Am I a weird asocial ?

[feathery mind]

I am 18 and studying engineering, almost everyone i socialise with are HUGE drinkers. I have never drunk and dont plan to it has never even crossed my mind, as with smoking drugs etc etc.

Nothing about you or your situation seems strange to me, but there is DEFFINATELY nothing wrong with you! Know that there are others much like you and that good friends are hard to find in fact i had none till university. Now i think i can claim one 

Seriously give it time as people mature their views may become more like yours and as you enter new situations you will meet many more people, inevitably some will share your views

P.S i have many friends who accept me as i am and respect me even though i am in the minority as a female non-drinking/partying engineer. Being yourself is the only way to go

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

The sad thing about this isn't that you dislike smoking and drinking, the sad thing is a society that makes those actions a part of 'normalcy'.  And for the record, I dislike smokers and drinkers and associate with either as little as possible.

[Khris]

I agree that it's a bit early to worry about these things at the age of 17.

But I disagree about smoking and drinking being lumped together.
Skipping the cigarettes is perfectly acceptable, I wish I could quit.
But getting drunk once in a while is just plain funny.

I'm 27 now, and looking back I wouldn't trade all the nights spent at parties or clubs for the world. Just don't see them as a goal in life but rather as a very scenic road leading there.

I don't think people who never got drunk have any right to judge others who enjoy drinking.
You don't have to get wasted every time; having a few beers is enough.
All those hilarious conversations I had with friends while being barely able to talk after too many drinks, the countless funny stories we still tell each other to have a good laugh; I'd really, really miss those.

[vertigoaddict]

(Just a reminder: I am 17 y/o)
I do not drink. I do not smoke. I do not go dancing to discos in the evening.

I am 16, I do not drink because it's against my religion.

I started smoking at the age of 7 (my sister's fault, she stole my grandma's pack and gave me one to shut me up), went on and off between years, I haven't touched a smoke for a year now...at least not yet.

My friends say I dance like a cheap whore, which is okay, 'cause I want to be a stripper/porn actor.

And I get also dissappointed if I meet a girl, that seems ok, nice and so on, but she belongs to this "alcohol society". Therefore, I am single almost all the time (which is pretty ok in my age I think, but compared to the others, it is a bit different) And there a question arises: Am I an asocial weirdo? Is something wrong with me? I have only a few friends and no GF for ages. For ex., sometimes I go to "afterpartys" after some festivals when I go performing with my band, no matter if I want to go to that disco or not, I go there after the show. I do not dance. I only drink water in the corner and watch people having fun. No one understands, that I simply do not like dancing, I can not dance and it is not so much fun for me to dance. And this is only one of many many examples. When I explained why I do not drink to one girl, she advised me to "just close your eyes and drink it fast".

Explain it to me please. Am I just stupid kid with a reasonless depression? Or?

Thanks for your time guys, really.  :

I am single T_T. around my area, I tend to attract girls. Guys don't make any moves on me; likewise I don't make moves on them (if the goverment knew I was gay, they would put me in jail and hit my ass with a wooden rod till it bleeds...and my ass is too nice to ruin)

Whenever someone answers to my 'friend requests' in www.worldofus.org (or com, I don't remember) we end up having cybersex.

I (and this is the nickname my friend gave me) am a virgin slut. Because I'm sadistic AND masochistic

I always feel lonely and it hurts inside. But when I talk to people I'm not shy, I'm loud.

Yet I tend to be by myself, always sit far away from everyone else, an outcast if you may.

people say I act like as if I have MPD (possibly)

Now, let me ask you this,

Am I wierd?

EDIT:People also say that I'm more mature than most kids my age and that I look older than I really am (I started looking 21 at 13). It's also easier for me to talk to adults rather than kids my age

[Haddas]

I completely understand. I'm 19 and I get drunk several nights a week. Nobody I socialize with drinks as much and as often as I do. I have next to no social interaction outside school. Even in school I don't really talk to anyone. Everyone knows me but I don't know anyone.

[Babar]

I have a group of friends who get drunk regularly, smoke, and have those BOOM BOOM BOOM music parties. They know me, and I know them, so while I might not drink or smoke, or enjoy the BOOM BOOM BOOM, they're still my friends, and all of us can have fun. I've also accepted that I'm an absurd dancer, and so have they, so it's all in fun when I do dance.

