Need a little help in english grammar

[MalleTheRedPhoenix]

Hi all!

I wrote a text in the englisch language and I need somebody who have good english knowledge (please a native english speaker!). I made a songtext and I want to know if this is okay.

Do anybody wants to help me? I show the text through pm only!

[miguel]

Hi RedPhoenix, I am using   ''SpellCheckPlus''    to correct my brilliant posts here.
I started using it because it's not polite to mistreat a language on public forums.
Hope it helps, just google it.

[Dualnames]

I actually miguel i think he wants a text spell checked.

[miguel]

Huh? Well, he just needs to copy and paste it into SpellCheckPlus (if he decides to use it),
I can do it for him if that is the problem.

[MalleTheRedPhoenix]

I used this program. Almost every sentence semmed to be okay.

But it corrected this part from my text:

"My trust to you keeps me still alive" to "My trust to you keep me still alive".  But the verb keep is connected with the word trust and should be keeps. Or am I wrong?

[miguel]

I think you're right RedPhoenix about 'keeps', but I am not sure,
there are lots of people here that can help you better than me.
sorry, man.

[Snarky]

"My trust in you keeps me alive" (or "keeps me alive still", if you absolutely must).

Because you used the wrong preposition, the program thinks "you" is the subject.

[MalleTheRedPhoenix]

So it was right. Okay, so I put the lyrics in the forum.

Here is the text (I hope that the text makes a sense):


Dum, dum, my heart beats only for you,
Every time I look in your eyes,
Let us escape from the endless darkness,
Hold my hand!

There was a place when I was young,
where we met us for such a long time,
My memory comes back every time you make a little smile.
We have to go to a future of the unknown,
A way through the darkness and the light,
Without the knowledge, what the fate will hold for us.
Sometimes I look back and then I lose every hope in my mind,
But I still know that we will find a way with the
Power of our love!

Dum, dum, my heart beats only for you,
My trust to you keeps me still alive,
Also if our hope will be covered from the shadow,
Dum, dum, says my heart when I hold you,
Your love to me makes me much stronger,
Let us escape from the endless darkness,
Hold your hand!

[Snarky]

Dum, dum, my heart beats only for you,
Every time I look in your eyes,
Let us escape from the endless darkness,
Hold my hand!

There was a place when I was young,
where we met us for such a long time,
My memory comes back every time you smile a little smile.
We have to go to a future of the unknown,
A way through the darkness and the light,
Without the knowledge of what the fate will hold for us.
Sometimes I look back and then I lose every hope in my mind,
But I still know that we will find a way with the
Power of our love!

Dum, dum, my heart beats only for you,
My trust in you keeps me still alive,
Also if our hope will be covered by the shadow,
Dum, dum, says my heart when I hold you,
Your love for me makes me much stronger,
Let us escape from the endless darkness,
Hold your hand!

Also, "a future of the unknown", "covered by the shadow" and "hold your hand" are pretty awkward phrases ("hold you hand" sounds like you're telling someone to hold their own hand). But that's starting to move from fixing the grammar to critiquing the writing.

[riseryn]

Also, "a future of the unknown", "covered by the shadow" and "hold your hand" are pretty awkward phrases

call them poetical metaphor 

[Emerald]

I made a songtext and I want to know if this is okay.

Disclaimer: I don't want to discourage you, so read the below only if
a) You're confident in your own abilities
or
b) You don't take random people's advice over the internet too seriously

Spoiler

Yeah... I wouldn't sing that in public. At least, not an english-speaking public. Not to be Simon Cowelly, but those lyrics are just... embarrassing. I'm sure they're much better in your native tongue, but reading this it's quite clear that whoever wrote it doesn't have a solid grasp of the aesthetics and phonetics of the English language. Not to mention that even if they were arranged to make sense with a perfect meter, they're still cheesy and cliched.

But again, it's important you understand that this isn't a personal attack on your mad songwriting skills. I'm just saying, as a native english speaker, this is painful. I'm not going to sugar-coat it. Minor grammatical errors are the least of your worries...

[close]

[LimpingFish]

I have no idea what your original lyrics might read as, but going from your translated text, I'll hazard the following editorial guess:


My heart beats only for you,
Every time I look in your eyes,
Let us escape from this endless darkness,
Take my hand!

That special place when we were young,
where we shared so much together,
I return there again, every time you smile.

Together we prepare to face the unknown,
To find our way through the darkness,
I glance back, and my fear returns,
But still I know our love lights the way.

My heart beats only for you,
My trust in you keeps me alive,
The light that drives the shadows away,
My heart beats when I hold you.

Your love for me makes me so much stronger,
Together we will escape from this endless darkness,
Give me your hand!

Still needs a little work.

[miguel]

See RedPhoenix, I told you they could help you better than me!
LimpingFish did a tremendous job there, he caught the essence of your words and somehow organized it, still maintaining your poetry.
I find the English language to be much richer than I thought it would be when I first started to learn it at school.
It looks simple and basic compared to a Latin based language but it is just the surface of it.
So, don't be disappointed and keep doing your songs!