What a buzz kill...

[Kweepa]

Sounds to me like you're both a bit shy about asking the other out.
Maybe the leaflet was just a way of reaching out.
I don't see why you should go to church though. If she's sensible, she'll understand that you don't need to be a Christian to be a good person and have morals. If not, then it probably won't work.

[Evil]

I've dated girls that are extreamly religious before. I told them I dont believe it it and they understood. Then again I got dumped for a "Bad Boy", but I dont think that will be an issue for you.

[Migs]

I don't see why you should go to church though. If she's sensible, she'll understand that you don't need to be a Christian to be a good person and have morals. If not, then it probably won't work.

Hyde didn't mention the girl's religious affiliation.  Why do you assume she's a Christian?

[Evil]

Many Christan groups are like that. I would know. My family's been trying to recuit me for years.

[shbaz]

You guys are dogging on christianity though, regardless of the fact that nearly every religion has some verse written about how you need to try to convert or save other people by introducing them to your religion (seriously, it's almost in EVERY one).

Personally, I could never date a girl who was religious because of the fact that true religious people would never accept me as an atheist, but rather try to convert me or at least nag.

[Peter Thomas]

I don't see what all the fuss is about. Really, I don't.

Just go to church once. It's one day in your life, and you'll be there for about an hour and a half at the absolute most (unless it's some 6-hour long Worhsip thing for some strange reason). She obviously knows you're not Christian, and if she's in your class then she knows (to an extent) what you're like. She knows you don't act all God-like and Holy, so she won't be expecting you to act that way. If she's genuinely interested in you, she'll just be glad you made the effort to come along. And if she's a fraud - whooppee - you missed out on ONE morning (or evening) of your life.

Just go to see if she's for real or not, and let things happen from there.

[auhsor]

Yeah i agree with what Peter Thomas just said. Church isn't that bad. Really it isn't. I guess you can relate better to some better than others, but I still don't see why people are afraid of going to church. They arn't trying to 'recruit' you. It is your own decision to change, if you believe what the bible says, and they arn't going to force it on you, tho it may seem that way. Christianity isn't about 'recruiting' people or being heaps religious. I hate religion. Religion is rules and regulations and stuff. Being a christion doesnt mean you have to do all those things. It's a reletionship.

[shbaz]

I disagree.. it's very much like recruiting, whether you want to admit it or not. Many churches hand out forms that they ask you to fill your address and phone # and such in so they can mail you info and ask why you didn't come after the next Sunday (because some pass out roll calls).

Aside from that, I've met only one religious person who didn't ask me any questions or question my nonbelief when I told him I was an atheist. If you question it and badger people about it, then it's like you're trying to force your own beliefs on them. Bad. Bad and annoying as hell.

[DGMacphee]

The best thing you can do is walk up to her and say that you would like to spend some time with her, but not at Church, because you would feel uncomfortable there. Arrange a place where you both would enjoy and have fun.

I'm not saying this because I'm anti-Church (Sure, I am, but it makes no difference in my opinion on relationships). If you were a Church going fellow there wouldn't be a problem. But since you have this dilemma, then there has no be some kind of acquiescence between the two of you. I mean, you wouldn't expect her to go to a Trent Reznor concert, would you? I'm sure the lass wouldn't feel very comfortable, just the same as you wouldn't feel comfortable going to Church.

I think for the first few meetings, you should find something that's familiar to both of you. Then, discuss where you guys want to go. Do you just want to hang out and have fun, or turn it into something serious? If you want to take it to the next step, and as you get to know each other more, then you both can step out your comfort zones. Maybe one day you can go to Church and one day she can come to one of your sacrificial goat meetings.

Good relationships are not built where one person expects another to change before you even start going out. If she says, "I won't date you unless you come to Church," then that shows no respect for how you feel. It'd be the same if you said to her, "I won't date you unless you come to a Marilyn Manson concert." If she expects you to go to Church before she dates you, it's not worth it. She's looking for something in you that isn't there. She must be willing to meet somewhere in the middle. That's how good relationships start.

Then learn about each other. Talk to each other, like people usually do. Find out more about her and tell her more about yourself. That way you might gain some more insight into her and she'll gain some more insight into you. And along the way, you might find some common interests.

Then you can take it to the next step.

But if she's expecting you do go to Church before anything else, turn and run. I'm not saying that because it's Church and I'm anti-Church. I'm saying that because she's not willing to respect your needs and expects you to conform to hers.

So, like I said, meet with her. Tell her you would like to spend some time with her. Tell her your dilemma. Tell her you'd feel better spending time with her in a place you'll both feel comfortable. If she understands, then she'll agree. Then you two crazy kids can organise a date you'll both enjoy.

Sincerely,
Dr Macphee

[Moox]

She was just being nice, if she really believed in the bible she would respect your desicion but still respect you as a nice person.

[shbaz]

She was just being nice, if she really believed in the bible she would respect your desicion but still respect you as a nice person.

Really, that's what I think too. Like I said, it's like an icebreaker around here, the possibility of you not going to church may not have even occurred to her, even though you point out obvious signs you display of it.

