BDSM = happiness!

[Tuomas]

"An unusual sex survey has found that Australians who enjoy bondage and discipline are not damaged or dangerous, and might even be happier than those who practise "normal" sex." Such is the quote from The Age, Australia. The survey was made asking 20000 couples about their life and sexlife separately, it was done by the university of NSW(North South Wales) in Australia.

Link

The findings showed that it was more common among gay, lesbian and bisexual people, and that participants were more likely to have been more sexually adventurous in other ways.

"However, they were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were not significantly more likely to be unhappy or anxious," said Prof Richters, author of the book Doing It Down Under.

In fact, men who take part may be happier, with results showing they score significantly lower on a scale of psychological distress than other men.

Prof Richters says the findings go against professional views of BDSM.

"People with these sexual interests have long been seen by medicine and the law as, at best, damaged and in need of therapy and, at worst, dangerous and in need of legal regulation," she said.

There was also an assumption, mostly among the general public, that people involved in BDSM were sexually deficient in some way, "and need particularly strong stimuli such as being beaten or tied up to become aroused".

She said she hoped the results would help change these stereotypes.

About time. I need to show this to my girlfriend. Even though I am pretty happy at the moment, if you know what I mean But one could always use more. I like the idea int he picture there on that site.

Apparently it's worth publishing since I saw this thing on every newspaper here today! Also, now that I've been alone a bit more, I've been enjoying some spanking videos myself. You should try it too. It makes you happy, and doesn't mean you're sexually deficient! I read this little booklet they were selling at the psychology section of the book store, and it also encouraged to spank a bit, with an open hand. Some might be afraid of the sound it makes, but I like how my flatmates can hear it all. Damn, if I had the chance to be molested like a dead pig, I'd sure as hell take it. That's how happy I am with my life!

Why am I posting this? Because I'm happy, not bored, as you would assume.

!

[Lionmonkey]

I don't know, each time, I realise that I have never experienced BDSM on myself, makes me very very happy.

[evenwolf]

There's also been a study recently showing that by taking "the pill" women are choosing different men then by natural instinct.   (scent usually leads a woman to a man with an opposite immune system in order to protect potential offspring)  The pill is fucking up this natural instinct, and hence "true love".


I thought that study was really really intriguing, if I can dig it up.

[lo_res_man]

Everyone has their kinks. Just because someone has a kink that isn't yours, doesn't make it weird, it just means it isn't your kink, and visa the versa. Personally, I think BDSM looks absolutely ridiculous, but that's because it just isn't my kind of kink. Now futanari on the other hand. . .

[Lionmonkey]

Now futanari on the other hand. . .

Thank you very much! Now I'm also very very happy each time, I realise that I have never experienced futanari.

[lo_res_man]

Like I said, we all have our kinks. Mine just likely grosses out 98% of the population on this forum  . On the other hand, I find BDSM creepy and more then a little silly, yet I am not going to get all indignent about it. Yet another case of 'each to their own'.

[Tuomas]

Yeah, I guess it's only good to hear stuff like this. It opens your mind to other views to life, and sex. Sex is after all considered a taboo with most people, and a pretty controversial subject. Most people have their images of the usual kind of sex, under the blanket, lights off, sax music, like in all the 80s Hollywood flicks. But in real life it's never the same unless you really are restricted to what you learn from others that are also living in the closet, in a sense. I think it's purifying to let it all just out there. I like Bondage, spanking, body painting a lot, cosplay, stuff like that, but I also enjoy the traditional kind. some like to watch, like Derek "Fish" Dick and some are into futanari, which reminds me of that Genesis song, The Fountain of Salmacis. 's all cool in my book really, even though I'm not into everything, but I'm up FOR everything if so suggested.

[Buckethead]

Well I dunno about BDSM but I always have the feeling gay people are happier then straight people. They just seem less stressed about things that don't matter. And are more layed back.

maybe it's the same with this?

[lo_res_man]

Meh, if to be laid back I have to wear a latex body suit (I am allergic to latex) and spikes and a gag ball and get hit with whips, then I think I will stay my hyperactive monkey squirrel self.
Opinions may vary.