I'm sure your friends don't purposely keep you out of their circle, and there must be at least SOME topics of discussion that don't involve the general level of drunkenness the night before, so you shouldn't have that much of a problem.

Then again, I'm pretty sure that I am antisocial. At gatherings where me and my friends are in a minority, I tend to stick to a person I know (much to their annoyance) for the whole time, and find it troublesome to make new friends in situations where it might not be necessary.

[Nikolas]

As everybody says:

1. It's too early to worry Wait until the university/job to see what goes on. School is a bullshit place to make friends sometimes when you're unlucky with the school you go to. I do recall when I was 1 year (13 years old) at a music school, I was totally alone. No friends, no nothing in school. Simply didn't fit in.

2. I don't smoke, I don't like dancing, I drink beer, only, and I can't recall myself ever getting totally drunk or anything. But I do enjoy beer.

I met my wife when I was 23. Before that relationships where awful pretty much for me. With my wife we just got along totally (so much that we got married after 3 years! ) I just feel that the circumstances were never right, but never bothered too much really.

[Andail]

I think it's also important, while defending your rights to keep dry and clean, not to moralise or condemn those who choose to actually drink, smoke and dance or whatnot.
I agree that young teenagers boasting about how drunk they can get are silly and annoying and moreover a danger to themselves.

And for the record, I dislike smokers and drinkers and associate with either as little as possible.

This sounds rather obstinate, Progzmax. So as soon as you find out that a person is a drinker, you quit your friendship, even though that person may have a great personality? You describe them as if they were a different species altogether, and that comes across as a bit judgemental.

[SSH]

I do not drink because it's against my religion.
I started smoking at the age of 7
My friends say I dance like a cheap whore, which is okay, 'cause I want to be a stripper/porn actor.
Whenever someone answers to my 'friend requests' in www.worldofus.org (or com, I don't remember) we end up having cybersex.

That's an... unusual... religion where porn and cybersex are OK, but drinking isn't...  :o

[ThreeOhFour]

Hahahaha, before I read SSH's post I thought the exact same thing...

I have an interesting perspective on the situation. I don't drink or smoke (mainly because I've never gotten anything out of it when I tried it) but I always seem to be one of the people having the most fun at a party. I think people rely on alcohol to weaken their inhibitions, when you don't really need it that much. It's just stage fright.

I get into a state I refer to as "drunk on people" - I just relax completely and join in all the fun (and start some of it  ), but a case in point was that the last party I went to (ages ago now, actually), one of my friends got hurt due to drunken activity, and being the only sober one I was able to drive him to hospital without any problems. I also end up carting my friends/brother around, though, so if you don't want to drink and still want to hang out at parties, prepare to be Mr. Taxi.

The last little point I have (have I had any points yet?) would be about peer pressure. I have had most of my mates try to push alcohol to me, when they do I explain I don't enjoy drinking it and most of them respect that. It's no real worry, I've found, unlike what my teachers told me back in high school. Stand up for your beliefs man. If you're having fun now, they must be right for you.

[Khris]

I think people rely on alcohol to weaken their inhibitions, when you don't really need it that much. It's just stage fright.

I can't emphasize enough how heavily I have to object to that statement.

It's like vegetarians who go on and on about how unhealthy meat is. I don't enjoy eating meat because it's unhealthy but because IMO it tastes better than anything else.

It's very similar with alcohol: weakened inhibitions is a neat side-effect, but I drink for the dramatically increased fun-factor.
I think it's funny how non-drinkers always assume all people who get drunk only do it to overcome their shy, reclusive personality. How incredibly arrogant.

If it weren't for the occasional bad consequences after people drank too much, nobody would object to drinking alcohol in the first place.

[InCreator]

Oh. my. god.
Seems like experiences of my lousy life would benefit someone.

Smoking

Well, for a start, I'd say:

Don't start smoking, especially for social acceptance.

I did and boy I regret this (typing with ciggy between fingers atm).
Smoking as such is more of a social suicide than anything else. Imagine your hair, skin, teeth and clothes having tobacco smell all the time... It is not good. Especially since you've used to it and don't feel it. It's like having some 'kick me'-sign taped to your back and you are not sure where. Paranoid.

Imagine the frustration of not having money to buy cigarettes or not having one while it's impossible to go buy some. It is hard. While it's okay if you're surrounded by smokers, you get into fisticuffs with people who don't smoke right away. People who don't are supersensitive and total ass about tobacco smell, with rare exception of some girls who find it somewhat sexy
Anyway, smoking will make you regret it badly in the long run.

