A short story called "Natural Selection"

[Einoo]

Could you please help me on my new short story, "Natural Selection"?  I would like to know what you have to say about it.

The story is here:

http://homepage.mac.com/daved5/stories/selection.html

Do you like my style? Do you like my humor? And don't be too put off, I can write very light stories as well. What else do you like and/or not like? I can deal with criticism, but please tell me what you're criticizing.

[big brother]

I scanned your story and a have a few comments.

- Try to make your story 70% description instead of mostly being dialogue.

- When you do use dialogue, try to avoid trite lines. To skip them you can always switch back to a descriptive voice (ex. "Phil greeted Bob" or "the twins contested the ownership of the bedraggled kitten").