Bad Jokes

[KristjanMan]

Two anvils went swimming. One drowened. The other was made out of metal too.

[Creed Malay]

A rabbit hops into a butchers and says "Can I have two loafs of bread please?"

The Butcher looks at the bunny and says "WHat colour, red or green?"

The rabbit says "Dosen't matter - I've got my bike".


Also, the correct response to "What's brown and sticky?" is "Your anus." Obv.

[voh]

Q. How do you drown an (insert racial demographic)?
A. Take your foot off his head.

The joke actually goes (and actually makes sense as):

Q: How do you save a (insert racial slur) from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

And another one, which is especially popular in the Netherlands:

Q: Why is having sex in a canoe similar to Heineken?
A: Because it's fucking close to water.

And now for some random things:

Q: What's green, but at the press of a button turns red?
A: A frog in a blender.

Q: What's faster, a Lamborghini or a Ferrari?
A: An F16.

[Cluey]

Knock Knock

Who's there?

An Interrupting Cow

An interrupting co-

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Khris]

What's the white stuff in bird poop?

It's bird poop, too

[Vel]

Who's the father of current?

Spoiler

ELECTRICITY!!!11111

[close]

Worst. Joke. Ever.

[Ubel]

How do you fit 5 elephants into a car?

...

3 in the backseats and 2 in the front.

[Nacho]

-What does a snail over a tutle say ?
-Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

-Why did Hitler die?
-Because he received the note of the gas company.

-My dog has no nose!
-And how does he smell?
-Awful!

-Two peanuts go walking and one of them is "assalted".

[Tom S. Fox]

A man goes to a cinema box office and says "One ticket, please."
And the cashier says: "Please go to the back of the line." and the man answers: "I can't. There already is somebody."

If they hadn't invented electricity, we would have to watch TV with candle light.

[Phemar]

OMG sorry about screwing up that joke, and thank you for correcting me, voh! I was thinking of another joke at the time, which goes:

(warning, racist joke)

Q. How do you drown a black man?
A. Pop his lips.

[MrColossal]

What did Helen Keller say when she fell off a cliff?




Nothing, she had mittens on.

[Phemar]

Q. How does Helen Keller drive?
A. One hand on the wheel, other on the road!

Q: What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
A: The wall behind him.

[deadsuperhero]

Fifty priests die in a bus accidnet. Saint Peter met them at the pearly gates and said, "To save time I'm going to ask only one question. Which of you has ever been invovled in a homosexual realtionship?" The priests kicked the dirt and mumbled. Eventually, 49 of them raised thier hand. "okay," Saint Peter said, "off to hell with you then. And take the deaf bastard with you."


A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. He meets up with a pope at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter shows them in. Peter first takes the pope to his room. It's a small, dingy room with a bed and a bookshelf. The pope humbly takes the room and thanks Peter. Then Saint Peter takes the lawyer to a huge palace suite.
"Well hang on a minute. Why did that pope get that dingy room, and I get this huge palace?"
"Oh, we have loads of popes up here." Saint Peter explained, "But you're the first lawyer we've seen in a couple centuries."

A farmer decides to buy a horse, so he goes to a dude ranch. The horse raiser shows him many different horses that are way too expensive. Finally, the farmer sees a horse at a cheap price and asks why it's so cheap.
"Well," said the horse guy "This horse will only go when you say 'Praise the Lord!', and he only stops if you say 'Amen!'
So the farmer, liking things that are different, buys the horse.
One day he decides to take it for a ride, so he says "Giddyap!"
Nothing happens.
So he says "Praise the Lord!", and the horse starts to gallop.
After a while of riding at extreme speeds and almost losing his head, he finally says "Whoa!"
Again, nothing happens.
So he says "Amen!" and the horse stops. The farmer looks about and realizes that if he had said that one second later, he would have fallen of a cliff and died.
He calmly looked up towards the sky, let out a sigh of relief, and said
"Praise the Lord"

[Gord10]

You drive your car on the road. You accidently hit an <insert_race> who is driving a bicycle; so both the <insert_race> man and the bicycle gets crushed. You get sad. Why?
Because it was your stolen bicycle which <insert_race> was cycling.
----
A little child wakes up, and sees a stranger man in the house.
-Hello mister, are you my new babysitter?
-No, I'm the new babyshitter.

(that joke was actually different, but I didn't want to type the real word :p )
--------
-Dude, why can't the fish talk?
-Put your head inside the aquarium and try to talk.
------------
Temel used to live in village, but now he somehow turns into a celebrity and gets very rich. He is invited to a TV show, and he is asked to tell some his old village memories.
-Once, the donkey of my uncle got lost. Me and four friends of mine were trying to find the donkey. And five of us finally found the donkey in the forest. The donkey was so beautiful, and she was alone with us in the forest. We hold the donkey and...
-Errr, Mr. Temel, please tell us 'another' memory.
-Okay. Once, the daughter of my uncle got lost. Me and four friends of mine were trying to find the girl. And five of us finally found the girl in the forest. The girl was so beautiful, and she was alone with us in the forest. We hold the girl and...
-Mr. Temel, please stop telling this memory! Don't you have another village memory?
-Yes. Once I got lost...

[MrColossal]

When does the Cheesiness say “Hello”?



When they learn English.

[Tom S. Fox]

There is another joke, my father loves it, I hate it:

"Bend down, fairy, wish is wish!"

[Fabiano]

2 houses were flying. One house said to the other "Houses cant fly!" Them both fell.
2 buildings were flying. One building said to the other "Buildings cant fly!" Them both fell.
2 markets were flying. One market said to the other "Markets cant fly", but just one fell.Why?

Because it was a SUPER MARKET

sorry 'bout the bad english. 

[Domino]

Where's the GONG!!! when you really need it. 

sorry, old Gong Show reference.

[LimpingFish]

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff.

What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.

What's black and fluffy?
Pink fluff in the dark.

A slab of concrete goes into a pub. The barman points to another slab of concrete sitting at the back of the pub and says "I suppose you're with him?". The first slab of concrete shakes his head and pulls up a stool at the bar. "Nah", he says, "nobody likes to drink with him".
The barman frowns. "Oh? Why not?". The first slab of concrete leans in close and whispers, "Look at him! He's a cycle-path!"

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The barman says "What's that?". The duck says "Dunno, when I woke up this morning this thing was stuck to my arse."


I feel so...soiled.

[Nacho]

In the fridge...

It's dark... and cold... an hour happens... And two... and 3...

Then, a tomato says "Shit, it's cold!!!"

And the lettuce says "Wow! A talking tomato!"