I don't mean cancer here, the health matter is only preached by people who either don't smoke and don't actually know a shit about this, quit at some point or got sick by themselves. If you're a smoker, health is least of your worries. For example, it's 2C outside and I'm out of smoke and cash. So, though I'd want to sit and play games or browse forums, I have to dress up, count every penny I have and wander through snow to buy some smoke. It's annoying and well, a slavery to your needs. You really don't want to live like this, atleast I don't. But there's no way back now.

Also, check if your friends are real smokers. I mean, there's 2 types of smokers in the world: the damned ones, and stupid masochistic fakers. Damned ones - like me - will make the reach for a cigarette as their first move in the morning. The fakers are different, because they can live a whole day without smoke, or even longer. Which makes me ask, why the hell do they smoke at all. If I was able to survive a day, I'd quit right away! They're just stupid. Fakers aren't physically bound to smoke, they're just used to do this. Everyone starts as a faker.

So much about smoking. Don't do it.

Drinking

Drinking, in your age, is underdeveloped yet. At your age, or a bit less - I was about 15 - I didn't really understand drinking. Later, I started drinking hard.
At this point, I didn't understand the beer. I mean, why do people drink beer? If I were thirsty, I drank coca-cola. It tasted MUCH better!
If I wanted to get drunk, I drank pure white vodka. If I wanted something in-between, I mixed these two. And had hard regrets next morning

My ability to consume vodka without anything to make it lighter gained me a hardcore drinker reputation and lots of friends who spent time getting drunk. Anyone who can drink like a bull is most welcome in groups like this. I was always invited, and I liked it, so I kept on going. Right into 3-year old period of strong alcoholism. During this time I failed my high school, messed whole life up, disappointed everyone who believed in me, and so on. The wonder of alcoholism is that I didn't care a bit. Another sip made me happy, courageous and strong.

Well, it ended after I met my girlfriend, since she was a heavy drinker too and when together, I had to stay sober to keep an eye on her. But drinking developed... I don't drink anymore, unless there's a cause, but I really like to have a beer sometimes. Infact, I'm sipping one right now. I won't get drunk, because it's quite light and small can, It simply makes some things easier, like before a long night of work, beer does some magic. Improves my mood a bit and makes me less nervous. This helps socializing too.

At your age, kids drink hard and to the floor. You don't really have to take part of it. Neither to feel sorry about it --
It changes. I mean, it really does. You simply have to wait till it ends. But being a totally clean won't do you good either. Give yourself a bit more freedom. So you don't like drinking a bottle of tequila? Don't!
But taking a cocktail that you like will make you worry less and feel better. I don't urge you to drink, but don't deny yourself your youth, you have only one. You don't have to stress yourself in this experiment, by consuming beer until you're nauseous. Simply take a little cocktail of vodka and energy drink and I bet you don't have any problems after that, neither drinking or not drinking.

As my mom always says, you have to drink intelligently: something good and a little. Not some crap and in loads.
I second this. A bottle of quality wine or tasty liqueur with someone special sometimes works really well.

Dancing

Well, I did not dance. In Estonia, there's atleast 2 class-parties a year through whole basic and middle school. I usually did not attend, simply because I couldn't dance. I kept telling myself that I don't like dancing at all. Even though my most favourite music is trance and house, which is known as dance music. Weird, eh?

I didn't dance until I got 20. Then something strange happened. My friend invited me to a rave, until then I hadn't even attended to anything like this, neither gone to a club. The rave was all about drum and bass music, and I didn't even listen to it then. What happened was that we both drank 10 bottles of beer, went there and morning found me with aching feet of wild dancing. I didn't even dance with ANYONE since d'n'b isn't about dancing with anyone, but living your emotions out. I could go to typical european club right now and if I have to dance, well, I'd take some drinks and do it, but I won't say I'd enjoy this. Modern clubs, with pairs of different sex and popular dance music, people dressed up nicely and watching how someone dances don't really feel like freedom to me.
But jungle-dnb parties - even though I can't stand the music much at home, are my first choice If I need to release some pressure from myself. It's a whole different world. No-one cares about what other people do, it's just total freedom and unity in music. You simply cannot stay idle, if WAY TOO LOUD snare rips through your ears and bass makes your teeth vibrate. I suggest simply to try this once.

