Puzzle Contest 6/4 - 6/11 - Future Schlock! Winner Eggie

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

The topic of this puzzle contest is future shock, more specifically the shock of having an alien parasite in your body and a limited time with which to extract it!  You must find some way in which to save your own life, under the following conditions and with only these items at your disposal (at first):

You wake up in one of Glascorp's Research facilities, on a table and recovering from sedation.  The scientists responsible are in another room, discussing the potential of the creature with no regard for your own life.  You're on your own!  You manage to get the following before realizing you are trapped in the room:

1.  An Electro-Scalpel
2.  A Lifesigns(tm) wristband, giving your vitals as the embryo grows inside


Your mission:  Remove or kill the parasite and escape using the two items above and any of the following:

Adrotox (a highly toxic and experimental chemical)

An Electro Chemical taser

Super elastic tape


You can also find up to 2 additional items of your choice in the room.  Remember, your time is short so think of a solution quick, or be another victim of future shock!

Bonus points for high-tension dialogue and scenes of explicit gore!


(I'm not sure how easy this is to do, so if people have problems I can revise it).

[JudgeDeadd]

Try to open door.
"Ouch! I bumped into a forcefield!"
Take the scalpel, Adrotox, tape and wristband.
Look at yourself
"There's a large bulg in my stomach."
Look at scalpel
"A new electroscalpel. It runs on batteries!"
Look at Adrotox
"An experimental chemical... a powerful poison!"
Look at tape
"Sticky."
Look at wristband
"It says that I have 92% lifepower... and dropping!"
Search medical cabinet.
Take syringe and No-Pain(tm) paste.
Look at syringe.
"I was afraid of those as a child."
Look at paste
"No pain, no gain, eh?"
Use Adrotox with syringe.
Try to use syringe with yourself.
"No, I could accidentally inject it into my body."
Try to use scalpel with yourself.
"It would, like, hurt."
Use No-Pain paste with yourself.
"Cool, my abdomen is dirty now."
Use scalpel with yourself.
"Whoa! So these are my guts!"
"No wait, it's that alien."
Try to pull alien.
"It's strong for its age. It won't let me pull it out!"
Try to use scalpel with alien.
"The scalpel's batteries are dead."
Use syringe with alien.
"Die die die you bastard!!"
Pull out dead alien.
"Whew! Goodbye mr. Alien!"
Look at generator
"It generates the forcefield."
Use Adrotox with forcefield generator
"Whoops, I broken it."
"My dad always told me never to pour anything into electronic machines like that."
Try to open door.
"I'm not going to walk around with my guts sticking out."
Use tape on yourself.
"I'm fixed!"
Open door.

[Eggie]

VOICE: Hello!
YOU: Ugh?
VOICE: Hello! Hello!
YOU: Whaat?
VOICE: Hmmn, yeah. Um...Alright! We have some good news and bad news! A ha...
The good news is...You're not going to be given the letal injection. Hooray! Whoo! Uhh...The bad news is, we've impregnated your right arm with a rapidly growing alien parasite. Okay!
YOU: What...What the...
(You notice the lump in your arm)
YOU: Oh what the...This is a dream...
VOICE: Um...right. Yes. Anyway, it'll hatch in about five minutes and then we can observe how effectivly it kills you...
YOU: Where am I?!
VOICE: If you have any problems. We'll be right here on the other side of the glass. Hello!
(One of the scientists waves at you)
VOICE: Just push that button there to talk with us...
YOU: What the fuck?!
VOICE: Bye for now...

LOOK SELF
YOU: I don't know how I look...But my arm feels like it's going to explode...

LOOK LUMP
YOU: Oh...christ...that better be a massive, untreated tumor...

HIT LUMP
(You punch yourself on the arm)
VOICE: Um...Just a little bit of advice here. Um...Don't make it angry...

LOOK POSTER
YOU: "Congratulations! You have been selected as the lucky induvidual to be host to WENDY, the 4th parasitical alien being to be bred right here at Glascorp. This strange and fascinating race was originally found in the form of a a few dead cells found on the underside of Neil Armstrong's shoe from the first moonlanding. The possiblity of cloning this creature was discussed, but the government decided that introducing a possibly dangerous new lifeform into our planet might cause distress. Luckily, with the help of some corporate sponsership and the cooperation of some anonymous florida-based prisons. All we need is a controlled envioronment, a human to host the parasite and yes, a little bit of magic to make history!"
YOU: Those sick fucks...There's a photo of one of the aliens here..
(Close up of a tentacled monstrosity with nine eyes. About the size of a cat)

LOOK WRISTBAND
YOU: What the hell is this?
VOICE: Ooh! That's a little wristband just so you know how the embryo's getting along.

