Why do we all post about girl problems here to a bunch of computer geeks...

[Layabout]

Girl problems. Great things aren't they.

There is this girl. Her name I won't mention, but she works with me, and she lives a room away from me above the pub. I once said I'd never want to be with an English girl.But I do. She is pretty. We can stay up to all hours of the morning. We kissed last Saturday night (well 3am sunday morning) We had a few drinks after work. We went to talk in her room. We got all cosy. We kissed. alot.

Since then, every moment alone, the same thing happens. We kiss alot.

I haven't slept with her yet.

On Monday, She was working, I was not. I saw her just before she started her shift that night. We kissed a bit. Going downstairs, in the corridor, she grabbed me and snogged me. It was nice.

She was working for 4hours, so I drunk a few vodkas in the pub with friends and locals. A few vodkas equates to about 6 Vodka and cokes. Not a big binge or anything. I went to see her after work. She said she told the German chef, that they would have a chat. She asked me to take her to his room. He told me not to come in. She said to let me come in for a bit. He said 'the girl told me to tell you she wants you to stop harrassing her in her room.' I was shocked. She told me that was not true quietly.

I went downstairs to drink some more. When she had finished her chat with the German chef, i knocked on her door. She told me to come it. We had a chat, and she told me that he was stirring shit.

The next day, the German Chef told me to stay out of the kitchen, and the same thing that he said the night before. Even though she woke me up to walk one of the locals dogs, who was away on holiday. I was angry. So I got very drunk.

I talked to her that night, and things should hopefully be sorted out.

I just need clarification on her feelings and everything. But she has been away at the German Chefs house in Liverpool since tuesday night. Which is a good thing, because it means we've both had time to think about feelings and everything. She will be coming back at stupid o'clock tonight. I texted her, she replied, and said she is looking forward to seeing me when she returns. So I guess its all good, I just need clarification on where I stand and what will become of us.

I just want to know her feelings on everyhting between us, so if its not going to be, I don't get too involved. I really like this girl, and would like to have a proper relationship with her if possible.

[SSH]

Um, the story doesn't quite make sense... i thin you missed a bit out. Who is this chef guy who suddenly turns up in the middle?

[Layabout]

He's a German. He works here in the kitchen. She works in the kitchen. He is very protective of her, treats her like the daughter he never had.

[SSH]

He is very protective of her, treats her like the daughter he never had.

Thats the missing info! It sounded like he was her current boyfreind before you said that

[Layabout]

Right, hehe, he is about 60, so thats not true. I'm not a girlfriend stealer! So it wasn't clarified. My bad.

[Minimi]

my advice:

kiss less, talk more!

Conversations are in the long run better for your relationship than sexual contact.

It depends on what you are going for in a relationship

Anyway take it easy, she likes you, you kissed, you like her, so instead of drinking vodka take her to the shore at the beach, or whatever. Show her that you care for her heart and personality.

[Nacho]

When a girl is involved, never trust the word of another guy... No matter if he is 60, your best friend, her gay best friend (who would never be interested on her...) Maybe he is telling you things she hasn't said because some weird reason of him... (Maybe you had? I don't understand very well the "stirring shit" expression)

So, ask her directly, and frankly, girls appreciate this. And showing her that you are a bit "too interested" in her would work in this specific case (I usually don't recommend to show "weakness") BUT, maybe she has expressed to the chef that you are not an easy-to-fall-in-love guy, but just a naughty-boy, so, showing that you are interested would work, and turn into possitive this little doubts of her. Dunno if this makes sense. Hope this works. Another brit blonde cute girl in mittens would be terrific.

[Andail]

Conversations are in the long run better for your relationship than sexual contact.

Dude, you can totally chat a relationship-would-be to death with that philosophy. Just because people need to understand eachother, care for eachother, know eachother on a deeper level and all that doesn't mean they must constantly converse. He said they haven't slept so it's not a question of going out of hand fast.
He probably needs to talk to the chef instead. The girl might be in debt somehow, emotionally or otherwise, and not in a position to tell the chef off. It's like someone's overly protective brother. The girl can't do much about it, it's either ignore or deal with the problem itself.

[Pumaman]

Hold on a sec, let's just summarize this ... you work in the kitchen along with the girl and the German Chef. He's far too old for her so they aren't dating, but she goes to stay at his house in Liverpool and visits his room outside of work. She seems to like you but the German Chef's jealousy threatens to get in the way.

Sounds like quite a confusing situation ... unfortunately I can't pretend to be of any help, except to ask, is this the guy?

[AlbinoPanther]

The question is do you love her because of her or because of yourself?

Same thing for her.

I hope that you will find your true love everybody needs somebody!

now smile and be yourself

[Helm]

I don't understand what she's doing in that old man's house. I guess you don't either. I don't see a big problem having yet occured but it's too early to tell. A good sign when things might go well is when people try to make time out of their schedules and obligations to see each other. A lot. This sounds stupid, but it's a vital thing that a lot of people miss: if it's a new almost-relationship, and you're not in each other's faces constantly, this usually will mean either that one of the two isn't too hot about the whole thing, or that one of the two has reservations that reside on other stuff that you're not allowed to touch upon unless asked to. You see a wonderful girl and she seems to like you and you'd like to have a chance with her, please remember to keep a cool head because things can go from fine to DROWNING in seconds when things are just starting up. Don't invest too much on this level.

