King Simulator 2013

Baron · Thu 06/03/2014 04:31:50

Quote from: miguel on Wed 05/03/2014 11:53:48
>Offer the help they need, but instead of the 100silver pay, tell them to build an outpost tower that will serve the king and his men. The plans for the tower's layout and someone to command the construction will follow the supplies.

+1

....Although I'd have them digging drainage ditches and building dykes around their fields. Any wooden tower of peasant construction is probably of dubious value to us militarily, but I agree that foregoing the cash in exchange for useful labour is a good idea for morale. (And those peasants would just be sitting idle until planting season next year on our tab, the scroungers!).

WHAM · Fri 07/03/2014 14:12:41

Been sick 'n' stuff lately, so few updates. I currently have a fever and zero brain power to spare, so updates will resume next week.

miguel · Sun 09/03/2014 12:45:52

Whistle "Eye of the Tiger" while WHAM recovers.

WHAM · Mon 10/03/2014 16:48:25

You explain to Dennis that the villagers should keep their coin, and instead use it to construct an outlook tower to increase security in your realm.

"As you wish, My King. I am sure the villagers will be pleased with this option." -he says, smiling all the way. As Dennis begins to leave, he pauses.
"My King, you may wish to know that there is a rather fine lady coming up to meet you. I suggest you prepare yourself."

Dennis winks, then walks away.

Adeel · Mon 10/03/2014 20:14:55

>Quickly fart and relieve yourself, before that fine lady comes.

miguel · Tue 11/03/2014 00:47:08

> Prepare the 'Magnum' look.

Baron · Tue 11/03/2014 02:45:15

>Strike regal pose. You know the one, with chest out and legs splayed.

Ponch · Tue 11/03/2014 03:22:46

If the royal nose needs to be picked, now's the time to do it!

Adeel · Tue 11/03/2014 21:51:00

> Quickly fart, pick your royal nose (making sure to clean your hands by wiping them off the seat), relieve yourself, prepare the 'magnum' look and strike the royal pose.

miguel · Tue 11/03/2014 23:39:31

> Try to remember a good ~~lesb~~ funny joke to break the ice when she comes in.

Ryan Timothy B · Wed 12/03/2014 00:03:13

Quote from: Baron on Tue 11/03/2014 02:45:15
>Strike regal pose. You know the one, with chest out and legs splayed.

+1

(Just to avoid the default choice, I'll plus one this)

Adeel · Wed 12/03/2014 00:14:26

Quote from: Ryan Timoothy on Wed 12/03/2014 00:03:13
(Just to avoid the default choice, I'll plus one this)

I'm not surprised in the least for I've read your posts. Hence I know that you're so much against the nice, 'manly' farts which any other man would never ever might be!

Baron · Wed 12/03/2014 03:18:43

I didn't say not to fart. I just wanted to look important if we did....

miguel · Wed 12/03/2014 09:18:18

Yeah, there's no harm with farting while looking cool.

Crimson Wizard · Wed 12/03/2014 10:08:13

Quote from: WHAM on Mon 10/03/2014 16:48:25
"My King, you may wish to know that there is a rather fine lady coming up to meet you. I suggest you prepare yourself."

I think that sounds pretty sinister. What kind of fine lady it is?

Spoiler

[close]

WHAM · Thu 13/03/2014 17:22:56

With Dennis gone, your next audience arrives with notable fanfare. Two armoured knights escort a fair lady into your court.

"Good day, My King." -the lady speaks in a soft voice of a mature woman, cutting off her knights who were clearly about to announce her arrival.
"My name is BROOMHILDE of the prestigious YESTERYEAR -family line."

She pauses and glances around the throne room, then gives a disappointed little sigh.

"Oh, I expected better of a castle. Oh well, I fear it cannot be helped. I have come to offer your majesty a proposal of marriage. 'Tis a most simple matter, really. A matrilineal marriage of your line and mine, and the considerable wealth of the YESTERYEAR line is yours to spend in the betterment of the realm. I do believe we currently have well over three hundred gold pieces at our disposal and with the income of our lands and businesses, we expect another hundred or so every year."

She pauses, cocking her head quizzically, then asks in a most impatient and bored tone imaginable.

"Well, my King, will you accept?"

selmiak · Thu 13/03/2014 18:04:09

>laugh disappointed too. Then ask her where she comes from and which lands her yesteryear family reigns. And if she has a map of that area. And if her yesteryear family is in war with some nation or family. And if her people are happy.

...we should really employ a spy. Do we have any society experts at our service?

Baron · Thu 13/03/2014 21:15:33

Two questions:

1) How old is she?

2) Is bigamy legal in our realm?

Radiant · Fri 14/03/2014 00:01:47

> Check her profile on match dot com

miguel · Fri 14/03/2014 00:15:24

Quote...we should really employ a spy. Do we have any society experts at our service?

I've been telling this for ages! We are probably the most ignorant king ever to reign. There's nothing we know about the land or people.

She wants to be Queen and we could use some gold. Tough decision. If we add a spy we could plan her death as soon as we got out treasury filled.

I don't know, let's find out more:

Quote>laugh disappointed too. Then ask her where she comes from and which lands her yesteryear family reigns. And if she has a map of that area. And if her yesteryear family is in war with some nation or family. And if her people are happy.

+1;