I hate what I do

[InCreator]

Blocked.

That's all I feel for almost 4 months already.
I waste countless hours sitting and looking at my monitor, not really doing anything. I mean, I'm kind of person who can find entertainment for myself even when locked up in a cage. I'm NEVER bored, unless I'm in really bad situation where I cannot even isolate and dive into my thoughts, like when sitting in a dentist's chair. But otherwise, I don't really know what boredom is.

And yet, I sit for 4 months, feeling desperate urge to do something, and yet cannot do a single thing. All games have been played, all movies watched, no interest in new ones and hundreds of projects waiting to be continued.

I open up AGS, 3ds Max, FruityLoops, ArtGem, Game Maker... I browse some of my unfinished pieces of art, game or music and listen/watch. I really like what I see and I really feel that I want to finish those.

But in few seconds, I hate them. I have zero inspiration and nothing goes right even if I try.
So it's endless loop of opening a file, modifying it, and closing without saving changes. Some of them, Like Henri (AGS game), some Game Maker games and many 3d projects are extremely near to completion and yet these bits and bytes stay unfinished. I hate this. I feel need to create, It's in my soul and veins, but can not actually do anything. Not anything I'm satisfied enough to release or even save.

Is there a cure?

[Nikolas]

I think that it happens to everyone, most of the time. I've had such bits of time myself. It just happens. Cure is to try and keep notes of all ideas coming. When the time is right and you're ripe and ready, you'll just start working again.

[m0ds]

Too bad dude. There is a cure, do something else! Start drinking & sleeping around or something

Seriously though just move on. You will eventually find something you enjoy so much you have to complete it. Took me a few years to chill out and work on just a couple of things.

[Radiant]

It seems to me that what you're lacking is focus. Judged by your description you're working (or at least, intending to) on a dozen different projects. In essence, that enables you to push back every project because you're going to do another one first, which gets circular real fast.

What I would suggest? Organize your hard drive, if it isn't already, then make two directories: a small one that is "stuff you're working on NOW", and a big one that is "stuff you may get around to some time in the future". Promise yourself you will finish the NOW folder, and don't make any promises, even to yourself, abotu the future folder.

This gives you one or two things to actually work on. Have a makeshift list around of what things you still need to do for them, and whenever you're at your computer, start at one of those things. Even if it's only for half an hour before you get destracted. Many drops fill a bucket.

[radiowaves]

Blocked.

That's all I feel for almost 4 months already.
I waste countless hours sitting and looking at my monitor, not really doing anything. I mean, I'm kind of person who can find entertainment for myself even when locked up in a cage. I'm NEVER bored, unless I'm in really bad situation where I cannot even isolate and dive into my thoughts, like when sitting in a dentist's chair. But otherwise, I don't really know what boredom is.

And yet, I sit for 4 months, feeling desperate urge to do something, and yet cannot do a single thing. All games have been played, all movies watched, no interest in new ones and hundreds of projects waiting to be continued.

I open up AGS, 3ds Max, FruityLoops, ArtGem, Game Maker... I browse some of my unfinished pieces of art, game or music and listen/watch. I really like what I see and I really feel that I want to finish those.

But in few seconds, I hate them. I have zero inspiration and nothing goes right even if I try.
So it's endless loop of opening a file, modifying it, and closing without saving changes. Some of them, Like Henri (AGS game), some Game Maker games and many 3d projects are extremely near to completion and yet these bits and bytes stay unfinished. I hate this. I feel need to create, It's in my soul and veins, but can not actually do anything. Not anything I'm satisfied enough to release or even save.

Is there a cure?

Ah, been there.

Go outside, breathe some air, meet loads of people! Maybe even a dream girlfriend awates there to solve all the problems
When I feel lousy, I take my bike and go to some place new. When I have returned home, I feel tired and relaxed at the same time, that feel that I have pumped my muscles and been somwehre what I enjoyed.

[Oliwerko]

I had this more than once. Your description is exact explanation of that problem. I think everyone has this feeling from time to time. When I feel like this, I forget to do anything related to game-making. Because I should screw my work when working in this conditions. I do it only when I like doing it.

When I feel like this, I go out with friends, the bike idea is great, I do it often. Or I go to nature and just walk and listen to my mp3 player for hours. You need distraction from monotonic life....

[Babar]

When you find the cure, tell me about it. I've been feeling like that for over a year now. I thought it might have been because of a lack of things to do, but getting more stuff to do didn't help.

I think I have an idea, open photoshop/blender/ags/a notebook, spend about 20 minutes before getting frustrated and disgusted and closing it (without saving). I have a huge music collection (that I built up of songs specifically that I'd like to listen to), but now I get annoyed with it, and it all sounds jarring.

After all the advice, I stopped trying to 'create' for a while. Read lots of books. Watched lots of movies. Played a few games (although for the first time in a long time, I got irritated with a game almost through it and uninstalled it). I still haven't gotten back the inclination.

[Akatosh]

I occasionally get in a state like that... but it normally vanishes again pretty quickly. Also, loud, aggressive music helps. 

[Oliwerko]

Well, I dont know about that agressive music. I listen to it normally, but during this periods, I dig up my old Louis Armstrong collections 
Perhaps the best thing to do for me when I feel like that is to go out with friends.
That helps a lot.

[InCreator]

Hm... Although these suggestions sound like they're straight from modern psychology book and make sense in all mathematical forms of logic, they... don't work for me.

