Fortnightly Writing Contest: TEXT ADVENTURE!

[CaptainD]

Ah yes, now I remember.  The next writing competition theme is:

Write a story in the style of a text adventure - story can be about anything, but MUST INCLUDE THE PLAYER SOLVING A PUZZLE.

So, for instance, you might have the player as a very small creature trying to understand something in the human world... an obstacle to get past, etc.

No limitations on the parser, you can be as creative as you like. 

>Speak Esperanto to Deranged Goldfish and ask him to Use Tail to Hit Errant Entomologist.

Competition runs till 6th January 2012.  Get writing!

(Will post trophies when I've come up with something decent... given my lack of artistic talent, this may take some time...)

[Armageddon]

>Open Door

I do not understand Open.

>Pull Door

I do not understand Pull.

>Pull Open Door

I do not understand Pull.

>Kick Door

Why would you want to do that?

>KICK THE DOOR YOU STUPID COMPUTER

I do not understand STUPID.

>Kick Door

Why would you want to do that?

>Because

Because why?

>Because I want to open the door

Which door?

>The door I am standing in front of.

Just type 'Move Lever'.

>//sys terminate

[CaptainD]

 

[CaptainD]

"WE WANT TROPHIES!", I hear you cry... 

Well, trophies are here!  The product of much love and a complete lack of artistic talent.

So get your entries rolling in!

[Ponch]

"WE WANT TROPHIES!", I hear you cry... 

Well, trophies are here!  The product of much love and a complete lack of artistic talent.

Wow! Look at those things! So shoddy and yet so sincere -- they're like three little Charlie Brown Christmas trees! 

That cinches it, I MUST write a story now. 

[CaptainD]

I was hoping it might remind people a little bit of...

[Ponch]

Ah. I see it now. Very cool. And I'll have you know I meant shoddy in the very nicest meaning of the word. 

[Ekeko]

Ok, here's my entry! (In case you don't get it, it's a reference to a game in HomestarRunner)



Ye see a Flask

>Get Ye Flask

Ye can't get Ye Flask!

>No, really, get Ye Flask!

No, Ye really can't get Ye Flask!

>But I want Ye Flask!

Who cares!?

>...
>Why can't I get Ye Flask?

I'm not going to tell ye.

>Oh, Please! Get Ye Flask!

Nope

>OH COME ON STUPID GAME!!!!

I don't understand "OH COME ON STUPID GAME!!!!"

>WHAT!?!?!?

I don't understand "WHAT!?!?!?"

>Stupid game

The same to you

>...
>Let's try one more time...
>Get Ye Flask

Ye finally unbolt Ye Flask!

>Yay!

But ye accidentaly triggered a trap that demolished Yon Dungeon

>This sucks...

You Dead

>Stupid Game

[CaptainD]

Excellent Ekeko!  Now we have 2 (count 'em) whole entries - yay! 

[FSi++]

A little piece of shit disgusting story from me. Missed me?
Don't read the spoilers if you're easily disgusted.



You wake up.
You are lying on your bed in your bedroom. A window is to your left and it is broken, curtains flapping in the wind. Your bed is covered with shattered glass.
There is a javelin sticking out of your lower thigh.

* An alarm clock rings *

> look at javelin

This looks like a fine sharp javelin, with sharp steel tip and sturdy oak body. It must've come from the outside, shattering the window in the process.

* An alarm clock rings *

> look at thigh

Your thigh would look fine, if it were not for the javelin sticking out of it. A weak stream of blood comes slowly from the wound, so you figure that the big blood vessels are either unharmed or blocked by the javelin.
Oh yes, and it hurts like hell.

* An alarm clock rings *

> hit clock

With a sharp and swift blow you manage to murder your alarm clock unconscious. The ringing stops. You feel hungry.

> pull javelin

You consider briefly pulling the javelin out of your leg. It's probably a bad idea though as it may increase the bleeding significantly.

