Idea for a fantasy adventure game

[S42 Man]

I have been toying with this idea from making it a TI-83+ RPG to making it an adventure game.Ã,  I decided to make it an adventure game and wanted to know what people thought.

Crusader: Elemental Quest

In a time long ago, there existed four crsytals.Ã,  These crystals kept the balance of the elements: Wind, Water, Earth, and Fire.Ã,  Until one day the crystals were stolen by a dark wizard who planned to destroy the world with the crystals awesome power.Ã,  The kingdom in chaos, one man stepped forward to challenge the evil.Ã,  This man, armed with nothing but a dagger set out to retrieve the crystals, and restore peace and order to the land.Ã,  And he was simply known as...

Crusader

Coming soon from S 42 Studios

I really want to know what you think.

EDIT
Okay, so I get the feeling people are not reading my post that states my edited story, so here it is:

Crusader: Elemental Origins

Many years ago there existed four crystals, one for each of the elements: Fire, Water, Air, and Earth.  These crystals kept peace and order throughout the land.  Until one day a dark wizard stole these crystals, so that their powers could be used to revive his master.  But according to legend, a man born from the crystals, and armed only with his family’s enchanted dagger, stepped forward and defeated the wizard, and restored peace and order throughout the land.

Many years passed, and the crystals became nothing more than legend.

Now it is the year 2010.  A man by the name of Leon Cook comes home one night to find his family savagely murdered.  The only thing stolen was his wife’s necklace and his family’s dagger.  Not knowing the true power of either, Leon and his friend, detective Jack Archer, begin to search for the killer.  But Leon is about to find out the truth behind his ancestors, and the power that he possesses...

This is the new storyline, so tell me what you think.

[rika]

Well, as fantasy writer and reader, I think that it should be more complex...

[Synthetique]

I've already played that game about 40 times..

[Pod]

Only a dagger?
The world don't really care about their future, do they?

[Erenan]

I think you need a twist of some kind. What you have so far is a pretty cookie-cutter-like premise for an adventure game. For example, look at the Zelda series. Virtually every Zelda game ever made fits your premise almost exactly. The thing that makes it work is that there's usually some additional twist to the game. Like... the Minish Cap. Evil sorcerer turns Zelda to stone. Link has to wander around completing dungeons and getting junk to save her and the entire world from nasty doom. Pretty much the same as every other Zelda game. But you get to shrink too, and that's the twist. There just needs to be something more to your idea. Give this nameless Crusader some kind of unusual problem or quirk or odor or something.

[S42 Man]

Well I was toying with the idea of making the crusader interact with the land of daventry (aka King's Quest).

as far as gameplay twists, i was considering a map that allows you to magically transport to certain places, but only after you have gone there, similar to KQ6.

[Chicky]

How is that a 'twist'? :/

[Babar]

The Hero is a half-orphan who was raised by his mother. He comes from an ancient line who were guardians of the lost (snort) fifth element. During the course of the game, the hero regains the ancient power that helped his ancestors guard the 5th element. However, near the end, the hero finally realises that the evil wizard is infact his own father, brought back from the dead, by the power of the lost 5th element.

Now the hero has to make a descision. If he tries saving his father from the ravages of the 5th element, he will lose his powers. If he kills his father, his mother would never forgive him, and he could never forgive himself. If he assists his father, he will do so with the knowledge that the 5th element is ruthless enough to cause death, destruction and imbalance.

Heheheh....see? Even a cliche story-line can be mixed up together to make a new, original and even more cliche storyline!

[hedgefield]

Whee, I own a TI83+ too. Used to play all kinds of games on it during math.

If you could pull something like that off it would be great. There are very few(read: no) graphic adventures for it.

[Mr Flibble]

With regards to the Dark Wizard, I am reminded of Futurama.
"Sure! Everybody always blames the dark wizards!".

I'd say, make the thief want the crystals for a justifiable reason, not just to cause chaos. It doesn't mean he's not evil, but it creates a deeper character, since he thinks he's doing the right thing.

[Ali]

I don't think a twist in the story is essential - a simple story with great puzzles and great characters can be a lot of fun. In my opinion, what this story needs is a twist in the telling...

In a time long ago, there existed four crystals.Ã,  These crystals kept the balance of the elements: Wind, Water, Earth, and Fire.Ã,  Until one day the crystals were stolen by a jazz maestro who planned to destroy the world with the crystal's awesome power.Ã,  The kingdom in chaos, one man stepped forward to challenge the evil.Ã,  This man, armed with nothing but the ability to play slap-bass, set out to retrieve the crystals, and restore peace and order to the land.Ã,  And he was simply known as...

Jonny Twotone, Funk Virtuoso

I'm not saying that story would be any good, but it's more striking (I think) than your synopsis. By putting an interesting, imaginative or funny slant on a well worn plotline you can tell a story that feels doesn't feel hackneyed.

Only a dagger?
The world don't really care about their future, do they?

Read The Subtle Knife, and you won't think that!

