If the human body was a computer, what error/information messages would it give?

Alynn · Tue 24/08/2004 12:44:45

I thought this would be fun to see what people would come up with...

(Having to pee)
Warning!
Bladder is near capacity, please free up more bladder space to continue using kidneys.

(Pooped your pants)
Critical Error:
Massive colon pressure overload before runtothejon.dll could initialize, please run changepants.exe as soon as possible.

Now for j00!

Haddas · Tue 24/08/2004 13:10:59

Answering teacher:

Error: file "answers.txt" cannot be found, please reinstall "Microsoft-Memoryâ,,¢" to solve this problem.

In therapy:

deltree /y c:\*.*

TerranRich · Tue 24/08/2004 13:30:19

WARNING:
Humor detected. Involuntary spasms of the diaphram and abdominal muscles will commence.
[ OK ]

(Call up tech support.)
PIMPLY GEEK: Well, sir, it seems that your computer-body is about to start, in layman's terms, laughter. It's normal, and doens't harm your circuitry in any way.
USER: Damn error codes! Why aren't they in plain ENglish?
GEEK: How else would we make our money? [click]

Kinoko · Tue 24/08/2004 14:31:29

Rich, I just wanted to say that your avatar freaks me out.

Redwall · Tue 24/08/2004 14:43:05

Dr. Sam Beckett, theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, stepped into the quantum leap accelerator... and vanished. He awoke to find himself trapped in a computer, facing faces that were not his own, and driven by an unkown force to write posts for the worse. His only guide on this journey is TerranRich, and observer from the future who appears in the form of a human body Sam can only see, but not hear. And so Dr. Beckett finds himself, leaping from thread to thread, striving to put wrong what once went right, and hoping each time that his next leap... will be the leap out.

BerserkerTails · Tue 24/08/2004 16:11:48

Man, Quantum Leap was the best show in the universe.

Anyway, back on topic.

Cardiac Arrest = Blue Screen of Death. It's really hard to save your computer from it... But it CAN be done.

Rui 'Trovatore' Pires · Tue 24/08/2004 16:31:01

WARNING

IF YOU DON'T WANT THESE ANNOYING MESSAGES TO POP UP
DELETE THE TROJAN "LSD" FROM YOUR SYSTEM AT ONCE!

Kinoko · Tue 24/08/2004 16:35:09

Quantam Leap was a LEGENDARY show among my generation, at least. I loved it so much, I just pined for it when it wasn't on tv. Now that I think back to it, I probably wouldn't think much of it if I were watching it for the first time these days, but... it'll always have a special place in my heart -_- Particularly that "Trilogy" of episodes where he meets his daughter etc. Ahhh.

*ahem* Yeah, sorry, off-topic.

PyroMonkey · Tue 24/08/2004 16:55:43

Death:
FATAL ERROR IN EXCEPTION l1fe. SHUTTING DOWN...
USER INPUT "GOD**** IT, HURRY UP! IT HURTS LIKE ****!" NOT RECOGNIZED.
SEARCHING FOR PROGRAM DEAD~1.BAT...
PROGRAM DEAD~1.BAT NOT FOUND.
RESORTING TO BACKUP FILE GHOS~1.BAT
INSTALLING GHOST_LIMBO OPERATING SYSTEM.................................................
INSTALLATION COMPLETE.

Mr Flibble · Tue 24/08/2004 19:27:21

The message a human computer would give...

"Be Vigilant"

Andail · Tue 24/08/2004 19:49:08

citizen.

Edwin Xie · Tue 24/08/2004 19:57:59

Cold:

Virus COLD has been detected
Anti-Virus System requests TylenolCold.exe

Taking Tylenol:

Downloading TylenolCold.exe
Estimated time left 10 seconds.....
Download complete

Rui 'Trovatore' Pires · Tue 24/08/2004 22:34:10

USER: *dials number tattooed in his arm*
GOD: Technical support, how may I assist you?
USER: Hello. Er, my name is... actually, I haven't been named yet, so...
GOD THINKS: "Damn, another n00born!"
USER: Er, so, this 486 I'm born with, is it -
GOD: Yes, you can upgrade, yes, you can add stuff, no it doesn't come with an instruction manual. And if you break it, there's no replacement unless you're a budhist. Goodbye.
GOD HANGS UP

PS - I hope no one too religious gets opffended by this...

Mr Flibble · Tue 24/08/2004 23:37:18

"In order to wake up this morning you will need to download the new version of Microsoft Conscious.
Click here to download.
1%
1.5%
1.9%
2%
1.5%
........."
"To initiate your new mind, you will need to restart your brain. Advise sleep.

I want to
a) Sleep now
b)Sleep later manually."
*next morning*
"Your version of microsoft consciousness is now out of date..."
ad nausium.

Mr Jake · Wed 25/08/2004 10:46:15

'You have been H4xx0r3D by C0mm0n <0LD'

R4L · Wed 25/08/2004 11:33:42

Dying

please run Uninstall.EXE.

Deleting Alive.DLL

Finished! Thank you for using Microsoft Die Dammit!

Babar · Wed 25/08/2004 12:13:17

Happening to me very often now while studying:
"Out of memory. Please close all programs and try again"

And while sleeping, no message, but the screensaver shows up (dreaming)

Ali · Wed 25/08/2004 13:12:31

*While running moonshine in prohibition era America*

Mobstr.exe has caused an illegal operation.

Click here to send more information to the feds.

Mr Flibble · Wed 25/08/2004 19:00:31

Heh, uninstall. Thats a good one.

Sensitive readers skip this post until you see the "***" which will tell you the nautyness has ended. (Just for you guys at work/ guys with your mum looking over your shoulder)

File "highpressureveincane.dll" could not be found. Run viagra.exe and restart your machine.

File "testosterone.dll" could not be found. Please re-install MicroSoft Puberty.

***

dasjoe · Wed 25/08/2004 19:06:50

well, if my body was a computer it would definetly not run windows.
probably netbsd, people say it's the safest os out there.
maybe even a homebrew unix/linux developed by myself - if i could do that.
that's cool. auto-update your body with new software. like vision-amplifiers (night-seeing).

shutdown -h 12/17/2074 08:35 CET
heh, exactly 90 years old. 47336400 minutes. a good time to die.