I don't know if it's of any help to you, but well, that's my story. Don't f**k your brains, most of the symptoms will change in time. But you have to give yourself a chance and some freedom. It's not that you have anything to lose, and all you can gain is new experiences.

Of course, you could stay totally clean. I have nothing against healthy lifestyle, but absolute denial feels somewhat stupid to me.

[ThreeOhFour]

I think people rely on alcohol to weaken their inhibitions, when you don't really need it that much. It's just stage fright.

I can't emphasize enough how heavily I have to object to that statement.

It's like vegetarians who go on and on about how unhealthy meat is. I don't enjoy eating meat because it's unhealthy but because IMO it tastes better than anything else.

It's very similar with alcohol: weakened inhibitions is a neat side-effect, but I drink for the dramatically increased fun-factor.
I think it's funny how non-drinkers always assume all people who get drunk only do it to overcome their shy, reclusive personality. How incredibly arrogant.

If it weren't for the occasional bad consequences after people drank too much, nobody would object to drinking alcohol in the first place.

Mmmm... I can see how it comes across as arrogant. This was not my intent, and I don't mean to judge people that drink alcohol. My point was that not drinking alcohol doesn't mean that you cannot have fun, and that there are sometimes bad consequences when people do drink too much alcohol. My previous statement was far too general to be effective, and was based on the nature of one or two friends who use it as such. I have other friends who are incredibly outgoing without alcohol, and still more so with alcohol.

[Oliwerko]

Wow, guys thanks again, your help is sooo much appreciated.

I think I am starting to get it.

Maybe it is really too early to worry, but I worry about everything a bit earlier ( I worried about the graduation and exams a few years earlier than the others,...), and I have good experiences with it.

There were some comments on judging the drinkers and smokers. I do not judge them. I can be perfect friend with drinker/smoker. Only thing I would not to is to marry a smoker or a strong drinker. But these things have time.

I also dont put smoking and drinking together. It would be a mistake. Smoking is in my opinion a complete bullshit. I have nothing against smokers, I know how easy is to fall down with these things. I am not afraid that I would start smoking. Only If a cigarette was about to save me from dying instantly, I would consider  I am joking, I am not starting anytime, I am sure. 100%.

About the drinking - maybe it is not a bad idea to start with really small amounts. Some beer or so may not be so bad idea. Ill reconsider. But that is not my point. Because it is the solution that I am not searching for.

It is true though, that my friends respect me as a non-drinker and non-party-type.

But I am making progress a bit. I went to one of the school partys, and after the end, there were groups that were going to "finish off" to the town. I said to myself: "Now.", and I went with them. Not drinked. Despite this, it was fun.

I guess I have one explanation and two solutions:
I am shy and a bit asocial type. I am not so confident, as some of the others are. (However, some people said to me that I seem to be very confident, I laughed a lot that time).
The solution may be to incerase the confidence by trying to free my mood by a reasonable amounts of alcohol, or to bypass my shyness only by my strong will.

Personally.....Isnt the second one more challenging ?

One more thing. I am glad that I am like I am. I do not want to change it in some serious way. I have my characteristics, and to some extent I do not care what the others think of me. I am just like this. Dot. But sometimes, I just ask myself: "Wouldnt it be easier to be just like the others?". Yes, it would. But it is not. And thus, I have to think, how to satisfy that complains and worryings my crazy brain creates every minute...

You guys are so helpful, thanks again, every one of you, I am starting to understand.

[Obi]

Everyone knows me but I don't know anyone.

Woah that's deep man, put it in a poem or something.

[Khris]

I am not afraid that I would start smoking. Only If a cigarette was about to save me from dying instantly, I would consider  I am joking, I am not starting anytime, I am sure. 100%.

I'm not saying you're as weak as I were, but don't be too sure.
Until 17 I was an almost militant non-smoker. One day friends and I were puffing some small cigars and today it's more than a pack (cigarettes, not cigars) a day. It was a relatively smooth transition and looking back, it went way too fast.

The devilish thing about cigarettes: they are so disgusting that in the beginning you keep telling yourself you could stop any time. Two weeks later, you're addicted.