[Migs]

The way I would personally see it is this: I have invited people to attend church with me before, though I don't pressure anyone.Ã,  However, I don't use this as a condition of friendship.Ã,  Instead, I feel like I have something great to offer, something that has filled my life with happiness and made me a better person, something that gives my life meaning.Ã,  To me, it's only natural I'd want to share the thing that has brought me such joy with others.Ã,  If it doesn't bring them the same happiness, that's fine.Ã,  To me, it's not a matter of recruiting to build up numbers.Ã,  It's about sharing something I value very highly.Ã,  Usually I wait for other people to take the initiative and ask me about my beliefs, though, rather than proselyte to others.Ã,  Especially in a non-religious forum such as this one.Ã,  We're all here to make and/or talk about games, not convert each other to our belief systems.Ã,  And I think we've all done quite well so far to respect each others widely different beliefs.

And I certainly don't go around finding fault in others' beliefs, or telling people they're condemned to hell for not believing the way I do.

[TheYak]

I think DG's on the right trail here.  In most new relationships (friendships and intimate ones) it's best to meet or get to know one another in neutral territory.  I don't see any reason to react defensively by presenting yourself as opposed to going to church.  Why not just present yourself as you are and ask her to dinner or coffee or something? If she's interested in you, you can probably put the church issue on the back burner. If she's interested in getting you into a cathedral then it's all you'll probably hear about during an initial meeting anyway.  I don't think there's any need not to give someone a chance just because they're religious and you shouldn't jump to conclusions about fanaticism just because she introduced the subject (and/or invitation) awkwardly.

Personally, I doubt I'd date someone who was an avid church-goer regardless of whether or not they ever invited me.  Of course, that's just due to my own issues and not advice I'd extend.

[Peter Thomas]

Amen, Migs.

Though I agree with DG as well. I was under the illusion that - although you hadn't dated her - you were kind of friends or something similar. If you're not friends or anything, then Church is the wrong place to meet up. Not only would you be nervous 'bout the whole 'Christian' thing, but you wouldn't really be able to talk to her about anything because you don't KNOW anything she's into, and you probably wouldn't know her church friends, either.

So yeah, for a first meet up, go to neutral grounds - tell her you though she was interested in you (that way you get either a 'yes' or 'no' response and you'll know how to take the conversation further). If all goes well, you can make plans.

You're asking her to accept you for who you are, and I'm sure she's willing to do that, though it might be a nice (romantic?) touch to go to church just once to show that you accept her for who she is, as well.

[Nine Toes]

Well, here's what I'm going to do...

1.Ã,  I'm not going to show up at her church for mass one day.Ã,  I don't even have any nice clothes that I can wear, because most of my clothes are black or white, and they all are mostly t-shirts and cargo pants.Ã,  Aside from that, I won't go because I don't belong in a church... they smell funny, and there's too many crosses everywhere (yeah, lame excuse... but you know the reason why).

2.Ã,  As per Eric's idea, I'm going to buy her some flowers and stop over at her house and tell her straight out, "I appreciate your invitation, but I'm not really a religious-type person. etc...Ã,  However, if you'd like to go out to the movies or for coffee sometime, that'd be cool.Ã,  You seem like a really sweet girl, and I would love to get to know you better, but I just wouldn't fit into a religious environment.Ã,  Something like that just isn't me."Ã,  Something along the lines of that.

I'm not really looking towards a lifestyle change just because of her.Ã,  Like I said before, I'm fairly happy with the way I am.Ã,  Because, if I'm not me, then who the hell am I?

Oh yeah, here's the note... (the one side anyway, I'm too lazy to scan the other side)...

[Kweepa]

I think I speak for everyone when I say we want invites to the wedding.

[Femme Stab Mode >:D]

Yellow paper? Who the hell has yellow paper? Although that little heart in love is sugestive

Maybe she likes altars...  >.<

[DGMacphee]

Here's another thought.

Maybe she's joking about the whole Church thing with you.

As in "I'd love to see YOU in Church (heheheh)"

[Peter Thomas]

Her name is Virginia? heh. It's probably a wonderful name and suits her brilliantly, but the only virginia's I've ever known were little old ladies with Grey hair and english accents. Sexy.

Unless she covers her body from head to foot, and refuses to make contact of ANY sort with the opposite sex, and refuses to drink tea, coffee and soft drink and believes that women should be seen and not heard, then she is OBVIOUSLY not a Christian, and she's just in it for the reputation

(That was me not being serious)

[Stickieee]

Yellow paper? Who the hell has yellow paper? Although that little heart in love is suggestive

Suggestive?!? The heart is like crying "Oh please, come and take me!" Besides, the paper looks like a result of fifty tries in order to perfect the casual-yet-groovy, suggestive-though-innocent -style. It's pretty obvious Virginia has a crush on Mr. Hyde.

Her name is Virginia? heh. It's probably a wonderful name and suits her brilliantly, but the only virginia's I've ever known were little old ladies with Grey hair and english accents. Sexy.

Virginia is in the top ten of the sexiest English names. If I were Mr. Hyde, I'd go after Virginia if for nothing else but her name!

So, good luck on you Mr. Hyde. Remember to tell us everything about the first date.