> get up

Slowly and carefully you get up from your bed, trying not to cut yourself with all the shattered glass.
Your javelin-pierced leg hurts. A lot.

> call ambulance

You look around the room, but you can't seem to find your phone. You then try screaming - to no avail.
Blood drips from the wound.
You can see the door to the kitchen.

> go kitchen

You enter your kitchen. It smells of months-old dust in here, and of yesterday's fried eggs, and of old oil, and of cheap coffee, and it would've smelt of tobacco if your landlord wasn't actively against you smoking in the kitchen. It is also full of dirty dishes and utensils, but you think there should be enough clean-enough ones to fix you a quick breakfast.
You see a fridge and a stove and a table and a dishwasher. You also see an old landline phone on the wall.
Oh, and your leg fucking hurts like a motherfucker. Because there's a javelin jammed in it.

> look phone

It probably was white once, but now it's old and dusty and the plastic is all yellow.

> call ambulance

You try to dial 911 on this old phone, but soon realize that it's not really connected to anything anymore.
You notice that the lower half of your pajamas is crimson now due to all the blood it is soaked in.

> look for cellphone

You search the kitchen in hopes of finding a cellphone, but it's simply not there.

> go bathroom

You go to the bathroom.

> look

It's a very small bathroom with toilet and shower cramped together as tightly as possible into as little space as possible by someone with total disregard of other people's possible claustrophobia.
There's a mirror on the wall.
And there's a javelin in your leg. In your hurting, bleeding leg.

Warning: major madness ahead! Don't read further if you're easily disgusted.

Spoiler

> look at mirror

When you pass by the mirror you notice that you see no reflection of yourself.
Oh right, you're a vampire. You almost forgot.

> pull javelin

You pull the javelin out. The bleeding ceases in a matter of minutes. It is nice to be a vampire. "Damn vigilantes," - you think as you throw the javelin into a trash bin.
Now you feel hungry.

> go kitchen

You go to the kitchen.

> open fridge

You open the fridge. It's almost empty, save for some milk and a virgin's heart in a tupperware container.

> take heart

You take virgin's heart from the fridge.

> take milk

You take a half-empty carton of milk from the fridge.

> eat heart

You open the container and take a good bite from the heart. Mmm virgin's heart...
You still remember it beating. You still remember shock and fear in the girl's eyes, and as you ripped it right out of her chest a small drop of blood came out of her mouth. You smile.
You remember that little Dorothy's body is still in your bathroom. It'll probably be fine for another couple of days, but by then you'd better dispose of her.
As you finish the heart, your penis hardens.

Okay, little Dorothy.
Let's play.

[close]

[CaptainD]

Well that was certainly different...

Incidentally Ponch, where's your entry?!

[Ponch]

I'll have it up tonight. Or possibly tomorrow. There's still time before the deadline.  

EDIT: Behold!

----------------------------------------

WEST OF HOUSE.
YOU ARE STANDING IN AN OPEN FIELD WEST OF A WHITE HOUSE, WITH A BOARDED FRONT DOOR.
THERE IS A SMALL MAILBOX HERE.

> Enter house. Take off pants. Make self at home.

YOU CANNOT ENTER THE HOUSE. THE DOOR IS BOARDED SHUT.

> Pry off boards. Take off pants. Look for TV remote control.

YOU HAVE NOTHING WITH WHICH TO PRY OFF THE BOARDS.

> Relax on porch. Take off pants. Enjoy the breeze. Take nap.

STOP TRYING TO TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS. IT'S CREEPING ME OUT.

> Search mailbox for dirty magazines. Leave pants on porch.

THE GRUE IN THE BASEMENT HAS SOME OLD COPIES OF "SWANK." GO ASK HIM IF YOU CAN BORROW THEM. I'LL UNLOCK THE KITCHEN WINDOW FOR YOU.

