What a buzz kill...

[Nine Toes]

I've been single about a month, and I'm starting to get back in the saddle.

There was this girl in my class, I've talked to her a few times, and she's a really sweet girl.Ã,  So I was contemplating asking this girl out, but I didn't really know what she thought of me.

Monday after class she was waiting for me out by my car, so I talked to her a little there, and I could kinda tell she was interested in me, 'cuz she kept smiling and blushing.

Wednesday was the last day of school before summer break.Ã,  All day in class, she kept looking over at me and smiling, I could kind of tell the wheels in her head were turning, like she had something planned.Ã,  As she was leaving class, she gave me this wierd smile... you know.Ã,  So I'm all like, "Yeah, she's gonna ask me out!"   I was more than psyched, I was dancing the cha-cha on cloud nine.

I get out to my car about a half an hour later, and I find this note sitting on my car seat under my cell phone, it basically said this, "Hi Sully.Ã,  How are you?Ã,  Have a great summer.Ã,  You shouldn't smoke so much... blah blah blah..." and then I turn the note over, and it says on the back, "... I would LOVE to see you at church sometime.Ã,  "Ã,  Then I look down at the car seat, and there's a pamphlet from her church sitting where the note was.

Now, to understand the irony in this situation, you have to understand that I'm not a religious person at all.Ã,  I don't follow any religion, and if you look at me (piercings, tatoos, black clothes) you should be able to tell that I'm not the least bit pious.Ã,  So to sum it up, there is a 0% chance that she'll ever see me at church.

I shoulda known too... she always wore dresses, and always had her long hair up in a bun (there's a funny cult around here where the women are only allowed to wear dresses, can NEVER cut their hair and always have to have it back in a bun or a ponytail).Ã,  But I didn't really think of that until I found that pamphlet.

It's just such a buzz kill... I mean, there's nothing wrong with the fact that she's religious, she's a really sweet girl and I'd still date her anyway.Ã,  But in a relationship, you have to at least have SOME things in common and you can't be trying to make the other person change their ways from this to that.Ã,  Honestly, can you expect a relationship between a devoutly religious person and a (basically) anti-religious person to work out?Ã,  I know that even if she would accept me for who and what I am and just like me for me, her family wouldn't think too highly of us being an item.Ã,  Nor would the rest of her church community...  

I don't know, I guess I'm just going to send her some flowers and a note explaining this dilemma to her, and we'll have to wait and see what happens.

I just thought this was kinda funny and had to share it.Ã,  Anybody have any thoughts, or any stories where you were really excited about something, and it turned out to be something you really didn't expect or hope for?

[LordHart]

OMG!!! YOU'RE THE BAD BOY!!!

Seriously, you are the bad boy that every goody two shoes religious girl wants... now act upon that!

[Darth Mandarb]

Don't go to church just to get the girl.Ã,  Go only if you seriously want to go to church!

Think about this rationally ... unless this girl captivates your heart and soul and makes you think about a lifestyle change, there's (realistically) no future for you with her!

She probably sees you as the 'bad boy' (as OUQQ so eloquently pointed out!) and thinks she can show you the glory of her cul ... er. .. religion.

You see her as this symbol of purity and beauty ... the almost unattainable damsel.Ã,  Or just a hot piece of ass.

If you start going to her church just to get some action your WHOLE relationship is starting under false pretenses.Ã,  And a relationship begun that way is doomed from the start.

Now ... if you're just looking for some tail it might be worth it.Ã,  However, you could spend your whole summer doing things you don't like (going to church) and in the end, if her convictions are strong enough, you accomplish nothing and have wasted your summer.

Then again ... there's something to be said about making new friends too.

[Layabout]

She want's to FUCK you on the alter.

[Darth Mandarb]

She want's to FUCK you on the alter.

With a sacrificial dagger!!

[DGMacphee]

What makes me think Peter Thomas is going to reply soon...

[Nine Toes]

I told this story to my brother today, and all he had to say was, "She's tryin' to recruit ya, eh?Ã,  What?Ã,  Do they make commission of some type off of that?".

I don't really see her as just a peice of ass (although, I'm not gonna lie, she is pretty f---in' fine!).Ã,  Like I said, she's a really nice girl and I'd be absolutely STOKED to take her out sometime.

But the fact of the matter is, I wouldn't be caught dead in a church (...30 years later, at my funeral... ).Ã,  At A.A. I refuse to join in on the prayers they recite.

I'm pretty happy with who I am... and in the eyes of her church, yeah I'm a sinner... I smoke, I cuss, I have pre-marital sex.Ã,  But that's me, that's who I am.Ã,  I would never change just for some girl (I guess maybe it depends on what she wants me to change, some things I wouldn't mind doing differently), and I would certainly never waste my time posing as some goody-goody, going to mass just so I can get some ass (heh... that rhymes).Ã,  Plus, that's highly disrespectful to her.

If she's just trying to "save me" (as the pamphlet so generously put it) or "trying to show me the light", then I won't have anything to do with her at all... I mean, she does all this to try and get me to go to church?!?!?...making me think she likes me? The hell is that?!  That would be a really f---ed up thing to do...

I just got out of a long relationship with someone who never accepted me and was always trying to change me, and out of all that I learned an important lesson about what relationships are all about.

Hey, if all else fails, I'll still be friends with her.