[S42 Man]

I was thinking and thought of this for a story twist that maybe the crusader was in fact created from the crystals, making him have some supernatural abilities, like walk on water, manipulate fire, air travel(aka the map), and create pathways, but these powers can only be used after being awakened at the four elemntal temples.  Even then, he can only use them in certain spots.

As for why the wizard stole the crystals, he knows of the crusader and plans to create an army of elemantal warriors to take over the kingdom.

And yes, the wizard is the crusader's father, but only because the wizard is the fifth element, and was turned evil by the wizard mordack, which is how I plan on tying in King's Quest.

[CoffeeBob]

Sounds like Final Fantasy mixed with Wolfenstein 3D. A little longer and less cliché and it'll be just fine.

[BerserkerTails]

"Four light warriors, each carrying an ORB."

Seriously, that is the most cliché RPG or Adventure story ever. Why does the Evil Wizard want to destroy the world? Why is he evil?

Ali was right. There needs to be some sort of spin on the story or else it'll just be boring to the player. Perhaps the big hero, the "one man with a dagger" steps forward to defeat the Evil Wizard, cheered on by the entire world. Then he gets killed, and so the world turns to his less-than-heroic brother. At least that would allow for a semi-interesting story.

[Helm]

And yes, the wizard is the crusader's father

and when I read the original post I thought 'this couldn't possibly get more formulaic'. I suggest ditching this whole story and going for something we haven't seen 300 times before.

[Gregjazz]

It's a great idea for the base of the game. There's no need to complicate it. What you do want to do is to add subplots and stuff like that.

[Ozwalled]

The thing about it that bugs me most is the four elemental crystals. It just seems SO used and old to me and (obviously) to many others.

And the idea about this fifth element being a person, which is practically directly from the movie, The Fifth Element.

Get away from the gather 4 objects of the same ilk thing, I say. OR if you want to throw in a monkeywrench, have a legend or prophesy or something that SAYS that you're supposed to go out and get those crystals, but thta's justa bunch of hoo-hah (or maybe it's a rumour spread by the evil guy -- he just wanted you to get those things because it'd hekp further his evil plans. They could even be guarded by "good guys" who'd fight to the death to defend them and protect the world from evil. Or somesuch.).

Anyway, you need to be sure to keep things a bit more original, whther it's with twists or with fresh story ideas in general.

All that being said, someone SO needs to make "Jonny Twotone, Funk Virtuoso". I'd play it ina heartbeat.

[CodeJunkie]

Yes, maybe having four key objectives is a good way to divide the game, but it might be nicer to introduce the player with a simpler goal, such as finding one these objects of people.Ã,  Then the rest of the story can be introduced.Ã,  Not saying that you wouldn't take a similar approach, but I lose interest in many RPGs that throw a storyline at you as soon you start the game, and I never make it to fun things like battling and questing because I'm too bored to slog through all the stuff before it.
Crystals are probably the most overused objects in fantasy, and yet there really is no reason why they should be crystals.Ã,  There could be 4 libraries, each with a tome of enlightenment or something, or 4 sages that you need to learn from, or 4 planets with different objects on each, or 4 spaceships of moons that you have to destroy, or 4 missiles whose launch must be prevented, or 4 races that you need to befriend to fight this evil power (although that has been used somewhat in Shannara).
This said, I'm sure there are plenty of unused or un-flogged-to-death storylines around.Ã,  They'll come to you at some point, and you'll be better at thinking of them if you read lots of fantasy novels, if you don't already.
Regarding the knife, there should be some reason why only that is used, and not a 2-handed bastard sword.  Is it blessed or something?  Is it the only weapon available because the world lives in poverty, or the towns have been taken over by corrupt people, or there is so little metal available?  Is it the best weapon around because the master craftsman of the town has been savaged and monsters and troops are blocking routes out of town?  Everything should have a reason, and the player should never be left thinking "why am I doing this?".
Keep trying though, I'm sure you'll get some really good ideas at some point.

[Babar]

Actually it is not only Crystals that are overused. The whole "4 [Insert item here] must be collected" thing is overused. Probably because, as SimB mentioned, it is an easy way to divide up the game.
Zelda had the 4 sages to be found.
Diablo was full of "These 4 items must be collected and joined to make the SUPER-WEAPON".
I think almost every RPG used it.....

Radically change the story. I think Rodekill wrote out an article on how to create new stories. Search it out if you can.

[Ali]

Geoffkhan's criticism was such a good one, that I though it was worth mentioning twice:

It's a great idea for the base of the game. There's no need to complicate it. What you do want to do is to add subplots and stuff like that.

You can complicate and complicate a well known storyline and it will never transform into a startlingly original piece of work.

The problem with this plot is not that it's a standard fantasy plot, but that the world & characters it suggests are standard rather than fantastical. Exciting subplots, entertaining interactions and strong characters would make the basic 'collect four x' plot a great deal of fun.

Remember the map in Monkey Island 2?

Most well known storylines are well known because they are entertaining. I played Legend of Zelda, thinking that "rescue the princess" was an overused premise, but it didn't stop me enjoying the game immensely.