> Enter kitchen window. Leave pants in sink. Look for flashlight.

YOU WON'T NEED A LIGHT DOWN THERE. IT'S DARK BUT I PROMISE IT'S PERFECTLY SAFE.

>

[Armageddon]

No! It must keep going, I must know how it ends!

[Ponch]

No! It must keep going, I must know how it ends!

But that's the point! It's interactive fiction! The reader decides what happens next. 

[Sane Co.]

(EDIT: forgot to include an intro. There are actually two puzzles, killing the being, and quiting the game.
Have fun reading it,
Sane Co.)
You wake up in a bathroom... you remember everything.
>Look
You can see a sink, a door, a toilet, a shower and a rug
>look at toilet
Inside the toilet is your cell phone, which you threw at the demonic being from hell, too bad you can't use it any more.
>use toilet
Why would you want to do that
>becuase my phone is in it
Oh I see, you dislike the fact that technology can be destroyed, so you are going to make it worse. You use the toilet. Sudenly a demonic being from hell apears from in your shower.
>Throw the phone at the being from hell
You reach in the toilet which you just used and throw the phone at the demonic being from hell. Nothing happens.
>Why not?
The phone is wet and won't work.
>Look at sink
The sink is pink, it would look better white, and it has a cabinet under it.
>open cabinet
You open the cabinet and see a toaster, a hair dryer, and various other electronics.
>take everything
Taken
>plug everything in
You plug everything in.
>Turn on the bathtub
The being is now getting angry
>plug in the drain
You can't plug that in, it won't fit.
>Plug the drain
With what?
>The stopper
Where?
>In the bathtub
There is no stopper in the bathtub.
>Look at carpet
There is no carpet
>look at rug
The rug has ducks on it. There is a lump in the middle
>lift rug
You find a stopper
>Plug the drain
You plug the drain.
>wait
You really should stop messing around and deal with the demonic being from hell.
>wait
Fine
>Throw electronics into the bathtub
Are you sure?
>yes
you throw the electronics into the bathtub. The demonic being from hell falls to the bottom of the tub.
>look at demonic being from hell
On closer examination, you realize that the demon was actually your wife. You really should stop taking those halucinatory drugs. Oh well those are easily replaced.
>Open door
As you go to open the door you trip and fall.
You wake up in a bathroom... you remember everything.
>Open door
As you go to the door you trip and fall.
You wake up in a bathroom... you remember everything.
>quit
Are you sure you want to quit? (Y) or (N)
>yes
(Y) or (N)
>Y
(Y) or (N)
>(Y)
Too bad, you are in the midle of a game.
>Look at bathtub
It has your dead wife, water and electronics in it
>jump in to bathtub
You are electrocuted.
You wake up in hell you remember everything.
>Quit
There is no escaping hell
>Quit
There is no escaping hell
>look
You can see a pond and an entemologist but that is it. So this is what hell is.
>look at pond
there is a goldfish upside down
>look at goldfish
It is swiming upside down, it says hello... in esperanto, which you happen to know.
>Talk to entemologist
You talk to him and conclude that
(a) you are in hell
(b) there are no plants
(c) he is an entomologist
(d) he is looking for plants
(e) he is an entomologist looking for plants that do not exist
(f) because of the afforesaid he is an errant entomologist
(g) he is in hell because of murder
> pick up deranged-esperanto-speaking-goldfish
You pick him up.
> Speak esparanto to deranged goldfish and tell him to hit errant entomologist with his tail.
The deranged goldfish hits errant entomologist. The entemologist comes over to kill you, YOU DIE and are now nonexistent.
You do not wake up, or know what happened.
There is nothingness.
>look
There is nothing.
>smell
You can't smell
>can I quit now?
I can't tell you. You do not exist.
>quit
THE END

[Armageddon]

I do believe this is my favorite writing contest thus far!

