John Cleese: Declaration of Revocation (of American independance)

[EldKatt]

Does anyone else spot the curious contrast of intention between

I also gotta say that this guy is severely pissing me off with his god damned "pronunciation tips". 

and

Aluminum is infact spelled with an I not an A! Sound it out!  Fancy is an adjective, and should only be used as an adjective from today forward, thus the queen can not (grammatically speaking) fancy or not fancy anything.
[...]
U, Much like the United Nations is overused in all places besides the United States.
As for burgh's I don't see why you would completely butcher the poor word.  There is no a at the end of it, and the H is silent (duh).

?

I could argue against all these points on a linguistic basis, but I won't, since I don't take them seriously.

[esper]

Sorry Squinkmeister. I don't know where Andail is from, but I'm an American, and a very well educated one at that, and I have to say that this country does indeed have low global awareness. In fact, we have extremely low self awareness. The British love the queen, but somewhere deep down they know the old hag is really just a figurehead and Tony Blair is the one running the country. We, on the other hand, don't seem to know a hawk from a handsaw. If the media tells us something, we are quick to believe it. No self-respecting American would ever believe that the driver of the cavalcade is the one who shot JFK, or that America was founded by a society of religious nuts who believed it was their job to bring about the end of time as the "Great Beast" spoken of in Revelation, and have been in charge of the country ever since. Most Americans could care less that they really are ignorant, and lazy, and selfish, and have some of the lowest test scores in the world (even though, and don't get me started on this, the percentile system is a stupid thing to use for that. If everyone suddenly became stupid as dirt overnight, everyone would be in the 100th percentile, now wouldn't they?) Most Americans don't care that the rest of the world may not want their help. We scoff at the French because the French were smart enough not to get involved, like we should have. Our president can barely speak proper English (100 percent of Americans who don't have jobs are unemployed... More and more of america's imports are coming from other countries...) and hides his face like a scared puppy when people find out he had information that could have saved the country on severeal occassions but did not employ it (9/11 being one such event).

Nipper, I agreed with you, but not so much your brother.

A) they invented the language. Thus, WE invented the silent G. Burgh is indeed pronounced "burra," as in, a shortened form of "burrough." Although I have always found "colonel" and "worcestershire" odd....

B) Royal mail, royal tubes, royal buttocks, etc.. are royal not because the queen uses them, but because she orders their creation and use.

C) Fancy is a verb. Our American adjective fancy comes from something being nice enough for someone to fancy...

D) We don't like British sitcoms here in America because, on the whole, we are not smart enough to understand them.

E) Knights... We do have "knights," but it is a religious title (Knights of Columbus, for example)... In Britain, the Queen is in charge of religion too. A "Knight" is a "Defender of the Faith," although since the queen can do or say what she wants, they can be, like Elton John, "Defender of the Gayness" and still be knights. Just because you picture knights from movies doesn't mean that's what a knight is. Shoes used to be made of wood, but today we call rubber things covered in fake leather shoes...

F) Guns: Agreed it is stupid to take away our guns, but not because they make us better. It is simply because to take away guns means taking away guns from people buying them legally. Criminals can still get them, and then the rest of us have no defence.

G) All therapists are is a way for people to blame their problems on something else. "I am mad all the time because my mommy didn't love me..." No, you're mad all the time because you're an asshole.

I agreed with most of everything else, I reckon...

[Las Naranjas]

Europeans may be more aware of American TV than Americans are of British TV, but as for global awareness, I haven't really seen anything that would put Europe (or Canada and Australia etc.) out ahead of the Americans. They've copped a bum rap there. Most countries are embarressingly ignorant.

....but at least we're better than North Koreans...yeah!

[Andail]

Well, it's not my country that invade other nations on regular basis, or pollute the world worse than everybody else.

Since USA is affecting the entire world, I think we're justified to pass judgement. Even though we don't live there.