LOOK WRISTBAND
YOU: According to this...this thing inside me is barely developed at all...Maybe I have time to get it out...

LOOK SCIENTISTS
YOU: Twisted fucks...

TALK TO SCIENTISTS
YOU: They can't hear me througfh this glass

LOOK GLASS
YOU: It seems pretty thick

HIT GLASS
(You bash the glass)
YOU: Argh! Great...My arm's pregant AND my hand's in pain.

PUSH BUTTON
YOU: Hey!!
VOICE: Oh, hello. Do you have a problem?

YEAH, I'VE GOT A PROBLEM. MY FUCKING ARM IS PREGNANT!
VOICE: The miricle of life...
YOU: The miricle of you fucking going around fucking everything up.
VOICE: You know...I think parenthood might be good for you. Teach you a bit of responsibility, you know...
YOU: You do not have the right to do this!
VOICE: And you have no rights at all Mr.death-row. According to all the records, you're dead...and you belong to us.

YOU CAN'T JUST LET ME DIE IN HERE?
VOICE: Um...okay...Why not?
YOU: It's not fucking right! You can't throw away life! You can't play God like this!
VOICE: Now, now. No-one likes a hypocrite...

WHAT AM I GONNA USE TO FIGHT THIS THING?
VOICE: Hmmn....um...You know it IS going to kill you...
YOU: I want a weapon
VOICE: Well...I suppose we can give you this scalpel...It's only got enough juice for about four seconds of use but...well...It can cut through steel if that's any good for you.
(The scientist places the scalpel in a chute, it lands at your feet.)

SEE YA' LATER
VOICE: You'll be dead by then...

LOOK WRISTBAND
YOU: It says here that that thing's starting to absorb the minerals out my blood...

LOOK SCALPEL
YOU: Electro-scalpel...waste of fucking time if you ask me...if you wanna cut through flesh nothing can hold a candle to a good, sharp, blade...

TAKE SCALPEL
(You pick it up)

USE SCALPEL ON LUMP
(Nothing happens)
VOICE: Oh yes, I forgot to mention...If you try and use it on yourself...it won't work...
YOU: Shit!

USE SCALPEL ON GLASS
YOU: Hey bastards! I'm assuming you wanna keep this thing that's gonna jump outta me on the other side of this glass!
(You stick the scalpel in the glass. It only lasts for a few seconds, but the damage is done and the glass is shattered.)
YOU: Ha! Now you've gotta get rid of this thing!
SCIENTIST: Not really...We'll just lower the backup glass...
(He presses a button, to your horror another sheet of glass slides down in front of the scientists)
VOICE: And there's no use screaming at us like that. We can't hear you...

LOOK WRISTBAND
YOU: Shit...This thing has legs...

LOOK SCALPEL
YOU: It's useless...the power's drained...

LOOK GLASS SHARD
YOU: it looks kinda...sharp...

TAKE GLASS SHARD
(You pick it up)

USE GLASS SHARD ON LUMP
(You make a massive gash in your arm)
YOU: Argh!
(Struggling. You reach into the wound and grab the parasite. You then throw it to the ground)
YOU: Ha! Haha! I did it...
VOICE: Actually...It's probably advanced enough to do the rest of the growing by itself...

LOOK PARASITE
YOU: Ugly little bitch...

HIT PARASITE
VOICE: That's not going to do it...

USE GLASS SHARD ON PARASITE
VOICE: 'Fraid not...

TAKE PARASITE
YOU: Argh! It fucking but my finger off.
(you pick it up)

USE PARASITE ON GLASS
(You throw it against the glass. It sticks there.)
VOICE: Do you really think we'd install glass that can't hold this thing?
(The glass begins to crack...)
VOICE: Oh...
YOU: I'm guessing you never bred one of these things with a serial killer for a mommy...
(You collapse on your knees and watch as the beast breaks through the glass and slaughters your scientist friends)
YOU: That's my girl...
(You pass out)

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

Haha, great stuff!

Eggie's made me laugh alot with the excess of metaphors, so he wins!

[Eggie]

Arn't we supposed to vote?

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

If you want to, I guess.  With so few entries I don't see a point, though.