Blip And Radar Progress Thread

[esper]

Dammit. Eric's on top of things. My edit was the same thing, only with the addition of small, downturned lines above the blobby little yellow guy's eyes to symbolize disgust with his friend's dissuasion, to show how even a slight change in the graphics (besides flipping the mouth upside down, whatever that was supposed to signify... am I the only one who even noticed that?) can change the meaning and thereby the humor of a comic frame.

I think Nik said something to you the other day about this... If you're going to put something up in a forum where people can critique it (I understand you put it up originally in gen-gen and not CC, but still), follow the advice of those more experienced and talented than yourself. I know I'm not the most famed developer on these boards, but when you've got me, Mr. Colossal, and Darth Mandarb telling you to do something, it is probably a good idea. If you don't want to follow critiquing, just pay for hosting and put the comic up instead of letting us have the opportunity to help you make it better.

[Meowster]

I think you need better humour, since they're not very funny really... I mean, why would the microsoft support guy scream about his eyes when you phoned him up about receiving a BSOD? And also I have never, ever got a BSOD since updating from Windows 98, so this joke is unbelievably outdated...

[The Ivy]

Just my two cents: Scott Adams's rule of six is useful, at least if you like his kind of humour (I know I do). I don't normally think of it until after I do my first draft, though.

Fluke, I think you've got the joke formula down well, and although the jokes aren't really original, your timing is good. The best advice I got about comics was "Tell funny jokes, not funny ideas." A monkey and a banana sharing an apartment is a funny idea. If the banana walks into the room and says, "Hey Mr. Chimps, have you seen Cheryl?" you might have yourself a joke.

Oh, and add some spaces between the panels, especially since Blip and Radar don't move much. If you were drawing these by hand it would be more of a pain, but since you're doing them on paint there's really no reason not to.

[PsychicHeart]

Why would the microsoft support guy scream about his eyes when you phoned him up about receiving a BSOD?

He didn't phone up. He went into the building with a weapon of some sort. Perhaps that wasn't a given, but i think the fact the support guy was in some sort of pain was?

Also, yes, i've decided to follow your advice and add spaces.

Cheers,
Fluke.

[Akatosh]

I think you need better humour, since they're not very funny really... I mean, why would the microsoft support guy scream about his eyes when you phoned him up about receiving a BSOD? And also I have never, ever got a BSOD since updating from Windows 98, so this joke is unbelievably outdated...

There must be something I did wrong. Win XP produces less BSOD, yes, but they still show up quite frequently. And the Microsoft guy says "Welcome to the building", so I guess the yellow blob didn't phone him. And I guess the "my eyes"-stuff refers to the yellow blob taking them out of the Microsoft guy's head (or my imagination is just wicked).

I, for one, thougt the fire/acid comic was funnier, though.

[Vespr]

I rather liked your fire/acid comic.

It's very hard to do a funny microsoft-stuff-crashing joke unless you have something very unique happening in the punchline.

It'd be good for you to develop Blip and Radar's characters more.

[Darth Mandarb]

I was actually referring to the text in the speech bubbles ...

There's no uniformity to the spacing/margins and it looks very amateur-ish.

This goes back to what I've always said about your art Fluke; you appear to always be in a hurry and don't take a few extra seconds to smooth something out and ensure it looks good before moving on to the next.  Youthful vigor is all well and good, but rushing art is not.

Examples:
- the margins in the speech bubbles
- the double pixels everywhere
- anti-aliasing in some places, not in others (the pointers of the speech bubbles)
- shading on some things, not on others

It looks very hurriedly mashed together.  No consistency.  There's something to be said about a "style", sure, but this doesn't feel stylistic to me, it feels like 2 minutes.

Some suggestions:
- Slow it down man ... take your time!  I guarantee you, in the end, you'll be far happier with the results if you take your time while developing.
- Write about things you know about, not things you've heard about.  You're a young kid ... you don't have worldly experiences (I'm guessing) so writing about global politics probably isn't a good idea and will sound like a kid pretending.  Don't be afraid to be young!
- Did I mention slow it down?

[PsychicHeart]

Another one i did a week ago and just finished some final editing for.
Notice the spaces between panels!

Enjoy!
Fluke

PS: I'm well aware you can't read the little writing in the computer. It's done intentionally, it's a little in-joke between my friends and I.

[ManicMatt]

Really? I can read it easily. Does Jimmy really smell?

I like your use of expressions in this one. I think you're slowly progressing, it didn't make me laugh, but it is amusing. 

EDIT: It's clear you are STILL rushing your artwork though. Oh look, his hair has turned red! and the actual laser beam looks like you did it in two seconds.

[Nikolas]

Same here!

This is better than the rest...

you did make some space between panels, and the expressions in the blips really work! It is actualyl quite funny, ad I've seen people asking these sort of questions... "Hello, tech support? My computer is not working"
"Ok, sir what's the problem?"
"Hem, I press the open button nad it does not open"
"Is the plug pluged all the way into the socket sir?"
"Plug? There is a plug? Hold on, lemme check... No... whoops..."
"AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhh...."

True dialogue! What else is there for anyone to say?

[PsychicHeart]

Thanks for the comments guys, and Manic, i've fixed up the problem with the hair colour.

[PsychicHeart]

Teehee, satire.

[Mr Flibble]

I'm assuming this refers to some kind of current event? I don't get it. I'm guessing Mack sued someone, if that's the case, this is very basic satire on that. Well, it's just pointing it out really isn't it. Satire would be taking that same joke, and applying it to a new situation where the joke isn't immediately obvious. Does that make sense?

The expressions are better though, I do like Blip's expression at the end.

[Andail]

It seems all your strips are about one person saying something seemingly ordinary, and the other one getting all freaked out by it.
You could try to vary the theme of your comedy a bit.

[PsychicHeart]

Mack Johnson = Parody of Jack Thompson

[Mr Flibble]

..Ohhhh.

Topical.

You'd probably need slightly more Thompson-esque lines to pull that off.

Interestingly, Wiki says that JT once stated, “We intend to hurt Hollywood. We intend to hurt the video game industry. We intend to hurt the sex porn sites.”

Thank god my non-sex porn sites are safe. ¬¬

[Hammerite]

Mack Johnson = Parody of Jack Thompson

you should call him Jack Thompson I think.
The Mach Johnson thing just went over my head!

[YosefZaYoddler]

hidy ho,

Well i really like the comics, i read them out lound and chuccle to myself, lol
And,,,,, i get the BSOD all the time on XP, prob cause my computer is crap but hey., i think you should make more of the comics and im giveng you my support unlike the others, (some)

[Khris]

Why don't you call him "Thomp Jackson"? Or "Jock Thampson"? This'd at least increase the probability that people who have heard of Jack Thompson will get the joke.

[Mr Flibble]

I don't pretend that this is any better than anything you did, but I got the idea for it and I wanted to make it.

• It plays on the cute aspect of the characters, and gives ideas for how you could differ their personalities. It has cruel in there too, if you wanna listen to Mr Dilbert.
  
• I also changed the colours, because primary colours make my retinas burn.
  
• The coloured bars behind Radar in the third frame are a technique I've seen a lot, it helps to emphasise the frame, and gosh darn if it doesn't make Radar seem excited about his news!
  
• I added the white borders to help break up the panels.
  

It's a verrry simple joke, but it made me giggle when I thought of it.