Tantomile's Tale: C&C on a concept (Images added)

[Ghost]

This is a short script I wrote a couple'o days ago. I can't get rid of the feeling that, someday in the future (and after finishing Daemons In The AtticsÃ,  ) this would be a nice setting for a game...
Read on, and then start hurling the gold bars and rotten tomatoes...

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Wendigo is a medieveal fantasy world with a few odd twists, basically a "common" fantasy realm with humans, elves, dwarves and centaurs living in unsteady alliance, littered with practical and high magic and a couple of very literal "pun" entities- like trapdoor spiders which can create a tunnel from anywhere to everywhere. It's an amalgam of cliches, settled between Piers Anthony's Xanth and Hohlbein's The Gryphon.

Jethro is a vagabond, and as such an underdog not even worthy the attention of a headhunter. Carelessly roaming the streets of Wendigo he hardly seems to be a remarkable man, and yet he is four centuries old. As a young man, when running an errant for his father, he found a Sacred Spring that was a shrine to the Fee (small pixies made of pure magic), and when he washed in it, drank from it and even * in it he was cursed by the Small Folk: From now on, he could not age, could not die, not even by force. And he could no longer like people. He could only meet people that meant nothing to him; whenever he started to like someone, the Fee curse would make his heart go dark, and he would insult, threat, cheat that person. And whenever this happens, he would have to do a good deed to keep the balance, and 4000 years later, he can only find peace in loneliness.

One night he meets a strange little creature in the woods, a female chimare that claims it had once been a human being. Tantomile, as the thing calls itself, is easy to like, which means that Jethro almost instantly must try to get rid of her.
As a result, the Fee curse now drags him towards a castle where a classic tragedy takes place. A dragon has kidnapped a princess, and a hero is needed.

But can a trustworthy clichee really be turned upside down that much, and inside out as well: A hero who doesn't want to be a hero? A damsel in distress who is the most snobbish pain in the butt? A chimare sidekick who has some secrets of her own? And a dragon who isn't exactly what it seems to be?
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Things I have in mind are
* two characters- Jethro and Tantomile, who will keep each other company during the game
* different abilities of the characters as a key to certain puzzles: Jethro is good with words and needn't fear danger or even death, Tantomile is a creature with simple magic and uncanny stealth
* a simple storyline that springs quite some surprises
* "verbatim pun magic", as found in the later KQ games
* well, there might be a sword in it...

It's pretty much patchwork now, but then again, maybe this threat may turn out helpful.

[jetxl]

Very good, but does this fit inside a adventure game? It might fit better in an other medium like a novel or comic book.

[Ghost]

I'm not sure myself, but many adventure designers say that it makes sense to write a story first, then find puzzles and a game structure, than vice versa. So I tried for strong yet simple characters first and for a plot that has space enough.  I've played a good deal of adventures that could, in my opinion, have been a novel- the Kyrandia games and Gabriel Knight, and the Dig was actually based on a screenplay (wasn't it?). Having a story means knowing the world. Take the trapdoor spiders, they started as a pun but would make a nice puzzle.

Glad you like it so far. I see I'm gertting quite some reads here, I'll take that as a good omen.

[gypsysnail]

Ghost, I think you have written a really fantastic story that would do very well as a game. Stories can be interpreted in so many mediums - a game, book, play, painting, and much more, and its only your imagination that would limit you and I have a feeling your imagination will take you very very far with this story into a game. I already cant wait to see your game with that story you have . The spiders trapdoor CAN be made into a puzzle very easily, with a bit of thinking, brainstorming and lots of your imagination! Good on you for posting here, I am glad I had the opportunity to read your story .

[Ghost]

Blush. 

No, honestly, this is a mere concept. I have no time right now to even think about making this a real game, but I am sure it will be nice to have something that can be done "by the side"- a bit of story here, a few graphics there. I don't dare say "this will be the next project" or even "i think I'll start on this next year". But hell, it was so late and I got so jumpy and thus I posted. Could be a good thing too, there'll be time for the concept to mature.

[gypsysnail]

I think you were right to post it here you will have our support whenever you work on it any time and its a good thing that you can see this as a side hobby to work on, and you only need to take your time working on it. There need not be a deadline and I guess if you work slowly on the game, you will learn a lot and a lot more than if you rush, as I have found from experience. So I would say doing it by the sides a good way .

[Ali]

I really like your characters, and particularly the names, but this is part of your synopsis puts me off a little:

Wendigo is a medieveal fantasy world with a few odd twists, basically a "common" fantasy realm with humans, elves, dwarves and centaurs living in unsteady alliance,

Why? I think too many fantasy narratives become preoccupied with the recycled politics of warring factions, tribes and species. This is a really likeable idea, so I wouldn't want to see it lose its quirkiness.

Feel free to disregard all these suggestions, but this is what I think would work well.

Instead of dropping your narrative into a pre-formed environment, strip the story down to what makes it interesting and exciting. I'd suggest taking away castles, woods and mountains. Then build an world around your characters and their adventure.
If you need a wood, add a wood, but if it can be something more interesting - a petrified forest, a whalebone graveyard, a shipwreck desert - then choose something more interesting. Choose something that particularly relates to your characters.

Instead of acknowledging cliches head on, invert them subtly. Allow the player/reader to realise that you're turning narrative conventions on their head, instead of advertising that fact. It's much more fun for us that way!

It would be very easy for you to go down the road of spoof, which is well trodden. If your story can be a comic fantasy it should be, dont make it a  spoof just because that's easier. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, I'd just like to see this idea realise its potential.

Also, should it be "chimera" or is "chimare" an intentional choice?

[Ghost]

Ali: I have already used the world of Wendigo as a testing ground for a couple of short stories, so I thought it would be save to mention the different races without going into too much detail. Fact is: Should I ever make this game, players will see a very small slice of what I've already created in my mind (it's got better since I put off that evil caffeineÃ,  ). You're right, faction wars and instable politics are very hackneyed, so IÃ,  wouldn't tire players by telling them about yet another WOW-style scenario. There would be no point in that, since the characters are invariably outsiders, not part of anything, outcasts.

As to castles, woods and mountains, you're very right there. To give a small example of my rather shoddy humour, in Wendigo there is a Graveyard of Taverns. A clan of giants once decided to use human taverns as markers for their own treasure, but then hero types started to form parties in taverns and invariably stole that treasure, so there's now a place where a heap of no-longer-needed taverns is piled up. And there's moreÃ, 

With the cliche, you're right again, though the nature of posting a synopsis is to mention things that wouldn't actually be told in a game.

Chimera vs. Chimare... I was hesistant to use the original word "chimera" and wanted to have something that sounded much like it, but wasn't the same. Chimare has "chi" (goes with SHE) and "mare" (as in NIGHTMARE), so I thought it would be a good choice. Tantomile is in fact no true chimare, she's one of a kind...

BTW: Jethro was named after my favourite band Jethro Tull, Tantomile after my favourite cat in the musical.

I have taken your suggestions aboard. They're defenitely not harsh, but very good suggestions I'll think about. In the meantime, I've knocked off two sketches of the main characters. Enjoy.