King Simulator 2013

[CaptainD]

>Order the DIRTY PEASANTS to have a BATH

[NightHawk]

>Summon Cat and ask for candidates for Royal Gardener.

[miguel]

A gardener shouldn't be our priority at the moment, although I have the feeling that once we have a wizard he'll want herbs and shit.

>Summon another audience;

[Baron]

There's every likelihood that the next mysterious audience will be a qualified gardener!  Or at least an unemployed gnome....  Really, what we need is a secretary who can peek into the waiting room and compile a list of who is waiting, so that we can prioritize our audiences and make more efficient use of our royal time.  For the time being I guess the Jester can handle that:

>> ORDER JESTER TO LIST NAME AND BUSINESS OF ALL VISITORS & PETITIONERS WAITING FOR AN AUDIENCE

And then that wraps up the day, so....

>> CHILLAX FOR A BIT!

[Radiant]

> ORDER COOK to make a BIG DINNER and invite EVERYONE we've spoken to today.

[miguel]

There's every likelihood that the next mysterious audience will be a qualified gardener!  Or at least an unemployed gnome....  Really, what we need is a secretary who can peek into the waiting room and compile a list of who is waiting, so that we can prioritize our audiences and make more efficient use of our royal time.  For the time being I guess the Jester can handle that:

>> ORDER JESTER TO LIST NAME AND BUSINESS OF ALL VISITORS & PETITIONERS WAITING FOR AN AUDIENCE

And then that wraps up the day, so....

>> CHILLAX FOR A BIT!

+1

Also, we should start thinking about a queen for our king, or at least a night out on the local tavern. Kings rule better when sexually satisfied. And the cow is not an option.

[WHAM]

And the cow is not an option.

Hey man, this is an open-world game. Don't say stuff like that, you might make Ponch sad.

[miguel]

Unless Ponch is willing to offer his services...

[Ponch]

You guys do what you want. I'll be in the garden with my new friend.

[Ghost]

>> ORDER JESTER TO LIST NAME AND BUSINESS OF ALL VISITORS & PETITIONERS WAITING FOR AN AUDIENCE

+1. This really makes a lot of sense, it's odd to just let anyone in, not knowing who/what he/she/it is/may be.

[Tabata]

>> ORDER JESTER TO LIST NAME AND BUSINESS OF ALL VISITORS & PETITIONERS WAITING FOR AN AUDIENCE

  + 1    Would show us some possibilities and help making decisions about what can be done next. 

[cat]

>> ORDER JESTER TO LIST NAME AND BUSINESS OF ALL VISITORS & PETITIONERS WAITING FOR AN AUDIENCE

But this would be the last thing we can do today. Who knows which of the visitors will still be here tomorrow?

[selmiak]

but if some crappy uninteresting person comes in we also lose a turn

>> ORDER JESTER TO LIST NAME AND BUSINESS OF ALL VISITORS & PETITIONERS WAITING FOR AN AUDIENCE

+ ask them to get some rest too and come back tomorrow

[miguel]

> Pick nose while waiting;

[Baron]

- There is always someone here to see you, so unless you want to do something else, make sure to GRANT AUDIENCE to the next person or group in line so they can enter the throne room.

My impression is that folks who want an audience hang around for days at a time until they get to see us.  We must suppose that the castle waiting room is more comfortable than their peasant hovels....  I know it seems like a bit of a waste of an action making the list of people waiting, but for me accepting the cow was a bit of a waste of an action, and who knows how many colourful characters of dubious importance are waiting out there to bask in our valuable royal time?  Think of what tomorrow might bring without the list: Hirschel the Grasshopper Keeper will want to show off his new hop-dance, Bertram the Ditch-Digger will want us to help sort out which end of the shovel to dig with, Guthwald the Night Soil Man will want to air his grievances, Broomhilde the Over-Ripe Bloom of Yesteryear will try to cougar her way into the queenship, and Fortincock the Mad Hermit will spout his lunacy all over us!  Is that really how you want to spend your reign?
     Exploring the taverns of the town would be fun -especially in disguise!  But remember that we are currently nursing a hangover from our two-week long bender after seizing the throne, so for now I think it's best to keep it low-key.
     As for finding a queen (besides the obvious candidacy of Broomhilde the Over-Ripe....), I'm pretty sure there was some prophecy of a princess and a key....

“What is this KEY you keep singing so merrily about?” -you ask.

“In days of old, or so I'm told, this key unlocked a dungeon.
Within was held a fair princess, but a warrior a bard and a ranger broke her out, so the key's purpose was undone.
However, the tale goes, that the same key could also unlock a secret chest!
Within was hidden a powerful potion, which would keep the princess refreshed.
Alas, the chest is lost and the potion is thus gone.
Stolen by a dragon, it's guardians were left mere ash and bone.”

In the mean time, I'm all in favour of recruiting a mistress or two....

[WHAM]

Oooh, nice ideas, Baron, I'll note those characters down for future use!

[miguel]

I completely forgot about the princess and the key, probably the main goal of this game!
But, yes, the list is a good idea and supported by many.

[kconan]

  If someone granted an audience happens to displease the King, I would imagine (ok hope) that there is a hidden trap-door that leads straight down into a lion pit. 

[WHAM]

"Jester" -you boom "I wish to know what sort of people are awaiting my audience. Make a list of those waiting to see me, and their business."



The Jester looks puzzled.

"My king" -he begins "I must remind you that these people are all waiting for your audience, and picking and choosing might upset some of them, possibly even turning them away if they feel they are being made wait for longer than is courteous. More people are constantly arriving and leaving, and it is only fair that, should someone's business be urgent, the others will allow the more urgent matter to be presented first, for example, if our Kingdom were to come under attack, your military advisor would arrive before you at once no matter who sought your audience first at the time. Additionally, the guild masters and members of the ROYAL COURT have a right of way, and may replace your next audience if they have a matter which requires the King's attention. As you can see, it is quite the well-oiled machine, this."

The Jester giggles.

"Alas, I shall do as you ask at once!"

The Jester leaves for a while, then returns with a scroll of parchment.



"Audiences waiting for the King, in order of arrival:

a TRAVELLING MERCHANT from the south wishes to offer his finest wares and services to the KING

SIR KEVIN OF AXEMONT and his knights wish to offer their services to the KING

a LOST WARRIOR seeks assistance from the KING

BARON MONOCLE, an envoy of a pirate clan from the Western sea, seeks an audience with the KING

HIRSCHEL THE WIZENED offers his skills as a HERBALIST to the KING

ROBINA THE RANGER and her archers seek to offer their services to the KING

a TRAVELLING ARTISAN seeks to offer her finest crafts and services to the KING

There are no more audiences awaiting the King at this time."

You nod approvingly, pondering as to which audience might best serve you in the morning. For now, though, you retreat to your royal bedchamber for well-deserved rest.

[NightHawk]

>Grant audiences to the first five on the list.