[esper]

Oh, yeah, I also forgot:

Lawyers aren't part of our heart and soul, either. Just as a therapist is only there to blame our problems on our mothers, lawyers are there to blame our problems on McDonalds. "I'm overweight because I ate too many McDonalds hamburgers, and I burned myself because they didn't tell me the coffee was hot." No, you're just a fat, clumsy bastard who probably dropped the damn coffee because you couldn't fit your fat bastardly little stubs of fingers around it, and if you didn't know it was hot, you're a stupid fat bastard who doesn't need to go around ordering coffee..

On the matter of British television. Do you see my avatar? Doctor Who was the crappiest show EVER made, but it was still much more creative and entertaining than any of today's modern American tripe. Our television is made to pander to American morons. If you are in England watching TV and can't understand it, they don't care. It's your own damn fault for being too stupid. In America, they dumb down the television to the level of the people, rather than expecting them to push themselves to the limit of their intelligence and try to make sense out of something rather than just declaring it "stupid" and moving on to something with a lot of gunfights and swearing, which is all we seem to be able to handle.

Even books are the same way. The Hobbit was written for children. The Chronicles of Narnia were written for children. I was five years old when I first read the Lord of the Rings through. Most American children prefer "The puppy sits on the mat. The cat plays with the yarn..."

Billy Joel and Lynerd Skynerd (sic) were not anywhere near as famous worldwide as the Beatles or Elton John. You might have used Elvis as an example. Regardless of whether or not you like him, your opinion doesn't mean he was not a worldwide sensation. Unfortunately for the US, that's still only one against two... plus, they had many more worldwide musical sensations.

I'm not too sure that the British did come up with the "standard" measuring system, but I may be wrong. Metric is a much more superior system, as it is based on base ten mathematics. Why base our system of measurement on base 12 when we count in base 10? I am ashamed that I don't know metric, and instead use the ignorance of standard.

Only Americans would be stupid enough to think renaming "French Fries" "Freedom Fries" is a spit in the face of the French. They were probably relieved that we stopped associating them with something they had no part in in the first place. Ohhh, no, the French decided to stay out of a war they had no part in, we won't call a greasy potato stick after them... How terrible. They gave us the Statue of Liberty. If we have such a problem with them, why don't we tear her down. Go on, you first...

[Nikolas]

Esper, I think that the French came up with the metric system. Here in England they still don't use metric...

And using 12 instead of 10 does make sense. 12 is a perfect number. Divide by 1,2,3,4,6 and 12 where 10 is divided only by 1,2,5 and 10. The semitones are 12, the months are twelve, the hours of a day are 2x12.

I personally think that England and America are very much alike. I find them simmilar in a lot of issues. And I get a feeling that as we move through time, England would very much like to use some kind of huge device, leav the European continent and travel the Atlantic towards America.

The thing about lawyers ad therapists is that it's stupid. It's basically based on a system of political correcteness and it sucks! A simple example. Everywhere you turn your head here in London you see signs. Most of them are simmilar to :"Watch your head." or "Wet floor". Well, this to me means that people are not capable of watching their heads or if the floor is wet. If you amplify this fact a little more you get McDonalds attack.

[esper]

You and I had this conversation the other day. You do too use metric. Kilometers, kilograms, those are metric. And, to tell you the truth, the standard system is the oldest form of measurement around. I only just realized that when you talked about the calendar and the hours... Now that I think about it, the standard of twelves instead of ten (again, tens is better... We have ten fingers and toes, that is why we count by tens) is based on ancient pagan cultures, like the Sumerians and the Babylonians. You also will note that twelve is an important number in occult numerology. There are twelve signs of the zodiac, for instance. The reason we have a base 12 system for time measurement, excluding the fact that it actually works quite well, is because the Hebrews stole it from the pagan cultures around them in an attempt to become more advanced. If what I said before were true (about a religious cult having founded america) it would make sense that America uses the standard system because they took it from the Judeo-Christian "standard."

I maintain that metric is the more logical.

