AGS Doctor

[RetroJay]

Hi All.

Wouldn't it be great if we all had access to an AGS Doctor?
We could PM Him or Her with problems, maybe pics (If needed), and they could guide us as to what treatment, if any, is needed.

It's only a thought.

Jay.

[Baron]

Like.... Dr. Khris in the technical forum?  Or do you mean a doctor for non-AGS related ailments?  Kind of like a self-proclaimed expert in internet diagnosis?  Hmmmmmm.....  This could only go good places, so sign me up.  I've got this weird toe thing.  I'm pretty sure it's not leprosy, but there's definitely some nerve damage and the skin around it is all dead and crusty.  I've tried various charms and hexes on it, but nothing seems to work.  Help.

[Ponch]

I have no feeling at all in the pinky finger on my left hand and it's been this way since I wrecked my motorcycle in 1995. The doctors give me the "blah blah permanent nerve damage blah blah" thing. But I don't see why someone aspiring AGSer couldn't write a module or a plug-in to fix it. Also I'm getting gray hair in my beard. And won't someone please look at Baron's toe? It's gross and it's scaring the children. 

[kaput]

You guys crack me up.

On topic - what a terrible idea.

[Ghost]

We could PM Him or Her with problems, maybe pics (If needed), and they could guide us as to what treatment, if any, is needed.

That'd be like electing some guy and tattooing "Troll Target" on his forehead 

[Crimson Wizard]

We could PM Him or Her with problems, maybe pics (If needed), and they could guide us as to what treatment, if any, is needed.

I see no actual advantages compared to doing this on forum, but few serious disadvantages.
1) Person could get busy and won't answer for a long time;
2) Person will have to handle indefinite number of random PMs... alone? omg
3) Only one opinion.
4) A reason why I personally never liked explaining technical questions by PM (and why this is, probably, disliked by some others, I guess): in PM you have to answer same question to every person who asks. On forums there's at least probability that more people will find the answer useful.

[Stupot]

Isn't this basically what the technical forums and critics lounge are for?
As Crimson says, if someone asks his or her question to one person in a PM, only he or she is benefiting from the Doctor's knowledge.  Ask your question on a public forum, and the whole community gets to learn from it.


Hmmm, This give me an idea to make things easier for real doctors.  All local GPs should videotape every session and upload it to the NHS YouTube channel, so that others might learn to help themselves before going to their doctor with the same old boring ailments.

[veryweirdguy]

I approve of this idea and submit myself for the position of AGS Doctor. I will now accept any medical related questions via PM. Your privacy: GUARANTEED!

DISCLAIMER: I have no medical education or qualification, but I am at least 70% sure I know where the skeleton goes in a body.

[miguel]

Good AGS Doctor, sir...
I would like to enlarge my toes. Not the penis. Just the toes. Please. Sir. Like Baron's toes.

[veryweirdguy]

We have our first question! In the interest of doctor-patient confidentiality, I've done my best to keep miguel's identity as secret as possible:



Great question stupid!

Well, have you ever made profiteroles (and who hasn't?) Do you know how they get the cream in there? No, it's not some mystic cream wizard (or "Wizard du creme"), but via some kind of big syringe thing, like a heroin user might use!



To enlarge your toes, simply use one of these to inject cream into your toes, and sit back as the ladies flock to accept your marriage proposals!

Dr VWG

[Ryan Timothy B]

Doctor,
I have a friend who likes to push his farts into the couch cushions for other unsuspecting couch occupants. Is there any chance the forces and pressure of doing this could rupture his anus? Also how can he maximize and improve the quantity of this lethal injection into the soft foam?

Also.. could you hold my balls while I cough again? I kind of enjoyed it.

[veryweirdguy]

Our second questions comes from Phoenix, Arizona (I assume based on little to no evidence):



I've answered this question thousands of times in my two question career, but it's always worth revisiting.

Your friend's anus is probably already ruptured beyond belief, as farts cause a 98% chance of Total Spleenage Destruction (TSD) in men (women never fart). An x-ray of that region would likely resemble a picture of a black hole, sucking in all light and matter. My advice is to embrace this to cause maximum fart impact: tell your friend to drink a can of rocket fuel before sitting, possibly causing a full launch into orbit!

Maximizing and improving the quantity of the fart-to-cushion ratio is achieved by hiding a bear trap under the couch cushion, literally trapping the fart down there until it can strike. If you're too much of a stupid fucking moron to picture this, I've provided a beautiful watercolour demonstrating how to set this up:



As you can see, the bear trap is also part ghost, making it easy to install.

As for the ball holding, you know the old saying: you scratch my back, I hold your balls. Also you hold my balls.

Dr VWG MD

[RetroJay]

I should see a doctor as I have just laughed my balls off reading this.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have read posts where people have been unwell and thought...
Hey if we had an AGS user who is a qualified Doctor...Blah...Blah.

But now I see the flaw in my brain storm.

Jay.

[Ghost]

Gotta keep this going.

Dear AGS Doctor,
Appendix gently slobbered. Applied gelatinous substance. Afterwards, genitals sung.
Help plz.

[Crimson Wizard]

I have read posts where people have been unwell and thought...

lol I thought it is about help with game-making and such .

[Stupot]

I have read posts where people have been unwell and thought...

lol I thought it is about help with game-making and such .

Me too, haha. I feel like such a party pooper.

[veryweirdguy]

Another great subject!



Any gassy stratus? All grunty swearing and growling should aid ghastly symptoms. Anal germicide suggested.

All good, see?

Dr VWG PHD

[Ponch]

Dear Moving Thread AGS Doctor,

I spent the last several hours laughing at someone on the AGS forums who, as it turns out, only wanted to help other people. I now realize my error. Should I feel bad or continue to pervert the purpose of this thread?

Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?

P

[kaput]

Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?

Yes. Unless you are a cow - are you a cow?

Besides, what is wrong with a penguin? At least they stand up like a human

[RetroJay]

Brother Ponch.

Also, am I the only one who finds cows unbearably sexy?

I believe that it all depends on how they dress.
There is a fine line between Sexy and slutty.

I, however, wouldn't care. If they are game then... Lets party babe!!