Can't stand to see a grown man cry???

Raggit · Thu 08/04/2004 01:05:25

It's amazing what can just pop into your head out of the blue. Well, the question "is it okay for guys to cry" popped into mine today. Personally, I feel there is really nothing shameful about crying. I'm not really afraid to cry. Of course only under certain circumstances.

What do you think?

Archangel (aka SoupDragon) · Thu 08/04/2004 01:08:36

I think if a women hit herself with a hammer and began crying, that would be pretty odd too. Why confine your argument to men?

Raggit · Thu 08/04/2004 01:11:24

Well, the argument can apply to everybody. Maybe the hammer thing was a bad example.

Evil · Thu 08/04/2004 01:15:10

Personaly, I think women cry too much. I know many girls that cry over everything. Even those who dont still cry over dumb stuff. Unless you're bankrupt or have been notified of a recent death then I dont see a serious need to cry. I dont mean to be a "bad ass" but I've learned to deal with my problems. Usally the most you get our of me is a "Pfft". I'm not saying bottle your feelings, I'm saying dont be over dramatic.

AGA · Thu 08/04/2004 01:55:27

I rarely cry, but that's because things rarely happen to me that are cause enough to cry about. Last time I cried was when a relative died. I won't cry if I get hurt or anything (not that I've ever really experienced any major amounts of pain), because what's the point?

Darth Mandarb · Thu 08/04/2004 01:58:25

I cried my eyes out tonight when I thought Jasmine was going to get cut from American Idol.

Thank GOD she didn't ...

DGMacphee · Thu 08/04/2004 02:05:26

A few years ago I had a cyst on my dick that made me cry. Does that count?

LordHart · Thu 08/04/2004 02:27:26

The last thing to make me cry was that episode of Futurama with Frys dog... sorry to bring it up again, but that is one sad bloody episode, and that final shot of the dog, lying down to die is just so bloody moving...

:'(

Damn it... :'(

Evil · Thu 08/04/2004 03:49:12

Quote from: Os Ã Å¡ltimo QuÃ£o Queijo ^_^ on Thu 08/04/2004 02:27:26
The last thing to make me cry was that episode of Futurama with Frys dog... sorry to bring it up again, but that is one sad bloody episode, and that final shot of the dog, lying down to die is just so bloody moving...

I agree. But its nothing to ball your eyes out over. Like, every time my dad watches Driving Miss Dasiy he cries. Dont ask my why, I've never seen the man cry any other time. But when that tape gets a rollin his eyes start a tearin.

DG: Thats reasonable. Even a possible cyst.

shbaz · Thu 08/04/2004 05:30:23

I haven't cried in a long time.. not even the last two deaths in my family. Sometimes I think this depression numbs the pain, or maybe I've just grown so accustomed to what would be emotional trauma that it isn't trauma anymore.

I don't look down on anyone for crying, but I lose respect for people who cry/whine about minor things like it's the end of the world, like grades and such.

Peter Thomas · Thu 08/04/2004 06:14:16

I'm pretty messed up, because I haven't cried over a death in the family for the last 10-12 years, and yet I can still get pretty emotional over some really simple things (That hasn't happened in absolute ages, though)

I don't think there's anything wrong with guy's crying, but it does make it easy for other people to judge them (even at a subconscious level). If ever I see a guy crying because he's feelings are hurt, I inevitably think 'wimp'. But after a minute I see how unfair I've been and I usually re-evaluate.

The closest I've come to 'crying' in the last couple of years would be watery eyes. When I saw Passion of the Christ, for example, my eyes went blurry, and sometiomes when I see sad news reports about mental snipers who shoot innocent people, the same sort of thing happens.

But I never let anyone see me. It's just a security thing.

Gregjazz · Thu 08/04/2004 06:48:12

In my opinion there's nothing wrong with watery eyes. But downright sobbing... well, it's not "wrong", but don't cry in front of anyone -- that's just silly.

MrColossal · Thu 08/04/2004 07:53:55

Jess and I watch sad movies and we cry all over each other, not like sobbing because I don't think a movie could really drive me to that kind of sadness [unless it was a movie my mother made right before a car fell on her]

The first movie I watched with her was Grave of the Fireflies and when it was done she saw I was crying* and gave me tons of kisses...

so crying rocks!

I tear up at documentaries a lot because they are usually the saddest movies ever. There was a documentary on David Koresh and the Davidians and what happened to them and that was depressing to the point of shooting myself in the head, then a movie about this woman who had a female to male sex change operation, got ovarian cancer and then no doctors would operate on him because they felt what he did was immoral... I think that was more tears of rage...

I Never Liked You, a comic by Chester Brown
The Playboy also by him
The Pianist, oh good god!

also the good thing about crying is if you're sick and your all clogged up, watch a sad movie and by the end it'll be like someone yelled "ImmigratÃon!" in the Ramad Inn of your sinuses!

eric

*as las has said many times, if you don't cry by the end of Grave of the Fireflies then you have no soul**

**if souls exists

Nacho · Thu 08/04/2004 08:05:29

I remember I cried a lot when kid... Dunno what happened, but I became a not-easy-to-seen-crying teenager, I just cryed when Ayrton Senna (The great brasilian F-1 driver) died in 1-may-94, and after that I spent years and years (Like 5 or 6) without crying (Even standing without crying at some funeral of relatives...)

But from 20 to nowadays I don't feel bad if I drop some tears, I am more sensitive, I think... Last time I cryed was when LAnce Armstrong won the Tour after suffering like hell during the stage of Luz Ardiden, with a fall from the bike included... epic.

auhsor · Thu 08/04/2004 11:41:49

I cry occasionally. I guess i get depressed about things. I find crying helps get rid of the emotions, cos it's not good to bottle things up. I guess I'm a sensitive person.

