Storyboard/Comic book page

[KANDYMAN-IAC]

This is re-jigged artwork form 2002 or 2004 with the dialogue added in and converted to a comic book page. my weaknesses are colour, text and pacing in a static medium. I'm an actor so i can pace it vocally but it seems flat on the page.

[Tuomas]

It's really nice, I quite like it. Though one thing bugs me a lot, and it's your handling of human anathomy. The hands seem very off, and basically his sitting positiong looks pretty uncomfortable. This would be very good if the protagonist there really looked good.

[KANDYMAN-IAC]

i hate drawing hands, but as i said the original artwork is about 4 or more years old... its the overall i'm worried about...


(i can draw hands a lot better now, i just don't like to.

[Questionable]

I think that you got too wordy. As an actor yourself know that there are rules for exposition. Never assume the audience is stupid, because stupid people don't go and see the types of things that stupid shouldn't see.

In the end I find myself back at my desk, wondering what part of the last few days was real...

As was mentioned previously, the position he is in looks quite uncomfortable. Art isn't the big issue right now though as you've stated. I believe that you are interesting in the blocking of the frame however.  When I read this text and looked at the picture it made sense, when I read the whole storyboard and then looked with a critics eye at the frame it seemed like this could be improved by having a 3/4 view of his face, he's smoking a cigarette and looking out the window.

"In the end, I always find my self back at my desk, wondering; what part of the last few days was real..."

Frame zooms out to a full view of the room, he's still looking out the window. A fan spins lazily around the dark room and a green shaded lamp sits on a plain desk. The skyline is beautiful.

"...and in some cases, what part of my life."

The rest of the text is superfluous.

Next frame, same shot as the last. Now his head is turned towards his desk. A glint shining off a bottle of Scotch in a liquor basket.

"It's been a while since I've had thoughts like this... without a drink./sober."

We see a close up of his the scotch pouring into the glass.

"Am I a man in control of his destiny?"

Close up of a glass to lips, ready to sip.

"If not, then who does control me?"

A door with writing on it, we see the silhoutte of a hand through a pane of frosted glass.
*TAP TAP TAP*

3/4 shot. We see mostly his back. Sitting at his desk, left hand clutching an undisturb glass of scotch. A silhoutte in the window at the door, his head turned to face the shadow invading it's ethereal glow.

"But then maybe, just maybe, fate doesn't deal from the botom of the deck..."

Same shot, his head is cocked back, left arm raised. Glass draining into his mouth.

"...and destiny lets everybody have a roll of the dice."

Same shot. He's no longer at his desk. An empty glss sits on it. He's at the door, it's open and his hand strays o the knob. We again only see his back and standing  front of him we see a gorgeous woman head slightly cocked and a look of subtle exasperation and relief.

"Well in that case..."

Exterior frame, we see the dim light from his office outlining a man and a woman facing each other, through his window.

"We're all given a fair chance, on..."


...THE HARD STREETS OF REALITY


This is how I pictured it in my head after revising the dialogue.

[InCreator]

Sorry, I hate it.

I hate the high-contrast-eye-tiring feeling looking at those images give me.

It's simply EXTREMELY difficult to look at panel and see what's there, even harder to read text underneath. It's... tiring, uncomfortable, fighting back. Especially at places where's some unexplained white crap on the black background, pulling eye focus away from text. It all becomes white, brown and black blur in my eyes.

Trying really hard, overcoming eye wear, I notice that your drawings are quite cool, have this comic-like soft fuzzy look, and it's really functional. I mean, given a bit more polish and effort, and choosing other color scheme would make it easily something very enjoyable. Maybe NOT black background would work too.

Typewriter font is classy, but a bit too blurry for my taste. Shine tends to work better when high-saturation color is used, and your brown is not it. But I guess, it would need background of other color (and less mess on it) too.

The background sketching reminds me intro of Condemned: Criminal Origins, but there, it was done... well, right.

It's not bad, if your concern is art. Art is quite good. Colors are what needs heavy work. Or that 'overall' as you said.

I didn't bother to read or crit text, MaxPayneish monologues aren't really my thing, neither is storytelling in general.

[Alarconte]

Now InCreator say that, I finally understand why I'm been incapable of read the image anytime xD

Yes, is a bit hurting to the eyes, (well, a lot). I tried a couple of time to read it but I refused at the end, but i din't thougth for what.

[Peter Bear]

is this a sequel to sin city from frank miller ?

the art just looks alike :p
=)

anyway, Too bad we can still see the handwritten sentences ... or was it left here on purpose ?

The picture was huge to load too ... but I guess this is not to be displayed on a website, so that's okay. Drawing is okay.