Story Criticism

[AndersM]

ok.. I've been away from this place for almost 6 months (or even more) since i got totaly tired of everything. But now I have a 'concept for a concept' for a possible story:

Future, world consisting of big police-states á la kallocain (it's a book) Hero works for the gouverment, and is sent on an under-cover mission to a certain city to find out what's going on whitout being noticed.

but i still don't know what 'going on' means... investigate a murder ? infiltrate some syndicate? kill everything that moes?

[passer-by]

but i still don't know what 'going on' means... investigate a murder ? infiltrate some syndicate? kill everything that moes?

Well,Ã,  governments don't investigate murders in remote cities, unless it's related to politics. You could use that one. If you make the bad (?) people intelligent enough, it may work...
The syndicate sounds more realistic, but...oh no, not another Hollywood thing...
"Kill everything that moves..." hmm, good for an action game, but ...could play chicken invaders instead...
If it has to be violent, you could use some horror? Or an ouside threat? Not necessarily from space, could be nature/creature or something?

.......Run out of ideas for the moment.....

[Stickieee]

Future is always good. It's rather easily lends itself to great scenes, themes, moods etc. Protagonist as an underground police is also a good bit, you have a plethora of great moments within this setting.

However, this is a mere setting. As you said, it's a concept for a concept. There is, at the moment, no plot. Once you've realised that a great setting is not the same as a great story, you can move on. (But hey, great setting is vital! Think of ghostbusters, guys busting ghosts CAN'T be bad)

What happens is your decision and yours alone, but I'd go for the infiltration story I can't but imagine the scenes where the player has to commit a crime for a greater good. And in the end, there's duel with the Ultimately Bad Guy.

Make sure though, that if this is your first game, you don't start with anything too ambitious.

[Pod]

From the one line you've given.......it seems extremely cliché :/

Develop it a bit more

[Ali]

It seems to me, and I may be wrong, that you're trying to describe a plot when what you have in your head is a mood. Perhaps that's why your thoughts seem cliched to Pod.

If you have an environment, a character or an atmosphere in mind but no solid story, try looking to classical dramatic narratives, to traditional or folk narratives and even to cliched hollywood narratives and see what you can use.