[MrColossal]

why not speak about the pamphlet like friends?

ask her why she left it, is it because she wants to save your soul or just thinks her religion is the tops and wants to share it?

have you ever spoken about religion with her? i dunno about a note and flowers, if i were her [and i'm pretty fine so we're close] i'd rather it was brought to me from a person and not a note and if they wanted to bring flowers that's cool.

as far as things not being what i expected them to be, when I met Dave Gilbert he told me he was an 18 year old blond coed in a fur coat AND THAT'S ALL!! you can guess where that went...

[Peter Thomas]

What makes me think Peter Thomas is going to reply soon...

*Holds Tongue* <- and that's not freaking easy for me. I think everyone knows my stance anyway. No reason to overkill.

[LordHart]

as far as things not being what i expected them to be, when I met Dave Gilbert he told me he was an 18 year old blond coed in a fur coat AND THAT'S ALL!! you can guess where that went...

Well, I'm asuming you got it on! Who wouldn't!

[auhsor]

The situation reminds me of the movie 'A Walk To Remember'. I think its a really good movie. Just hope that she doesnt have leukemia tho.
My advice: Get to know the girl better, even go to church with her. She would appreciate that, and even if you don't go again, thats your choice. But yeah talk to her about things, it would definately help with the situation that your in.

[Peter Thomas]

I would completely agree with auhsor. No one is expecting you to go to church for the first time and act all holy moly. Just go once, and see what this girl's motives are. No one says you have to go again if you're not interested, or you think this girl is trying to blackmail you or whatnot. But surely you could find ONE free Sunday Morning in your life, yes?

[LordHart]

But surely you could find ONE free Sunday Morning in your life, yes?

Watch out Sully! He's trying to brainwash you with his religious ways!

[shbaz]

Around here going to church with girls you want to date is the norm.. it's kind of an ice breaker. I doubt it's so much her trying to convert you as it is her trying to easily get to know you better (because EVERYBODY goes to church anyway, right?Ã,  ).

[Darth Mandarb]

I agree with Aushor ... going to church once will show her you're interested in her.

Then, as always, honesty is the best policy.Ã,  Explain to her that you're interested in taking her out on a date sometime, but that church just isn't your thing and that you don't want to be something you're not just to get her attention.

If she's a normal, intelligent person (rather than a cultist fanatic) she'll probably be impressed by that.

Either way ... good luck bro!

[juncmodule]

I've been single about a month

Don't rebound on the church girl.

I see hurt coming your way. The sincerity that your post was written with just screams "run" to me.

I wouldn't go to church with her. It will give her the wrong idea. People shouldn't try to change people. It's just not right. If you want to change you should do it on your own.

Dropping the pamphlet without speaking to you about it in my opinion is rude. I have major issues with relgious recruiting anyway. I really think someone should get to know a person before they start pimping a GOD on them. That's just way too personal.

later,
-junc

[bspeers100]

I dunno.  It sounds like a simple recon job.  See the lost guy, give him a pamphlet.  I mean, the polite thing would be a verbal invite.  The note on the car is just too impersonal to show you the respect you deserve.

And stay away from church.  They eat flesh and drink blood there.

Plus, have you ever heard of that massive war led by athiests spreading the word of atheism?

[c.leksutin]

Religion has become another form of mass media anyway, they're just selling spirituality.  It's really sad because, to some people, faith actually means something, to alot it's "Fill them pews people!  we gotta prove that our god is bigger, stronger, and richer then theirs!"

How does she know that you dont already have faith in something else?  it's like: "If you dont go to MY chruch, then your wrong!!"  and even if you dont have any kind of faith or belief system, what business is it of hers anyway?  It's supposed to be a personal choice,  if I'm not mistaken, in christianity, you have to accept god into your heart in your own time...  forced attrition doesn't cut it in my book.  Besides, they're selling something they cant back-up anyway.

My advice: stay away from this one,  you would have to work really hard to find some common ground in this relationship, and it would prolly be so far down the list of importance (you both like backgammon or some shit)  that it would be buildiing the foundation of your relationship out of toothpicks on a fault line in the sand.  ie: not very stable.

C.

[Migs]

I'm a religious person myself, but I don't see why, even if he believed in another religion there should be anything wrong with going to another church.  It doesn't mean you've committed to anything.  I sometimes go to Catholic mass with my friend, but I'm not Catholic nor interested in becoming a Catholic.  There's a Hare Krishna temple several miles away.  One of these days I'd like to visit it for Sunday feast and to dance the kirtan.  It doesn't mean I have any interest in becoming a Hare Krishna.

Just be honest with this girl.  Let her know you're not a religious person and have no interest in becoming religious, but be respectful about her religion.  Attend her church, and enjoy the services for what they're worth.

[Migs]

If she's just trying to "save me" (as the pamphlet so generously put it) or "trying to show me the light", then I won't have anything to do with her at all... I mean, she does all this to try and get me to go to church?!?!?...making me think she likes me? The hell is that?!Ã,  That would be a really f---ed up thing to do...

The real issue is whether she actually does like you or is pretending to like you.Ã,  There are two things that can happen after you make it clear you have no interest in her church:

1. She continues to like you and doesn't care if you attend her church or not.Ã,  This means her invitation was probably just a byproduct of her feelings for you and that her feelings are geniune.

2. She just ignores you afterward.Ã,  This means her feelings were probably never genuine, and she just wanted to recruit you.

I just got out of a long relationship with someone who never accepted me and was always trying to change me, and out of all that I learned an important lesson about what relationships are all about.

Couples with different spiritual backgrounds almost invariably run into conflict at some time or another.Ã,  If you're interested in a long-term relationship, she may not be in your best interest, although it's really impossible for anyone other than you and her to know this for a fact.Ã,  If you're interested in a short-term thing or just being friends, why not go for it?