Alone in the Dark--The Movie

DGMacphee · Sat 29/01/2005 00:40:07

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/alone_in_the_dark/

BerserkerTails · Sat 29/01/2005 01:25:47

I saw it last night (Thursday), in a special sneek peek.

I personally had a great time. Mainly because the whole audience was laughing with me at how terrible the movie was.

Seriously, if you don't like movies that are complete pieces of shit, don't go see it.

Domino · Sat 29/01/2005 01:31:06

Aww, c'mon. How can a movie with Christian Slater in it be bad.

sarcasm implied here

But i did like Broken Arrow though.

Shawn

Unilin · Sat 29/01/2005 14:45:47

I watched it yesterday, matineÃ© price, and am willing to state that it will be the worst movie of 2005. This thing was worse than RE:A. My friends and I just sat there making sarcastic comments, pointing out plot holes and breaking into laughter during the action scenes. Mind you, saying "plot holes" implies there must be a plot, which would be going a bit far for this masterpiece.

Oz · Sat 29/01/2005 15:53:50

One question:

Does this movie have anything at all to do with the original game?

LGM · Sat 29/01/2005 15:59:21

Hey! I liked RE:A.. As far as an action flick goes. It's leaps and bounds better than HOTD and AITD I'm sure.

And no, the movie has nothing to do with the game. Just like HOTD.

BerserkerTails · Sat 29/01/2005 18:32:06

Oz: The main character in the movie, along with in the games, is named Edward Carnby. Both movie and game Carnby are paranormal investigators.

That's the end of the similarities.

I just thought you guys might want some more info on how bad the movie is... Here's some fun facts:

-The plot is so confusing (Not because it's difficult to understand, but because Uwe Boll can't tell a story properly) that there's actually 3 minutes of just narrated text at the start, explaining the whole backstory (And essentially ruining the ending).

-The special effects are pitiful, especially during a fight scene in Christian Slater's apartment (Which is apparently a massiv warehouse...), in which there is literally just shots of people shooting guns against a BLACK BACKGROUND. Once the fight ends, the warehouse is visiable again.

-The music is terrible. Why is there no music during the huge Starship Toopers-esque battle at the end, yet tribal drumming as Christian Slater walks around doing nothing?

-The dialog is even worse. I believe that the f-word was inserted into the lines just to get the film to a higher rating, as there was barely any blood/gore (Stephen Dorf's character gets the brunt of the f-word insertions).

-The plot is STILL so bad, that Christian Slater narrates everything he's doing just to keep the audience in the know.

-Some characters (IE: Stephen Dorf's character) are TOO dynamic, changing their motivations on a dime.

-The movie was only an hour and a half long, but felt like four hours.

That's it for today, maybe I'll post some more later, I have a ton of them.

c.leksutin · Sun 30/01/2005 01:16:47

How is it that Uwe Boll continues to con studios into letting him direct anything over then the parking lot traffic? The mans career has been one disaster after another. Is he some kind of tax write-off or something? Seriously, can anyone tell me how this man got into this business? because if he can put out nothing but pure crap, I ought to be able to get a job with the 1 year of film school I have...

C.

TheYak · Sun 30/01/2005 02:00:38

Quote from: c.leksutin on Sun 30/01/2005 01:16:47
How is it that Uwe Boll continues to con studios into letting him direct anything over then the parking lot traffic?

I feel much the same about David Mamet. I watched Spartan (perhaps the worst movie I've seen, at least the worst with any kind of budget) and was amazed to find he'd done Hannibal (which I enjoyed.. mostly). I later found a comedy he'd directed that had the same thumbprint of evil upon it.

DGMacphee · Sun 30/01/2005 03:27:50

Comparing Uwe Boll to David Mamet is like comparing a rusty, dented Volkswagon to a SAAB convertible.

Watch Glengarry Glen Ross or Wag the Dog and then eat my balls.

Also, I heard Uwe Boll wants to direct as his next videogame-to-movie project the Hitman movie. I read he wants to cast Bruce Willis as Agent 47.

c.leksutin · Sun 30/01/2005 03:35:45

I will personally beat his ass if he does....

C.

DGMacphee · Sun 30/01/2005 03:48:28

Need a hand?

BerserkerTails · Sun 30/01/2005 03:59:31

According to IMDB, his next projects are:

Bloodrayne (In Post-Production already)
Hunter: The Reckoning
FarCry

I mean COME ON. It's obvious that he's crap at making video game films. So *WHY* does he continue to do them?!

DGMacphee · Sun 30/01/2005 04:11:43

"Cause he's insane..."

LGM · Sun 30/01/2005 05:08:28

He's from Northern Germany.. Need I say more. There are some wackos from there.

Redwall · Sun 30/01/2005 21:47:31

Quote from: BerserkerTails on Sun 30/01/2005 03:59:31
According to IMDB, his next projects are:

Bloodrayne (In Post-Production already)
Hunter: The Reckoning
FarCry

I mean COME ON. It's obvious that he's crap at making video game films. So *WHY* does he continue to do them?!

At least it's nothing important.

LGM · Sun 30/01/2005 23:28:51

BloodRayne and Hunter, yes.. But FARCRY?!? One of the best games of 2004?

BMF-Inc · Mon 31/01/2005 07:25:52

"Saying Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."
-- Nicholas Schager, SLANT MAGAZINE

This is, by far, the best way to describe this movie...need we say more?

Redwall · Tue 01/02/2005 00:32:58

Quote from: [lgm] on Sun 30/01/2005 23:28:51
BloodRayne and Hunter, yes.. But FARCRY?!? One of the best games of 2004?

True. But did you listen to its voice acting? It was like an action movie satire, except it wasn't meant to be.

BTW - Who wants to bet they'll remove the plot twist with Doyle at the end (assuming Doyle will still exist)?

TheYak · Tue 01/02/2005 00:41:25

Quote from: DGMacphee on Sun 30/01/2005 03:27:50

Watch Glengarry Glen Ross or Wag the Dog and then eat my balls.

That's what makes me detest the guy so much. Hannibal was watchable and I loved Wag the Dog. So, seeing those titles in his filmography confounded me. His other recent films, Heist and Lifeboat I've yet to see but don't particularly want to after Spartan. The comedy I was referring to was State and Main. I tried watching it but the dialogue twisted my intestines and I found myself unable to continue due to flashbacks from Spartan. And the dialogue style is intentional! Val Kilmer's nothing great (minus Top Secret, of course) but he did a better job in Real Genius.

Worse yet, David's 'Unique' approach to dialogue is to have the actors deliver it as unrealisticly as possible and have the most inane comments possible. If it were parody, I could understand, but trying to foist BS upon us in the name of genius with fans crying, "You just don't -get- it" is asinine. I will, however, give Glengarray Glen Ross another shot if only because of your recommendation and the 2 DM films I've seen that haven't blown the proverbial goat.

Edit: And Farcry? WTF? The game with decent gameplay that gets monotonous towards the end and having one of the worst plotlines of 2004? (Bloodrayne's is worse, however, but at least enjoyable in a b-movie way)