DGMacphee · Thu 08/04/2004 13:42:44

Okay, here is a personal story. It's not the last time I cried, but probably the most painful time I cried.

This was in high school. My parents divorced around 95-96. But I was in my final year of high school: 1998. I had a few unresolved issues (I guess you could call them that) with my Dad. One night, I was over his house and he had a couple of friends over. He had gone to bed because he had a hectic day at work, but I stayed with the conversation. At one point, the conversation turned to parents. In a moment of weakness I said, "You know something? I love my father, but I don't respect him." I can't remember why I said this. Maybe it was his manner. Maybe it was the way he emotionally hurt mum. Maybe it was the way he hurt me. I don't know. But I broke down crying in front of all his friends. I didn't mean to say he was a violent person (emotionally or physically) or anything. But I felt I had to reveal a part of me in front of a group of people I hardly knew. Such is the price of repression.

But Dad heard everything I said and what happened. For a few days, we didn't talk to each other. We then had a huge confrontation via the boarding school pay phone. At one point, our boarding house master asked how long I was going to be. I said, "Several minutes because we were having some family problems." Dad heard me say this. He didn't like it. But I admitted to him what I was: a sad and angry person. A person who would lash out. Even against people I loved. Sure, I could tell you some of the things that happened which caused me to not respect him: beatings for shit I had done wrong, the emotional pain when he focused his attention on another woman, always feeling like you're second best (or rather, as he onc eput it, satisfactory or average). But the truth is, you've probably experienced the same thing. It's like men's lives are brought up to emulate our fathers. And most of the time, our fathers are wrong. And I know this: Dad wasn't always right. He was just a human being who suffered under his parents too.

That night (or week, rather), I severed the ties that binded our personalities. I realised I wasn't the same man as him. I realised I could be vunerable, yet free in what I do and say in front of him. I didn't have to watch myself. I had reached a point where I had completely disappointed him. And I admitted I was a failure as a human being. And I said he should admit the same thing. Because he was. Mainly cause of his father.

The person I was several years ago was not pretty. I don't blame my father though. I think everyone is responsible for their own behaviour. But I do feel his own violence had some impact. There was that Peter Gabriel song called Lovetown that goes "And do those teeth still fit the wounds" -- The wounds are passed on from parent to child. Which is why I faced up to him.

And now I'm my own person. I don't have to live up to expectations. And Dad and I have a great relationship. He's a better person now, and so am I. We both had a lot of learning to do, and in our own ways too. And we can still share a drink and chat with each other like mates. And I'm going to visit him at the end of the year.

He came back from England a few months ago and said I should get back into the stand-up comedy stuff. And that's what I'm going to do. Not because he expects it. But because I know for sure he's right: I can be my own person. And do the stuff that I enjoy. The stuff that makes me who I am. Not the stuff he expects.

We were both victims. Me from him. And him from his father. It was a fucked up situation, but we overcame it.

So that's the most important time I cried: In front of Dad's friends. I embarassed him. Yes, I did. But it was to show that underneath the facade, nothing was perfect. We all have our deep tensions that run undercurrent. I exposed mine that night. Maybe it was the wrong time, but I don't care. I feel there aren't really any right answers. No roadmap to life.

So, there you have it. My most vunerable moment. And I feel awkward sharing it. I feel like I've said something here that I shouldn't have.

But I'm not sorry. Not for one second. That's me. And it probably explains why I'm such a bastard at times. But I'm getting better. Each and every day.

EDIT: A few weeks later, I got the cyst on my dick. Talk about a shitty month. I thought I had contracted a venerial disease at age 17. Luckily, it was just a cyst. And in truth, I didn't cry then. I mean, after facing an angry parent, everything becomes numb. Even your manhood.

EDIT 2: Incidently, last time I got teary was during the movie ONE PERFECT DAY. And in front of Rene too. God, I'm such a wuss.

SSH · Thu 08/04/2004 13:50:58

I welled up this morning hearing a poem on BBC Radio 4 about a vet who was having to deliver and then kill 40 newborn lambs during the foot-and-mouth epedemic of 2001. Didn't cry, but then I was driving so it would have been a bad idea.

Babar · Thu 08/04/2004 14:03:37

People cry for very strange reasons, even me. A friend of mine saw some Johnny walker "Keep walking" ad on tv about some footballer guy who missed a goal, and then years later he tried again and scored. It caused my friend to have a tear. Even me, there was a movie once about an invisible rabbit (Harvey...?) and at one scene some person slammed the door on another guy (I forgot who, on the rabbit or on some boss guy..?). That got me to quietly sob. Of course, I was not exactly a grown man at that time, though, I was 9 or 10. It did not turn out all bad though, as my sister promised to help me get past a part I had got stuck in Indiana Jones if I told her why I cried

. Last time I got "fuzzy eyes" was when I was leaving Egypt and realised I might not ever see my friends again.

DGMacphee · Thu 08/04/2004 14:14:56

Harvey is one of my favourite movies.

Jimmy Stewart is a god.

Nacho · Thu 08/04/2004 14:18:19

Woha! DG has confessed his most vulnerable moment, which seems not to be a good politic when there is a bunch of people willing to argue with him...

So, I give up, I will not bitter discuss with him anymore, I promise! The posts that I really like are that ones which bring something new to my life and a moment of intimity... Andail's post about "nights in Gothemburg" is now in the second place in the "Post-o-meter", I must confess...

So, thanks Daniel for this enjoyable reading...