Song (Sea-Watching by esper) for severe critique. Just a midi file. Try it...

[Nikolas]

Oh, Dear community, I need your help. I really need your help

I have written this song for my PhD. Now I know that noone expects for a PhD student to write such a "simple" song, but wtf? I have in front of me vibes (vibraphone) and a soprano. I could either go towards a kind of ARIA, classical style (which I happened to not like!), or towards a song. And I chose to go towards a song style.

What I want from you:

* Any kind of critisism will do
* If it reminds you of anything. Actually if it seems really really stolen (sometimes, composers tend to steal somethingÃ,  without knowing it...)
* The chord progression and the generall feel of the song. It sounds a little fragmented at times to me.

My problem is that when I play it to the piano, and sing along it sounds very nice, and after so many times that I have played it I can't be objective to this.

Any help is appreciated.

Note 1: The file is in MIDI, cause I'm not in my house to do a better job, not even the score is available. No need to comment on any production/sound/ordhestration/tempo/velocity issues. I didn't work on these at all. Only on the actuall music.

Note 2: The lyrics (poetry rather), is by esper and you can see them bellow the link:
http://www.2dadventure.com/ags/seawatching.MID

Sea Watching

A wind came on the must'ring seas,
a gentle breeze that blew upon
the western shores, the mighty trees,
the lakes and lees, the plains and moors.
And now the shining sun is gone
upon the western sund'ring shores.

I saw the waves, I heard the gull,
as sweet did lull by rocky caves
the gentle tide upon the hull;
the dusk not dull; we there abide.
We watched the grey and foaming waves
as the wind through evening gently sighed.

Thank you...

And thanks to esper for this wonderfull poem.

[Gregjazz]

Those alt chords towards the end of the song sound out-of-place in contrast to the simple piano comping pattern that was established earlier in the sound.

Are you going to be playing the keyboard part exactly this way? Or are you playing from a leadsheet?

[Nikolas]

Probably this way. I don't use leadsheet here...

The alt chords do sound rather out of place really...

But there will be some changes generally as the piano part will be played by a vibraphone (which does not have the piano range, nor the capability to play 5-6 note chords).

thanks

[esper]

Hm. It does the poem more justice than the poem itself!

The only thing I can mention is that I can't seem to follow along with the words. I'm not altogether sure how you have it working out, but then it's most likely that I'm not putting the right words on the grace notes. However, that can't be my entire problem, because I wind up only at the beginning of the next to last line of the verse by the time the melody stops! I must just be retarded: we saw that i had the same problem when it came to the Christmas play music

I'm not a terribly big fan of that one note that sounds out of place... I don't have perfect pitch, but I would say, if this song were in the key of C, it's the only flatted note in the song. However, I don't have perfect pitch, and I don't think the song is in the key of C, and so you probably have no idea which note I'm talking about!

Other than those two VERY minor things, I think this is beautiful. I wish I could write stuff like this to go along with my other works of poetry.

[Nikolas]

Yessssss.... forgot to mention that.

This is only the first verse (until the sund'ring shores), and a little before (the intro) and after that (the middle part, 4-5 bars before the end). I hate being away from my studio. I could have produced a more decent version of it, to show what I mean. I actually haven't listened to it (no headphones or speakers), so I'm completely blind here. At least I can still play it in my piano...

Now, if you could tell me the time of the note, you're talking about, I'll think about it otherwise

Geoffkhan: Not this way exactly. I just found out the vibes' range and it stops at f''' (just below the middle C), which means that most of the piano part is out of range and has to be transcribed...

Note: At least it doesn't remind you particularly of something, so that I will be locked up for copyright breeching or something. That's good...

Esper: as I PMed you, since you do like it we should do this more often and just see where it goes...

[JRock]

Well.....Sounds good to me. I prefer usind lots of "piano" midis in my games, so of course I like it!!Ã,  Ã, 

[esper]

o.0

Huh?

Response PMed you, but I'll say this here, too. This is nothing like what you said you were interested in writing. You said you wanted to do stuff like Korn, Radiohead, NIN, etc... To which I replied I can't write lyrics for that type of stuff (not that I don't like it... one of my favorite groups is Three Doors Down, and I used Rammstein music in one of my old Flash-based games)... If this is the type of stuff you are going to be writing, then I would be MORE THAN HAPPY to work with you.

[ManicMatt]

Reminds me of Final Fantasy!

I can fit the first verse in when improvising better than the second.

I'd destroy your song by recording my vocals over it, but it's too late tonight!

Mind if I attempt to do that sometime, hm?

If just out of curiousity's sake.

EDIT: If I had the file, that is.

[Nikolas]

EDIT: If I had the file, that is.

If you're talking about the midi file, it should just be up there.

Right now, there is nothing more than this midi file 

But of course if you do record your lovely indeed voice, you might as well expect sever sampling from my part then!!!! LOL

Yes, go ahead...

[ManicMatt]

What I meant was, that Audacity (the program I use) couldn't load the file up. (Even though it boasts midi support)

Oh well. If you ever get a mp3 version going let me know!

And thanks for the compliment!

[SSH]

I think you might need a plugin to get Audacity to do MIDI

[Nikolas]

You know ,someone else told me that they can't listen to this midi track. That if you double click to it he doesn't listen anything. And he had to import it to Cubase to be able to listen to it.

He's currently having trouble with his own midi tracks and some friend of his.

Any idea of what's happening.

I tested this midi file myself today to a random internet caffee computer and I heard it nice and clear. And it plays to this computer with no problem what so ever...

[ManicMatt]

I looked on Audacity's website and they said that it's able to SHOW the midi file but not play it. WTF?

But I PLAYED the midi file with RealPlayer. Heck, it plays with windows media player too.

[Erenan]

I don't mind the difference in the piano at the end after the voice stops. What bothers me is the clash between the bass and chords in measure 22. The D natural and A natural in the bass really clash with the E flat and B flat in my ears.