This didnt really fit in crits lounge.

[[Cameron]]

Its not for a game so I figured I shouldnt push things that need attention of the edge of that board. I was wondering what you guys think of this song.

http://www.purevolume.com/thefaustianregret

There will be more songs put up there in the future and a non-acoustic version of Every Rose. So yeah, What do you think?

[skw]

I think that someone here needs some singing lessons.

Altogether it's not so bad, but the vocal part is too loud -- compare it with music (hey, that guitar isn't tuned! ). And it's definitely too short as for me.

A little question. Is that your first band? I don't want to be mean, but if yes -- try to improve your skills at first, *then* put some pieces into the web.

[Helm]

Regardless of whether this is of my taste or not, here's some critique:

The singer's voice doesn't have the necessary qualities to be convincing in this idiom.

Furthermore, the quality of the recording destroys any chance for immersion as you can hear the mic hiss and the silly accoustic guitar go strum strum in a small room. For Gothic to work, you need to be transported to another place. Since you like Joy Division, go listen to Closer, and it's quirky production. Notice how everything gets tinned out and reverb-washy? Does it sound like a guy with his accoustic guitar in a small room? Don't bring attention to the recording means, unless you're confident they enhance the feeling of the song. The current do not. Sparseness is very unforgiving.

The lyric is trite. Many gothic bands, while morbid in many ways never forgot their sense of irony. Check out Bauhaus, Sisters of Mercy or even Joy Division again. I guess if the singer was at least somewhat convincing maybe I wouldn't mind the angsty lyric so much. I can respect any kind of music that sounds passionate. When I listen to a song, I presuppose the song means a lot to the people that made it, and regardless of whether it's intended for me, or if I get it, they're making it because they're compelled and passionate about it. When this isn't the case, I feel kinda let down.

[Gregjazz]

The spoken word is fine, but when the vocalist starts singing, he should concentrate on projecting his voice. For the style of music you are doing, it'd be much more fitting if he sang a lot louder, at least.

[[Cameron]]

Thanks for your comments. We'll try and improve on what you've written here. The sound quality is bad I know, but we intend to do some better recordings in the future. For the singing I am actually considering lessons Skurwy In comparison to the other band members I'm the best we've got, So I've decided not leave it at that but try and improve as much as possible. As for the content matter. It's angst. I'm a teen. It's pretty much all I know

[Helm]

maybe it would be a good idea to focus on developing technical skills, presentation, the lyrics (in the front, or in the ass, I just can't pass??) and stuff and leave the actual content for last. That way, after a few years when you're good and ready (and very different people) you can start writing music which has a content more relevant to you as matured people. Just a thought.

[[Cameron]]

Those lyrics.... are totally not meant to be on the site. I thought I got rid of that. If you want to read the material I'm actually happy with you can visit http://alecw.deviantart.com

[Sylpher]

I believe you are seeking a cut and dry answer, but it isn't something I can give. Allow me to meandor a bit...

To critique your poems.. What a lot of young writers don't understand is that a poem and lyrics are not the same. This is amplified much more in the writing process then the end result.. Though, many people don't see any difference between a poem and a lyric which is why many songs vocal structure fall flat (especially in popular music).

The other thing is you rarely break the dimeter/trimeter mold. This makes your structure suffer as well. A personal favorite when it comes to lyric writing is pentameter (Iambic if you wish). Some people have a difficult time moving on from the '...run, ...gold, ...sun, ...old' style, but to really express anything other then odd rhyming stanzas you aren't going to get anywhere with simple structure.

The content is a beast all in it's own. I think you realize what needs imprvement here and really.. very little what I say is going to matter as you are maturing.

The singing is what I want to get to. I hear exactly what you are trying to do. You are trying to express these somber feelings. You claim to be in pain, filled with anger and hatred.. And your vocals don't express that. They sound like someone who wants to express anger.. they want to express pain, but they are either scared or inable to open themselves up and express it.

I honestly think it is fear more than anything else.. and well.. everyone is scared to express themselves. If you are in any way serious about what you are doing I would hope you would do anything it takes to pull those emotions out of you. At the same time.. don't try to milk a dry well. If you can't write a song about a happy kitten you have no room writing about a dead puppy.

[LGM]

I agree with what is said, good and bad. Now, I am in no right to critique anything musical, but I will try to make some general comments:

Your spoken word is rather good, but your singing doesn't match up to it. It's too... soft. If you want to be grungy goth, you certainly aren't angry enough. You need to sing from your stomach, not through your nose. Put some gut into it, man, don't be afraid.

Other than that, I like the guitar. Let's hear some drums and bass, next!

[Chicky]

Listen to Nirvana, just dont TRY to be Nirvana.

[Nine Toes]

Hey, this isn't Poison!

What did you do with the other two songs you had posted?  And where's MMMBop?

Like everyone else said, the spoken word part is good, but the singing part needs a little emotion, it's too monotone.

[[Cameron]]

The band is dead now. The link to that page has the last version ever to be done of the song. Its not the acoustic one everybody heard. The guitarist left the band. I'm going to continue with the drummer under a new band name with a new guitarist. But in the meantime I put together this little ditty. Tell me what you think.
http://www.sitesled.com/members/lostcircus/Downfall.mp3

-Cameron