I *have* a dream girlfriend. We spend every day together now, and previously we've survived 5 years of long-distance relationship. I love her and I'm really happy with her.

Tallinn, capital of Estonia, isn't quite a place to bike. But then again, I don't have a bike nor time to ride it. Also, as narcotics-relate crime goes here, I would lose it to first junkie I meet. But that's not the point. Yes, summer was super nice, we went out to barbecue and took some trips and enough of nature to heavy fresh air poisoning. I've wasted most of my paycheck to going out lately, both with my girl and friends and -- everything, well, goes well.

Everything - but not what I tend to do behind closed doors, only a monitor providing light to my face and integral switches computing creative flows of human mind.

I watch movies. Take walks. Play games. Even download full seasons of TV series so I could excuse myself longer.
But during all this, I still feel like I own someone something. Myself! I'm like stealing this time from the time I need to be creating, finishing my projects. I feel guilty.

I like Radiant's advice. It might work. But then again, haven't I tried it enough already? I try all the time. Open, remember, try to modify, get angry, feel weak, quit. No saving changes. Even if I do save, next time I start with removing those last changes.

I sometimes have this strange idea that everything might be going too well.
It's sadness and desperation that often motivated me to create - my songs sound always like sad, piano-ridden hip-hop and my games have dark, serious theme, flavored with somewhat self-critical consolatory (comforting) black humor... Biggest projects were started at the point where I felt completely abandoned and useless, and their meaning was to left something memorable behind, should my life end at next minute... That even if I'm not useful to anyone, including myself any other way, atleast I provide music, or art, or a game... That as miserable thing as myself is able to contribute something to species living on this planet. This is what inspired, or should I rather say - motivated me to create. It's gone now.

Isn't that weird? It does make sense at some points but It's hard to believe.

And even if it's so, shouldn't positive emotions trigger even stronger creativity and quicker progress?
If so, how to "reverse" myself?

[bspeers]

Take a risk.  Fail horribly.

You can thank me later.

[radiowaves]

Tallin doesn't have places to ride? Omg, at that point, i wish I lived in Tallinn because there are tons of good places to ride your bike, like Pirita forest for example. And if you are such a wuss that you forget your bike somewhere for the junkie to take it, then you don't deserve anything, really.  Go get yourself a bike. Biking is fun!

Btw when was the last time you went to movies? Why do you think computer is the answer to all solutions, maybe its the cause of it?

[Oliwerko]

Raiowaves has some point. Try to forget to use computer for a while, maybe it helps. Grab a pencil and draw. Or anything else you like doing.

If I am bored, or something like that, I grab my lock with my picks and practice lockpicking, it drives bad things from my mind, it frees me up.

[mchammer]

Have you ever read Somerset Maugham's The moon and sixpence?

But answer to the question,
I find help to boredom from low-budget travelling. Seeing different countries, people and cultures, and sleeping in tent at citypark,in sleeping bag at railway stations or in a forest middle-of-nowhere, eating cheapest but healthy food, jogging at places never seen before. After spending a month in such journey i feel like a completely new person.

If that doesnt help, sell your house and car, go to the nearest casino and put all the money to roulette 

[radiowaves]

Have you ever read Somerset Maugham's The moon and sixpence?

But answer to the question,
I find help to boredom from low-budget travelling. Seeing different countries, people and cultures, and sleeping in tent at citypark,in sleeping bag at railway stations or in a forest middle-of-nowhere, eating cheapest but healthy food, jogging at places never seen before. After spending a month in such journey i feel like a completely new person.

If that doesnt help, sell your house and car, go to the nearest casino and put all the money to roulette 

Except from the last part, I am so definately going to to this! But how can you not fear being robbed in train stations?

[space boy]

Is there a cure?

1. don't work on dozens of projects at once. pick one and focus all your energy on it.
2. stop being a perfectionist(this means a lot coming from me). you'll never be a 100% satisfied with what you do. Go for 90%.
3. stop whining and get yourself together soldier! youre not the only one going through an inspirational drought. if nothing what has been said works for you maybe a good kick in the ass will. come on, we want to see what you've got! don't let us wait forever!

[Phemar]

I do that all the time. Mostly just for a night or two, when I really need some space. I just tell my parents I'm staying at a friend and go rough it out bum-style. Sometimes with a friend or two.

It helps, a lot

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

I've mentioned this before but when my inspiration flags I go back to games and media that have inspired me to want to design games in the first place.  This may or may not work for you but I find that rediscovering the reason why I wanted to design games in the first place is very helpful in giving me motivation to continue.  Another thing you can do is find someone that's excited about your game and bounce builds off of them like I do with BOYD1981.  Having someone that's really looking forward to what you're working on is an excellent motivator.

[mchammer]

Except from the last part, I am so definately going to to this! But how can you not fear being robbed in train stations?

Stations witch are open 24/7 are usualy guarded guite well, and like i said, its low-budget travelling, so i dont have much to rob anyway 

Its more scary to sleep at parks, in some cities, there might be guite bad guys hanging around, so i wouldnt do that alone.

[Oneway]

You say you owe yourself something. It also sounds like you're trying to prove yourself to yourself by means of showing yourself what your creativity can do.
If you can, i'd like you to answer 2 questions to yourself (not on this forum) as honestly as you can:
1) What purpose does this proving yourself have? (maybe in relation to your future)
2) If the way you are expressing your creativity now doesn't fulfill this purpose, how else do you think you could fulfill it?

Boogie on!