[Makeout Patrol]

I recently read a similar article from the BBC, which was a response to the tabloids screaming damnation and fire and brimstone over some guy who'd been having weird bondage orgies with prostitutes; the tabloids claimed that these orgies were nazi-themed, which was the only thing that he denied. (Prostitution is a pretty thorny issue, but I frankly don't see a problem with having a nazi-themed orgy unless you actually are a neo-nazi.) It generalized from this story and kind of talked about the BDSM culture in Britain, which is apparently particularly pervasive but especially hidden, probably because of the social emphasis on propriety in that particular culture. This particular article had a bunch of responses after it; there were about twenty or thirty, and only two expressed a distaste for it, both based on religious objections to anything other than lights-off-missionary-position-with-the-husband/wife-once-a-week. The others all said that it was their own business, they didn't see the harm, they enjoyed it quite a bit and saw it as a healthy expression of trust, they'd prefer their kids have BDSM sex than get beaten to a pulp playing rugby, etc, etc. The best response said something along the line of, "There's nothing more British than a good spanking followed by a nice cup of tea. It's what built the Empire!"

So yeah, this doesn't surprise me at all; I'd say that it probably generalizes to people who are into costumes or pegging or role-playing or whatever other fetish you can think up. If somebody is content with lights-off-missionary-position all the time, they are either boring or very, very repressed, in my frank opinion.

[Ultra Magnus]

Sex is after all considered a taboo with most people, and a pretty controversial subject.Most people have their images of the usual kind of sex, under the blanket, lights off, sax music, like in all the 80s Hollywood flicks. But in real life it's never the same unless you really are restricted to what you learn from others that are also living in the closet, in a sense.

I'd say that it probably generalizes to people who are into costumes or pegging or role-playing or whatever other fetish you can think up. If somebody is content with lights-off-missionary-position all the time, they are either boring or very, very repressed, in my frank opinion.

I think that's exactly what the issue is, personally.
People who are open about (and act on) their fetishes know what they like, and go for it in spite of the taboos.
They're generally happier because they get more of a... release than those who are too repressed to try something different.

Also, what Buckethead said, that's kinda the same theory.
Homosexuality is still a pretty big taboo in society (that's why it's sometimes really tough for gay people to come out), but once you've overcome a taboo that big, the little stuff that most people stress over must seem somewhat less significant.

It generalized from this story and kind of talked about the BDSM culture in Britain, which is apparently particularly pervasive but especially hidden, probably because of the social emphasis on propriety in that particular culture.

It's more because BDSM is illegal in the UK, even though it may be completely consensual.
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation Spanner, for example.

[lo_res_man]

The interesting end game from that train of thought however, is that if BDSM becomes accepted by society,then they will become just like those whose kinks aren't what is now considered kinky. If it is no longer a taboo, will it hold the same interest?

[Kinoko]

It's all fairly unsurprising and makes perfect sense, when you think about it.

There are no absolutes here, but it does make sense that it would often seem that gay people tend to be happier and less stressed than straight people in the same way that people who enjoy BDSM or people who have very healthy, open sexual relationships seem happier overall.

Because people like this are on the whole a lot more honest and comfortable with sex, and themselves, and of course this leads to having less stress and just being generally happier in life than people who are leading lives where perhaps they aren't satisfied sexually or aren't comfortable with sex, or aren't comfortable with themselves and their desires.

I mean, there are many ways to look at it and these are generalisations. I'm not saying you have to be gay or into BDSM to be happy! I'm not saying people who aren't into things like that aren't happy. But speaking generally, it just makes sense. And this doesn't just apply to sex, of course, but also just attitudes that have to do with relationships and love and whatnot. Generally, people will tend to be happier the more they learn to accept about life and the way people are, and of course, this applies to themselves and their partners too.

When I HAVE a sex life, it's a pretty gosh darn good one! And I'm a pretty laid back person in part because of that. Many years ago, I would get hung up on the way other people were far more, as if their existance somehow offended my own. When you learn over time to let go of that and learn about people more and become both more aware and accepting of things in general, it's a wonderfully freeing feeling.

