animators for making this with one hand.

lol

[Snarky]

What grinds my gears is that Tolkien's ages of the world make no sense.

First of all, there's a bunch of history before the first age. There's a lengthy prehistory during the creation of the world, but eventually, after one of the wars with Morgoth, Middle-Earth was created along with the two trees. But then there's about a thousand years before the first age starts!

The starting point is set to be the awakening of the elves (problematic since it isn't an exact known date, but whatevs). At least it makes some amount of sense since it's the beginning for the non-divine races.

But then there are two different opinions on what marks the end of the first age. In one view it is the destruction of the trees and the creation of the sun and moon, in another it's the final banishment of Morgoth after the war of the silmarils. That's almost six hundred years difference! The bulk of the Silmarillion happens in that gap!

And arguably they should both count as marking a new age, since they're both of cosmic significance. I mean: the creation of the sun?! Satan being physically expelled from the universe?! Big deals!

But the thing that really chafes me is the boundary between the second and third age. In the second age, Sauron tricks the Numenoreans into declaring war on Valinor, and the Valar destroy Numenor (apart from a few refugees) and change the flat disc-world into a round planet! (The last time in history they directly intervene on Middle-Earth.) Sauron's body is also destroyed, so that he's forever unable to take on a pleasing shape. But somehow that doesn't rate as a big enough event to mark a new age. Instead, we wait a few hundred years for the refugees to rebuild in Gondor and have yet another war in which they defeat Sauron (for the third time, I think, off the top of my head), though of course it's only a matter of time before he comes back.

How the hell is that a bigger deal than turning the damn world into a ball and airlifting heaven off the planet? (And also destroying Sauron?) Make it make sense, Johnny-boy!

[heltenjon]

What grinds my gears is that Tolkien's ages of the world make no sense.

It looks like you think of the defining moment of an age as an event that ends it or starts a new one. And perhaps in fiction it is, while in history most such ages are processes without clear beginnings and endings. Stone Age, Ice Ages, Middle Ages are examples of this. We may point to significant events, but defining an age is the historian's business, writing from a vantage point much later on. I think the birth of Christ should be an example of trying to define an event as worthy to start a new age, while it can easily be argued that the growth of Christianity was a long process. (And they got the start point wrong, too.)

I'm not saying that revolutionary events may happen that changes everything in an instant, but most of the time, change is process. And it doesn't happen at the same time all places either.

I agree that it would be nice if Ages could have easy bullet point starts and stops, though. Except that it would make for interesting times, which are best in books and movies.

[Snarky]

And perhaps in fiction it is, while in history most such ages are processes without clear beginnings and endings.

Well yeah, I'm talking about Tolkien here. And his ages are definitely bounded by specific, momentous events (or in one case, one of two events). These ages form the basis for the major calendars in his world, so they are pinpointed with some accuracy.

[heltenjon]

And perhaps in fiction it is, while in history most such ages are processes without clear beginnings and endings.

Well yeah, I'm talking about Tolkien here. And his ages are definitely bounded by specific, momentous events (or in one case, one of two events). These ages form the basis for the major calendars in his world, so they are pinpointed with some accuracy.

I believe the Ages are supposed to be made up by in-world historians, which may or may not account for the seemingly random choosing of which event marks a significant change. Got your point, though.

[Snarky]

While I'm on a roll about Very Important Issues, it grinds my gears when people nitpick or tediously explain that vampires would have a reflection, actually, because the reason they don't appear in mirrors is that they don't reflect in silver (being a symbol of purity and holiness), but modern mirrors no longer use silver for their reflective backing. As if that's some sort of law of physics.

Why don't vampires have a reflection? Because Bram Stoker made it up in Dracula and then others copied him! As far as anyone has been able to trace, it doesn't come from folklore, it's a modern pop culture trope. (Though it's a variation on the folkloric trope of supernatural beings that appear human but can be spotted by certain clues, and is probably inspired in part by other superstitions about mirrors—irrespective of material.)

Stoker never gives any kind of rationale or explanation for it in the book, but does mention that the Count and his brides cast no shadow either (a detail very much ignored by many movie adaptations), and his notes also mention that "painters cannot paint him—their likenesses always like some one else" and "Could not codak him—come out black or like skeleton corpse." So it's not something specific to mirrors (much less a particular type of mirror), but a general inability to capture an image of the monster. Also, it's worth mentioning that Stoker's Dracula is fine with silver: the first time Harker sees him in his own guise, he's carrying a silver lamp, and he also arranges silver cutlery for his guest.

The idea that it has anything to do with mirrors being silver-backed is merely imaginative speculation that has been incorporated as an explanation in some vampire stories; it's not a genuine fact or the real truth of the "phenomenon," and different stories play by different rules and use different explanations (or no explanation).

[TheFrighter]

Other tropes about vampires are mostly from movies than old tales or Stoker's novel.
For example the death for sunlight, invented in the movie Son of Dracula (1943) because killing a vampire piercing the heart was to cruent for the censorship. But okay, let's assume that vampires are sensible to the sun.

_

[Danvzare]

It grinds my gears that asking about music interests is a commonly accepted ice breaker. I mean how are you supposed to even respond to that?
"Oh, what kind of music are you into?"

Like serious, what are you supposed to say to that? It's a conversational dead end.
You can't just say "good music" because it's too vague. You can't say a specific band, because chances are they aren't going to have a clue what you're talking about (unless you're talking about the latest popular hit band I suppose, but chances neither of you are going to be into them enough for it to carry a conversation). You can't tell the absolute truth and say "A little bit of everything." which is true for just about everyone, because once again, it gives nothing to cling onto. You can't say something more specific to you such as game music or whatever, because their eyes will just glaze over. There is no acceptable response!

Yet it's a topic people always eventually gravitate towards.
I mean sure, I could put on the music I like and you could put on the music you like. But chances are our tastes aren't going to be similar enough where either of us will appreciate it, so why bother?

Movies are an interesting topic. So are TV shows, games, books, even comics to a certain extent. But music is not a suitable topic for discussion unless you're both really into music, and the people who bring it up are usually no more into music than you are.
So just don't ask about music!

[Snarky]

I think it's because music taste tends to be popularly associated with tribal identity/subcultures to a greater extent than favorite books, movies or games.

If someone is a punk, a juggalo, a country music fan, an EDM fan, a rap fan, a Swiftie or a metalhead, others feel like that says something about who they are.

(I'll also argue that while many people listen to many different types of music, it's common for there to be some overall trends or tendencies that can be expressed in a few words. I'm sure if you've been following this thread, you have a pretty good idea of the tastes of the regular contributors. In my case, while the tracks I've posted range from Vivaldi to Ethiopian funk to Tom Lehrer, I think it's pretty clear that I'm mainly an indie/alternative rock/pop guy.)

I don't disagree that it's not much of a conversation starter, though. To get something out of it as a conversational gambit you probably have to do a two-way version of the old Emo Philips joke:

In other words, start broad and see how much common ground you share before your tastes diverge.