Stuff

[alex]

I've been under some stress lately.  The day I joined the forum was the day after my wife gave birth to our baby, 10 weeks premature, by emergency ceasar.  Two days before I joined the forum, a friend from childhood who was more like a brother was murdered.  I was really in crisis mode come to think of it.  I had some thoughts I'd been thinking about AGS, and some tutorial material I was working on, and I basically created an account, splurged it all onto the forum and made a complete dick of myself.  I'm sorry for that.

I'm presently 400km away from home, living in a tiny student bedroom with my wife, with a crappy internet connection to keep me sane between hospital visits.  My 5 yo daughter is 400km away, living with "grandma".  We'll be up here until our new daughter is mature enough to be transferred back to our local hospital which is still 3 or 4 weeks away.

So I know it's not adventure game related stuff, but I guess I want to explain why I've been a grumpy argumentative dickhead of late.  I'm normally not this hard to get along with, just a lot of stuff has changed unexpectedly and in such a short time.  I want to put this behind me and try to show people a different side...  Basically, this adventure game stuff is keeping me together right now, despite the fact I originally started the game as part of a side-job for a magazine I write for.   The editor has told me not to worry with it but I get relaxation from drawing rooms and scripting dialog, seeing other peoples creations and talking about it is fun too.

I just worry that I've messed things up by starting out on the wrong foot.  I hope I can make the record straight with this post.  I feel I have a lot to offer the community over time, but I don't want to have to struggle to prove myself against a bad first impression.

I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound like pathetic whining, but if it does, then hey, I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes, take it or leave it (also sometimes I have a hard time censoring my thoughts though I do try...)

Peace all.

P.S.  I should add that I do not want any pity or remorse or sympathy or anything like that.  Just understand this is not who I normally am and I am still finding myself.  That is all I wanted to say, but I had to explain it because I felt just saying it like that wouldn't be credible.

[Nacho]

Borning 10 weeks premature is not a problem, look at me

Seriously, I hope everything goes ok, and sorry about your friend. Don' t worry about "starting like an ass" in the forums, lots of people did, and this guys know to forgive that kind of things, specially to beginners... (I don't remember you being a "dick", tough... I' ve been a bit out, lately)

Again, look at me, I am an ass 90% of the time here and some people still likes me.

[alex]

Cool thanks for the encouragement Nacho.  This is important to me because I intend to be using AGS for quite some time and want to get along with the people who make it what it is.

Maybe other people don't see me the way I do, but I made a comment about the IRA I self-edited because I realised I was just acting like a dick with no right to make that comment, and in a couple of other threads where I've tried to make some pointless point just a little too forcefully for my liking.  I guess it's my guilty conscience.

10 weeks early is fine these days, it's just the trauma of being seperated from my baby for a week, travelling 400km to be with her, living in a tiny room away from home and our other daughter, not having any money to spare, watching our baby get infections, go pale, start losing her heartbeat, needing injections and tests and cables and all that...  It's a real stressful time.

What happened to my friend was just fucking mad / wrong / wasteful.  He's a couple of years younger and like a brother.  He was helping out a mate when some guy shot him through the heart with a crossbow - the bolt passed through him and landed on the other side of the street.  This happened in a nice suburb, kids were playing in the street,  a person who I had some great memories with is just gone, before I had a chance to do a whole bunch of stuff I was putting off for the future.  It's just a real waste.  The hardest day was the day of the funeral, as I am really closer to his brother, indeed he was a half brother of my brother in law, so he was technically family.  It's just a waste of life...  Our whole family (including his) is still shaken, I'm still angry about it, hence the reason I am sensitive about it spilling over into here and my apologies if it has.

But I am here because I want to try and get on with things and restore some normalcy to my life.

[SpacePirateCaine]

Welcome again to the forums, then, Alex.

I think all of us have had some down points in our lives, and sometimes that comes out in the way that we interact with others. Our positive and negative traits are amplified by the anonymity of the internet, but honestly, I don't think anyone's going to hold it against you, whether they know what's been happening in your life or not. Truth be told, a lot of our prolific and respected forum members here started out on the wrong foot. The nice thing about the AGS community is that people here are forgiving, and will give you a chance to 'redeem yourself', if there's any particular amount of redemption you think needs to be had.

I never personally noticed anything particularly untoward about your posts. I might have missed the posts that you're referring to, or maybe I just have a much longer fuse, living in a largely xenophobic and oftentimes offensive country. Regardless, if you've offended anyone, or if you think you've wronged anybody on the forums, just make up for it by being a cooler cat going forward.

Actions speak louder than words, right?

And hey, for whatever gravity the textualized wishes of some random dude probably thousands of miles away broadcast over the internet holds, I hope all goes well for you, your family, and your future. AGS has been an outlet for me in a pretty trying time myself - we all need a creative outlet, and what better than game design to do it?

[alex]

Good stuff, thanks mate.  Glad to see this isn't a forum that will bash a guy for speaking out about icky "feelings"

[Shane 'ProgZmax' Stevens]

Again, look at me, I am an ass 90% of the time here and some people still likes me.

What a damn lie! 



It's closer to 94%.




Also, I don't think you should really worry about what people on an internet forum think of you anyway when you've got so many real life issues to deal with.  None of us know you personally, so our opinions don't (and shouldn't) have a whole lot of value for you.  That said, I think a person's worth should be measured by their actions rather than words, so just changing the way you approach posts in the forum will be more than sufficient.

[Nacho]

Well... at least you just discussed the percentaje, and not the part of "And some people still likes me".

[alex]

It's no big deal, I just thought I would share what I was going through so you could understand who I am a little better.  We are people after all, even if we do hide the fact behind firewalls and computer screens.

[Dualnames]

Well... at least you just discussed the percentaje, and not the part of "And some people still likes me".

He decided to go easy with you this time . Nah, you're a loveable person, but then again, I don't hate anyone, and all hate me.