Punk Mini Opera I'm writing

[deadsuperhero]

Well, I'm working hard on writing a punk rock song. It follows the theme of Man vs. His Demons.
There are two major characters:

American Boy: Lost his parent's to "The Industry", seeks revenge.

The Industry: A metaphorical representation of everything that's wrong with people. Drugs, sex, hate, everything.
It's still a bit rough, and feels a little incomplete to me, but I like how it is so far. Also, I'm still trying to think up a name for the song. It was originally going to be called "Eddie Vs. The Industry", but the character's name sounded better as American Boy. Meh.
Comments and crits are welcome.
So, without further ado, here's what I've got so far:



I. Pressure
It's a whole new way of life
The way you blind yourself to see
Alternative to suicide
In Lives they call an Industry
Mom and Dad they wanna try
The Industry would never lie.
What kind of friends would they be?

II. Death of Mom and Dad
Mom and Dad, they lived a lie
some would say it was depraved
Why did they have to die?
Digging into their own graves.
Kissed each other farewell.
Their dreams began to break.
End for a Private Hell
Trapped in a world of Fakes.

III. Blind
Well nobody dreams
and everyone bleeds
they're slaves at the seams
and kill all their needs
It's time to rebel
crawl back out of Hell
Who do you believe?

IV. American Boy
Here he comes
Sees like Religion
There he goes
Seethes like Incisions
The One who can See
It is Only He
He's American Boy
American Boy
American Boy
Another broken child
They branded him as wild.
Will He fight?
Save us?
Like the light
Gave us?
(2x)

V. Justice
There's no justice anymore
No justice anymore
We'll start our own war
Streets are redder than before.
The world turns around
The city's burning down
As the world starts to drown
The world starts to drown.

VI. Viva Rebellion
Marching on like a broken nerve
Fighting for lives that we deserved
We scream
"Viva rebellion
long live the crowd
Sheltering the broken
As we kill the proud.
Viva rebellion
Don't hold us back
we're sick of living
out of cigarette packs."

VII. Onwards
We're marching onward
Army of freedom
We'll never be hurt
We're going to free them.
We won't surrender.
We won't die
Ten million graves
pass us by.
American Boy
American Boy

[Evil]

In my opinion (and I have a lot when it comes to music), it's very hard to critic lyrics, ESPECIALLY when they're telling you a story in full. Rhythms, rhymes, syllables, they all have to be heard over music to make sense. Also, the idea isn't that original, but if there is a lot going on music wise, it could be good.

[LUniqueDan]

A metaphorical representation of everything that's wrong with people. Drugs, sex, hate, everything.

gee.. sounds like punk rock change a little since I shaved my last mohawk. 

The lyric sounds good, but tell me, for which kind of music, it's written (exactly), Ramones style, or more like new stuff (if Nofx still punk)?

Promising. Like a lot the :

It's time to rebel
crawl back out of Hell

But I'm singing it with a early BxR song in my head.

[voh]

NOFX is still punk, damnit!

[deadsuperhero]

I kind of imagine it as a mixture of Dead Kennedy's and Green Day's style, I guess.

[Tuomas]

So Pop-rock, that is?

Anyway, I like the idea, a mini opera, but as said, you can't really tell of the story. I see the point of it and it does go on in a sensible way. Does it fit the music, dunno. Is it punk, maybe. Do carry on mate.