(oh, and this brings me to answer a question by Helm the other day in a thread that is way too old to dig up, regarding why I consider hypnosis "occult," which kind of works in here. The word occult doesn't mean "of a cult," it has to do with that which is not fully understood, from the latin occultus, meaning "that which is hidden." The moon actually "occults." It simply means a part of it is obscured. Hypnotism, and the pagan use of twelve, being "occultic" does not mean Satan worshippers use it, and this is a stupid modern-American-Christianized ignorance. It simply means that we don't understand everything about it.

[Andail]

Nikolas, using 12 as base makes sense indeed, as it is a much better number than 10. But americans still count with 10 as a base in general, even though some of their measurements are based on 12.

They still count up to 10, then add a second number to the first 1 up to 20, where they add the second number to the 2, etc.
If americans would have consistently used 12 as a base it would be a superiour system. But they don't.
Europeans use 10 as a base consistently, both numerical and in all measurements.

Even though this is very irrelevant in comparison to the political issues brought up in this thread, I just wanted to sort out things.

[esper]

technically speaking, you don't, as Nikolas said, use base ten in measurements of the passing of time.

[Andail]

Well, true. I guess there are more exceptions. And the brits have all sorts of strange measurements. But as I've said, this was never really my main argument.

[Adamski]

P.S. Shawn of the Dead sucked!

Them's fighting words, boyo!

[Nacho]

I want someone to answer me this question:

Do you think that any society, if seen in the same circumstances as another, would behave different?

You might answer yes, but History would probably deny you...

You might assume that yours is better than any/some other nations, but I, sincerelly, don't think that we, as Spanish, can say we did a good job when the time of the "big Empire". I don't think we would have been able to be better than "Chad" if we had to face the circumstances they had to face from the beginning of their history (enviroment, temperature, invassions, location...)

I think that brits, frenchs, russians, Turks, Italians are in the same situation as Spain...

Americans are behaving as all ruler nations of the world did in the past and will do in the future. Aggressives, supperbs and colonialist. Now quote a rules nation which has behaved different when they were in the position that americans are now.

Being annoyed of it can make you feel better, but it is a complete waste of time. It's better to take it with humour.

There might be a humoristic group that will say something like this, in 2,000 years:

(year 4,000 actor Shon Kliss)-"So, what have the americans done for you?
-Planes...
(year 4,000 actor Shon Kliss)-Ok, ok... planes, but... omitting the planes, what have the americans done for you?
-Telephone.
(year 4,000 actor Shon Kliss)-Ok, the phone, but what else?
-Cinema?
*crowd* Oh, yeah! Cinema, do you remember how boring the weekend was before of that?
(year 4,000 actor Shon Kliss)-"But cinema was invented by the Lumiére brothers, you traitor, don't believe the imperialist and his propaganda about that suckey, Edison!!!
(Ashamed actor)- I was talking of good cinema...
(year 4,000 actor Shon Kliss)-Ok... But apart of good cinema, what have the americans done for you?
*crowd*-Internet, Computers, Coca-Cola, saving us from communists and rocketry!
(year 4,000 actor Shon Kliss)-Ok, Ok... but apart from planes, telephone, good cinema, the Inernet, computers, Coca-Cola, saving us from communists and rocketry, what have the americans done for you?
(Shy actor #1)-Helping in both World Wars?

(year 4,000 actor Shon Kliss) -Helping us in...? Fuck You!!!!"

[esper]

That's a good point too, although I don't think it's what you intended. We Americans have only ever provided the world with things that have made them fat, lazy bastards who want everything handed to them.

Plus, look at "history" to see the people who have ruled the entire world at some point in time or another: The Babylonians, the Medo-Persians, the Greek, the Romans, and the British have never lasted in their full glory more than two hundred years. Of the entire above list, only Britain still exists as a world power, and even then not to the extent as America. We, who have not learned from history, are doomed to repeat it.

[Las Naranjas]

Base 12 (and base 60 systems, they overlap alot) systems are derived from much the same source as base 10 systems. The Sumerians most likely counted using phalanxes, touching each with the thumb on the same hand. 4 fingers * 3 phalanxes.

Apart from arithmancy, there's no intrinsic benefit in one over the other.