[Ultra Magnus]

^ This. Except maybe the last paragraph.
That's basically what I was trying to say, but a lot more eloquent.

The interesting end game from that train of thought however, is that if BDSM becomes accepted by society,then they will become just like those whose kinks aren't what is now considered kinky. If it is no longer a taboo, will it hold the same interest?

I don't think too many people are into BDSM because it's taboo.
People just like what they like because they like it.
And for those that are, there will always be something that polite society frowns upon.

[Makeout Patrol]

The interesting end game from that train of thought however, is that if BDSM becomes accepted by society,then they will become just like those whose kinks aren't what is now considered kinky. If it is no longer a taboo, will it hold the same interest?

Speaking as a dude who doesn't mind some rope coming out in the bedroom, I feel that I can safely say that yes, it will hold the same interest; I guess the thrill of doing something taboo is part of it, but it's not a very big part of it.

It's more because BDSM is illegal in the UK, even though it may be completely consensual.
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation Spanner, for example.

...wow. I don't even know what to say to that.

[Andail]

I'm extremely open-minded when it comes to these issues. As long as sex is consensual and doesn't involve minors or animals, then hey, whatever floats your boat.
I can easily understand that the missionary is too repetative and unimaginative for many people. And besides, if you have a sexual desire to be tied up and whipped, it's not your fault, we can't exactly decide what we get turned on by.

Then again, having a constant wish to be dominated seems to me, even when I try to be liberated, as a complex psychological issue involving shame, guilt or bad self esteem. Maybe just prejudice...

[Tuomas]

Yeah, it's really not that self-explanatory. I can't imagine all the time wanting an extreme treatment to be aroused. I would imagine someonedoing this twice a day kind of a numb person, perhaps not a very stable person too. Yet I see(know) how liberating it can be. Imagine you'd wrap yourself up in plastic once a day... can't avoid sounding a bit like an addiction, right? And as far as I know, addictions, be it sex, BDSM or cigarettes can't really be good, can it.

I don't know about bad self esteem. It could also be a personality that's very extrovert, social and perhaps even dominating, like, say, a general manager of an organisation. A person who has and can dominate people all day long. I'd imagine laying back and letting theother half take control over you, being submissive, I'd imagine it's a pretty good way in getting out of most of the pressure and the daily routines. After all, it's not the thing that you do on a daily basis, that get you aroused and turned on. Except for your gf... Though I'd imagine spending 90% of your time in the nude would make it less interesting.

[Ultra Magnus]

Then again, having a constant wish to be dominated seems to me, even when I try to be liberated, as a complex psychological issue involving shame, guilt or bad self esteem. Maybe just prejudice...

That's probably true, to some extent, but I think there are certainly worse ways of dealing with/letting out said issues.

Also, I've heard/read from a couple of people at least that the appeal to them is that they're such control freaks in their day-to-day life that they relish the experience of having control completely taken away from them. Read into that what you will.

Dammit. Tuomas just made the exact same point while I was writing this. :

Also also, there was a guy on Radio 4 a while back who made an interesting point.
The reason why people like spicy foods, he said, is that they actually kill tastebuds, which triggers a release of endorphins. BDSM is just an extreme version of the same thing, like skydiving is to rollercoasters.

[Lionmonkey]

The reason why people like spicy foods, he said, is that they actually kill tastebuds, which triggers a release of endorphins. BDSM is just an extreme version of the same thing, like skydiving is to rollercoasters.

I like spicy food, but I'm still very very very happy that I have never experienced BDSM. So, an exception just comfirms the rule, I guess.

It seems kinda boring, when all people just agree with each other in a thread. Why nobody argues? There's gotta be some conservative too-old-schooled argument maker.

[Tuomas]

I like spicy food, but I'm still very very very happy that I have never experienced BDSM. So, an exception just comfirms the rule, I guess.

So you're saying you're happy you haven't tried it, or you're happy even though you've not tried it? That you're happy for not "trying to be happy" or that you're generally happy without doing it? I'm just trying to make it clear to myself. Basically being happy because fo something is different than being happy for something.