With alcohol it's very different; it has been for me at least. From the beginning on I was pretty terrified of becoming an alcoholic. Because once you are, there are only two options left: staying sober for the rest of your life or ending up face-down in a drain. Neither is acceptable, and the "fear" keeps me safe from becoming an alcoholic.
I get drunk on fridays and/or saturdays, that's it. Sometimes I loose one or two hours, sometimes not. During the week, I don't have the smallest urge to drink alcohol let alone getting drunk. And even an occasional weekend without drinking is perfectly fine.

It all comes down to controlling the vices and not letting them control you.
But skipping them is for cowards

[Raggit]

I tend to disagree that you're too young to worry about these things, especially seeing as most kids your age ARE drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. 

Like I said before, I think you're mature for your age.  Definately more mature than a lot of your friends.  As long as you think things through from cause to effect and think for YOURSELF, you'll be okay.  Yeah, we all make mistakes, but it's more important that we learn from them instead of trying not to make any at all.

In my experience, the teenage years are full of superficial expectations.  Be yourself, do your own thing, don't worry about what other people think of you.

[Nikolas]

BTW...

You are with 2 beautiful "babes" in the picture thread. How on earth can you be antisocial or weird social or whatever? You seem to be having a great time, and so are they.

[hedgefield]

It's great to see that we can discuss this here and that we all share the same ideas.

The sad thing about this isn't that you dislike smoking and drinking, the sad thing is a society that makes those actions a part of 'normalcy'.

I agree. I don't smoke or do drugs, and I hardly drink. There's a few reasons for this.

-I like being healthy
-I don't like the taste of alchohol, and I loathe the type of people who generally hang out in bars.
-Being rational, I don't enjoy my mind getting all foggy and chaotic. It's enough of that already when I'm sober.
-I'm too concerned with what other people think.

I used to (and still do) worry about what people think of me, but I started to give that up a long time ago, around about your age I think. It's a matter of accepting who you are. That doesn't have to be a bad thing, because they represent the things you don't want to be. It may seem like they're having more fun, but they derive their fun from different things than you might. And they have the advantage that there are a lot more people like them. I can have as much fun building a great game or executing the perfect kill (in a GAME! 0_o) as they have squandering their money away at a bar and making a fool of themselves. The trick is that you've got to find a joy and pride in the things you do. It compensates for not doing these other things that are considered 'social'. You can say to yourself "I did this, and I'm proud of it". You can build some confidence that way. For people who are creative I think this is easier than people who don't really have any hobbies, but still.

Because in the end, what have they got to show for it? Bruises? A headache? Embarrasing pictures? Does that outweigh having created something yourself, something other people may enjoy? Something you can be proud of? Let me tell you: It doesn't.

When people ask me to go along to a bar or go do something, and I'd rather hang out at home, or just don't feel like interrupting what I'm doing, I weigh the benefits of it to the question 'Is this what I really want?' I can suspend my objections for the evening if I can just have a good time with friends and maybe get into some wacky hijinks. I'm fortunate enough to be part of a group of close friends who all share my mindset. They hate disco's and the sort of people often associated with them, they don't smoke or do drugs, they dont really drink a lot, and they accept that I don't drink, so when we go do something I don't have to worry about not fitting in.

I get into a state I refer to as "drunk on people"

This is what I do aswell. I have maybe a drink or two over the course of the evening, and I can just ride along on the vibe of the more intoxicated people.

So I guess the moral of the story is that you just gotta do what you feel good about, follow your dreams, and you'll find your own crowd. You may not end up living the fullest of lives by society's standards, but at least you did it your way.

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

This sounds rather obstinate, Progzmax. So as soon as you find out that a person is a drinker, you quit your friendship, even though that person may have a great personality? You describe them as if they were a different species altogether, and that comes across as a bit judgemental.

Yes, I've just about severed a friendship over alcohol because a longtime friend who knew my feelings became a drunk and started trying to get me to drink, too.  The reasons for my feelings are a personal matter, however, and I don't really care to discuss them. 

Also, I've had people say there was something mentally wrong with me for not wanting to drink alcohol, and I mean real people that you see every day and think it's something everyone just 'does', like using the toilet. 

As I said though, I really won't discuss this further because my feelings are my own on this subject and I was making an observation about (in the very least) people in my own country and how they tend to view non-drinkers/non-smokers.  It's a bullshit peer pressure system where people try to drag you down to their level so they don't feel inadequate/like they're doing something wrong anymore.  If we're all clones then nobody is better than anyone else, I guess.  Or worse.