[Nikolas]

Esper. I can see that you love being American.

Why don't you come and live in Europe. Irland, Greece, Spain, take a pick. That will be easier for you. And you'll end up thinking the same for every country.

Take for example Greece. All Greeks love to cheat. If they could they wouldn't pay and taxs and they wouldn't work. Talk about lazy. There is no national office that does a proper job. The only Greek person I know who would be doing his job right is Helm! And there is no trust amongs Greeks whatsoever. I mean here in England you make a phonecall you arange everything that nees arranging. You taxes, you banking. No problem. In Greece you have to keep photocopies of everything, in case something goes wrong (which always does) so that you can prove that you cheated them, but in a legal way.

Every country has it's good and bad points. It's bad that America is worst than the rest. HAHA! No, It's just that America gest all the publicity.

At least you are not a lazy bastard.

But if you really insist I will have to believe you. Since you are an Amercian I can take your work. And I don't mind.

ALL AMERICANS ARE LAZY FAT BASTARDS! Sorry for the capitals. I just want squinky to hear me. (hehe). I can say that cause an American told me!

Oranges: The only problem is that the system the whole world uses is based on ten. (decadic?) When you base your numeric system to 12, basing your numbers to 10 you create a problem. Of course 12 is much more convinient as I said earlier, but still. Everytime I try to compose something I end up screwing bad because of the math. I mean pitch #44 is A. pitch #56 is A and so on. And even worst and octave (8) has 12 semitones. Nothing to do with ten. Fuck!

[Andail]

Farl, you have perfectly good cinema (I happen to love Almodovar), you can drink tasty wine and juice instead of Coca-cola.
The telephone and the internet would have developed in some way without americans. That's like saying the world would never be able to use screws and bolts properly without the Swedes, because we invented the wrench.

The reason you are very americanised, and believe you could never survive without all these american stuff, is because the americans have a very aggressive way to franshise and market their products.

As for saving the world from communists and rocketry(?), well, both of them sort of exist, and looking back at the Carter-era, it wasn't handled in a very humanitarian way.

Would any other society behaved differently? No, and they haven't, looking back at the Roman and British empires, they all tend to be arseholes.

[esper]

I'm sorry for postwhoring, but I really like this topic.

The Oranges, that is a brilliant supposition, and not one I think I might have come up with. I wasn't considering opposable thumbs. However, you'd think they would use Base 8 or 16 if that were the case, since 12 is one-and-a-half pair of hands (or one pair of hands and half a pair of feet, but the feet don't have opposable digits).

And I wasn't certain that anyone else here would know the word "arithmancy," as obscure as that topic is. If anyone knows what it is without looking it up, I offer ten dollars worth of Las Naranjas' money as a reward.

EDIT: Nik, I just saw your post. Americans are fat lazy bastards. I am lazy too, and it's because I'm so indoctrinated in the American way of things. Oh, and by the way, fix the key you were talking about, it came out to be a  8)... Somehow...

Also: Not to mention time signatures. Who the hell came up with 8/6 time? That's like two and a quarter waltzes.

[Nikolas]

And I wasn't certain that anyone else here would know the word "arithmancy," as obscure as that topic is. If anyone knows what it is without looking it up, I offer ten dollars worth of Las Naranjas' money as a reward.

In Greek the word number is called: Αριθμός. Which is pronounced Arithmos. Do you see any connection between arthmancy and Arithmos? In Greek of course it would be αριθμητική pronounced Arithimitiki.

My money please, both of you.

Call 0800 696969 for free Greek lessons!

[Andail]

I'd also like to apologise for my excessive posting, but I've had some boring days here

That's indeed an interesting fact. Oranges has a habit of showing up and making heaps of sense.


(Although I prefer the time when he was a clear-cut socialist )

[esper]

So what does arithmetike (see, you don't even know your own language... that's eta, not iota) mean? You haven't earned your bread yet, jokerÃ, 

EDIT: To a non-nativer English speaker, that might sound aggressive. I'm sorry, Nik, I'm only joking.