[Bogdan]

Enter START to start the game. Enter QUIT to quit the game. Enter RESTORE to restore a saved game.
>restore
"Saved games" folder is empty. Please try again.
>restore
"Saved games" folder is empty. Please try again.
>ok
Game does not recognize the command.
>if that's what you want!!!
Game does not recognize the command.
>start game
Game does not recognize the command.
>you kiddin' me?
Game does not recognize the command.
>oh, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE :)
Game does not recognize the command.
>start
Welcome to Happy Blue Purple Shiny Two Headed One Brain Sad Bunnies In a Kitchen game!
If you want to skip intro enter SKIP INTRO.
>skip
Game does not recognize the command.
>...
Game does not recognize the command.
>skip intro
(Blank screen monitor appears)
>wtf?
Game does not recognize the command.
>...
Game does not recognize the command.
>examine room
You are in a very dark room and you can't see anything.
>scream
You scream.
>scream
You scream again.
>cry
You cry like a baby.
>clap
You clap like a baby. The lights in the room turn on. What a surprise ehh?
>examine room
The room is almost empty. In front of you is a wooden door.
>open door
You open the door and enter the room behind it.
>examine room
You are currently in a big kitchen. There is blood on the floor. In front of you stands a mad fat alien zombie long beard butcher.
>look butcher
The butcher is holding a gigantic cleaver knife sword weapon and is staring at you curiously.
>talk butcher
The butcher laughs and says: "My name is Barns."
>hug barns
The butcher cuts your head with his knife. You are dead. Game over.
Enter RESTART to start the game. Enter QUIT to quit the game. Enter RESTORE to restore a saved game.
>restart
Welcome to Happy Blue Purple Shiny Two Headed One Brain Sad Bunnies In a Kitchen game!
If you want to skip intro enter SKIP INTRO
>skip intro
(Blank screen monitor appears)
>clap
You clap like a baby. The lights in the room turn on. What a surprise ehh?
>open door
You open the door and enter the room behind it.
>save
Game does not recognize the command.
>save game
Game successfully saved.
>attack barns
You engage barns into hand to hand combat. Except you forgot he carries a gigantic cleaver knife sword weapon.
He cuts your lungs and tongue. You are dead. Game over.
Enter RESTART to start the game. Enter QUIT to quit the game. Enter RESTORE to restore a saved game.
>restore
There are currently 3 saved game slots from which two are empty. Select one by entering numbers: 1, 2 or 3.
>1
No saved games in that slot.
>2
No saved games in that slot.
>3
Game successfully restored!
>examine inventory
You currently have 1 item in your inventory.
>examine items in the inventory
You have: Happy Blue Purple Shiny Two Headed One Brain Sad Bunnies.
>use hppy blue purple shiny two Headed one brain sad bunnies on barns
Game does not recognize the command.
>use happy blue purple shiny two Headed one brain sad bunnies on barns
You use Happy Blue Purple Shiny Two Headed One Brain Sad Bunnies on the butcher.
The butcher giggles and kills you with his knife. You are dead. Game over.
Enter RESTART to start the game. Enter QUIT to quit the game. Enter RESTORE to restore a saved game.
>quit game
Game does not recognize the command.
>...
Game does not recognize the command.
>STUPID GAME
oh rly?
>OMG
Game does not recognize the command.
>quit
Game does not recognize the command.
>**** you!!
u2
(plugs off computer)

[CaptainD]

So, time for votes:

Contestants were:

Armageddon
Ekeko
FSi++
Ponch
Sane Co.
Bogdan

Just for fun, let's have some  categories:

- Best Story
- Best use of Syntax
- Funniest Entry

1 point per vote per category.  May the winner... um... win!

[Ekeko]

Cool! Let's start the voting!
Best Story: Bogdan
Best Use of Syntax: Ponch
Funniest Entry: Armageddon

[Bogdan]

Best Story: Sane Co.
Best use of Syntax: FSi++
Funniest Entry: Ekeko