Don't 'talk about your situation' either. It's a dumb thing to do when all you've done is kissed a bit. Make your desire plain to her, simply and politely, if you haven't yet, but that's it. Don't demand things, don't put pressure on her. And break the chef's legs.

[lo_res_man]

Why do we all post about girl problems here to a bunch of computer

who knows, what can I say I am a lonley sod with no girlfriend EVER. I can't give you much advise, but there is something majorly twisted going on. The german chef is being a wee bit too protective of her [sarcasim light is on] btw whats snogging?

[Layabout]

Well the thing is, we don't just kiss. When we do stay up til stupid o'clock in the morning it's usually mostly talking. I could be walking along the corridor upstairs, and if we meet, she will grab me and push me against the wall and kiss me. So i think the feelings are mutual.

About the old man, his story is interesting. He needs friends. His mother died a few weeks ago, and her funeral was on his birthday. His son is in the clink for possesion of a fuckload of drugs and for assulting a police officer. His most recent girlfriend left him recently also. So he needs company. He is a nice man, and he is handling his situation in an extremely well way.

To LJUBI, I never said anything about love. I said I liked her. I may grow to love her perhaps. But it is far too early for that.

And to Helm, good advice. It wasnt so much I was going to talk about the situation. I just want to clarify that she is interested in me and would like to make a go at it.

I have been a bit silly at first, I may have been over-crowding her a bit. I will attempt to stop this. Just hang out for maybe 1 or 2 hours a day, unless she want to hang out more.

The thing is, we are very comfetable with each other, we hug, kiss, hold each other, what not. It's definitly a two sided attraction, I think I just spent too much time with her at first. It was good to be alone to think about all this, for the both of us.

Snogging is making out in english slang. Sorry.

My problem is, i've gotten far too attached to her within a short time.

[Las Naranjas]

Worse problem is that you picked up the single worst piece of English slang already.

[Layabout]

oh, I know heaps of english slang.

Minger is actually the worse. I fucking hate that word. But it seems appropriate.

Actualy, I havent actually heard many people use the word snog or snogging...

[Helm]

if I were a girl (oh, I can only dream) and you refered to making out as snogging, I'd go hang with a 60 year old drug addict instead, too.

[TheYak]

Not that my advice would be worthwhile, but I'm withholding it due to disappointment that snogging wasn't what I thought it was.

[Domino]

The German Chef must be one hell of a cook!! 

This thread almost seems like some kind of romance novel. I like it. Keep us updated Layabout.

[DGMacphee]

I just want to know her feelings on everyhting between us, so if its not going to be, I don't get too involved. I really like this girl, and would like to have a proper relationship with her if possible.

No way, dude. Get involved. Risk it. If she's that important for you to start a thread asking for advice from us geeks, you have to be confident in your ability as a guy to take a chance, to take a leap, and risk being hurt.

And even if things don't work out, it doesn't make you any less of a man. You can just use your confidence to get back up and try again. It's all we can do. No problem with that.

But before you do anything else, let me ask a question about something you haven't really said much about: Why do you care about her so much? What are the things about her that you like so much that you are thinking you want to be with her right now more than any other girl? What is it that she does or believes in that makes you attracted to her more than any other girl?

And don't just invent reasons why. They got to be honest reasons. Straight from your heart. And not just about looks either. What do you like about her personally? Why does such attract you?

In essense, I'm saying that I know that you care about her, but why?

My problem is, i've gotten far too attached to her within a short time.

That isn't a problem. But you have to honestly know why you're attracted to her in the first place. You can be honest with yourself here.

I mean, really, asking us for advice on what to do with her is pointless because, in the end, the only person who can answer what you're looking for is you.

Once you answer that, being confident in terms with where you stand with her is no problem. I'm sure she has her reasons why she's attracted to you. And when the time is right, you both can then be honest with each other and tell each other why you like each other.

And most important, don't rush things. Enjoy the moment and her company (which I'm guessing you're already doing). Have fun with her. Don't be so focused on the result. Like the cliche goes, "It isn't destination that's important... It's the ride along the way."

[juncmodule]

1. Men just want to have sex (zee germans!).

2. Women just want to have sex (so don't expect too much in relationship land).

3. You need to have the German taken care of (I am available next week, but not on Monday. If you can track down C.leks he has better availability, but he's messy as hell.)

4. Pub, Pub, and Pub. So far all you have said is that she likes to hump you in hallways of the pub. Get her out of that place. Ask her out on a proper date. Chicks dig that stuff.

5. Just be honest. Don't bullshit her. If that doesn't work none of it will. Try to be yourself. But take things slowly.

6. Make being bored with her a priority. If you find that you can be bored with a person you are set for life. It is the one trait in a budding relationship that so many people fail to search for. Learn how to be her friend.

7. Do the nasty as soon as possible. It may be all she wants and you might as well get it while you can.

8. Never take advice from adventure gamers.

later,
-junc